Lower income family members (friends, too)

[ha98ed14]

If you have relatives or friends who have lower incomes than you do such that it affects their lifestyle (ex: where they live, cars they drive, vacations, designer clothes v. target knockoffs) do you scale back on the gifts you give them/their children?

If you have relatives/friends who make significantly more than you do, do yours give you gifts you otherwise would not buy or do they scale back? How do you feel about how they handle it?

[niccig]

We're careful with what we give one set of nieces and nephews. Their mother will often mention "we're the poor ones in the family" etc. So we don't want to appear to be flashy with gifts. We spend around $30 for birthday and Christmas gift (I get on sale, so it's probably worth a little more), and they seem to give similar sized item.

Actually, we're more careful with the gifts we give each other in front of them, say at Christmas. DH and I will exchange our gifts quietly.

ETA. If SIL didn't seem to be upset about the gifts, I wouldn't worry about. So, I suppose it depends on the person and will they feel uncomfortable if you give them a bigger gift than they can reciprocate.

[gatorsmom]

If you have relatives or friends who have lower incomes than you do such that it affects their lifestyle (ex: where they live, cars they drive, vacations, designer clothes v. target knockoffs) do you scale back on the gifts you give them/their children?

If you have relatives/friends who make significantly more than you do, do yours give you gifts you otherwise would not buy or do they scale back? How do you feel about how they handle it?

I have relatives who are below poverty level and I have a few who are VERY wealthy. Their wealth or living conditions do not play a factor at all in what I give them as gifts. I give them things I know they will love. To some of my poorer relatives sometimes I give them more expensive gifts because I know THEY know I do it out of love. They know I do it purely to make them happy. Only one of my aunts is having trouble making ends meet (poor thing is 82 and after raising her 3 children as a single mom working in a factory, and being uber frugal her whole life, she is coming close to the end of her retirement fund). For her I bring her things she needs when I stop by and visit her. But that doesn't affect the Christmas gifts I give her.

I also have a very wealthy aunt who is also my godmother. I get her things I think are special and that she'd enjoy just the same as my other aunt who is having trouble making ends meet. This is only possible, I think, because I am so comfortable with these relatives and they know me well too. My poorer relatives don't reciprocate my Christmas gifts. I always tell them I was just out and about, saw something that reminded me of them, and decided to get it. I add that if they dont' want it or it's not their style, they can regift it to their kids or grandkids. The truth is, I think hard about what would make them happy because I really care about them. But I think they are more comfortable not knowing that. I don't want them to feel they need to reciprocate.

[sste]

We have cut way back on gift exchange because of this issue . . . we limit the gifts we receive to our kids (because the relatives involved would not have it any other way) and we emphasize no gifts for DH or me since they are buying for the kids. It was financially burdensome for them. IME, people whose income is more limited can buy lots of kids stuff on super-sale and feel like their gift "looks impressive" whereas I think that is harder to do for adults who have certain preferences and alot of stuff already.

[Globetrotter]

We have a couple of relatives who are struggling at the moment due to job loss. I find myself buying them practical things like clothes for the kids (they love clothes so it works) or Bed Bath and Beyond GCs for the parents. I know I can only give them a certain number of gifts without making them uncomfortable, so I get quality items that will last. For the girls, I get stuff they would never get otherwise, like Bearpaws, and designer stuff purchased for good prices at Nordstrom Rack. When we meet, I try to steal them away for a small shopping spree so they can choose what they like. Their moms know I am a sale shopper and never pay retail.

My brother had a good point, though. He gave them an Old Navy GC because their sale prices are dirt cheap so the same $ would go further than, say, at N. rack.

I do this when we visit them, but I am very careful about not overdoing it at Christmas because then they will want to reciprocate.

[wellyes]

No, I do not give skimpy gifts to poor relations and extra-extravagent ones to the well-off. That idea is strange to me, to put it mildly.

[vludmilla]

I don't scale up or down with my gifts because of income level with the single exception of my sister. I do buy more for her son because she has absolutely no income. I usually give her some substantial cash for herself since I know she really needs it. I don't think she can afford the luxury of thinking it is flashy and I think she understands I am only trying to be helpful and if our situations were reversed she would do the same for me.

[egoldber]

Yes. My immediate family has income levels far below ours. I used to give them gifts that were extravagant (by their standards, not really by ours) because we could and it made me happy. But after awhile I realized it embarrassed them because they could not reciprocate in kind. Recently we switched to buying for kids only and that works much better.

[hellokitty]

I've never really thought about gift giving in this way before. I just get a gift that I think that they will like. I don't gauge how much I spend on what they make.

[alexsmommy]

No.
For those below, I still give within my typical range, but I also try to be true to my value system and get them something they might not get themselves, but I find valuable. ie museum memberships, educational game for the family or kids.
For those above, I feel no need to compete so they either get GC's to somewhere I think they will use within my budgeted range or a gift I got a great deal on from the Bargain forum here.

[kozachka]

I tend to spend more on my MIL's gifts than my Mom's at holidays/birthdays because MIL is very generous with her gifts for DS and us. I do spend more or at least the same on gifts for my Mom, Dad and brother because there are three of them and because I get them things that they need through the year. I also tend to give them more practical gifts (with few exceptions) because they would not understand and appreciate things like expensive Coach purse that is made from canvas fabric or fancy face cream in a tiny jar that really as good as a much cheaper one. So yes, I buy differently for people with different incomes in my family.

[maestramommy]

Yes we do. What my siblings agreed to a couple of years back was to give gifts at Christmas only to the kids, and sometimes we give combo gifts. I almost never splurge except when there's a gift I really want to give and can't find it on sale or something.

For the other way around, yes they spend more on gifts for our kids than we do, but that's partly because they actually think of things we don't (they don't usually ask ahead of time) , and we actually know what our kids want and what they ask for just doesn't cost much.