Advice needed: being a SAHM & daycare provider (long)

[gcc2k]

I know there have been many threads in the past about how to financially swing being a SAHM. My husband and I are both teachers, but we have been talking about me quitting after this school year. DS is 14 months, and hopefully some time this summer or early fall we can get pregnant with #2.

We have run the numbers and it will be EXTREMELY tight to live on DH's teacher salary alone. (And this is with cutting out all clothes shopping and eating out. Thank God that my parents are retiring to the area this summer and have the disposable income to buy us clothes and take us out on occasion!!) I really need to make a $400+ a month to give us a little breathing room and be able to continue to save. We have thought about many different options of how I could make this extra money, and now a possibility has fallen in to our lap. :thumbsup:

DH's coworker (also a teacher, who's husband is a community college instructor) is having a baby in April, and plans to take her maternity leave through the end of the school year. Yesterday she told DH she was really worried because her child care lined up for next school year fell through. Without her knowing ANYTHING about what DH and I have been discussing, she said "Wouldn't it be nice if your wife could just stay home next year and take care of my daughter?" :47:

One of the options DH and I had discussed is me taking care of another child in our home. If we did this, I could easily make $600 or more a month, alleviating some of the financial stress of being a SAHM. However, I'm not sure that I want to be a day care provider full time for another person's child. On one hand, I wouldn't have to worry about trying to make money during the hours DS naps or after he goes to bed or on the weekends. But I would lose my freedom during the weekdays to go to appointments, grocery shop, etc.

I know we need to have a contract in place. (I would use something similar to the in home care provider contract I have with DS's present babysitter.)

I know I would have to think about the logistics of having a 1.5 year old and a 6 month old at the same time. (Any advice from SAHM's out there with children only 1 year apart?) Just when I was looking forward to being able to go and do things since DS will no longer be napping in the morning, I'd be tied to the house with her daughter's naps.

I know I have to think about what if I became pregnant and was exhausted/sick a lot, especially the first trimester. But if I had a baby May/June of 2013, the timing would work out perfectly for them because her husband would be done with his semester at the college where he works.

I am also a little hesitant entering an employee/employer relationship with friends. (We hang out with this couple about once a month, and DH eats lunch with the mom everyday at work.) We would have to sit down with them and work out some very specific terms and expectations that we could all live with.

DH and I have a lot of discussing and praying to do. Fortunately this couple knows it would only be for about 8-9 months: end of August to May/June whenever I had a baby or the school year ended. I guess I could handle it for one school year, knowing it was relatively short-term.

So my question is, have any of you ever been a SAHM and taken care of other kids to supplement your DH's income? If so, how did it work out? What do you recommend? Thanks so much for reading all this and giving me advice!!

[AnnieW625]

My one and only question for you is that if you decide that being a SAHM is not in the cards for you how easy will it be for you to get your job back?

[KrisM]

I don't have advice on the daycare situation, as I haven't done that on either side.

But, I wanted to make sure that when you are crunching numbers, that you estimate taxes correctly. If I were to return to work, it would bump us up in taxes and the amount of our Fed taxes would go up significantly. This year, our tax bill was about $6k. If I were to work, and have the salary as DH, it would increase to about $30k. Yes, that much. It's all "marginal" income, so it's all at the higher rate. Ugh. So, make sure you figure that out too. You're DH may have more coming home from each check.

[BabyBearsMom]

Make sure you factor in not only income taxes but payroll taxes. You will be effectively self-employed and will need to cover your own FICA and Medicare taxes (when you work, you pay a share and your employer pays a share, when you own your own business you pay both shares). Also, what happens if the child is hurt while in your home? Would your insurance cover this? Most daycares have to have a special insurance policy to operate (not sure if that would be true if it was just one other kid).

Personally I would not do this. I don't like the idea of mixing business and friends. It can cause a sticky situation. The kiddo might get a diaper rash and then they are blaming you. Or what if you are sick and need a day off? I just think it complicates things.

[larig]

As a former teacher, if you are tenured, please take a leave of absence/sabatical for a year. Try it out, then if you need your job back you can take it.

[ezcc]

There were 2 moms in my old neighborhood who did this- and it seemed to work well for everyone. The friendship definitely complicates things some, but if you feel like you have a good honest relationship with them, and that your parenting styles are fairly similar I think it could work.

[HIU8]

Our old daycare was a stay at home mom licensed by the state to do childcare. All her children stayed home with her (she had 2 at the time we were there and now has 3). This is how she worked things out:

1) Her child needs to go to the doc--her DH did it b/c she could not close down her daycare to do so. She was open all yr except for Christmas and new years and 1 week vacation. She did have a sub backup person who would need to fill in when an emergency arose.
2) her child is sick--he was in a different room and all daycare kids still came (so everyone exposed to the illness)
3) she did no classes with her own kids (weekends were busy with grocery shopping etc... b/c she could not do it during the week
4) surprise visits by inspectors
5) her house was made over into a daycare (read: no dining room b/c it ws her main room for daycare-along with living room and kitchen).
6) open from 6:30 am to 6:30 pm.

IMHO it's a very very hard thing to commit yourself to. I would be very honest with yourself about what you want/do not want to do.

[TwinFoxes]

I think there are a lot of potential pitfalls. What if they pull their DD from your care for whatever reason? Will you be in financial trouble? It seems your margin is pretty tight. I would not do this with friends, especially a work friend.

[marymoo86]

What do you do after the commitment is up and then you might possibly have 2 children of your own? Would you be able to continue?

If you can barely afford to stay home with 2 kids without a supplemental income, it doesn't seem financially feasible. What if something happened to DHs job (even if unlikely)? I couldn't be comfortable knowing something relatively minor could jeopardize your family. Are you equipped with savings to cover unexpected (even if minor) expenses. Have you planned for what happens to your retirement savings?

Just a lot to consider beyond the temporary childcare arrangement.

[lovin2shop]

Sounds like there are way too many ways that this could go wrong on both sides, I personally wouldn't do it. Sorry.

[abh5e8]

i think it sounds like a great idea. but, all of my babysitters are either my friends who SAH or a few college students. they come to my house and its not full time, but with only 1 child of your own and 1 6 month old, i would not see why you would be stuck at home? i think going to the park or the store would not be bad at all.

i think the tough part is the tight finances...babies and more children do cost more money..especially as they get older. but, i think the option to SAH for a year and then reevaluate is an awesome one. especially while your child is so young.

[HIU8]

One other thing. You have find out how many children you are allowed to have in a daycare. I know where I am that 1 provider can have 8 children. Although only 2 of those 8 can be 24 months or younger. I know our old provider always had 8 kids (at $240/wk that was $960/month for each child=$5760/month (since 2 of the kids were already hers). FWIW, $240/week around me is considered fairly innexpensive. I know ppl paying $250-$300/week for in-home care.

[megs4413]

You've gotten a lot of great responses already, but I wanted to add just one thing. Why do you want to stay at home? You'll need to understand that you'll be a full time WAHM in this scenario, not the traditional SAHM and that may mean that your'e giving things up that you were looking forward to. Working at home and staying at home are two very different things. I just started working a few weeks ago (I've been a SAHM for almost 7 years) part time from home and honestly, I pretty much hate it. The money will be good for our family. The work history will be great for my resume should I decide to work full time in the future. The social security income is good for me. But, I hate it. It has taken away a lot of what I loved about being a SAHM. Just my two cents!

[BabbyO]

Well, I'll be the positive note here. I think it can work, but as you said, you have a lot of thinking & praying to do.

I can't speak from the SAHM side of it, but I can from the co-worker needing child-care side of it.

DH and I found our sitter when I sent out an email to friends who have kids asking if they could recommend any child care in the area. We got an awesome email back from a friend who offered to help, but it a very non-pressuring way.

For the most part our arrangement has been AWESOME. She isn't licensed, but I know she does claim her earnings and have taxes taken out. This is really great for DH & I because we can still use our flex spending $$ for daycare. I don't know if she has additional insurance for accidents, etc. Quite frankly I can't fathom an instance where I'd even consider suing her. They have become family to our family and it would be like suing my parents or something...totally weird, foreign and something that would never happen.

That said, we had some serious heart to heart talks with our sitter AND her husband before entering the arrangement. We had additional conversations when we were TTC #2.

Some things that have come up for us:
1. Illness. This is tough. For the most part (this was decided before entering the arrangement) if her kids are sick or my kids are sick she still takes care of my kids except in the most extreme cases. DH and I have chosen to keep our kids home (when DS2 was a newborn) but we still pay her for these days.

What is harder is if SHE is sick. Until 2011 this was a very rare occurance. 2011/2012 has been tough because our sitter was battling several things, and in Nov she had to have surgery that prevented her from caring for our kids FT. Now we have her watch the kids 2x/week and use a center 3x/week. This was a tough decision for us...but as I said, they are part of our family so we had to make a tough decision that would allow her to still be a part of our kids lives, but also allow her to heal. We're hoping she'll be able to go back to FT in a few months.

2. Payment. Ok, this isn't really an issue, but I just wanted to note we generally pay her even if our kids are home because they are ill or there is a holiday. We get 2 wk/yr where we don't have to pay for vacation time, etc. Similar to a center.

3. Scheduling vacations...If she is out of town we have to find alternate daycare. So far this hasn't been a problem because we get enough notice...but things to think about.

4. We have to provide carseats for her. Her life is such that she can't be stuck at the house (she has 4 kids of her own with jobs/activities that they need to get to). We have to provide carseats, install them, and be ok with her driving with our kids. She was in a minor fender bender 2 yrs ago, but nothing major. IMO this is no different than if DH or I were driving the car and got into a fender bender/accident. Again, DH and I are ok with this situation, but I know some people wouldn't be. This is something that should be discussed ahead of time.

5. Food. We provide all food because our DS' have food allergies. You should discuss if you will be providing or if the family will provide food.

It probably makes sense to have a formal agreement. I know my sister has one with her DD's sitter. We don't have one and have been with our sitter for 2+ yrs with NO major problems. We also go out with our sitter and her DH a couple times a year (it would be more often if our schedules aligned better...they are some of our best friends).

[garnetgirl]

Without her knowing ANYTHING about what DH and I have been discussing, she said "Wouldn't it be nice if your wife could just stay home next year and take care of my daughter?"

Am I the only one who thinks it is incredibly nervy of this woman to suggest the OP should give up her career to become her babysitter? I know that's not the real point here, but it would annoy me to know a colleague thought my career was worth less than hers.

[BabbyO]

Am I the only one who thinks it is incredibly nervy of this woman to suggest the OP should give up her career to become her babysitter? I know that's not the real point here, but it would annoy me to know a colleague thought my career was worth less than hers.

Well, maybe it is...but I've been there I was that person trying to ask without being rude. Perhaps the other woman had an inkling or hint that OP might be considering staying at home??

I wanted to ask our friend who was already a SAHM, but didn't want to offend her or put her in an uncomfortable position. That is why I sent out an email to all of our friends asking if they had any recommendations for childcare. Thankfully, my prayers were answered and she responded saying that she'd been thinking about taking some kids in....

Nervy or not...sometimes there are bigger plans in play that we can't account for....and sometimes those are the biggest blessings in our lives.

[Tinochka]

I would continue the job, put a child in a childcare, try to save money for future, get pregnant with #2. See how life is going, then try to take a year off the job, see how you like it, by that time you’ll know if you want to take care of another child...

[niccig]

Extremely tight and relying on extended family to buy you clothes is what makes me say NO.

SIL/BIL did this. She stayed home, and MIL/FIL helped out, but they still ran up credit card bills. DH and his other sister were upset that their sister was using their parents for extra money - his parents have their own retirement to fund and using their hard worked money to allow SIL the lifestyle she wanted, wasn't SIL being responsible. So it has caused family issues.

BIL was then laid off for over a year. It was very difficult. They wanted MIL/FIL to pay their mortgage, which MIL/FIL refused. Luckily for them, BILs parents offered to help out, but it was limited and had lots of strings. BIL got work again and SIL has to work full-time and put DC#2 in childcare as they are in a HUGE hole financially.

Extremely tight means you have no wiggle room if there's pay cuts, lay offs, illnesses, major emergency etc.

If you do decide to try it, I like the idea of 1 year leave, so you have a job if you can't swing it.

[kmkaull]

We have run the numbers and it will be EXTREMELY tight to live on DH's teacher salary alone. (And this is with cutting out all clothes shopping and eating out. Thank God that my parents are retiring to the area this summer and have the disposable income to buy us clothes and take us out on occasion!!)

!

This would be too close for my comfort. I couldn't stomach asking my parents for money, though. I've had some friends make babysitting work, and others have had more difficulty. Overall, I find your scenario too risky--what if they back out on you in a few months? What if you hate it?

My advice would be to either keep working until you have #2 and then reevaluate or consider a part time position.

[amom526]

Before I had DS, I thought I would be a SAHM while the kids were young, and maybe take in a some kids for babysitting for extra money. Now that DS is 13 months, and I have been home for 9 out of 13 months - there is NO WAY I WOULD SURVIVE. But every person is different. The only way I keep sane being at home is that I have my freedom when DS naps, and I am free to go out during all other times. Getting through the day is hard enough, I can't even think about taking on another child that is not mine.
Although I am definitely not one of those women that thrive on being at home all day, you may be. I am planning to start working part time next school year, because I need that outlet.

However, if you really think this is something you enjoy, I don't think you would have trouble finding a kid to watch, whether it was your friends or someone elses. I do not recommend mixing business and friends. We tried that and it just has a lot of room for bad stuff.

[soontobe]

I did it when my ds was one year old. It worked out great and we actually became friends with the parents of the kid I watched. I did it ad supplemental income and to have a friend for my ds ( the kid I watched was you get but they really loved eacjother it was so cute). We just had an agreement that they wouldn't come if either kid was sick with more than a cold or low grade fever and that I would sometimes have to take a morning off to go to an Appt. I guess it depends on the situation but for us it was great

[trales]

For 2 years DD was watched by a very close friend of mine in her home. It worked out really well. We had a sit down, drew up the terms and stuck to them. We are still great friends and take turns watching each others kids. I paid her the same rate I would have at the center DD is at now.

She took DD with her and her DD to music classes (I paid DD's admission) museums, grocery shopping, errand running etc. I bought her a car seat, I packed DD lunch, she did snacks. She took DD skiing (the kind you do with 2.5 year olds) to the beach, to the pool, treated DD as if my DD and her DD were twins. She even put them in the daycare at our workout club together once a week. I was totally okay with all this. It was the best situation I could have ever hoped for.

Now DD is at a center and starts Kindy there in the fall. It is great.

Talk to her, see is she is okay with you schlepping her child around as if it were your own.

[acmom]

My advice would be to either keep working until you have #2 and then reevaluate or consider a part time position.

:yeahthat: I am a teacher too - I went back between my 2 kids and then took a leave of absence after my 2nd for a year to kind of try out staying at home. It was a good way for us to do it bc we could see how it worked for our family (financially, emotionally, logistically) without me giving up my job totally.

ETA: A friend watched my 1st child when I went back and it did work out well for us. However, I personally would be hesitant to watch another child in my home unless I knew their parents would be ok with me bringing their child to our daily activities (open gym, library, playground, playdates, occasional store etc.). My children and I both really enjoy doing those things outside the house on a regular basis and I couldn't give that up. I also would be hesitant about watching someone else's child if/when I was pregnant bc I can feel pretty awful.

[ha98ed14]

:yeahthat: I am a teacher too - I went back between my 2 kids and then took a leave of absence after my 2nd for a year to kind of try out staying at home. It was a good way for us to do it bc we could see how it worked for our family (financially, emotionally, logistically) without me giving up my job totally.

What did you decide? (And if you don't mind sharing, what field is DH in?)

[carolinamama]

What about tutoring? I know several teachers-turned-sahms who tutor now and make a decent hourly rate. Much better then they would watching kids in their homes.

[vdrake71]

I think it is a great idea. You just need to work out the details (sick, dr. appt, crib, etc). Where I live, this is very common. I also think that you should not have a problem making the money that you need to make. You also need to decided if you will be charging a weekly rate or a hourly rate. If this does not work out, you may want to look at sitter city and provide tutoring or before and after care (school). Just some things to think about.

[kozachka]

Sounds too risky. I would not do it.

[MoJo]

I'll take both sides.

The first non-family caregiver we used was a friend of a co-worker who was watching children in her home. She did a fantastic job, and actually took a cut in pay when she went back to teaching this fall. She did take the children where she needed occasionally (and especially appreciated days when she only had two or three plus her one. . . she is a mom of four so she wasn't overwhelmed by that.) She had enough kids that she made a good living. She set her schedule and kept teacher's hours (and actually, every family had a teacher parent) so that she could be involved in her older kids' activities. She took all the school breaks. . . but that wasn't a problem because all of the families had teacher parents. She went back to teaching mostly because her youngest was 4 and she was able to get a job at the preschool he now attends. She charged the same amount as the daycare centers my girls are now in. So it can be done.

But the flip side is my own situation. I WANTED very much to be a SAHM. But my DH is a teacher, and my full time pay was almost exactly the same as his. Like you, I knew I needed to earn a few hundred a month just to make ends meet. We found cutting out all the shopping and eating out to be quite difficult (those are DH's favorite activities) and we now have embarrassingly large credit card bills to show for the time I was barely working. This fall, I went back to working three days per week, but with two kids almost half of my income goes to childcare, and more than half goes to job-related expenses (gas, car repairs, clothes, fast food because I don't get home 'til an hour before bed, etc). And now, I'm spending a lot of time considering that JellyBean is going to school in a year and a half, and Ha two years later, and realizing that I really need to be going back to work full time then, even though that wasn't my original plan. We just can't make it on one income. As others have said, if you leave, I'd want to make sure you can go back (and my DH is scared if anything happens to his job, he won't be able to find another anywhere, because he has just enough education and experience to make him too costly to a district looking to hire someone when they could hire a 22 year old with a Bachelor's).

[acmom]

What did you decide? (And if you don't mind sharing, what field is DH in?)

I ended up staying home and am still very happy home with the kids! (We actually moved states in the meantime too, which made the choice to resign easy for me when my years of childcare leave were coming to an end.) I will plan eventually go back to work at least part time but I am not planning to do that until my younger child is a little older. Teaching jobs are tight around here right now so I am not even sure I could find anything right now!

My husband is a physician. He was in fellowship when we made the decision to stay home (at that point my salary as a teacher was actually more than his). Now we have more wiggle room financially bc he finished fellowship and joined a practice (which is why we moved) and his salary increased.