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mikeys_mom
03-28-2012, 10:38 AM
I've posted before about the difficulties 7.5yo DS has been having this year in grade 2. The psychologist at the school is in the process of completing the psycho-educational assessment and we are hoping to get some answers soon. I'm still not 100% sure how the whole process of diagnosis and treatment works but our appointment with the psychiatrist is not until late June. We are on a waiting list for any cancellations but I'm not counting on that.

In terms of his functioning in class and with schoolwork, he is managing ok for now. He's very bright (possibly gifted) and his teachers have been really helpful and accomodating during the assessment process. The big issue that is concerning us right now is socially. He is having a lot of trouble navigating socially in school. The other kids have now caught onto the fact that they can really easily rile him up and get a reaction and are playing into that all the time. The school is really doing their best to help him out but he is very resistant to make any changes. He is always telling me and the teachers that he has no friends and the other kids all hate him and are ganging up on him. I know that this isn't true but the fact that he perceives it this way is concerning.

He comes home everyday with a new story about different kids doing different things to bother him. These are often typical age-appropriate things that the other kids are doing and most kids would just shrug it off or walk away but he can't seem to do that. Also, he will come to the teachers right after recess and announce out loud who was bothering him, etc... The teachers tell him that it's fine to come and talk with them but he needs to do it privately yet he still doesn't get it.

The guidance counsellor at the school has been working with him to try and give him some strategies to use but so far we really haven't seen any significant changes. He often goes to her office just to calm down or chill out after a rough social interaction. She contacted me that she is concerned about the fact that he seems so troubled by everything going on. After working with him for several months now she says that he's really a very sweet child and is worried that he is always sad and upset in school. Since the appointment with the psychiatrist isn't until June, she suggested we try some private therapy options. We are in Canada so most healthcare options are covered through the provincial health plan. We have additional private insurance through DH's office but so far it looks like the coverage for this type of therapy is minimal.

This is the website of the place she suggested
http://www.blue-balloon.com/

I spoke to them and they said that they will do an initial assessment and then recommend any additional therapies they think would be beneficial. From my initial conversation with the intake person, sounds like they push music therapy a lot.

I so want to help DS as much as possible and get my happy child back but I also don't want to start paying out tons of money for something that may not be helpful. I'm finding it so difficult navigating through this process and trying to figure out the best route to go. Do you think it would be worthwhile to go for an initial assessment at a place like this or do we just try and muddle through and give DS lots of love and support at home until the appointment in June?

egoldber
03-28-2012, 02:15 PM
I am sorry you are dealing with this. :(

This is very similar to what we experienced with older DD in third grade. A few kids in the class found out that they could really get a rise out of her by pushing her buttons and it got really ugly. The teacher that year also did not help and really exacerbated things so it got out of hand.

I hate to say it, but once this pattern is established it can be really hard to break. Is there a group of kids in particular that is focused on him? If so, splitting them up may be the only real solution until your DS learns to modulate his responses. Which can take years, even with intensive intervention. In our situation, older DD was going to be with this same group of kids for the next 3 years. We had the option of placing her in a different school and so we did. Honestly, it was the best thing we could have done for her.

As for therapy options, we have done several things that have helped older DD. The first is individual CBT therapy to work on various issues. The therapist helped her identify triggers and to develop ways of dealing with the emotions that these triggers created in her. They also work extensively on helping her recognize when something is a big deal vs. a small deal. We have a "leaf, branch or tree" analogy that we use. Something that is a leaf is a minor thing, a branch is bigger deal and a tree is a really big deal. This helps her to put in perspective that most things she encounters are "leaves", minor trivial things with no long term consequences. But I don't know if she would have had the emotional resources to be able to do that at age 7.

The other thing we did was a social skills group. I see that the place you linked to has a group. It was not clear from the website, so I would make sure that the therapy coordinator matches up kids with a similar level of issues.

But the group was sooooo helpful to her. In part because it made her feel less alone in having these issues/troubles. The skilled therapists helped the girls work through common scenarios, they could role play with peers in a safe, moderated environment, and they had a safe sounding board to bring concerns to.

ETA: If it were me, I would try to focus on an individual therapist who does CBT in the interim. I just don't see how that could possibly hurt and it can only help. After the full assessment, you could then see what to do after that. Personally, I would be leery of something like music therapy, but I'm a skeptic about a lot of therapies with no science behind them. But focused CBT is a proven therapy technique that is useful for many issues.

mikeys_mom
03-28-2012, 06:33 PM
Thanks for sharing your experiences. Good for me to know he's not the only one going through this. We live in a pretty close-knit community but people don't like to talk about any problems their kids have so it's hard to ask any of my IRL friends about this.

Yes, the school moved the main ringleader who was bothering him into a different class back in December. I was so thrilled and thought that all problems would be solved. Turns out that DS is just a magnet for kids to bother him and each time the school resolves an issue with one child, there is someone else DS has a conflict with.

Changing schools is always an option but it would really have to be a last resort. He's in a Jewish Day School and it's the only one in our area that fits with our religious philosophy. There is another Jewish school we'd consider but it's not ideal for several reasons. He's stuck with this group of kids through to grade 8 and many likely through highschool. There is a really nice group of kids in his grade and he has a few close friends but he seems to not want to play with them and instead it's like he looks for conflicts. His close friends aren't in his class this year and I have already discussed with the principal that he will be with them next year.

I'm also wary of the music therapy. I feel like it will be nice and relaxing for him, but I don't see how it will give him strategies to help him socially.

Thanks for the idea of just finding someone to do one-on-one CBT. That makes a lot of sense. Now I just have to find someone recommended around here. I am pretty sure that once we have the appointment with the psychiatrist in June, we will have access to group therapy that will be covered by the province, assuming they feel it's appropriate.