Stressed and resentful

[mytwosons]

I'm so stressed and need to figure out how to get to my zen place.

Work has been horrible. I'm bored in my current situation, but generally things are fine. However, we keep downsizing and I will soon need to take on an even bigger department in addition to my current department. I just don't see how that is going to work. Yes, it will mean more money (desperately needed), but I will have to work incredibly long hours. It won't be worth the extra money when I don't get to see my kids.

I have one possible way out - I'm interviewing for another position. Unfortunately, I'm not feeling very confident about it. The interview process is adding even more to my stress levels.

Then there is DH, who I am often resentful of. He was diagnosed with depression about 10 years ago, but stoped his meds and therapy. I believe he has been dealing with untreated depression for years, but he won't go see anyone. His business folded in Nov 08 and he hasn't worked since. He will hopefully be starting an educational program in the fall, but it won't be confirmed he has made it off the waitlist until April. He was supposed to look for [I]any[I] type of job after the new year, but I think he's put in a grand total of two applications. I'm so tired of dealing with a depressed spouse. I don't get a break when I'm at home because he has basically checked out.

I just want my "old" husband back, some financial security, a simple low-cost vacation, and less stress in my life. I think it's too much to ask for.

[BabbyO]

I'm so sorry you're in such a crummy situation at work...and aren't getting a reprieve at home. I'm dealing with similar, though not quite the same issues at work. I hope that you see some relief soon...and wish you the best of luck on the other position.

It's no fun when you feel like you are carrying all the burden...maybe you can manage a sitter or your DH can watch the LO's so you can take an evening to yourself. It doesn't have to be expensive. Maybe just go to a local book store and read for a bit...or write, or meet a friend and just talk. Sometimes the smallest break can be just the refreshing shot in the arm we need. Sorry, I know this is the BP...but just hoping you can manage some time for you, sounds like you need (& deserve) it!

HUGS!!

[boogiemomz]

Big hugs. :hug:

[arivecchi]

I am so sorry you are under so much stress. I've been in a similar situation and it is awful. Sucks the joy out of life. Try to take care of yourself as much as you can. Hopefully things will look up for you really soon. :grouphug:

[hellokitty]

:hug: You have every right to feel stressed. I hope that things start to improve for you soon.

[Uno-Mom]

Boo. I'm sorry. :grouphug:

[ha98ed14]

I know you are not alone because I have seen other posts from moms whose DHs have depression or other psych issues. In my marriage, I'm the one who struggles with depression (major mood disorder NOS), but something DH and I are agreed to is that my being med compliant and seeking help when I need it is part of the "contract" in our marriage. I know he would do everything he could to help me if I fell that low, but if I was not taking meds, not seeing a therapist, and not doing any kind of job search, academic program, something productive for 4 years, he wouldn't stay. I'm not trying to tell you to file for divorce, but 4 years is a long time to be the only person keeping the marriage and the household together.

I'm so sorry for your situation. At some point your DH has to take responsibility for his own well being, as do I. Sometimes I struggle more than others, but there ARE resources that can help people with depression stay functional and productive. Depression is not schizophrenia or psychosis. It's *SO* hard to do the work to stay functional. I know that. But in my mind, the only alternative is just to throw in the towel, stop fighting, and call life over & done with. At that point, there is little difference between that a being dead. He has to want to stay in the fight in order for you to have any kind of real relationship with him. Otherwise, its like being married to a dead man.

I hope your situation improves and he realizes how fortunate he is to have a spouse who has stuck by him for so long.

[carolinamama]

:grouphug: and more :grouphug:

Sorry things are so stressful for you. I hope that you can get a chance to take a little vacation, even if it's a night off duty just for you.

[Puddy73]

:grouphug: I've been in a similar situation with work and my DH. It sucks and it is absolutely draining. You should not have to carry the full load by yourself. I hope I'm not overstepping, but have you considered giving your DH an ultimatum? When I hit my limit with DH, I insisted that he get some help or we needed to separate because I was DONE with the current situation. He saw how serious I was and it was the start of a turn around for us. I hope that things improve for you soon at work and at home!

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Just could not read this and go without sending you a huge hug.

[mytwosons]

Thank you all for the support.

I did give my DH an ultimatum slightly over 3 years ago. His drinking had gotten completely out of control and I told him he needed to stop drinking and see a therapist or he was out. He first saw a resident who was supposed to set him up with a regular therapist. The resident spoke to me over the phone and I didn't pull any punches. At the time, my DH kept reporting how the resident was dropping the ball and not assigning him anyone else to see. He finally gave up after a month or so. At the time, I believed him, but now I have to wonder if he made it up to get out of seeing someone. I don't know.

At this point in time, I feel like I can continue to ask and encourage my DH to seek help, but I can't make the ultimatum because I don't think I'd follow through. If things get worse, that very well could change.

I'm setting up a GNO with some friends for tomorrow night so I can just relax and have some fun. :-)