expecting too much

[SAHMIL]

So, I am going to go back to school to get a certificate that will open new doors for me. It involves meeting the 1st Saturday of each month and the rest of it online. I am also working outside of the home as a teacher.

So, today was DS's first day of gymnastics class. And when I called to check in I asked how did it go and I got that that they didn't go to gymnastics b/c DS pulled a tantrum saying how he didn't want to go they didn't go. My DH beleives that DS shouldn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do.

I am ready to scream. What do I do in this scenario? I feel completely disresepcted as a parent. and how do I get DH to realize that this was a total manipulation on the part of my son?

FYI, had this been me, I would have been giving my son time cues, saying how soon we would be leaving, setting the oven timer, etc.

My DH's response is that he shouldn't have had kids and I"m expecting too much by asking him to do this.

[wellyes]

Ouch. You DH is being an ASS. I'm sorry.

[twowhat?]

Shouldn't have had kids??? Expecting too much???

Are you kidding? :thumbsdown:

[boogiemomz]

I agree with you, your DH is allowing himself to be manipulated and calling it something else. This is not a recipe for good things to come, if DS learns he can just throw a tantrum and get his way b/c his dad "doesn't think he should have to do things he doesn't want to do." I'm sorry, that is a really tough position to be in, at the very least because it puts you in the position of always having to be the bad cop, not to mention the behavior issues that may develop as a result. Because he sees this is a simple difference in parenting style/philosophy and isn't likely to listen to your POV, I would probably suggest reading a book together, at least at first... I am reading one right now called "Setting Limits for your Strong Willed Child" and it talks about the difference between permissive and punitive/authoritarian parenting, and how neither works. Here's the link:

http://www.amazon.com/Setting-Limits-Your-Strong-Willed-Child/dp/0761521364

I don't know how amenable he will be to this, I hope for your sake he will be open to the idea. I believe kids need structure and limits, and sometimes they will have to accept things they don't like. How very frustrating for you, not having an ally in the effort! I hope things get better soon. :hug:

And, congratulations on your program! Best of luck!

[hillview]

I am so sorry for you. I think some counseling could help perhaps? Your DH has a LONG road ahead of him and he needs to get on the bus.

[SAHMIL]

part of it is the fact that he probably just doen'st know how to handle it and his parents would have handled it that way. I mean, come on, this guy's mom kept him home for the sniffles.

[TwinFoxes]

Yikes, what a jerky thing to say. I think you have a rough road ahead. He certainly doesn't sound like he's willing to change any time soon. Good luck. :hug:

[npace19147]

In our house when DD doesn't want to go to an activity we explain how she decided that she wanted to take the class, and so she has to follow through on that commitment for the session. If she decides that she doesn't want to sign up for the next session we'll respect that decision, but since we've paid for the session, she's going (unless truly sick of course).

It sounds like the easiest thing in the short term would be to not sign your son up for classes when you can't take him. Is there another class you could switch to?

[SnuggleBuggles]

How old is ds?

[DietCokeLover]

I am hurt for you at your DH's response. I'm also hurt for your DS that his dad doesn't want to invest any energy into dealing with him because of his attitude that he didn't want him to begin with.

What a horrible thing.

[Giantbear]

In our house when DD doesn't want to go to an activity we explain how she decided that she wanted to take the class, and so she has to follow through on that commitment for the session. If she decides that she doesn't want to sign up for the next session we'll respect that decision, but since we've paid for the session, she's going (unless truly sick of course).

It sounds like the easiest thing in the short term would be to not sign your son up for classes when you can't take him. Is there another class you could switch to?this is what i had to do during tax season. it sucks for dd, but there is no way my wife could handle it. Is your husband depressed, lazy or just plain selfish? It sounds like his reluctance to parent could be depression