Can we talk about engagement and wedding rings?

[TwoBees]

I've never 100% loved my engagement ring and wedding band. I've spoken with DH about having the rings reset, and he has gradually (although not happily) agreed. But I feel extremely guilty and that somehow, by having them reset, I or the rings will somehow not be true to the marriage. Does that make any sense? Any advice?

This is what I would like to do:
My engagement rings is a 3-stone, and I love the diamonds but not the band. The band is too square for my small hands and think fingers. I want to get a new band that's more delicate.

My wedding ring: well, I just don't love it, and I wouldn't be opposed to something different.

If it makes any difference, the wedding bands that DH and I wear are not the actual ones used during the ceremony. We got married with traditional plain rings (Jewish ceremony) and switched to our more elaborate styles after the ceremony. We still have the basic bands though. So the wedding ring on my finger is not, theoretically, the one my husband put on my finger during the ceremony.

[hellokitty]

I say that if you don't like them and you can afford to get them reset, do it. I love my engagement ring, but have always hated my wedding band. My mil talked DH out of getting the matching wedding band to my engagement ring (b*tch) and then had the audacity to pick out a wedding band for me on her own (which I found out a wk before our wedding that she did that, plus she ordered the wrong size and I hated it, it was chunky and ugly). I ordered a plain platinum band at the last minute, but it is so thin, it looks like a key chain ring and they couldn't even engrave it, since it was so thin.

For our 10th anniversary, my DH got me a 5 diamond anniversary band. It doesn't go with my engagement ring (I wear it on my right hand), but I love it and it totally makes up for the wedding band. My sil also hates her set, my mil picked it (can you tell my mil is a nosy nuisance?), and every time my sil sees it, she says it reminds her of mil, since mil picked it and not bil. I told her she should have to reset (they can well afford it), but my bil doesn't want to do it. She has been married for almost 15 yrs and it still bugs her and I've been married for almost 13 yrs and I still associate my wedding band with my mil being meddlesome. So, if you don't like yours, get it reset. I have always found it interesting when men don't get the input of their future wife when picking out engagement rings. I think some guys just have poor taste and of course there is sentiment attached to the engagement ring, but I know a lot of women who don't like their engagement rings, since it's not their style.

[veronica]

We did it. No guilt here. the engagement was redone before the wedding though. We had issues finding a band that would lay against the engagement ring , so we just started from scratch and had the set cusom designed before the wedding.

DH did keep the original setting and one year, had it filled with a saphire and diamonds as an anniversary gift.

[123LuckyMom]

I love my engagement ring (which I'm now too pregnant to wear) and my wedding band, because DH and I picked them out together. If he had been left to his own devices, I shudder to think.... I would definitely reset your stones. It's the stones that are representative of the strength of your marriage, not the setting. Metals are malleable. How about we say they represent the flexibility, accommodation, and change that must be a part of every good marriage. Changing your setting is practically mandatory to preserve the health of your relationship! :). The same stones don't have to be in your ring, either. My dad got my mother a huge 5k diamond ring for an anniversary. She wears it instead of her original engagement ring. She took the stone from the original ring and made it into a very simple pendant which she wears daily as a necklace. She has the showy jewelry she loves, but she still wears the original stone for its sentimental value.

[nfowife]

If you can afford it, do it. This is a piece of jewelry you wear every day of your life. You should love it and feel good about it.
I lost my engagement ring a few years ago (got the insurance money for it) and struggled last year when I decided it was time to replace it (we had lived overseas in the meantime and I decided to wait until back in the states to replace). I wasn't sure if I should get a matching e-ring to go with my existing and still very nice wedding band (has a very distinct look so would need either a matching ring or a plain one) or start over with a whole new set.
In the end, even though, like you, I wasn't married with my wedding ring since it has diamonds on it, I decided to stick with my wedding band and have a new e-ring made to coordinate. It is still somewhat different from the one I lost but similar enough too. I love my new ring and am so glad I went for it. There were times that I contemplated not replacing it at all because, well, it's not exactly something a person "has" to have and I was living just fine with only a wedding band for 3 years, you know? But I have no regrets.

You can always move your original wedding band to your right hand, reset the 3 stones into a more significant ring so you don't need a w-band to go with it anymore, or get a whole new set. Many options! But if it would make you happy and you have the budget, go for it!

[lhafer]

Um, I'm on my 3rd band!! :ROTFLMAO:

My wedding rings matched Dh's in design. Then he cut his finger on his band, and got a new comfort band ring that didn't match mine at all.

When I was pregnant with #1, I had to take my rings off. Afterward, I decided that a couple of rings I had gotten during some vacations would look beautiful together. So I wore them as my wedding set (they each had special meaning to me). Until I was preggo with #2. Then I had to take them off due to swelling again.

I can wear them, but I have gained weight and they aren't comfortable to wear. On a cruise near our 10th anniversary, I picked out a ring that I fell in LOVE with (pink diamonds,etc). Now I wear this as my "wedding" band. It fits me better, I love it, and I get compliments on it ALL the time.

DH has been looking at new bands lately as well. The ring is a symbol. I would think you would want to love the symbol to represent how you feel about the actual marriage! Wear something you love and can be proud of!!

[mom3boys]

I would get it reset if you really want to. My engagement ring was originally a solitaire diamond, and my wedding ring has little tiny diamonds all the way around. So they didn't exactly match, plus my engagement ring was always just a little too small, and on my finger you could actually see it was 1/2 size smaller than my wedding band. So for my "push present" for DS1/Christmas present DH had my engagement ring resized and added little diamonds all around it to match my wedding ring. This meant, by the way, that an engraving on the inside of the band (the date we met) went away, but I was willing to give that up for the diamonds! :) --and I didn't feel like I had somehow compromised the ring so that it lost some of its meaning, or whatever.

[TwoBees]

Thanks for all of the replies. I guess I need to start looking for a setting I really like. Especially since I want to keep the diamonds from my e-rin (not so much my w-band).

[arivecchi]

I love mine. If you wear them every day like I do, I'd definitely get something I loved!

[AnnieW625]

The best thing DH and I did prior to officially getting engaged (DH wouldn't propose without a ring) was look at rings. I have a center 1/2 carat diamond and six small facet cuts on the side. It is kind of vintage looking, and I have a simple platinum band. If I replace anything on it I will replace the center stone with a slightly larger stone. I have gotten compliments from everyone including the college age checkers at the super market.

In all honesty though if you want a new set then look for one.

[MamaMolly]

As Fr. Kent said in my wedding, the ring is an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual Grace. Get something you love. :)

[crl]

My mother had her engagement stone reset a few years after they got married. And they have now been married for over forty years. So I, personally, don't take it as a commentary on the marriage. Tastes change and most women wear their engagement and wedding rings all the time. Might as well be something you like!

I actually had dh buy me a plain band from Sundance catalog for an anniversary as my original set is not really good for everyday wear as a SAHM (fragile setting with pointy diamonds).

Catherine

[codex57]

As Fr. Kent said in my wedding, the ring is an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual Grace. Get something you love. :)

Wonderful quote. If it bugs you every time you look at it, get something you love.

OP's DH has no argument at all IMO since they weren't even the ones used at the ceremony. No proper sentimental value attached to the ceremony/wedding. So, why would you not want your wife to be happy. How stupid is he? Frankly, that's downright moronic.

Technically, I was left to my own devices, but I knew her tastes well enough to have a good idea. I am still getting browny points for the ring years later.

[hellokitty]

Wonderful quote. If it bugs you every time you look at it, get something you love.

OP's DH has no argument at all IMO since they weren't even the ones used at the ceremony. No proper sentimental value attached to the ceremony/wedding. So, why would you not want your wife to be happy. How stupid is he? Frankly, that's downright moronic.

Technically, I was left to my own devices, but I knew her tastes well enough to have a good idea. I am still getting browny points for the ring years later.

Codex! Welcome back! :)

[TwoBees]

Bumping because I have another question. Price. I'd be looking at a setting only. Any idea what a platinum setting for 3 stones costs? Ballpark. Am I looking at a few hundred or a few thousand dollars?

Hi Codex! :waving4:

[codex57]

Roughly $400-1000+. The main factors are how complex is it and if it's by a name designer.

[ellies mom]

I don't love my engagement ring. It's complicated (the reason I don't love it, not the ring). I love my wedding band. It isn't fancy or expensive, just a plain white gold band so I wouldn't change that. My engagement ring doesn't work with my wedding band at all so I never wear it. I'd like to have it remade into something I can wear more often. I've been trying to talk the husband into it. His objection is more financial than sentimental. Maybe I can sell it for our 15th anniversary.

What I would like to do, is have the stone in my engagement ring reset into a smaller white gold half bezel setting (it is currently in platinum) with a coordinating wedding band. Then I'd wear my original wedding band as an everyday ring and the "set" for dress-up/special occasions.