How do you establish a routine with a new baby?

[Simon]

Ds3 is now 6 weeks old, and I would like a little more predictability in our days. He has a pretty regular nighttime schedule for eating (set by him) but the mornings are a mess. He just wants to snack and cat nap. He'll nurse a little, nap 15 min, refuse to eat any more, is awake 20 minutes but cranky, fusses to eat, then another short nap, then eating. Ds2 needs more attention from me but I'm either nursing or trying to help my semi-sleepy baby fall asleep, or comforting a tired and cranky baby. I am looking for the 1.5-2hr awake periods but he doesn't seem to conform. Sigh.

So, how did you get on a good routine/schedule?

Ds1 was a wreck for months and Ds2 went to day care starting now so I've never actually done anything like this before!

I won't make him wait to eat if he's hungry but I also haven't managed to coax him to eat if he doesn't want to.

I'll take any advice you have!

[Liziz]

I was just coming here to ask a very similar question about routines! I'll be watching this thread to see what people have to say!

[carolinamama]

After DS1 and how stressful it was to try and schedule, I have more or less gone with the flow with DS2 and DD. The only thing I have tried is to have them sleep after 1hr of awake time, progressing to 1.5 hrs, then to 2 hours. Sometimes those naps were for 20 minutes, sometimes (rarely) 3 hours. Of course DD just had to catch her sleep when she could since I was running around with the boys when she was a newborn. I find life more confining now that she is 8 months and sleeps twice a day reliably in her crib instead of on the go running errands. It has all worked out somehow but it's so frustrating when you want a schedule and there isn't one. Just when you see one, something changes.

Can you try to wear your DS3 while you play and interact with DS2? My Moby wrap was a life-saver as DD just snuggled in and slept well next to me but I could still push a swing or throw a ball with DS2.

[MamaInMarch]

My babies have both eventually set their own routines but I did have to follow along the bumpy path to get there. A couple of questions...

When your DS is nursing and dozes, is he full (showing typical fullness cues)? If he is dozing at the breast and not eating a full meal, I'd try some compressions to get him going again or cooling him off, etc. to encourage a full meal and not snacks.
Have you tried babywearing? You may be able to let him nurse while wearing as well. A lot of babies nap in slings or carries or wraps. It frees up your hands and you aren't tied to the chair or couch.
When you are putting him down, is it in a crib? Have you tried a swing? My little one co-sleeps at night and naps on my bed or in the swing.
Are your older ones startling him? My DD is oblivious to most of my DS's noise but she will startle when she is first falling asleep and that will set her off.

[almostmom]

At that age, my DD started getting really fussy and colicky. I think she had some reflux (not spitting up, but it was there) which made it so that she was more fussy after eating. But I felt like a routine was really important, so here's what I did.

I fed when she woke up, and she did get a full meal (I had a lot of milk and she was done in about 10 minutes). I'd keep her up for at least 45 minutes, and often I'd wear her, or she'd be wrapped up tight, or bounced a little because she was fussy. When she started to show any sign of being tired, I'd wrap her up tight in a swaddle, give her her paci, put her in a bouncy seat of swing, and get her to sleep with movement. Once she was asleep, I could stop the bouncing. It was a good amount of work, but the schedule really worked, especially once she got on reflux meds at 4 months. For me, sleep is so important (I'm a total napper), so it was a priority that my kids napped at the right times when they were infants. And I'll tell you, it stuck. Yesterday, they both, on their own, took naps because they were tired, and they are 8 and 6!

So I went by the eat, play, sleep mantra. And after putting in the effort for a little while, they got into the routine.

Of course, if they were hungry, or tired, I would go with it. But that rarely happened outside of their schedule.

[newg]

DD2 took most of her naps (long and short) in her swing 'till she had a more predictable feeding schedule and nap schedule during the day. It kept her close to me while I was playing with DD1, but allowed me to be "free" while she was sleeping. She also LOVED the motion.......I think she slept better on the incline too because she had reflux. If we were not at home, or outside, I wore her.....and again, the movement really helped her sleep. I think she slept through the first six months of DD1's gymboree class that way!

Have you tried a paci at all to try and help stretch out the feedings a bit more? Not everyone likes them, but they really helped me with both girls, so I wasn't a human pacifier. I stopped using them at 6-9 months after a feeding routine was established and they were able to self sooth better. I used the soothies with DD2 and really liked them.

[Simon]

Thank you for the quick replies. We are usually a very "go with the flow" kind of family, but these mornings are a little too free form and I think even Ds3 would be happier with a more settled rhythm.

A lot of you suggested wearing him and Ds3 does nap very well when Dh wears him in the pouch sling, but I can't sustain his weight in that carrier for so long. In desperation the other day, I tried him in a baby bjorn and he was not at all happy. I do have a wrap and an ergo but can't access either until next week. I will make finding them a priority.


When your DS is nursing and dozes, is he full (showing typical fullness cues)? If he is dozing at the breast and not eating a full meal, I'd try some compressions to get him going again or cooling him off, etc. to encourage a full meal and not snacks.

Are your older ones startling him? My DD is oblivious to most of my DS's noise but she will startle when she is first falling asleep and that will set her off.

Ds2 is really quite good about being quiet, but Ds3 seems rather sensitive in general. He doesn't really startle awake but he does wake pretty easily.

What are fullness cues? He dozes off and unlatches himself (or vice versa) but he wakes very easily if I just let him be (within a few minutes) and wakes for good if I try to burp him or do a diaper change. In any case, I cannot coax him to eat any more if I offer again, though he might eat more in another 20-50 minutes.


Have you tried a paci at all to try and help stretch out the feedings a bit more? Not everyone likes them, but they really helped me with both girls, so I wasn't a human pacifier.

I would LOVE it if he took a paci. Ds2 still loves his soothies and they have been a tremendous help. Ds3 is not on board. He likes me as a pacifier. I have been trying to push pacifiers off and on this week and I'll keep at it.

For naps I have been laying him down either on a bed or in an infant seat so he is not laying flat but more upright. He sleeps best a little upright. We don't have a swing but I can try one next week. We'll see if he likes napping in motion. Fine by me if he does.

[MamaInMarch]

It sounds like he is getting full if he is not interested in eating when woken. So that probably isn't it...

As far as wearing him, I would not worry about his dislike of the Bjorn - not an ideal carrier and he is probably telling you that it hurts! Are you attempting to wear the same pouch as your DH? Pouches have to fit really well in order to be comfortable and so it sounds like it is not fitting you. You and your DH would have to be pretty similar in size to share. I bet you will find a solution in your wrap or Ergo. :thumbsup:

And I hear you on the paci thing - my DS loved his but my DD won't have it. She will barely tolerate a bottle and taking it at all is only a very recent thing.

[SnuggleBuggles]

It took till about 5 months for a routine. Til then it was all catnaps!

[daisymommy]

Most experts say don't expect any sort of routine during the "4th trimester". It usually falls into place or can be shaped by the start of 4 months old. I have found that to be very true.



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[Beth24]

It took till about 5 months for a routine. Til then it was all catnaps!


Most experts say don't expect any sort of routine during the "4th trimester". It usually falls into place or can be shaped by the start of 4 months old. I have found that to be very true.



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:yeahthat: sorry to say that I agree. I know thats not what you want to hear, but we didn't have a daytime routine with dependable naps until about 6 months. It made it really hard to get my older kids out to school every morning because we had to work around his BFing, but we always seemed to manage. Hang in there. :)

[newg]

As far as wearing him, I would not worry about his dislike of the Bjorn - not an ideal carrier and he is probably telling you that it hurts! Are you attempting to wear the same pouch as your DH? Pouches have to fit really well in order to be comfortable and so it sounds like it is not fitting you. You and your DH would have to be pretty similar in size to share. I bet you will find a solution in your wrap or Ergo. :thumbsup:



:yeahthat: I have a sling, but my DH is 6'5'' and I'm 5'5'', and there is no way we could wear the same carriers......except the ergo.
I have a hot sling, ergo and pikolo......and my personal favorite is my pikolo. I started using it when DD2 was a newborn and just used it most recently today with her at 19months because she is sick and wanted to be held all day :)

Maybe try different pacis? DD1 was a MAMs paci girl and DD2 didn't like those, but took right to the soothies.

[Simon]

:yeahthat: sorry to say that I agree. I know thats not what you want to hear, but we didn't have a daytime routine with dependable naps until about 6 months. It made it really hard to get my older kids out to school every morning because we had to work around his BFing, but we always seemed to manage. Hang in there. :)

That's totally cool! I really appreciate knowing this because you've all just saved me from trying something totally senseless for the next 2 months. No point in stressing us all out and, essentially, banging my head against the wall. I'll shelve the idea until May/June-ish.

I guess I just though that part of the magic "it gets better around 6 weeks" included a more regular daily rhythm but we're clearly still in the 4th tri over here. My first two were so different as preemies that I am trying to navigate this new territory with Ds3, who is so dreamy, but so very different too.

[Simon]

:yeahthat: I have a wrap, but my DH is 6'5'' and I'm 5'5'', and there is no way we could wear the same carriers......except the ergo.
I have a hot sling, ergo and pikolo......and my personal favorite is my pikolo. I started using it when DD2 was a newborn and just used it most recently today with her at 19months because she is sick and wanted to be held all day :)

Maybe try different pacis? DD1 was a MAMs paci girl and DD2 didn't like those, but took right to the soothies.

Sorry to hear Dd2 is sick :( I've been trying the MAMs and soothies, how ironic. He seems to like the MAM a tiny bit better than the soothie, but that isn't saying much. I've also tried one other brand with a brown nipple (not the silicone kind) and he really hated that one.

Re: babywearing. Yeah, we were trying the same pouch although really, other than my currently super sized mammary glands, we are about the same size/build (height and girth). I do have a larger KKAFP at home that might be more comfortable for me though. The Medium is just too snug right now.

I have lots more carriers, I just didn't think to bring them with, duh. We have a DIY moby, maya ring sling, two KKAP pouches and an ergo. I love the ergo for back carries, but not so much in the front and our collection of one shoulder carriers are great for easy in/out but not for long periods of time. The pikolo looks really versatile; how is it better for the baby's hips than the bjorn? The photos (at catbirdbaby) weren't clearly different. Maybe I just need to head over to the babywearing board.

[waitingforgrace]

DD2 is only 2 months and our days are hectic still but we do our first morning feeding around the same time every day. Even if it means waking her, I still do it. That helps at least gives a little rhythm to our day and although naps are crazy still I can at least ballpark when she will generally want to eat. Just a thought for you, good luck, things will get better:)

[fedoragirl]

I'll also chime in with the paci thing. Definitely make sure he takes one he likes asap. I waited too long and well, I had a thread here last week. DS is better now that we have found gumdrops--the only pacis he'll tolerate for a few minutes longer than the other ones. I am usually the pacifier and it has really made me resent BF. Things are improving a lot but I think DS is sick and he is going through so many changes.
Just to emphasize...keep trying the paci unless you don't mind being his pacifier.
I let DS nap in the Ergo. He catnaps and wakes very easily. I have a 2 year old who doesn't necessarily understand quiet on command yet. We have been going out a lot and when I walk around, DS seems to nap regardless of where we are. The stroller has been very helpful too. Other than that, he cosleeps and naps in the afternoon with me.

[sweetsue98]

Dd2 is 9 weeks and there is routine some days and some days n. t. They will set their own

[Tondi G]

I would LOVE it if he took a paci. Ds2 still loves his soothies and they have been a tremendous help. Ds3 is not on board. He likes me as a pacifier. I have been trying to push pacifiers off and on this week and I'll keep at it.

For naps I have been laying him down either on a bed or in an infant seat so he is not laying flat but more upright. He sleeps best a little upright. We don't have a swing but I can try one next week. We'll see if he likes napping in motion. Fine by me if he does.

If you are buying a new swing go for the Fisher Price with the side to side cradle motion (or any brand that offers that as opposed to front/back motion). Everyone I know who had babies who loved the swing had a side to side swing. We had a graco that only had front to back motion and neither of my boys particularly liked it.

[AngelaS]

Our routines got off to a good start when I would wake my babies at the same time each day. They'd nurse, we'd hang out and about an hour or so later they'd start showing signs of being tired so I'd swaddle and rock them until they were asleep. Over the course of a few weeks, I'd do less rocking so they got used to being laid in their beds not fully asleep. When they woke, they'd nurse again, about 2.5 or 3 hours after their first feeding of the day. :)

[ezcc]

DS2 is 2 mos, and there still isn't much regularity- he is just starting to be awake for longer periods, but still not much more than an hour. He does nap well usually, but sometimes they are short. It seems like it is either 2-3 really good long naps, or more really short ones- and I can't predict which. My lifesaver for dealing with my other kids is the crib mobile- he hates his swing, and isn't crazy about the bouncy seat after about 10 minutes but will happily watch that mobile for 20 minutes or more- that's how I get the kids ready for school and sometimes make dinner.