"Here, Mommy..."

[ha98ed14]

So, I think I have been doing too much for DD. When I pick her up from school, she hands me her lunch box and her jacket and says, "Here, Mommy." When we are riding in the car, she tries to hand me her trash from the back seat and says, "Here Mommy, I'm done." Today at the store, she had opened something I just bought her and she goes to hand me the trash and says, "Here Mommy." I have started saying back, "I am not your main or your trash can! You need to hold it until we find a trash can.

This all coincides with the new "Where is my ________?" Or, "Can you get me a ________? When I say no, she whines and says "But I can't do it by myself..."

I think I have created a very spoiled little girl! How do you teach your children to take responsibility for their own things?!?!?

[lhafer]

Start consistantly showing her how to do it...throw things away, hang up/put away her jacket/shoes, etc. Chances are she knows how to do it perfectly well. She just knows you will do it for her. It up to you to stop it.

[Uno-Mom]

You could try a mommy strike. ;)

[chozen]

i have noticed the same things lately with our dd. we have made a point to start having her do as much as she can on her own. get dressed by herself even if we are in a hurry, take her plate to the sink, wipe her own bottom (always), find her water cup etc. etc.

[Dr C]

With chores that are particularly difficult (from your child's point of view) I think it's helpful to help your child break the task down into several smaller ones. I had some luck with that today getting DS to hang up his shirts in his closet which he claimed was insurmountable. I helped him lie the shirts down on the floor, put the hanger in one shirt at a time, and then hang them all up. I'm cautiously optimistic that he'll be more independent next time.
But for the easier stuff, you just have to be consistent. When they balk, a fitting consequence is to withdraw "big-kid" privileges ("if you can't hold your own trash/hang up your coat/pick up your toys like a big girl, you can't go on a big-girl playdate this afternoon." It goes without saying that this needs to be a threat you can actually carry out!)

[LMPC]

Guilty over here....I have just started telling DD "You are 3 now and I bet a 3 yo can_________!" Most of the time she'll at least try to take her plate to the sink, put on her shoes, throw her trash away......etc etc etc :tongue5:

[Tinochka]

Having 2 kids 16months apart I always was dreading the night time routing, because while I was busy with one, another one was making faces..., then I was getting busy with a 2nd one, the 1st one was set free... One time I realized that DS1 is putting his regular outfits on, why in the world I was putting his PJ on him?;). So, I set up the rule, that he has to put on PJs. He was not happy to hear that, but I followed that message through giving him 5 min., then mama is going to bed... His choice to go to bed naked or in PJ, but mama can help with items he can’t put on. Long story short, since then I found that I have all free time to observe them, while they have some tasks to do. Sure, I’ll help them to put toys away, but THEY HAVE TO DO most. Nowadays they don’t allow me to take away their plates once they done, because THEY WANT TO DO IT;).
I try to comment “Wow, YOU was able to take care all by YOURSELF” (when I am tuned to what I am saying and what I am doing).

[hellokitty]

I understand what you mean and I remember the point where I also realized that my kids weren't doing enough for themselves. Just slowly transition her to do things on her own. I tell my kids when they try to give me their trash, "When you see a trash can, throw it away." If they want me to hold their bag, I tell them that they can carry it on their own. It's part of growing up, they transition into becoming more independent and realizing that they can do things on their own. My friends who volunteer in the lunch room at school say that they are amazed with how many children do not know how to open food containers or packaging. It's not that it's tricky, but the kids seem like they just don't realize that they can do it on their own.

[kep]

Hehehehe, courtesy of the Crappy Pictures Blog... Garbage Disposal (http://http://crappypictures.com/2011/10/how-to-dispose-of-trash-instructions-by-crappy-boy.html) :rotflmao:

[niccig]

I tell DS if he wants to bring x, he has to carry it. At baseball practice, he wants me to carry his bag with the gear. I tell him "you want to play baseball, you can carry your own things" and I have my hands full with my own things.

Choose something like holding own trash until trash can and carrying own school bag, and then go from there.

[doberbrat]

Well, I start when they're small making them do their own things like picking up their toys, putting on their own coat etc. When I'm with a friend's child who is used to having everything done for them, I calmly say 'Here is your backpack - I'm carrying my stuff' type thing.

If my kids sudenly balk at doing something, then they are reminded of the results. OK, I'll pickup your toys for you but then I keep them. No, I'm not going to put your coat on for you, if you dont want to do it, you can be cold I guess.

[maestramommy]

As far as the trash in the car goes, well I think 4 (okay almost 5) is still a little young. Arwyn is the same age, and for the longest time I couldn't get her to hang on to her trash until we got to our destination. If I could take it from her, she'd just toss it aside. Nowadays, I have her pass it to Dora and then I take it, if possible. Dora is almost 6.5 and in the last year she is able to hold on to trash until the car stops. We don't have a trash receptacle in the car right now, so it's whatever's handy. But if we're out and about and they have snack trash, they just throw it away themselves. If they hand it to me, I tell them to throw it away in "that trash can over there."

Holding the stuff thing though, that's different. All my kids have been trained to carry their own stuff. I sometimes make exceptions for Laurel if she's tired and cranky, otherwise she has to walk and carry her own backpack to and from the car into the school building. I notice I'm one of the few parents whose 2yo does that.

It's a conscious decision I made right after Laurel was born. No way was I gonna carry everyone's stuff, there was just too much of it. Everyone has to carry their own backpack to school, and on outings. If it's too heavy, there's too much stuff, and it comes out of the backpack.

ETA: as to HOW I get them to do it, I put their snack and water in the backpack. "If you don't carry your backpack, you don't get your snack!"

[KrisM]

For holding trash at a store, I think that can be harder if they're wanting to play with whatever you let them open. We don't open things in a store for that reason. And, if we did, I'd hold the trash, since I let them open the item.

For the car, my kids have their own trash bag (http://www.etsy.com/listing/60188619/auto-trash-car-litter-bag-lattice-blue?ref=sr_gallery_4&sref=&ga_search_query=car+litter&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_facet=handmade)within reach :).

As for wanting you to carry things or get things, we also have the rule of "you bring it, you carry it", and I remind them often. I remind them as we get out of the car that they might want to leave their items in the car because I will not be carrying them.

For getting things at home, we make sure things are in reach and they know where to get them, etc. Coat hooks are low, backpack hooks are low, I just recently moved glasses and plates low, snacks are down low.

[maestramommy]

For the car, my kids have their own trash bag (http://www.etsy.com/listing/60188619/auto-trash-car-litter-bag-lattice-blue?ref=sr_gallery_4&sref=&ga_search_query=car+litter&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_facet=handmade)within reach :).


This reminds me that I made one a few years ago. It's just shaped like a paper bag, but has two straps and it hangs on the back of the passenger seat. I took it out for some reason weeks ago and was wondering where it was :tongue5:

[lalasmama]

If it helps at all, DD (now 8yo) STILL expects me to be her garbage holder and pack mule. We're at Disneyland, and stopped by the 7-11 for some snacks. She passed me the bag right after we paid. "Here, Mom!"... like I wasn't already carrying her coat and my coat and a cooler and a purse!

We do a lot of "I'm not your pack mule!" and "You can hold that until we find a garbage can!" In the beginning, she fussed about it, but I stuck with it... we also do a lot of reminders--"Are you sure you want to bring x and y with us to the doctor's office? You'll be carrying them!" Sometimes that's enough of a reminder to change her plan, and other times, it's not. Sometimes, nothing beats having to lug 3 stuffed animals through the mall to remind a kiddo that "less is more" ;)

[wimama]

When my DS tries to pull the you carry it on me, I just "Oh, ok. You will not carry it. I will leave it right here. It isn't mine and I am not carrying it. You will not have a backpack tomorrow then." And, I walk off carrying the rest of the stuff that I am carrying. I have walked away with his backpack sitting in the driveway before.