Got to go the ER last night....

[Melaine]

So....got to go to the ER last night.

I had kind of a long day and was kind of tired but otherwise fine and I started have kind of weird blurriness of vision and sort of seeing spots. So I called the midwives because I knew that could be a sign of hypertension. She told me I should go to the ER. It was like 6:30. They were great when I got down there and put me in a room and got me hooked up the monitors and everything. Well, I sat there for about 45 minutes and the spots were pretty much gone. I was starting to get a headache so I was thinking maybe I was just having a migraine.

So the midwife came in and said the baby looked good and my blood pressure was totally fine. So I was thinking, great I came in for no reason.

Then she said, "I am worried about the fact that you are having contractions every three minutes."

I was like, ohk. Really only felt a couple of those. So anyway....She did some test (never heard of this) which hurt like the dickens (cervical exam w/o lubricant) and sent it to the lab and it was supposed to give a pretty accurate idea of whether or not I would deliver early....heard of that? I thought she was making it up just to torture me for a couple minutes.

Anyway, then they gave me a shot to relax the uterus and then she was talking about starting magnesium and I was like OMG. I promised DH this baby was NOT going to be super early. And then for awhile I was like praying that it would be bed rest, not like having a baby THIS WEEK.

So then DH called my parents and they came. Oh and here is a random weird thing. During the cervical exam, she said casually, "Oh you will never deliver a baby vaginally"....I was like, "excuse me". and she went on to tell me that my pelvis was extremely small and also a super awkward angle and she could hardly "find" my cervix. And I was like, "hmmm well probably 8 people have examined me down there and never heard this before" and she was like, "well, do you have issues with sex" and I was like "ummm yes". And she said, "well do you have to take pain killers after" and I was like "that's taking it a little far it's not that bad" and she said, "Well, I'm surprised it's not that bad unless he is like *this* big" and I was like, "Well, he's a heck of a lot bigger than *that* and "OK TELL ME IF I AM GOING TO HAVE A BABY TONIGHT FOR PETE'S SAKE. We can talk about sex later." And then she said to DH later that men would be very jealous of him (because of my small VJJ!" What the heck....(she actually apologized for that) and even DH was like "WHAT ABOUT THE BABY"

Anyway, so she said that after the shot my uterus calmed down and the contractions were a lot better and I wouldn't have to get on the meds since I wasn't dilating at all. And we actually got to leave at like 9....which made the fact that my parents had just gotten there kind of silly. But I am on pelvic rest and "eat bon-bons all day with tons of water rest".

So....that's the story. Not thrilled. I guess it's a good thing I was not set on having a VBAC. Even though I was leaning toward trying. Just glad I'm not in the hospital right now.

[SkyrMommy]

Oh my goodness!!! :grouphug: So glad both you and the baby are ok. I hope you get a chance to rest & relax today, sending you many hugs.

[Sopamanda]

That was a fetal fibronectin test. It indicates to a fantastic percentantage whether you'll go into labor within the next two weeks. It must have come back negative? Usually they wait for results to send you home.

Scary. Good stuff to bring up with your doc, however.

Glad he's still cookin and SUPER GLAD you didn't need the mag. Ugh.

[TwoBees]

Woah. I would have slapped that doctor. Or kicked her rather, while she was down there.

I'm glad that youo are feeling better and that the baby isn't coming yet. Sending lots and lots of STAY IN THERE! vibes your way!

:grouphug:

[123LuckyMom]

Oh, Melaine! I'm so sorry you had that experience. Forgive me if I'm out of line, but your midwife sounds like a real (insert seriously nasty word here)! I wish you could switch caregivers to someone with more knowledge and a LOT more sensitivity! Could you? In any case, I'm glad the baby didn't come too early!

[Melaine]

That was a fetal fibronectin test. It indicates to a fantastic percentantage whether you'll go into labor within the next two weeks. It must have come back negative? Usually they wait for results to send you home.

Scary. Good stuff to bring up with your doc, however.

Glad he's still cookin and SUPER GLAD you didn't need the mag. Ugh.

Yes...that was it! Just surprised I never heard of this. It was negative, fortunately.


About the midwives there are about 8 of them and they rotate. Now I am thinking it might not matter if I will be having another C.

[MamaMolly]

Buh-bye midwife. I kind of hate her for you. Forget kind of!

Commenting on the size of your VJJ? that is soooooo unprofessional. One wonders if she tells ladies with uncommonly large ones that they have an echo chamber? If she asks if their DHs are hung like horses? Or tells their DHs 'too bad for you!'

:irked:

Her supervisor needs to be informed of this. She needs some guidance in appropriate behavior.

[daisymommy]

I don't even know where to start!!!
First of all, I'm sorry you had such a rough and scary night. But so glad you and the baby are okay, and he's still growing in there where he should be.

Secondly, I would complain about that provider's bedside manner! Totally inappropriate!

Thirdly, what an uneducated loon when it comes to VJJ size and whether or not you can deliver vaginally! Good grief! When you are truly in labor, your body will produce hormones that loosen everything up, widen and relax your pelvic outlet, lower your cervix (so it won't be "lost" up there) and your labor position and gravity can help you open up another 30% (such as squatting).

So yeah, please try to disregard what she said if you want to consider your options, and don't let one person's opinion shut the door on the subject for you. Thankfully there are a ton of posts here in this forum from other moms whose doctors have said similar things, and they went on to deliver vaginally just fine.

Obviously the choice is yours, I'm not trying to push the subject. But I think it was hurtful and wrong to try to snatch that option out of your hands like that.

Take care of you!

[DietCokeLover]

I am angry for you at the lack of professionalism of that woman! Medical questions are one thing, but she took that way too far.

I am so glad that little fella is still in there and is going to stay in there a while longer. Try to enjoy your "rest".

[lmh2402]

wow and yikes! i'm so glad you and baby are ok. but...wow. i would definitely file a formal complaint against that midwife.

:hug: get some rest today, mama :hug:

[KrisM]

I'm glad things are okay!

Talk about totally inappropriate bedside manner though. Yikes.

[BabyBearsMom]

What a scary evening! So glad to hear that the baby and you are okay!

[TwinFoxes]

So glad he's where he's supposed to be. :hug:

And that MW needs some professional coaching on her bedside manner because that is unbelievably inappropriate.

[ast96]

I have no idea what your cervix or pelvis is like, but I just wanted to tell you I had to go to the ER last week, and it took the doctor a good amount of time to find MY cervix, which was way back up there (because hello, 29 weeks). I have delivered three huge babies with no issues -- with three huge heads! -- and I have a very adequate pelvis. So there.

But anyway, I am glad you and the baby are okay!

[MontrealMum]

I'm so glad that you and baby are both ok, but I am shocked at the inappropriateness of your midwife's bedside manner! I would not hesitate to report that! I'm so sorry for you :(

[hellokitty]

Buh-bye midwife. I kind of hate her for you. Forget kind of!

Commenting on the size of your VJJ? that is soooooo unprofessional. One wonders if she tells ladies with uncommonly large ones that they have an echo chamber? If she asks if their DHs are hung like horses? Or tells their DHs 'too bad for you!'

:irked:

Her supervisor needs to be informed of this. She needs some guidance in appropriate behavior.

:yeahthat: My mouth dropped open. To sit there and lecture you on something you have no control over and then to basically make reference to your husband's penis size being tiny???? Unprofessional AND offensive!

I am glad that you are ok, but that woman has diarrhea of the mouth and no filter at all! I'm mad that you had to hear that! I'd report her to her superior. As a HCP, I find her comments and bedside manner unprofessional and I'd be horrified if a fellow co-worker said anything like that to a patient!

[Sopamanda]

BTW, I had one nurse during one of my er visits that was much less than stellar. It really did freak me out at first...then, I came to the realization that if some knob is in the room with me during the real deal, I can ask them to LEAVE.

Dumb, but I'm shy and I don't think I would have thought of that in the moment. Just an FYI. I've also instructed DH to take care of kicking dumb people out if I'm unable.

:)

[infomama]

Commenting on the size of your VJJ? that is soooooo unprofessional. One wonders if she tells ladies with uncommonly large ones that they have an echo chamber? If she asks if their DHs are hung like horses? Or tells their DHs 'too bad for you!'

:irked:

Her supervisor needs to be informed of this. She needs some guidance in appropriate behavior.

:yeahthat: I am just in shock. Glad your home!

[misshollygolightly]

What an awful evening! So glad baby is ok, though (and sending "stay in" vibes). BUT WHAT A FRACKIN LOON of a MW! How can she be so totally insensitive and inappropriate...and be in this line of work?!? I hope you'll make some kind of formal complaint to the group...she needs to know that was out of line and fix her bedside manner before she seriously offends or traumatizes someone!

[mikala]

Is there a lead midwife in the group? I'd try making your next appointment with the lead, explain last night's bizarre conversation and ask if it's possible to make sure that someone other than this midwife delivers your baby. If you go for a VBAC you need someone who actually believes you can succeed instead of someone that will flippantly tell you it's never gonna happen while making inappropriate penis comments.

So glad to hear the baby is staying put for now!

[Indianamom2]

I don't even know where to start!!!
First of all, I'm sorry you had such a rough and scary night. But so glad you and the baby are okay, and he's still growing in there where he should be.

Secondly, I would complain about that provider's bedside manner! Totally inappropriate!

Thirdly, what an uneducated loon when it comes to VJJ size and whether or not you can deliver vaginally! Good grief! When you are truly in labor, your body will produce hormones that loosen everything up, widen and relax your pelvic outlet, lower your cervix (so it won't be "lost" up there) and your labor position and gravity can help you open up another 30% (such as squatting).

So yeah, please try to disregard what she said if you want to consider your options, and don't let one person's opinion shut the door on the subject for you. Thankfully there are a ton of posts here in this forum from other moms whose doctors have said similar things, and they went on to deliver vaginally just fine.

Obviously the choice is yours, I'm not trying to push the subject. But I think it was hurtful and wrong to try to snatch that option out of your hands like that.

Take care of you!

:yeahthat: To everything.

I'm stunned by the unprofessional manner of that midwife and I'm pretty laid back about most things. WOW!

And just so you know, I have a strangely located uterus/cervix (with DS even the OB could barely find it even at 6 cm dialated.) I've delivered vaginally twice with absolutely NO problems. OF course, it wasn't a VBAC, but still...

Glad you're doing better.

[KpbS]

So glad you and the LO are doing ok! That midwife was so inappropriate!! I'm sorry she was so weird. Did you see an OB? Did they make a referral for one? I hope they can figure out what caused the event. Definitely take it easy and REST. Big hugs :hug:

[Jacksmommy2b]

I am still just :47:

Thank god you and baby are alright. But jeez, what a loon.

I have to agree with the others. If you were even casually considering a VBAC I would see at least one more MW or OB and get another opinion. That sounds like complete quackery to me. And the fact she would have the audacity to mention your husbands 'size' or your vaginal 'size' is completely unprofessional and flat out crazy! I mean, my lord, especially when you are all worked up about baby!

I would also report her behavior and ensure you never, ever have to deal with her again.

[larig]

gosh, what odd comments?! Thinking good thoughts for a relaxed uterus and hoping you'll actually get to eat some bonbons.

[arivecchi]

That ER experience sounds positively awful! I hope things improve for you! I would also run away from that woman! Jeez!

[amldaley]

YIKES! So glad it turned out ok, but yeah...that exam sounds brutal. Pls take care of yourself and baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sste]

I am horrified! I have to say I was laughing out loud here - - while horrified and in complete sympathy with you. That read like a sitcom. Who talks like that?!?

Is this a person who could be delivering your baby? I am very dubious that your cervix is unfind-able and the vjj comments are insane! Insane!

If you are having serious pre-term issues I would go see a MFM. It is interesting in that everyone seems to urge midwives for low-intervention but I think once you have a complication/atypicality, MFMs seem to me to be the most comfortable with risk of any provider. I have def. had friends with midwives that freaked out and put them on bed rest for weeks and months as it turned out unnec. - - the midwife deals more with "normal" pregnancy and she often perceives her position as more vulnerable if there is a bad outcome, ie. everyone will say it is the fault of midwifery etc. Same deal for OBs though they have the MD, counterbalanced though by more lawsuit baggage. A good MFM is very experienced in high-risk & atypical presentations & sometimes, contrary to intuition, can be the least intervention-happy provider.

[elektra]

Glad the baby is ok! What a bizarre ER experience! I went in for a migraine once and had a completely weird experience once too where I was like, "did all that really just happen??"
Sounds like you had something similar! Maybe skip the Crazytown hospital next time. ;)

[mmommy]

So glad to hear that you and baby are ok :grouphug:

I would really suggest speaking with the lead MW. I've never heard of a midwife making such strange, inappropriate, and totally inaccurate comments. That tends to be the type of thing I expect from doctors, but not midwives! :ROTFLMAO: In no way does anything she said actually mean anything in reality. If you're leaning towards a VBAC please talk with someone else. The VJJ is very stretchy, at times most women have a difficult to locate cervix, that and your DH's penis size, and whether or not you can deliver a baby vaginally are totally unrelated. I can't believe she was such a wackado! Amazing!

[Beth24]

Ok putting aside your surreal experience I just have to say, please little guy, stay put!! Sending lots of positive thoughts your way. Hope you can get some rest today. :hug:

[maybeebaby08]

Sorry you had to go to the ER, I'm glad you and baby are both ok. I hope you can rest today and agree what PP said about making a complaint.

[waitingforgrace]

Sounds like a rough night, very glad you and baby are ok! Get some rest.

[citymama]

So glad you and baby are OK! That sounds scary.

I cannot even believe that provider's words to you and your DH. You must complain, and make sure she is nowhere near you when you are giving birth! Please disregard what she said as it sounds like she is mostly ignorant and definitely inappropriate. Yikes.

Stay well!

[Katigre]

Um...hello that was horrible of her to say those things to you! Your cervix stays far posterior before you go into labor - it's supposed to be difficult to find at that point (shudder...that is why I found vaginal exams in early labor torturous - it was so far up and back there!). Cervixes MOVE during labor, she shouldn't have said that.

And pelvic size is not a constant anyway - hence the whole reason that women push with their legs spread to help open up the pelvis for more space for the baby, the band of cartilidge that stretches for the baby's head, etc...

I am so sorry you went through all that and that she blasted your body so forcefully with her unkind words :(.

[swissair81]

Okay that is just nuts. My cervix is always torturous to find- I think my uterus is tilted or something. I can be dilated and my cervix is 'anterior' and my OB will be digging to find my cervix. Meanwhile, I have had 4 vag births and have never pushed longer than 40 minutes (and that baby was posterior). The other births were so fast they were almost scary.

Also- not only do the ligaments in your pelvis relax for labor, but the baby's head compresses- that's why the sutures are open at birth. The plates of the skull kind of slide over each other to ease the baby's passage into the world. It is well known that pelvimetry is basically useless.

[LexyLou]

Ok, I'm the Queen of Inappropriate, but that midwife was far too inappropriate, even for me! Yikes!!!

Glad you and baby are ok though, but yikes!

[essnce629]

Oh wow, that midwife needs to get a job in a new field! I'd report her and ask not to be seen by her any more. Glad baby is doing well and I hope he stays put for a while!

And I hate when providers say such negative things to moms, which can really affect the outcome of their births. Please try and erase everything she said to you and not let your VBAC wishes come crashing down. There's no way of knowing if a VBAC is possible until you have a trial of labor. Just looking at me you'd think I'd have a hard birth since I'm thin with no hips at all, but I've had two super fast vaginal births with no issues and only 2 contractions of pushing. I think you need to relax, think positively (about baby staying in and your birth), and read some positive birth stories in the mean time.

Here ya go! There's even a sub group just of positive VBAC stories.
http://www.pregnancybirthandbabies.com/POSITIVE_birth_stories.htm

[trcy]

I am so sorry you had such a bad night, but I am glad everything is ok. Hopefully smooth sailing after last night.

[Melaine]

I really appreciate everybody's sympathy and advice. My parents stayed all day yesterday and cleaned and cooked. I relaxed and tried to take it easy. I slept well last night and I do feel better today. I'm still feeling very perplexed by the whole conversation with the midwife and about the birth. At this point, though, I don't even care that much. I'm not fixated on the method, I just am hoping it is still weeks away! As long as he stays in there for another month or so I will be so happy.

I have my next appointment on Monday so I will certainly talk to the other midwives about this and give it some more thought. The truth is, I have no attachment to the idea of a VBAC at all....I just want things to go smoothly. And I want to be able to breast feed. Those are my goals at this point!

[american_mama]

I know this was a midwife, but I think we have a new and possibly unbeatable entry into the "Stuff OBs Say" thread.