Feeling almost sad over gender u/s

[Jacksmommy2b]

We have our elective scan scheduled for Saturday 4/7 for sex determination and I am starting to feel really sad about it.

Unlike my last two pregnancies where I was really hoping for boys, I don't have a preference at all this time. It would be nice to have a daughter but I would adore another little boy as well. It is the strangest thing, but I almost feel guilty for not having a preference. I remember being so excited finding out the last two were boys and I feel almost as if I am denying new kid something by not being more invested in what he/she is packing.

Originally, I wanted to go team green. This is our last kid and I wanted the experience of the big surprise, especially since it doesn't matter what is down below. DH and kid 1 are rabid to know. :) Kid 1 wants a sister in the worst possible way (his BF has three sisters and he has none!) and I think DH is really hoping for a girl this time too. (as are my mom and sister and pretty much ever other female we are related to.)

Eventually I gave in, knowing:

A) finding one name DH likes is damn hard enough,

B) if it is a girl I would really like to be there to witness the complete hysteria from my mom, sister, Sm, Gma etc. I'm doing all the work, I don't think DH should get the glory ;)

C) I feel like finding out with kid 2 really helped me enjoy my pregnancy. I was so sick with him and so worried about kid 1 adjusting, thinking of him as him, as Sam made it so much more real and exciting. I'm really hoping that happens this time too.

D) I adore my two little princes, but if this is a girl it will be a pink extravaganza. I would love to shop for adorable outfits, those tights with the little ruffles on the rear and those obnoxious bows and flowers.

E) I have a tendency to be sort of shell shocked right after the birth. I need a solid half hour to really process and absorb the physical and emotional enormity of giving birth. I was worried I would wait 9 months for that moment and be all like 'yeah, yeah that's nice.' and really regret it later.

And finally, and I think this really applies to the scan too, I think I'm going to be disappointed no matter what I get.

Now don't get me wrong *insert healthy baby disclaimer here* and again, I really don't have a preference - but - this is the very last baby. This is my last 'it's a...' and if it is a boy, I'll never have a daughter. If it is a girl, I will never have another sweet snuggly boy to dress in the same outfits my other two wore, etc. So as much as I'll celebrate the kid I am getting, I almost think I'll sort of mourn what I'm not. And I figured I want to be nothing but excited to welcome new kid on his/her birth day and not thinking for even a moment about what he/she isn't.

I really am good with finding out for all the reasons above, I think they are valid to me and I do believe it is the right choice for us, but I am still sort of sad thinking about it and can't help but wonder if that means I am making a mistake.

In an effort to make he whole thing even more exciting, we invited our immediate family to the scan. We have the only kids in the family so no one has seen a real u/s before (obviously they didn't have that tech when we were born) and they are all really excited to be a part of it. Kid 1 is doing a daily countdown like it is xmas. My sister is on everyone to even wear

pink or blue to cheer on their 'team' and my mom is organizing the shopping trip right after.

These crazy people are freakishly excited and I'm just sort of sitting here feeling bad that I am not on board with them. (and I really don't think I could ever cancel the scan, they would hang me. :) )

Can anyone commiserate? Make me feel better about feeling so indifferent about something pretty big?

[shweethart]

I guess it's kinda bittersweet that it's your last that you wish you were more excited like your others. I do know what you mean about being disappointed/mourning what you don't have. When I found out my twins (2nd and 3rd) were boys too I was really wanting girls. I was sad until I saw my husbands face, he was over the moon beyond thrilled for 3 boys. Baby will be loved no matter what but know that what your feeling I think is normal :)

[swissair81]

I know how you feel. My scan is tomorrow and I don't really care. My entire family is rooting for a boy though. It would definitely be nice for
DS to have a brother. I love girls though and we have a whole clan of them already. I'm drooling over both kinds of clothes, so I'm not even sure it matters. Don't worry. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that come. They're yours. You know you will love either gender.

[queenmama]

I felt the same going into my ultrasound.

My initial reaction to the pregnancy -- beyond utter disbelief -- was hope for another boy. I have been a "boy mom" for almost 12 years and I know what to expect, we have certain "boy" things we're into, and we have a ball together. Who wouldn't want more of the same?

On the other hand, I feel like it's going to be enough of an adjustment for Henry, going from being Only Child to Big Brother. I hated the idea of another boy "robbing" him of that place in my life. I know, I know, that's a completely ridiculous idea. But you have to admit, it's not the same as having two boys a couple/few years apart; Henry's been Mama's Boy for a long, long time! It's obviously going to have a huge impact on him no matter what, but I'm sort of relieved that he'll still be my only "boyfriend."

Having said that, it is definitely bittersweet. Most of Henry's clothes are still packed away (I don't know why I kept hanging onto them all this time!) and now I know I'll never use any of them -- the ones that wouldn't have been hopelessly dated, anyway! -- for another child.

[smilequeen]

I felt a lot of the same things with #3. I felt like we had this great boy thing going and I love having boys, so a third was just going to add to that and be so much fun. Yet, we didn't have a girl and that would have been fun too. I felt like I was going to be both excited and disappointed no matter if we had a boy or a girl. And it was true. I was really excited to have another sweet little boy and a little sad that I'd never have a girl. And in the end, he fit right in and it was clear he was the person who was supposed to finish off our family, so no matter what I feared and felt, it was all perfect in the end.