Another kids at funeral question

[khalloc]

My uncle died this week. The service is tomorrow. Its a 4 hour drive away. We'd probably stay overnight Saturday and drive home Sunday. Wake is 1-3 and then a funeral service after. He is being cremated so no burial.

My cousin (his daughter) has 2 kids ages like 7.5 and 4. I learned that her kids will be there briefly and then their other grandparents will be taking them home.

Alot of my cousins have never met my kids, and I know my parents would probably enjoy seeing them. But my kids are on the rowdy side(ages 6 and almost 4) and I know DS at least will probably not be quiet for the service. It should be short since I dont think they were that religious (Catholic). I dont know if there is a reception after. But I would imagine if there is everything would be done at a reasonable hour (5 or 6pm?).

I could leave the kids with my inlaws for the day/night and they are used to that. WWYD?

They've never been to a funeral before.

[hillview]

Can you bring someone with you to take care of the kids (assume no)?
Can DH leave the service with the kids after a short time and then come back when it makes sense?
Unless you can do one of the above I think I'd leave them behind with ILs.

[egoldber]

Can they go to the wake and not the service?

[khalloc]

I think we will just leave them at home. I think they would be the only kids there.

[Jen841]

Our kids have been to numerous funerals/burials/etc. People in our family live long and our kids and cousins were there without question at all events.

It depends if you think they are ready to learn about this all.

Do what you are comfortable with.

[khalloc]

Now we are bringing them. Ugh! Such a to-do. Aunt called back and said sure to bring them they would be having a little reception someplace afterwards.

[rlu]

Now we are bringing them. Ugh! Such a to-do. Aunt called back and said sure to bring them they would be having a little reception someplace afterwards.

Ok, get to the service a little early to scope out the area. Where can you or DH take the kids when they get restless during the service? Have a plan and sit where you can exit without fanfare. Or have DH skip the service and hang with them elsewhere and just come to the after-gathering if you think they will be too rowdy. I've been to services with kids before and it isn't that big a deal to just step out when necessary. The reminder of joyful life is not inappropriate on such a solemn day, although the service should be respected which is why you plan ahead, that's all. I never noticed any baleful glances when I was with kids, again we just stepped out when necessary and everyone we spoke with was glad to see the kids.

If you dress the kids up significantly for the service, you might bring jeans/dockers for them to wear at the after-gathering.

eta: I'd have the kids skip the wake and just attend the service and after-gathering. Have DH feed them before the service.