school issue

[hillview]

DS2 has been complaining about another child "M" in his class. I have seen M for the last 2 years and have observed his mom totally ignoring obvious misbehavior issues (like hitting or pushing down to the ground another child) at school and at birthday parties.

Last week DS2 said M "wanted to kill me" and "wanted to kill my teachers"

M is 5 or 6 in a 3-6 year old class. I told DS2 to tell a teacher if M said that and that of course M couldn't really kill him or his teachers. DS2 also said that he has been in a fight with M and I said to not hit etc.

Sooooo yesterday there was another altercation. Again this morning DS2 said M wanted to kill him and then going to school to day was an all out horrible experience with DS2 fighting to not go to school in a panic. He is not usually like this (he has other issues to be sure but he is not ever afraid to go to school). We finally got to school and bless the teachers they are awesome.

Long story short there are BIG issues with M. I am SO SO annoyed with myself and with M's parents. The 2 teachers made it VERY VERY clear to me that the other parents are not taking this seriously and have encouraged me to escalate this issue to the Head of School. They are not hair trigger teachers by any means and I assume that the issue is much much more significant than I had understood it to be.

I am just so annoyed and feel awful that I didn't email the teachers last week. I just know that kids say mean stuff from time to time so I chalked it up to this vs it being a systemic issue.

I know this is a BP but ideas are welcome.

SIGH
/hillary

[crl]

I am so sorry. No ideas for you. :hug:

Catherine

[MamaMolly]

Oh yuck. I'm sorry for your DS and also for yo being put in the position of having to take it further. But if the teachers are asking...well. That says plenty.

IIWY I'd X-Post in the lounge for ideas.

Yuck, yuck, yuck. :(

[belovedgandp]

So sorry. I too tend to be one to not want to over-react and to a lot of extent have my kids learn from a whole range of situations. Sounds like you truly trust those teachers, so I'd pull out the mama bear and start being a pain.

[gatorsmom]

I'm so sorry you are going through that. it is hard to see our little ones so upset. I'm sorry I don't have advice for you.

And don't beat yourself up about not reacting sooner or getting the teachers involved sooner. The line between normal response and helicopter mom is really grey, imo.

[kozachka]

Sounds like teachers are crying out for help (=for a parent to report M) and for a good reason. You'd be doing him and other kids a favor if you do, M needs help and is not going to get it with an 'event'. Would you rather be it your report now or something more serious later. His parents either don't know what's going on or are in denial, and for whatever reason teachers' reports are not enough. I am not saying this lightly, my DS has said some stupid things at school and we called in to talk to his teacher, school principal and psycologist, who is now working with him to help him navigate social interactions, including conflicts, manage anger/ emotional outbursts/ anxieties. It also encouraged us to get additional help outside of school such as social skills training.

[hillview]

Thanks all.

Bit of an update.
I met with the head of school yesterday and they are all over this. The other parents have apparently not been responsive. They are asking his parents to get him into counseling and if that does not work/does not happen they will expel this child. The school seems pretty confident that the parents will not do what they are asking them to do (I guess this has been an ongoing issue this year) and my sense is the little boy will not be at this school for long. I feel really bad for the other little boy. If his parents suck so bad that they won't take direction from the school/get him the help he needs he has a really hard road ahead of him.

DS2 had a bit of a rough drop off yesterday and today was pretty ok. So I am hopeful he is getting back on his normal track.
/hillary

[MamaSnoo]

Sounds like you did the right thing. It is a shame that his parents may not be interested in getting help with this. DD is in a 3-6 yo class and I would be appalled if she said that a kid at school was talking about killing her or her teachers. Seems way out of line from age-typical behavior and conflicts.