SAHMs: Do you spend more than if you were working? If not, how do you save?

[ourbabygirl]

I've been a SAHM for almost 3.5 years now, and off and on I've felt like it's still costing us a lot more for me to be home with the kids than it would cost to have them in daycare.
When I stopped teaching, we just had one baby, so it felt like a huge luxury for me to be able to stay home because I would've still had quite a bit of salary left after paying for daycare. Now with 2 kids (ages 1 & 3), I at least think that my salary would've been greatly given up for daycare, but I don't really see where I'm saving money by staying home. :bag

I've tried to save or cut back in certain ways:

*Meal planning & rarely going out to eat, limiting grocery trips, and using coupons (I'm trying to be better about this last one);

*Not spending time with the kids in retail therapy- shopping with them at the malls, Target, etc. to kill time;

*I have more time to shop sales, Goodwill, consignment sales, CL, etc. for their clothes and toys;

*No daily commute, though it wasn't long before (20 minutes each way), and my job (teaching) didn't require extra expense like dry-cleaning or hair coloring or manicures (to look great for the 'clients' ;)).


But I also feel like we're spending a lot more by having me home with the kids:

*DH works from home, and we eat almost all our meals here, so we go through a ton of groceries, as well as toilet paper :wink2:, and utilities (more spent on electricity, water, heat, & A/C by being home almost 24/7);

*maybe one ECFE class a year plus another class every once in a while (not too expensive, but I feel like I need the socialization for myself and the kids);

*having my own car (I know some families live on one) and using gas to take the kids to the library, grocery store, play dates, etc.;

*having DD in 2 days/ week of pre-school next year (it's not very expensive, but I feel like we both need it for our sanity... still, it's probably a luxury for a lot of SAHMs);

*I'm obviously not contributing to a retirement account right now, so I'm/ we're losing money there;

*DH would like us to get a cleaning person/ service to come out every once in a while... since we're here so much and the kids are at the age where they make a lot of mess but are too young to really help clean, I feel like I have no energy left at the end of the day/ week to deep clean the bathroom, dust, etc. I feel like I spend all day cleaning up all the other little messes, plus 3 sets of dishes, laundry every day, vacuuming, you name it, that I'm not much up for more deep-cleaning on the weekends.
I'd also love to have some baby-sitting help to have a date night maybe once a month, but I feel like I wouldn't need/ want that so much if I were working and didn't get exhausted from my kids all week!

Sorry this got long! Just wondering, if you're a SAHM, do you have similar spending patterns? How do you reconcile things? If you feel like you are saving a ton by SAH, what other sorts of things do you do to cut costs and save money?

I guess the intangibles/ emotional factor makes up for things for me, but I still feel guilt over how much we're spending.

Thanks for your insights!

[DualvansMommy]

I've been a SAHM for almost 3.5 years now, and off and on I've felt like it's still costing us a lot more for me to be home with the kids than it would cost to have them in daycare.
When I stopped teaching, we just had one baby, so it felt like a huge luxury for me to be able to stay home because I would've still had quite a bit of salary left after paying for daycare. Now with 2 kids (ages 1 & 3), I at least think that my salary would've been greatly given up for daycare, but I don't really see where I'm saving money by staying home. :bag

I've tried to save or cut back in certain ways:

*Meal planning & rarely going out to eat, limiting grocery trips, and using coupons (I'm trying to be better about this last one);

*Not spending time with the kids in retail therapy- shopping with them at the malls, Target, etc. to kill time;

*I have more time to shop sales, Goodwill, consignment sales, CL, etc. for their clothes and toys;

*No daily commute, though it wasn't long before (20 minutes each way), and my job (teaching) didn't require extra expense like dry-cleaning or hair coloring or manicures (to look great for the 'clients' ;)).


But I also feel like we're spending a lot more by having me home with the kids:

*DH works from home, and we eat almost all our meals here, so we go through a ton of groceries, as well as toilet paper :wink2:, and utilities (more spent on electricity, water, heat, & A/C by being home almost 24/7);

*maybe one ECFE class a year plus another class every once in a while (not too expensive, but I feel like I need the socialization for myself and the kids);

*having my own car (I know some families live on one) and using gas to take the kids to the library, grocery store, play dates, etc.;

*having DD in 2 days/ week of pre-school next year (it's not very expensive, but I feel like we both need it for our sanity... still, it's probably a luxury for a lot of SAHMs);

*I'm obviously not contributing to a retirement account right now, so I'm/ we're losing money there;

*DH would like us to get a cleaning person/ service to come out every once in a while... since we're here so much and the kids are at the age where they make a lot of mess but are too young to really help clean, I feel like I have no energy left at the end of the day/ week to deep clean the bathroom, dust, etc. I feel like I spend all day cleaning up all the other little messes, plus 3 sets of dishes, laundry every day, vacuuming, you name it, that I'm not much up for more deep-cleaning on the weekends.
I'd also love to have some baby-sitting help to have a date night maybe once a month, but I feel like I wouldn't need/ want that so much if I were working and didn't get exhausted from my kids all week!

Sorry this got long! Just wondering, if you're a SAHM, do you have similar spending patterns? How do you reconcile things? If you feel like you are saving a ton by SAH, what other sorts of things do you do to cut costs and save money?

I guess the intangibles/ emotional factor makes up for things for me, but I still feel guilt over how much we're spending.

Thanks for your insights!

I feel like it's me writing that! I left my job last Halloween after having my son in June, which I was out on maternity leave for entire summer. Returned to work to see if it's doable, but left for good after 6 weeks of trying being a working mom. Like you, I would still be bringing in bit of my salary home after daycare with just one but if we had two all of my income definately would be going to daycare. It's quite expensive in my high COL area.

but like you, i feel like we're not really saving money since we're constantly home, so money spend on groceries went through the roof...not to mention on the formula as well!! DH works from home 3x a week, so I make all of 3 meals at home too....plus, have extra expensees like my DS gymboree's class, swim class just to keep myself sane.

Since we moved into our bigger home, i still maintained my own cleaning (daily & deep cleaning) around here while working full time with 2 hours roundtrip daily commute. But when I got pregnant, DH felt bad watching me cleaning and all and realized i was taking twice longer to clean in my pregnant state, hired a cleaning lady bi-weekly....we only planned that till i gave birth...but still have the lady!! so, that's another expense!

SAHM isn't exactly turning out how I envisioned in terms of finances...so i feel your pain, and would love to hear other's feedback and pros who btdt.

[WatchingThemGrow]

I know exactly how you feel. To me, it's just part having a family and growing kids. We've need to get larger cars to drive people to see grandparents and friends, more furniture for people to sleep on, now we need a bigger house to give the little people space to play without mom and dad literally stepping on them, and the little people need swim lessons and ear tubes and bigger clothes, etc. It just happens, and we've made a decision to just enjoy it. Sure, we do consignment sales, some Goodwill,etc when it is feasible, but really, taking 2 or 3 kids into a place to browse is horrible. It becomes more efficient to use preschool time to go gather as much food as possible so I can prep meals and try to keep us from spending $30-40 for a restaurant meal.

[hellokitty]

I used to feel that way. However, in the past few months I've been thinking about what it would be like if I tried to return to work. Basically, it would be a logistical nightmare and a HUGE adjustment for our family, not in a good way. When I look shallowly at what I do as a sahm, it seems like a lot of physical chores (cleaning, cooking, feeding, etc.). However, really I am the glue in our family. I keep things coordinated smoothly and deal with small details that I would still have to deal with, even if I went back to work and we hired someone. I would eventually like to try to work part time, but for now, my family still really needs me to hold everything together and that's not something you can really put a $ amount on. The family time, etc., are also things you can't put a $ amt on either.

[mom_hanna]

I used to feel that way. However, in the past few months I've been thinking about what it would be like if I tried to return to work. Basically, it would be a logistical nightmare and a HUGE adjustment for our family, not in a good way. When I look shallowly at what I do as a sahm, it seems like a lot of physical chores (cleaning, cooking, feeding, etc.). However, really I am the glue in our family. I keep things coordinated smoothly and deal with small details that I would still have to deal with, even if I went back to work and we hired someone. I would eventually like to try to work part time, but for now, my family still really needs me to hold everything together and that's not something you can really put a $ amount on. The family time, etc., are also things you can't put a $ amt on either.

I agree. Our family would not function well at all right now if I were a WOHM. So for us, for now, it is worth it for me to be a SAHM.

[DebbieJ]

I used to feel that way. However, in the past few months I've been thinking about what it would be like if I tried to return to work. Basically, it would be a logistical nightmare and a HUGE adjustment for our family, not in a good way. When I look shallowly at what I do as a sahm, it seems like a lot of physical chores (cleaning, cooking, feeding, etc.). However, really I am the glue in our family. I keep things coordinated smoothly and deal with small details that I would still have to deal with, even if I went back to work and we hired someone. I would eventually like to try to work part time, but for now, my family still really needs me to hold everything together and that's not something you can really put a $ amount on. The family time, etc., are also things you can't put a $ amt on either.

Agreed. My family would fall apart. DH thinks me going back into teaching would be a good thing. He has no idea what would need to happen for our family to function through that.

[niccig]

I don't get the groceries. Even if you worked all day, you still had to eat, so either you were taking lunch (groceries) or you were eating out (costs more)

I think the heating/AC bills are just part of being home.

A couple of classes for the kids - you probably would have done something.

If you're not eating out a lot, meal planning, not doing any recreational shopping, I think maybe it is the cost of a larger family with more expenses with more people.

I know when DH and I were both working pre-kids, we didn't realise how good we had it.

[wellyes]

Didn't everyone eat 3 meals before?
The kids are at an age where they'd be in classes and preschool whether you worked or not.
Most families with 2 working parents don't get by on one car.
Pickup and dropoff duties, not to mention commuting, costs gas too.


I don't think you're spending more. Maybe you're feeling guilty about spending at all. You shouldn't. And I'd take your DH up on that cleaning lady offer, if I were you. Trust me, woth moms crave help and babysitters too.

[AnnieW625]

I was actually just thinking about this today because I found out that a lot of people at my job in a different classification are getting laid off on April 30th so it made me think about what our costs would be if I wasn't working. Here is what I figured:

my monthly salary after deductions is $3500:

I would save the following:
daycare, $900
gas, $350 (although this could and will go up)
insurance might go down a bit because I would not have to have the high mileage rates. So maybe $25-$50 a month
$35 a month for dental, but then DH would be paying that instead
$100 on lunches out, and coffee
$20 a month on daycare

We would probably have to cut out these things:
IPhones, $150
cable tv, $50
Netflix, $16
trips via air to see family, $1000 yearly
Disney passes, $30 a month
$200 a month would have to be added to DH for FSA/HSA.
$200 a month minimum would have to go into a retirement account for me.
Our food costs might go down a bit, but not much.

[niccig]

Agreed. My family would fall apart. DH thinks me going back into teaching would be a good thing. He has no idea what would need to happen for our family to function through that.

My DH has had to step up since I went back to school. I just can't do all that I used to do. And things still fall through the cracks, and we accept that. I'm home 2 days studying, but still home to put on laundry or make phone calls, that will change once working.

It is a big adjustment for everyone, DC included.

[KrisM]

I used to feel that way. However, in the past few months I've been thinking about what it would be like if I tried to return to work. Basically, it would be a logistical nightmare and a HUGE adjustment for our family, not in a good way. When I look shallowly at what I do as a sahm, it seems like a lot of physical chores (cleaning, cooking, feeding, etc.). However, really I am the glue in our family. I keep things coordinated smoothly and deal with small details that I would still have to deal with, even if I went back to work and we hired someone. I would eventually like to try to work part time, but for now, my family still really needs me to hold everything together and that's not something you can really put a $ amount on. The family time, etc., are also things you can't put a $ amt on either.

I agree. I made the same as DH and even at a couple years ago when we would have had 3 kids in daycare, I am sure we'd be getting some of my salary coming in, plus retirement etc. But, it would be bad for all of us. I am not one of those people who can juggle lots of things. I have friends who work full-time and they do awesome at it and keeping family life running smoothly too. Yeah, not my strong point.

I also figure we have more family time and relaxed evenings because I do the shopping, laundry, lawn care, cleaning, etc during the day. Now that DS2 is in preschool, I get nearly all of it done during the day. So, evenings and weekends are pretty relaxed and are family time.

I do think at times that it would be nice to have the extra money we'd get from me having kept my job, but it is what it is.

Also, you can contribute to a Roth IRA even if you have no income. You can use your spouses income to qualify.

[ourbabygirl]

Re: the 3 meals a day thing, yeah, we did and would still do that if the kids were in daycare, but the cost of their food would be rolled into the daycare fees, and the center or home daycare may not spend as much on food as we do (non-organic, canned versus fresh fruit & veggies, etc.). I'm sure home-based daycare places & centers use their budgets/ spend their money more wisely since they can kind of spread out the costs for food, tp, wipes, etc. among all the kids.

If I were still working we might go on my school district's insurance which is better/ cheaper than the one through DH's company (the owner of the company is really cheap & it's hard to find places that are covered under his insurance, and the fees are high). But at least we have insurance and I don't have to stay working in order to provide it for us. :)

If DD were in daycare, she wouldn't go to a separate pre-school (under $200/ month, but still) because I wouldn't be able to leave work to bring her & pick her up, and I'm assuming we just wouldn't do ECFE-type classes because I'd be too burned out from working all day! ;)

[SnuggleBuggles]

We had 1 car for the longest time and made it work. I wish we could get back to that. I have not worked since I did the whole marriage and family thing right out of college. So, I don't know it any other way. In some ways I think that is lucky. I haven't had to downsize anything or readjust my spending. This is just how it always has been and we have been able to make it work.

[daniele_ut]

Until last week I had been a WOHM for more than 7 years. DH and I had approximately equal salaries. We just added our 3rd and last child to the family and I made the very difficult decision that it was time for me to focus on our kids and I resigned last Wednesday. I didn't quit my job to save us money, though. I have no illusions about that!

Daycare would have consumed more than 1/2 my take home pay, and spending on conveniences probably ate up another 20%, but the amount that was left wasn't insignificant. Add to that the fact that our health insurance was free before and we are now paying a significant amount for ours and it seems crazy that I quit, but we can make it on dh's salary with some sacrifices and I truly feel that my oldest needs me more now than ever and that will continue to be true. DH decided to take on a few more cello students to add a little income and I will still do some freelance work in the summer when he is off from school.

[Tondi G]

My DH and I just had a discussion about this. When we got married we decided then to learn how to live on my DH's salary... I knew we would start a family sooner than later and I planned to be a SAHM. Being the person who drops off and picks up my kids from school everyday is invaluable. If one of my boys are sick, there is no scramble trying to figure out who will stay home. I am the one who makes sure all of my kids needs are met (homework, lunches packed, tae kwon do 3 days a week, playdates etc.). I can't imagine how life would be if both of us worked ... like previously said I'm the glue that holds it all together and you can't put a price on that. I wouldn't trade it for the world and I am thankful we went into it this way so there was no real adjustment ... it's just the way it has always been.

[belovedgandp]

I've been a SAHM for 8 years now. I had a career that definitely netted decent money, but our mental health would not have been worth it. When our oldest was about 9 months old DH decided that he liked the lifestyle that me being a SAHM supported. It is nice to spend our time with him doing family things. Now that the kids are older I appreciate it even more. The amount of running around that has to happen between 4 and 8 each night is crazy. I LOVE having my afternoon nap/school time to prep dinner and be ready to hit the ground running for that instead of just finishing a day.

Love the glue statement and it is true. When I first stayed home I thought it would just be for when the kids were super young and would be going back to at least something once they were in school. I'm discovering that our family almost needs me home more now than they did in the early years.

[niccig]

You can also track your spending to make sure extra isn't being spent where it's not needed. It wasn't until I was paying the bills did I see how much was being spent at Target and Amazon. Until then, I would have sworn it was all needed items. Once I started to watch it more, I realised that extra "needed" items weren't always needed.

[egoldber]

Well, FWIW, when I was a SAHM initially I did a TON of recreational shopping. I cut back significantly at a couple points, but I still did it to some extent since going to Target or the mall was an "activity" for me, where I met others for lunch, etc. Since going back to work full time that has pretty much stopped. We only buy things we really need as we need them. I know this isn't true for everyone, but it has been true for us.

And yes, since going back to work, expenses did go up (mainly child care and gas) but the additional income more than compensates.

Logistically things are harder of course, but I also think that we have really worked to simplify many things. We consolidated all activities to the ones at the after care center, etc. So while things are more challenging, it is also not as hard as I feared it would be although there was a significant adjustment period.

I know our situation is a little unusual though in that DH works from home. But he does travel a fair amount (2-5 days a month depending on the month) so that does make things more challenging sometimes.

[daisymommy]

In a nut shell, no way! of course not! DH and I are both very aware that we only have ONE income to go around for everything, for a family of 5. I can't imagine anyone thinking they could spend more than if they were working. We would be bankrupt by now if I did that.

Things off the top of my head:

-I cook all of our meals (Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner), 7 days a week, 90% from scratch. This is mostly to save money, but also because I love cooking, want to eat healthy and organic.

-I spend $150 a week on groceries for the 5 of us. In our high COL area, that is the average cost for a family of 4, who clips coupons.

-Only eat out 1x a month.

-Small entertainment budget. We go to alot of free community events, which are abundant around here. Seriously, something everyday of the month, and multiple things on weekends that are all free.

-Cloth diapering.

-Exclusively breastfeed for the first 6 months.

-Live in a house that is older but charming = lower mortgage cost.

-My Sienna is paid off, and older, but I'm still driving it and love it. If I was working I would have traded it in for a new minivan by now. DH is leasing a car at a very low cost. So, only one vehicle payment.

-We have a no credit card use rule.

-Shop sales. I cannot stomach paying retail (thanks to the BBB!). My kids are dressed very nicely for the same cost as shopping at Walmart or Target.

-I do not have hired help, except for cleaners that have been coming in 1x a month since I've been pregnant. This is a new thing for us. But no lawn people, nanny/babysitter, whatever.

-I do not recreation shop. Sure I browse through Target, but I force myself not to buy things I don't need and can't afford. Instead I have friends over for coffee and a playdate or go to their place, go to the park, etc.

-We save on gas, because I don't have to drive back and forth to work and daycare.

-We both have iphones, but only because DH's company kicks in over $100 to the bill each month. I think we only pay about $25 towards our cell phones. Otherwise, we would have cheapies.

-We have 1 laptop for our family, no iPad, itouch, Wii, netflix, movie channels, and all the other gadgets people seem to think are so necessary. If you've never had them, you don't miss them at all!

There are always ways to cut back!

ETA: I just wanted to add, I've described the ways we cut back to other people, and they get a very "Oh, you poor thing, I'm so sorry" look on their face. I don't feel sorry for me! I'm HAPPY! This is the life I have chosen for myself and my family. It fullfills me. I know I am making a huge life long contribution to our family that will forever shape who my children are. I believe I am leaving a legacy that I personally would not have time and energy for if I were working full time. That to me is worth all the money in the world.

[KrisM]

So, here are ways we save because I am home:

- I cook mostly from scratch
- We rarely eat out and I'm sure we'd do more if I were working, even if it's pizza
- I shop mom2mom sales and thrift stores for clothes for the kids
- I have time to meal plan from sales and shop a couple store for deals on food.

Things that cost more:
- gas for the car. I worked with DH so the gas for a commute was zero for me.
- utilities for the house, since we're here often.

Things that would have happened regardless:
- a minivan. We would still need a car that holds us all.
- the house. Again, we still need a place to live.

Not sure where preschool fall. I just did my 6th year of sign up last week. All my kids went for 2 years and DS2 starts his second this fall.

I did not stay home to save money. That could be where a difference is - the reason behind it. I stayed home because I wanted to stay home and thought I'd be a better mother if I were home and didn't have the job part to deal with too.

[edurnemk]

I don't think you're spending more. Maybe you're feeling guilty about spending at all. You shouldn't. And I'd take your DH up on that cleaning lady offer, if I were you. Trust me, woth moms crave help and babysitters too.

:yeahthat:

Like other posters said, I think it's just the normal expenses of a bigger family, that would be the same either way. As far as if I spend more, I used to shop more and buy more expensive things (especially for myself) when I worked FT because since I had a salary I didn't feel guilty about occasional splurges, or at least I could justify it to myself. I know think more before I purchase something. And I also think being a SAHM is absolutely worth the sacrificed salary. I'm now working PT while DS is in preschool, but after DD is born I'm back to 100% SAHM.

[sweetsue98]

You may or may not save money working outside the home....the logistics and chaos of balancing working and kids is not worth it.

[maestramommy]

I think it largely depends on how much income you were bringing in before you became a SAHM. I was a teacher, at a private school, which typically pays less than public. So my income wasn't significant enough to make being a WOHM worth the added stress, and I knew there would be a lot of it, because I am in performing arts, which means a lot of seasonal evening performances. At this point I would most certainly be paying to work. In addition, we'd probably be eating a lot more takeout or convenience foods. We'd still have the house cleaner because if I can't really keep it up with cleaning as a SAHM no way would I be able to keep it up while WOHM full time. Higher food bill, heck, now we're a household of FIVE vs. TWO, and everyone EATS. And if you want to eat healthy as much as possible, well, that's where the money is going.

The only reason I could see that I'd spend more as a SAHM is if I was doing a lot of recreation or discretionary shopping, and it just doesn't happen to be my thing.

[sste]

I am not a SAHM but I have stayed at home for 6-8 month stretches multiple times now for various reasons (luckily paid at work for these leaves). Anyhow, I shop SO MUCH MORE when I SAH. Not only Target but also internet shopping. And bargains. And stocking up on sales. And then buying things to clean, repair, and accessorize the things I have already bought.

I honestly feel that when I SAH some kind of primordial hunter-gatherer switch flips on in me. I feel this compulsive need to gather things and bring them to the house and this huge satisfaction from doing so. Of course over time I also start to feel annoyed at the stuff cluttering and swelling up around me - - it is too easy to hunt and gather these days, kwim.