Trying to get playdates for kids...frustrating

[Tinkerbell313]

OK...here it goes, sorry its long...I just want you to have all the info so you can help me.

We live in a rural community in a county of about 10,000 people. There are basically 2 elementary schools. We actually go to the elementary school in the south party of the county although the other elementary school is right around the corner from our house. However, given that we live in such a rural community that does not make much difference. There are houses further east from us that also attend our school. The school district is quite funny.

We do not live in a neighborhood, although we do live "in town" on quarter acre lots. We actually live on the main street which travels north to south through out the entire county. To travel from one end to the other end of the county, takes about 20 minutes.

DS5 plays tball with the county baseball league as do his friends. He also does swim lessons and tae kwon do. DD8 does youth cheerleading with the county football league, tae kwon do, and gymnastics at one of the 2 competitive gyms in the area. So both get to see friends outside of school

I go to all the games and practices and talk with the other parents. I try to go to all birthday parties we are invited to and talk with the parents there. We try to go to all PTO events and other school events although that is not always possible given that some of them are during work hours.

My husband and I both work M-F. So the kids go to an afterschool program.

The PTO sends home a directory of all families who have released their contact information. I have called up or emailed different parents suggesting a playdate with my child. I offer my house for the playdate as well as the county park (which has a great playground). I even offer to have my child go to other houses. More often then not, I get a blah response. The conversation seems positive and then there is never any followup from the other parent. I will let a few days go by and then I will follow up again. If I don't get a response I let it go.

It just pains me because then I have to tell the kids (DS especially) that I haven't heard back from the parents. We have had a few playdates but not many.

I have talked with the teachers about my childrens' social skills. All teachers compliment the kids stating they have lots of friends at school although they do not have a particular BFF and that both kids are well liked by their peers.

Where am I going wrong?

[wellyes]

Probably nothing. It's just hard, in small towns. I would bet that the other parents don't dislike you & your kids, they just already have a network. So playdates with some kid outside that network are simply not a priority. Especially if there are a lot of SAHMs, who tend to favor morning weekday playdates and reserve evenings & weekends for 'time with dad'.

Keep trying. The older the kids get, the more they'll get closer to kids in school, and that will help a lot.

[niccig]

When are you offering to do the play dates? I prefer to have play dates during the week as weekends are family time as DH doesn't get much time with DS during the week. DS does have a friend that can't do weekday play dates because of his parents' work schedule so we will do a weekend play date with them - this reminds me to set one up for next weekend.

The other problem could be the family is too busy. Our good friend's DDs are so busy that they no longer have play dates. We'll be like this next year as my schedule is going to be crazy and DS will be in aftercare, or at an activity every day of the week.

[Tinkerbell313]

As Wellyes pointed out, a good amount of the other moms are SAHMs, therefore some of them weekends are spent together as a family.

Both DH and I work with DH traveling extensively for his job. But even when he is home, we get home around around 6:15 on nights when kids have no activities. On the nights, the kids have tball, gymnastics, or what ever season it is, we get home around 8pm.

Therefore, I do understand that there is a time/day conflict with some.

I am on FB with some of the parents. When I see that they are planning on doing something with their kids, I try to bring my kids, i.e. Jane mentions on her wall, "I am bringing the kids Roller Skating Friday night, come one, come all". It is an open invite to anyone. So, I do bring my kids when I can. Don't get me wrong...I am not stalking people :hysterical:

Also, we don't have family in the area. So I have no one who can watch the kids in the afternoon and bring them to a friend's house while I am at work.

[TwinFoxes]

Maybe playmates just aren't done in your area? I always thought of it as a city/suburban thing. I could be wrong though.

[wellyes]

I also tend to procrastinate. I may want to have a playdate w someone, but unless given a date and time never get around to scheduling something.

This is a great point. The "we should get together!" dance goes on forever and ever until one person makes it specific. Like "let's go fly kites in the park on Saturday morning".

[LD92599]

I find the playdates all occur immediately after school.

As a FT WOTH mom, I've always found it difficult to schedule playdates on the weekends/evenings because, even for us....we're busy during those times too. There's a few friends we'll call spontaneously to come over etc...i'm always willing to take a friend w/ us to dinner, etc so that it gets the kids together.

Also try to set up carpools for games/practices; I do that and it gives both sets of parents a chance to see each other, the kids to hang out a bit etc.

My DS no longer goes to aftercare....comes home to an adult, but still......because *I* am not home after school, it's the same scenario.

[SkyrMommy]

We also live in a smaller community and as PPs have said, sometimes it's hard to schedule out time to play. It's due in part to Some families reserving weekends for family activities because the weekdays are so hectic and other times it's because of open ended 'we should get together' ideas that float around but nver get pinned down.

What seems to be working for us is sending out an email or post that says we'll be at such & such park or play place at this time for this long... come if you can. A few days advance notice & we've been seeing different families and kids come out over the weeks when it fits best with their schedules.

It's not you :hug:, it's just hard to find time some weeks.

[Tinkerbell313]

We do not do weekdays at all just because they are so hectic.

I was finally able to get a play date for my son this past Saturday. I spoke with the dad on several occasions. Dad mentioned he had to work on Saturday but provided me with Grandpa's phone number and told me to call Grandpa up in the AM and to arrange to have him meet me in the school parking lot down the street from my house.

So, I call Grandpa, and he was expecting my call. He said that his grandson is looking forward to the play date but his Aunt took the child on some errands and is not sure when he would be back. Well, he still wasn't home by 4pm.

Ughhhh. DS was so disappointed.

I just don't get it. When I schedule something...I stick to that schedule/appointment (unless someone is ill)

[wellyes]

How rude!

If I were you, I'd stop telling your son about the plans until they are rock-solid. I had a co-worker who never told her son about birthday parties until the morning of. She'd throw elaborate affairs but as far as the son knew, they just decided that very morning "Hey let's have a party! And invite all your friends!" That was her way of shielding him from disappointment if things fell through. It's not really my style (I think the anticipation is part of the fun) but with your string of bad luck and inconsiderate people, maybe it's worth trying that method.

[misshollygolightly]

I haven't read all the responses, but have you tried suggesting getting together in conjunction with one of your kid's activities? For example, suggest meeting up with one of your DS's teammates' families for pizza after the game? Or offer to take DD and her friend out for ice cream after gymnastics class, before driving her friend home (bonus: it saves the friend's mom a car trip, and she wouldn't have to wait around during gymnastics class!). These ideas may or may not work depending on the time of day these activities take place, but it's a thought.

[Tinkerbell313]

@missholly...i was actually thinking of that. Our games are usually in the AM on Saturdays and they are at our local parks & rec complex which has an awesome playground. I was going to call some of the other moms and see if they would be interested in playing their after the game. That way, no one has to drive out of their way since we are already there.

I want to make it has convenient for the other families as I can, even if it means that it is inconvenient for me. I am OK with that.

[jenfromnj]

Have you checked to see if meetup.com or a similar site, has any groups in your area? Around here, there are lots of different groups for all ages, interests, etc, and you know that most of the people in the groups are actively seeking out things to do for themselves, their kids, or both.