Totally not into the birthday party for DD that I am supposedly hosting at my house

[elektra]

I guess I should be glad that I don't have to do anything.
But for some reason the fact that SIL insists on making my child's cake just sits wrong with me.
She just emailed with all the plans and said she bought favors, which we already bought this weekend.

I know she is just trying to help as its a party for her DD too.

But the immature bitch in me wants to just pout and leave the party. Or buy expensive bakery-made cupcakes that look really pretty that DD will like more.

[Beth24]

And this why you have the BBB! Because you won't do it, but it feels good to admit you want to. And I totally get why!!

[crl]

I'd find a really complicated design and send her the link and ask for that. . . . Oh, wait, were you trying to get along?

Catherine

[TwinFoxes]

What is it with her and the cake? I remember last year she turned up her nose at your TJs cake. (I'm assuming it's the same SIL?) SILs can be a real pain, especially the bossy ones. I'll end my post before I hijack your b***h. ;)

[niccig]

Is your DD's party on her birthday? No? Then go ahead and make the cake for her birthday.

Or, insist right back. "Oh, that's so sweet of you to offer to make the birthday cakes. But DD and I have already decided on a cake for her. You can make your DD's cake, and I'll make my DD's cake." I've been to joint parties where each family brought their own cake, for everyone.

You could even add in "Bless your Heart. That's so sweet of you...." that I've heard people use here to mean the exact opposite.

[ccather]

My sister and I do a joint bday party for my daughter and my nephew at my house. We each make and decorate a cake for our own child. We'll coordinate chocolate and vanilla, based on who's kid wants what. There's a crap ton of cake, but we each get to do for our own kid (and my coworkers enjoy the fallout!). I second niccig's post above. Repeat, repeat, repeat!

[MamaMolly]

Talk about pushy! That would totally rub me the wrong way too. If she wanted to do her own party then she should have done her own party instead of taking the whole thing over.

And FWIW I would do the cupcake thing. Or cake pops, or decorated cookies or something INSANELY pretty. But I have issues with my family taking over when it comes to celebrations so doing something like this would really make me feel better.

[crl]

We have a local bakery that does very pretty mini cupcakes. We had them for dd's birthday last year and they were a huuuuggge hit. I displayed them on various cupcake stands and cake stands and (sorry, bragging ahead) it was a gorgeous display. You could definitely do this. One of the favors was pink lemonade and the icing and sprinkles were pink and there was a snipped bit of straw sticking out. The little girls at the party were enchanted with this.

Just saying.

Catherine

[arivecchi]

I would totally do cupcakes or get my own cake. Just tell SIL you are doing this so she does not have both names on her cake. I don't even think it's bitchy. Each child can get a cake.

[elektra]

She is actually making 4 cakes-
1 for my DH (her brother), 1 for both girls, 1 for her DD, and then 1 for my DD!
It's a done deal or so I have been told.

She is a very nice and caring person, she enjoys doing this and my guess is that she wanted to make her DD her own cake so she didn't only have to share the combined one. And so she then figured that to be fair she should make one for DD too.
And yes, something similar happened last year.
And since it's at my house (as many of the parties are) she is trying to make sure she is being helpful and not leaving all the work to me.

I think part of my hang up (I have hang ups on a few levels here!) is that she feels that poor DD should not have to have the yucky store bought cake her WOHM would of course buy for "DD's own" cake because she is not all that into baking.
Am I being ridiculous? Maybe, but maybe not.

I think I am going to get some cupcakes, like just a few, and DD (and DS, DH and I ;)) can have them for breakfast that morning before the food and other cakes arrive for the party.

And as many of you are well aware, the family birthday party thing is a recurring bitch of mine, so thanks for listening to the latest chapter!

[arivecchi]

You are way too nice!

I would make cake plans well in advance next year and preempt her cake craziness!

[Beth24]

I think part of my hang up (I have hang ups on a few levels here!) is that she feels that poor DD should not have to have the yucky store bought cake her WOHM would of course buy for "DD's own" cake because she is not all that into baking.
Am I being ridiculous? Maybe, but maybe not.

I think I am going to get some cupcakes, like just a few, and DD (and DS, DH and I ;)) can have them for breakfast that morning before the food and other cakes arrive for the party.

And as many of you are well aware, the family birthday party thing is a recurring bitch of mine, so thanks for listening to the latest chapter!

I don't think you are being ridiculous at all. I understand exactly how you feel bc I was on the other side of this issue with my sister. (I am a SAHM right now and she works full time). My DN and DD are born 5 days apart and for our family party each year I tried so hard to take the burden off of her that she felt I was being being too controlling and critical...we worked it out and things are much better now, but I totally get where you are coming from.

[boolady]

I get where you're coming from because my DH's extended family sounds a lot like yours, with too many gifts, big combined parties for people, and one or two queen bees who like to dictate everything, regardless of whether what's going on is at their house or not. I've started just trying to put it in my head that whatever combined thing happens isn't my only shot at doing DD's birthday the way we really want to do it, and we (maybe just me, but I think all of us) end up enjoying whatever small celebration the three of us have on her actual birthday more. It's helped me start to put my feelings about the bigger to-dos in perspective, because if not, I can get myself really worked up about it. Plus, I'm sure your DD will have a good time either way.

That said, order your own birthday treats for your DD if that's what you want to do. Too bad if your SIL doesn't like it.

[elektra]

I don't think you are being ridiculous at all. I understand exactly how you feel bc I was on the other side of this issue with my sister. (I am a SAHM right now and she works full time). My DN and DD are born 5 days apart and for our family party each year I tried so hard to take the burden off of her that she felt I was being being too controlling and critical...we worked it out and things are much better now, but I totally get where you are coming from.

Glad you guys worked it out! I know I could work it out with SIL too. She is a good person and I do not think she is trying to be malicious here. I am still annoyed though. Thanks for letting me vent my admissions about wanting to just pout! I think it will help me to actually handle the situation better IRL. :)

[elektra]

I get where you're coming from because my DH's extended family sounds a lot like yours, with too many gifts, big combined parties for people, and one or two queen bees who like to dictate everything, regardless of whether what's going on is at their house or not. I've started just trying to put it in my head that whatever combined thing happens isn't my only shot at doing DD's birthday the way we really want to do it, and we (maybe just me, but I think all of us) end up enjoying whatever small celebration the three of us have on her actual birthday more. It's helped me start to put my feelings about the bigger to-dos in perspective, because if not, I can get myself really worked up about it. Plus, I'm sure your DD will have a good time either way.

That said, order your own birthday treats for your DD if that's what you want to do. Too bad if your SIL doesn't like it.

Thanks. I have realized that next year I need to plan ahead a bit more and manage this better. I think I will have 2 parties for starters- the combined family one and then a separate one for just DD. That way, DH's family can do whatever they want in regards to cakes or anything else, and I really do not mind that it's at my house. And then we will just have the separate party.

[niccig]

I think part of my hang up (I have hang ups on a few levels here!) is that she feels that poor DD should not have to have the yucky store bought cake her WOHM would of course buy for "DD's own" cake because she is not all that into baking.
Am I being ridiculous? Maybe, but maybe not.


If she really thinks that, then she's ridiculous.

I used to put all this pressure on myself to bake DS's cake as that's what I was used to. My mother is a snob if something isn't home made. At DS's last party, I was too busy and I ordered a cake from a bakery. It was delicious, looked fabulous, and so easy to order. I realised that my love for DS is not dependent on if I bake him a cake or not. That's someone else's hang-up.

I was discussing the party with my mother beforehand and she asked what cake I was making. I told her I was buying it. She replied "you can't do that". And I told her "Yes, I can." After the party she again asked what cake I made, and I told her "I bought it. It was delicious."

This year I have more time, I might make a cake, but I may also buy one.

[crl]

Cupcakes for breakfast, what fun! Your dd will love that!

Catherine

[BabyBearsMom]

[QUOTE=elektra;3456942]
I think part of my hang up (I have hang ups on a few levels here!) is that she feels that poor DD should not have to have the yucky store bought cake her WOHM would of course buy for "DD's own" cake because she is not all that into baking.
Am I being ridiculous? Maybe, but maybe not.

[QUOTE]

You aren't even being a little bit ridiculous. I hear this crap from my MIL all the time. Oh my poor DD will never have a homemade cake on her birthday because her mommy is a "career gal" as my MIL calls it. No, my DD will never have a homemade cake on her birthday because her mommy doesn't like to bake and isn't particularly good at it. The fancy bakery cakes will taste better and look nicer. I would tell SIL that her cake-extravaganza is really nice but you have already ordered a cake for your DD and you would lose the deposit if you cancelled now. Then I would get the most kick a$$ cake on earth that will make the other cakes look like crap and leave it at that. But I'm a b*tch like that and you seem nicer than me.

[elektra]

[QUOTE]

You aren't even being a little bit ridiculous. I hear this crap from my MIL all the time. Oh my poor DD will never have a homemade cake on her birthday because her mommy is a "career gal" as my MIL calls it. No, my DD will never have a homemade cake on her birthday because her mommy doesn't like to bake and isn't particularly good at it. The fancy bakery cakes will taste better and look nicer. I would tell SIL that her cake-extravaganza is really nice but you have already ordered a cake for your DD and you would lose the deposit if you cancelled now. Then I would get the most kick a$$ cake on earth that will make the other cakes look like crap and leave it at that. But I'm a b*tch like that and you seem nicer than me.


Babybearsmom- SIL has hand knitted all our Christmas stockings too (well DH's, DD's and DS's - mine is supposedly in the works) I totally thought of my SIL when you said your MIL had also claimed the stocking rights in your house!

[niccig]

[QUOTE=BabyBearsMom;3457161]
Babybearsmom- SIL has hand knitted all our Christmas stockings too (well DH's, DD's and DS's - mine is supposedly in the works) I totally thought of my SIL when you said your MIL had also claimed the stocking rights in your house!

Elektra, you are being way too nice. My kid = my cake and my Christmas stockings.

I've decided that being too accommodating means ILs and my family always get what they want, and they will never accommodate me or my family's needs. So now, I speak up if something doesn't work for me. And I couldn't give a toss how they feel about it, as up until now they haven't considered my feelings.

You can totally change the cake - she's not going to make it until just before the party. Tell her it's already been done, so thanks but no thanks.

[BabyBearsMom]

[QUOTE=BabyBearsMom;3457161]




Babybearsmom- SIL has hand knitted all our Christmas stockings too (well DH's, DD's and DS's - mine is supposedly in the works) I totally thought of my SIL when you said your MIL had also claimed the stocking rights in your house!

:rotflmao: We should start a club!

I finally made MIL back down on that one. In the middle of Christmas, in front of the entire family, I said in a really sweet voice "You know what would be so special, MIL? If we made DD2's stocking together! I'll do the cross stitching and you do the sewing. Then she would have something to treasure from her mother and her grandmother." My DH said "Oh sweetie, that is such a beautiful idea. I can't think of anything that would be better. Don't you agree mom?" She couldn't possibly say no in front of everyone because she would look like a witch. Now I just have to find time to do the cross stitching!

[egoldber]

I think that having the separate parties will help a lot. That way you can do your own thing and can let all the angst over the family/group party go. Then you will both be happy. :)

Can you still do your own small party for your DD and her friends?