Frickin, fracking, UGH

[Mopey]

Just got an email from my SIL stating that they will be here the weekend of 3/31 to meet the baby. This is what happens of course when we've said we would call this weekend to explain to them that we want a little more time to get situated since the baby may not arrive until the 20th (or so). And also that my hubby doesn't get three weeks of paid paternity leave like hers (we want family bonding time alone).

F!!!! I am not as mellow as she has been about her kids (or in general), and I am just so uncertain of what life will be like with the baby and especially how nursing will go and I don't want to deal with the stress of lots of visitors until after a couple of weeks and time alone.

I know they are not staying with us, but will be a few blocks away with their kids and I'm sure expect to come over for a few hours each day. They are so over-the-top excited it's annoying. UGH.

Now I just have to hope we can get our we-won't-be-coming-over-to-your-smoke-filled-house email out to my ILs asap. And now I have to go do my taxes. :32:

Thanks for letting me b!tch.

[lizzywednesday]

Sorry about the ILs!

It reminds me of how passive my sister was when my nephew was born - he was delivered by C-section very late on a Wednesday night ... and my sister's friends and coworkers started arriving for visiting hours the next day. She was exhausted by the time I arrived for my own visit after I got off work ... and by the time I drove up on the weekend, she was ready to cry from all the visitation!

So ... when my DD was born, I was a lot more clear about telling people off.

In this case, get your DH on the phone with her. (Assuming this is DH's sister?) Get him to TELL her that this kind of e-mail is really rude.

And you'll see everyone the next week at Easter supper instead.

[BabbyO]

Well it is a cr@ppy situation and I don't mean to give advice in the BP, but I think you're entitled to tell them they are not welcome that weekend. Or as pp noted...have DH tell them that.

Our neighbors doc gave very good advice to them. "There is no such thing as unexpected guests. If you haven't invited someone and aren't expecting them, don't open the door." Kinda cool coming from a Dr.

[Mopey]

Thanks guys. I am working on an email to her. She is married to DH's bro; I really like her and we have fun and good talks but are really different. It would be totally redeeming if she even said something like "hope that's okay" or "think you'll be settled in enough?".....but no (and I would NEVER just announce anything to anyone). They will still come of course (won't be here for Easter the following weekend) but I am going to encourage them to make any plans they want as "we will probably not be very settled in or on a schedule and can't host them for long periods." And I'm going to have to say the kids can't handle the baby. I realize she is more mellow (and much more interested having attention frankly) and has no modesty about feeding, but I can be how I want too.

I need to get the email to the ILs mainly because they're going to expect family dinner over at theirs, I'm sure.

Almost done with my taxes, and finished ordering everything for the babe. A dear friend with a 3 month old just dropped off a box of beautiful clothes and some size 2 diapers! And got a soft "opposite" book for the baby in the mail from one of my besties. Those are the good things this afternoon. Really trying to not stress too much! :D

[lizzywednesday]

Sounds like you've got things looking up; good for you!

You may change your mind about the kids being allowed to handle the baby or you may not. If they're under 4, I understand COMPLETELY. (If they're over 4, I'd like to encourage you to figure out ways to make you comfortable with them visiting and wanting to hold their new cousin. Again, it's totally up to you and none of my business ultimately, so I understand if you totally blow me off.)

If you're worried about germy hands coming into contact with Baby's hands and face, you may be able to compromise (as I'm assuming the kids are excited about having a new cousin?) by telling the kids they can touch their cousin's feet or kiss the top of Baby's head while YOU hold Baby.

[Uno-Mom]

Aw, sucky. :( I totally get it.

We did not allow visitors at our house but our relatives weren't pushy about it. We had no idea how we'd feel. As it turned out, we felt very relaxed. Sprog was born 2 days before Thanksgiving and we joined the big family dinner. Briefly visiting OTHER people wasn't too stressful for us. When you visit them, you have total control and can leave whenever you want. That's what worked for us.

You and your husband should get to set the boundaries. May we from bbb gently suggest to your dh that it's his job to set boundaries with his own family...? Easier said than done, of course.

Good luck!

[Mopey]

Thanks so much you guys - I really appreciate the advice & ears.

I wrote my SIL back and told her thanks for the head's up (;)) and that they should feel free to make all the plans they want as we will probably only be able to host them for a bit each day (the ILs will come with them so it will be 6 people over every day). I also said of course the kids could come and we can limit their contact a bit (love the touch/kiss while I hold idea! Thank you! One is over 4 and totally competent, the other is a beautiful little terror I love but she's barely 1.5).

Then yesterday we sent the ILs the no-smoke-exposure email. Haven't heard from them but neither of us care and we are both really proud that we have stood up for ourselves. (We also included no coming over unannounced at any time - which my FIL did EVERY day with the first grandson, even the day his mom asked him not to - she came home to him sitting on the front stoop smoking & waiting - until they moved away).

So we have pretty much handled all we needed to. I am a bit bummed that with the "weekend of ILs" our friends will have to wait a bit longer to come meet the baby but that's that. I am really trying to be mellow and enjoy these last few days now :)

PS - the hubby has always been great and I am SO lucky to have him. It does just get tough sometimes because the ILs are incredibly childish and selfish.

[JBaxter]

Just a FYI. When they enter your house great them with .... there is hand soap in the bathroom and kitchen we are having everyone wash their hands before handling the baby ...INCLUDING the children. Get the BIG bottle of hand sanitizer and put anywhere near the baby.

[KLD313]

Just a FYI. When they enter your house great them with .... there is hand soap in the bathroom and kitchen we are having everyone wash their hands before handling the baby ...INCLUDING the children. Get the BIG bottle of hand sanitizer and put anywhere near the baby.

:yeahthat: I can't believe people actually argue about this too. My BF'a father was insulted by us asking and said he just washed his hands before he left the house. I shot my BF a look and he took care of it. His dad is really nice though, just stubborn.

Two days after I got home from the hospital (I had a c-section) and not in the mood to see anyone my BF's family descended on us. Eight of them insisted on coming but they brought dinner, served dinner, cleaned up and waited on me hand and foot so I can't complain too much.

Good luck with handling it all and congratulations on standing up for yourself!

[WitMom]

This totally reminds me of when DD1 was born. MIL and FIL live out of state, and called to tell (not ask) us when they would be coming to visit. Yes, dear ILs, really, whatever works best for you. AND THEN they informed us "we invited aunt-in-law and uncle-in-law to stop over on Wednesday." I was pi$$ed. And actually, I still am, even though it was a looong time ago.

[Uno-Mom]

Way to go, Mopey's dh!!

[Mopey]

Way to go, Mopey's dh!!

He really is such a stud. He has been so good to me through all this - no matter what. Last night when I got weepy (so much exhaustion with not being able to sleep well) he gave me a big rub. He always makes me feel it will be okay.

I am the luckiest girl, I swear! Cannot wait to see him as a daddy :heartbeat::heartbeat::heartbeat: