WWYD in this situation?

[HIU8]

DD has a friend in preschool that she would like to have a playdate with. I've casually spoken to the mom at pickup (she only does pickup on Fridays, her DD stays for aftercare the rest of the week). So far my conversations with this mother have been one sided and extremely negative. It's very hard to talk to her at all b/c all she does is speak negatively about everything. So, I sent her an email and never got a response back. Today I saw her and asked her if she got my email about setting up a playdate. She said no. Then she went on to talk about how hard she finds it to set up playdates with Americans (she is not American, but her spouse is). She goes on to basically bitch about how she finds it annoying that we have to "set up a playdate". She is more of the open door policy--call, if they are free we can drop the kids off at each other's houses. In the past she has casually bitched about how disapointed she is that her DD will only get a secular education in this country and her DH won't allow her to put her DD in private religious school b/c it's not his religion (I could go on). Basically everything out of this woman's mouth is a negative about the US, Americans etc... It's extremely annoying. Now, I know my DD and her DD are friends, but I really do not want to have to spend time with this mother (and I do not want my DD to hear her negative talk). I think I'm just to drop the playdate issue and tell DD that it just can't happen. WWYD?

[anonomom]

She sounds like a real treat. I can't imagine why you don't want her as your new BFF. :wink2:

If you want to indulge your DD, though, why not suggest a post-pickup meeting at a park one afternoon? As in, when you see her at pickup say "we're heading to x park now. Would you like to come? DD has been asking to play with your kid." That should satisfy her need for spontaneity. Plus, if you're at the park, maybe you'll both be too busy supervising your kids to engage in much conversation.

[MamaMolly]

If you do manage to set up a playdate with Grumpy I think it should definitely be at your house or on neutral territory like the park the PP mentioned. I wouldn't send my child to her house.

[HannaAddict]

I would think she must be really stressed out and I can't imagine trying to do play dates in another country. But I wouldn't be okay with just dropping off my child. Maybe do something "spontaneous" and ask if she wants to come over or have her daughter come over the next day or to the park or frozen yogurt (the new craze for play dates in our area). She doesn't sound the most pleasant but I think school pick-up isn't my favorite time (I don't complain) and Fridays are the worst (traffic, etc.) so I might give it a try once and just see if either she is less negative or if she drops her child off, if the kids are great, you can host from time to time. Sorry, no fun.

[dogmom]

Practice saying this, "Honey, sometimes it's not possible to set up play dates with all your friends." There will be many logistics over the years that keep it from happening. Find someone else to set up a play date with.

[niccig]

Practice saying this, "Honey, sometimes it's not possible to set up play dates with all your friends." There will be many logistics over the years that keep it from happening. Find someone else to set up a play date with.

I would try a "hey, we're going to the park, do you want to join us" next Friday at pick up. If that doesn't work, then do as dogmom suggests, and encourage your DD to invite someone else over.

Honestly, she sounds very homesick. I've lived in several countries and got negative when I was missing home. Now, it's not up to you alone to make her feel welcome - it sounds like there's more issues than a playdate could fix. Living in another country is difficult, but you need to make it a home, and part of that is going along with how things are done there, and not constantly saying it's all wrong.

[OKKiddo]

Definitely offer to host the playdate at your house and show her how nice of a hostess you are! As a military spouse, having lots of experience with moving all over the place, it takes me a good 6 months to stop missing the place that I was at and find things that I love about the place that I'm in...and then I'm planning the next move at that point usually, lol! I think she sounds displaced and depressed, try not to let the negativity get you down but show her that there are nice things around too--I can't tell you the value of someone who understands that!