MIL/DH Vent

[megs4413]

My MIL has a timeshare. Her financial picture has changed pretty dramatically since she originally got it. We have had to help her a little monetarily. Not a ton, but some. She makes poor financial choices and has been a hardcore pain in my rear since the day I met her. we do not get along even a little bit. That is key background info...

Dh approached me several weeks ago about an idea his mom had for vacationing with us this summer. I was not excited to say the least. I flat out told him that I would go along with it as long as she didn't require us to pay her air fare (we flew her out here in November already and have visited her twice besides that since we moved 8 months ago). In my opinion, she is using us as a ploy to go on vacation without paying. She KNOWS Dh will pay for everything while we're there. She KNOWS he will pay her air faire and food and entertainment, blah blah blah.

so what did he do? He paid her air fare without talking to me about it. We're talking about $500. I would never just spend $500 and not talk to him about it! That's ridiculous! Especially considering I TOLD HIM NOT TO BUY HER A TICKET! I'm so pissed. I am honestly thisclose to telling him I hope his Mom and him will be very happy together.

/rant

[Kymberley]

Oh dear. That is not good at all. I would be livid to say the least. Wow. I hope you can get everything sorted out.

[edurnemk]

Wow. It would be bad enough if he had bought the ticket without you talking about it before, but the fact that he went and did it flat out against your will, is UNBELIEVABLE. I'd be livid as well. DH would probably sleep on the couch for a looooong time.

[crl]

I would be really angry. I'm sorry.

Catherine

[niccig]

I am honestly thisclose to telling him I hope his Mom and him will be very happy together.

/rant

Honestly, I would have said it and I would mean it - and DH would know that. I would be so :angry-smiley-005:

I'm sorry.

[hillview]

I would be really angry. I'm sorry.

Catherine
:yeahthat: :grouphug:

[Pennylane]

That would also make me furious!! I would tell him to have fun on his vacation with his mother and you'll be taking your vacation alone.

Ann

[Corie]

That would also make me furious!! I would tell him to have fun on his vacation with his mother and you'll be taking your vacation alone.

Ann


:yeahthat:

[gatorsmom]

Yeah, I would be mad. DH has gone behind my back and done some things we agreed NOT to do. But he doesn't do that anymore because he likes boom-boom.

And no, I'm not purposely trying to punish him. But honestly, why would I want to have boom-boom with someone who I feel has betrayed me? You break my heart, you pay the consequences. (sorry to go off on my own very personal tangent)

I understand why you are ticked, OP and I would be too. Hope you can sort it out soon.

[hellokitty]

Ugh, I totally feel for you. My mil thinks like your mil does and if we lived farther away, I could see her pulling this sort of stunt. She has hinted many times that she would like to come on vacation for us, but I know that a big part of that is that she knows that we will just pay for everything, and that is why she wants to tag along. Every time we visit (they are an hr away), she wants to go out to eat and we always foot the bill. With my parents it's 50/50, we take turns paying, my mil never makes an effort, it kind of bugs me. She has $, but is not generous with her $, yet she wastes $ on silly things. I don't know if she has enough to really retire with, but I do know that she thinks that bil and my DH will be her personal ATM if she needs much, and I resent that she has this sort of attitude about it. I also have a DH who dotes on his, "poor" mom, and I could see him pulling this and then turning around and telling me that I am being, "mean" to his mom. He has pulled similar stunts before and what really bugs me is that his mom always wants more and more. If you give her something nice, she wants something even nicer next time and it's take, take, take. I am not happy about being in in the middle of the sandwich generation and having to take care of ailing parents AND support mil financially, on top of trying to pay for college for our kids and trying to save for our own retirement.

[California]

Read this when you first posted it and got so irritated on your behalf I decided to wait before replying. What your DH did is selfish, but it ultimately will hurt him too-- he wants a happy marriage, right? Treating his wife with disrespect is not going to help him towards that goal. Marriage should be a trusting partnership. He violated your trust and set you up for a very uncomfortable future trip with your mil. So you are completely justified to be ticked off.

For the future, if it's important to him to spend time with his mom maybe he could do a separate visit with her. He won't have to stress over how his mom treats you, and you won't have to suffer through trying to be nice. Maybe that would be a good idea in the future when you both plan it and agree to it. See, that is my calmer, more reasonable response. But as for what he did, sneaking behind your back when you were very clear that you didn't want him to spend the money, that is just plain selfish and immature.