How to wean baby from using me as a pacifier?

[fedoragirl]

We have been cosleeping with DS since he was born and our cosleeping days are numbered because I am not getting any sleep. I would love to have DS sleep in our room; next to me but in his crib. Every time I shift in bed, DS roots around and latches on to me. Sometimes, I remember to unlatch him but most times I fall asleep with my arm sticking out and him latched on and using me as a pacifier. I have chronic shoulder pain from lying on one side for hours. I was always a light sleeper and now sleep even less lightly because I am afraid that I'll roll onto baby. This makes for a very tired mama.
I would be very interested to hear how you got DC out of the family bed. Also please share any suggestions as to get DS from not using me as a pacifier. He won't take any brand I have tried so far. It's seriously making me want to give up BF completely.
ETA: We have tried to create a barrier between us but this makes him cry even more--almost like he's enraged. And I really don't want to buy any more products for cosleeping.

[fedoragirl]

Any ideas?

[amom526]

I never coslept, so feel free to take my advice with a grain of salt- he's already 5-6 months old, so I do not think it will be easy to change these habits but I definitely think it is doable. I would suggest moving him to his own room. If he is in the same room as you next to your bed, and used to nursing all night long, I think it will make things infinitely harder.

If would think the first step is to get him to sleep in some other surface besides your bed. Will he fall asleep for the night in a pack n play or crib? or only in your bed? Once he is out of the bed, you can send DH to comfort the baby at non-nursing times. He is still young enough that he may actually need to eat during the night, but not all night long.

I don't have much advice for how to actually get him out of the bed, but maybe you could try sleeping with him in his new room for a few days/

[Trigglet]

I don't have any tried and tested suggestions because I'm still in the same position, only my DS is 23 months!! I feel your pain - my shoulder and neck are almost always sore in the morning - I don't know what I'd do without yoga. What I would say is that PP is right - he's still quite small, and you might find that he's actually needing that extra feeding at night. All babies are different, of course.

It will get better, but I wouldn't give up BF just yet - you're doing great things for him. Obviously you need to feel better too, though, so do what's best for all of you. One thing I try to do sometimes is lie DS the 'wrong' way round on top of the covers (but in his own sleepsack), so his feet are in my face, if that makes sense. That way he still gets the comfort of your presence but the 'pacifier' isn't so easily accessible IKWIM ;)

Good luck.

[daisymommy]

I started slipping my finger in to break the suction and inserting a pacifier. Then I pulled my shirt down so the "milky smell" wasn't as strong :) I didn't sleep without a shirt so there was less accessibility.

During the day I made sure to put my babies in their crib while I put away laundry in their room, or while I took a shower, and let them look at the mobile or soft toys for awhile to get them used to being in their crib. Then at about your DS age, they napped in the crib. That made it much easier to transition to nights in the crib. Granted, we co-slept till 1 year (and switch to a crib without any tears), but that should help you in your position as well.

I think Jay Gordon has a plan for how to gently stop co-sleeping and transition to a crib as well.
http://drjaygordon.com/

[fedoragirl]

Thank you. I will try each suggestion. I do sleep with a shirt but most times, I fall asleep while he's still latched on so he has access to it again. LOL
I have tried the crib for naps--no go so far. He won't sleep and then, be cranky a few hours later when I can't put him down because I am feeding DD lunch. He plays in his crib and can look at toys for a good 20 min.
Ok, going to try these suggestions. DS doesn't really need to eat till the early morning because for the first 3 months, that's what he did. It all got messed up with the 4 month sleep regression
He will not take a pacifier and I have tried what you suggested daisymommy. He just gets so mad if I put in his mouth.

[BabbyO]

Thank you. I will try each suggestion. I do sleep with a shirt but most times, I fall asleep while he's still latched on so he has access to it again. LOL
I have tried the crib for naps--no go so far. He won't sleep and then, be cranky a few hours later when I can't put him down because I am feeding DD lunch. He plays in his crib and can look at toys for a good 20 min.
Ok, going to try these suggestions. DS doesn't really need to eat till the early morning because for the first 3 months, that's what he did. It all got messed up with the 4 month sleep regression
He will not take a pacifier and I have tried what you suggested daisymommy. He just gets so mad if I put in his mouth.

Well take this FWIW. I don't have BTDT experience but I do have a LO about the same age who's been more difficult than DS1 with sleeping.

1. We always put DS2 in his crib after he's asleep. Yes, I know what all the books say "make sure they're awake when you put them down in their crib"...but this works for us. Now DS is tolerates the crib longer when he's awake and will more frequently fall back asleep when in his crib.

2. Keep trying with the pacifiers...during the day, too. DS2 seemed to hate pacifiers at first, too. Is there one brand/type he holds onto for even a second longer than the others? Try repeatedly giving it to him, even during the day. DS2 has finally started taking a pacifier more readily. Say what you will about pacifiers...I just can't be the human version of one...so I'm all for pacifier use when babies are under 18 mo - 2 yo.

3. Try a swaddle blanket. We really like the Summers Infant ones that allow the hips/feet to move, but swaddle the hands in place. DS2 wouldn't tolerate these when he was a NB...but we use them almost every night now. He doesn't wake himself as easily when in the swaddle...which means everyone gets a better night sleep.

GL!

[hellokitty]

No other advice, but I think that you have gotten good ones from the pp. I always try to break off the latch after they are finished nursing, but I understand at night how difficult that is and I def feel for you with the shoulder pain, since that is always what happens when I co-sleep with a nursing baby. The only other thing, which you may not like is to let him suck on his hands to self soothe. Of course, when it comes time to stop that, it's much easier to get rid of a paci vs. a hand, but it depends on how desperate you are. I transition my kids to the crib right around 4 mo old and start out doing naps first (if possible), but I understand that these tactics don't always work well for all babies. :hug: I hope you figure out a way. Is there maybe a way to get a twin mattress into your room on the floor in your room and you can nurse the baby there, and when you are finished nursing, you let him sleep on that mattress, but you go back to yours? It may help with the transition, but you are still nearby.

[hellokitty]

Oh and if you think he would be open to a lovey, I liked using the small cloth diaper prefolds (usually used those for nursing), it has my smell on it and I would let the baby sleep with it (it's not big enough to get entangled in), usually under their head. If he can smell you, it may help him feel more secure.