Ideas for Handling My Dad

[StantonHyde]

My dad lives 3 hours away and comes 1x a month to visit. I don't get along with him at all and he doesn't particularly like me either. He comes to see the grandchildren. Except that what he really wants to do is talk with DH about medicine. DH doesn't mind too much except that that's not his idea of a fun day. And it irks me that my Dad is using the grand kids as an excuse. I am ok with him coming only because my kids only have 2 grandparents left and I want them to have some relationship with their grandfather.

So Dad emails me and says he is planning on coming on the shuttle that gets here at 11:30 and leaves at 5pm. He wants to stay at home vs. go out and do anything with the kids. I usually do an activity with him and the kids because it keeps me from killing him (he says horrible nasty things about my mom, me, his depression etc etc) and because he doesn't play with the kids. He says hello to them and then they go watch TV. They can't do that for 6 frickin hours!!!!!!!! (He is 73 yo and in great shape. So he is quite capable of going somewhere with us. He just doesn't like not being the center of attention.) DH will have worked the night before so he will be sleeping (and he has to go back to work that night so he can't get up early). Basically my dad wants to pontificate for 6 hours. There is not enough alcohol in the world.

So I emailed back and said that we really couldn't stay home for 6 hours in the middle of a Saturday. I suggested that either he come for 3 hours or he can come for the 6 hours with the understanding that we will leave him home to take a nap while we go do something. He is on mass quantities of "mental health" meds that make him tired. He often sleeps at our house instead of talking to the kids.

I haven't checked my email yet today. What other options do you suggest? Any other ways to make this kind of a home visit fun?

[hillview]

Obviously since DH is sleeping you cannot be at home and need to have a quiet house so DH can rest up esp since he has to work the following night.

Could you go out for a meal and stop to so some errands that would engage the kids?

Is there something your dad is very good at that would be more fun (garden shop? hardware store? bowling?)

Is there a place where your kids can play but your dad can watch / not interact (bowling, bounce house place, movie, sports game)

Could the kids hang around for a while and then they go on a play date?

Could you have a movie day with pop corn and fun stuff like that?

[StantonHyde]

He emailed me back and said he would rather do the 3 hour plan "so I am out of the way". I actually suggested that he come from 2-5 pm since that is the late afternoon and the kids are usually "run out" by then and ready to chill.

Hillview--I have tried all of your suggestions--they're good ones that rational human beings would choose :D.

He literally does not want to go a museum or shopping or anything where he is watching the kids have a good time. He hates watching movies/TV. If I send the kids on a play date, then *I* get stuck talking to him--aaargh. I MIGHT be able to get him to for a walk with the kids. He just wants to sit and hear himself talk. sigh.

[hillview]

YUCK that stinks. Sorry. I'd serve red wine :)

[StantonHyde]

Yes, I usually expect a bottle a night to get through one of his visits :wink2:

Oh well, at least he is going for the 3 hour plan. I have restricted my interactions with him so much--it's the only way I can stay sane. It is just so sad because my mom was an amazing person and the rest of the family misses her so much. sigh...