HELP DH hates new puppy

[ray7694]

My DH was all excited to get our new puppy who we have had for 5 days. He never had animals as a kid. Now that we have the dog he is changed his mind. He is so mean about the whole thing. Meanwhile my kids and I are attached. I cry thinking about getting rid of it but dealing with DH is awful.

WWYD?

[LBW]

What is it about the puppy that he doesn't like? If it's behavioral, maybe we can make some training/puppy raising suggestions that would help alleviate some of the issues?

Or has he just decided he doesn't want a dog? If so, it's pretty shameful that he came to this decision after adopting the pup.

This sounds like an awful situation for you, your kids, and the puppy. I'm sorry.

[Mermanaid]

It is quite an adjustment to get a new puppy. Especially if he's never had one. I'm curious to know if it is behavioral or if he just didn't/hasn't bonded with the dog. I'd try to give it time to see if he comes around and gets used to it.

If it's behavioral that is pretty easy to fix. But if it is a personality clash ... that may be harder. I say this from experience. I love dogs, we had two until we lost one in Dec. But, I barely tolerate my mom's dog. There is just something about him that rubs me the wrong way.

Good luck!

[wellyes]

For an adult to be mean to his family about an obligation he agreed to accept is pretty damn low.

Puppies are a lot of work, and I've heard the adjustment can be nearly as tough as bringing a new baby into the house. Tell him to give it time. If it's a very young dog, the 'duty' aspects of it are bound to get easier.

What kind of dog is it? If it's a personality clash, that can definitely be tough. Some guys just dislike small 'yappy' dogs. Rehoming might be a necessarily solution. I'm sorry.

[Momit]

The first few days with a puppy can be a lot like the first few days with a newborn, and many people do wonder "what did I get myself into?" Puppies are also a lot more work than a mature dog - maybe you and the kids can do most of the training and care while your DH adjusts to the new family member? And definitely a puppy class, which is often as much about training the owner as it is training the puppy.

[ray7694]

The puppy is a gold ret. and is doing really well. He stays in his crate and goes to the bathroom when I take him out. No accidents yesterday. I am taking care of everything. He isn't trying to bond with the dog at all. I really don't know what he expected he just says he changed his mind and doesn't want a dog. He doesn't like the smell and it going to the bathroom in the house.

[crl]

I suggest crate training and I'll leave it up to you whether that's for the puppy or your husband.

Catherine

[mctlaw]

For an adult to be mean to his family about an obligation he agreed to accept is pretty damn low.

Puppies are a lot of work, and I've heard the adjustment can be nearly as tough as bringing a new baby into the house. Tell him to give it time. If it's a very young dog, the 'duty' aspects of it are bound to get easier.



:yeahthat:

Yes, it can be tough, but it sounds like your DH was pushing for the dog and has done a total turnaround. Your DH is being a jerk. Fortunately, if it comes to having to get rid of the dog, goldens are such a well-loved breed that it should be easy to rehome him. But boo on your DH - you and your kids shouldn't be put through that!

[BabbyO]

I suggest crate training and I'll leave it up to you whether that's for the puppy or your husband.

Catherine

BWAAAA!!!:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

[ray7694]

I feel so stuck. I want to wait it out to see if he adjusts but will that make it even harder on myself and kids the longer we have it? My DH never does well with change.

This is really affecting me. I can't stop crying.

[flashy09]

That is so sad and it sounds like a sweet puppy! Do you think he would be outwardly "mean" to the dog? Reprimand him too hard, not reciprocate greetings, etc? That would not be in the dog's best interest to be around someone who didn't care for him at all. If you do decide to give him up, I would do it ASAP so he is still young and has the best chance for a new home rather than waiting another month or two.

[AJP]

There's nothing like raising a puppy! I found it to be harder at times than having newborn babies lol! It can be so hard when one person is dealing with all the work...and therefore hard for him to bond! Hopefully he will give your pup enough of a chance to get to bond. And pp's advice for puppy training would be great if your DH would do it. It would be great for him to teach (puppy to teach him) mutual respect and understanding. My dog was a "puppy" for many years. Me spending one on one time with her made all the difference since I was doing all the dirty work at home with her and my DH did all the playing etc.
Hope it works out. My DH is so over our 12 yr old dog who has gone back to having accidents and has gotten lazy in her older yrs. I'm trying to push DH to take her for rides (which she loves!) and spending one on one time. I have to remind him that she was his idea and he can't give up on her now :(

[daisysmom]

The puppy is a gold ret. and is doing really well. He stays in his crate and goes to the bathroom when I take him out. No accidents yesterday. I am taking care of everything. He isn't trying to bond with the dog at all. I really don't know what he expected he just says he changed his mind and doesn't want a dog. He doesn't like the smell and it going to the bathroom in the house.

Golden retrievers are such great dogs. I would take him off your hands in a second!! I feel so badly for your children. We have always had golden or lab puppies and I can think of nothing cuter!

[arivecchi]

I am so sorry! What an awful position he has put you in!

If you think he will get over the puppy stage and eventually deal, I would keep it and tell him to chill out.

If you think he will forever resent the dog and possibly take that resentment out on the dog, I'd give the dog up ASAP and not talk to DH for a couple of weeks. :irked: I'm so mad for you!

[Twoboos]

Oops - mispost!!!

BUT - OP, that's a terrible position your DH has put you in!! I hope he can come around.

[Snow mom]

I would think long and hard about what will happen if your DH doesn't come around. My next door neighbors got a mini labradoodle and it is the DHs dog. I can always tell when he isn't home because the DW leaves the dog in the yard--doesn't like it and doesn't want to deal with it. I don't find it to be terribly fair to the dog. If the puppy came from a breeder they will likely take it back and find it a new home. I seriously would consider that option. You know your DH and family dynamic best.

[BabyBearsMom]

Tell him to give it a little time. My DH had second thoughts about our dog when we first adopted him. The initial work is a little bit staggering. But now he loves our dog (we have had him for 6 years now) and he is a total part of the family.

I think what was important for my DH to remember was that when we agreed to adopt this dog, we made a commitment with responsibilities. My DH is very big on standing by his commitments and responsibilities, so this line of thinking really spoke to him.

[elektra]

I would think long and hard about what will happen if your DH doesn't come around. My next door neighbors got a mini labradoodle and it is the DHs dog. I can always tell when he isn't home because the DW leaves the dog in the yard--doesn't like it and doesn't want to deal with it. I don't find it to be terribly fair to the dog. If the puppy came from a breeder they will likely take it back and find it a new home. I seriously would consider that option. You know your DH and family dynamic best.

Agree with this.
Puppies are a ton of work. I remember crying when we first got our dog, as I was sleep deprived from being the one to get up and take the dog out several times a night and do all the care. It was like PPD without the hormones!
I'm not quite sure what your DH was thinking about the smell and mess though- that come with the territory for any dog! He may come around, but the dog is not going to get any less smelly, shedding will only get worse. etc. And do you really want all the training responsibilities to fall on you?
I hung in there with my dog when I was feeling like maybe I couldn't deal with it, but if my DH had not been supportive (at least verbally if not slightly in action as well) I think giving the dog back to the breeder would have been a good choice.
Our breeder actually made us fill out all these forms, checked our house, made us jump through hoops basically before getting our dog. And we had to promise to give it back to her if anything went wrong. I still feel guilty as we promised to walk our dogs every day and we don't. :bag:
Also, we just dropped almost $1k on vet bills/teeth cleaning recently. I would hate to always have my DH's resentment about stuff like that.

I feel so bad for you OP. I hope you and your DH can figure it out together. I know I would have been upset with my DH if he would acted the way you are describing.

[daisysmom]

Agree with this.
the dog is not going to get any less smelly, shedding will only get worse. etc. .

I cried when I first got my lab puppy too. She was 8 or 9 weeks old and I had had her for just the first weekend, I couldn't get her to poop one evening when I had 20 minutes to do that and then make it to a happy hour that I really wanted to go to, I put her back in the crate and as I walked out the house, I could hear that puppy scream/cry from being crated. I sat on the front steps and burst into tears. It was just overwhelming.

But... that is the reason that new puppies are so cute! If not, they wouldn't be so easy to love. I still bonded with the puppy immediately and I woudl never have really given her back. I just was overwhelmed.

As elektra said, it gets harder. Dogs that are 5-9 months old need even more exercise (no more of those sweet puppy fall-asleeps that happen at 8-12 weeks). They get up early and want a walk right away. More harmful chewing (I remember the first time we gave our dog a nylebone and it took her days to go through it... by 5 months that happens in about 5 minutes).

I love dogs, am a dog person, am a passionate board member of our local SPCA. I just worry that if your DH can't accept your new puppy now, this is going to not work out. My recommendation is to have a sit down conversation with him and set aside an hour, and come to a decision at the end of the hour. He needs to decide to stick it out and be supportive. Doesn't mean he has to shoulder the care of the dogs, but he has to be emotionally supportive to model this for your DC.

[ray7694]

I do think he will come around once he adjusts but I do worry about feeling on eggshells if the dog does anything wrong for the rest of my life.

[Tondi G]

I am so sorry! What an awful position he has put you in!

If you think he will get over the puppy stage and eventually deal, I would keep it and tell him to chill out.

If you think he will forever resent the dog and possibly take that resentment out on the dog, I'd give the dog up ASAP and not talk to DH for a couple of weeks. :irked: I'm so mad for you!

yeah what she said!!!! Hope your DH will come around and accept and love the new member of your family. It's not worth walking around on eggshells with DH though.... owning a dog is a 10 to 20 year commitment!

[npace19147]

You also might want to point out to DH what a terrible example he's setting for your children. Take on a responsibility, and at the first sign it's not easy or fun, sulk and walk away. Is that what he wants them to learn?

Are there dog training classes you can all go to? Might help everyone. Good luck, I can't even imagine.

[maestramommy]

If you think your Dh just needs time to adjust, then give him the time. You don't need any of us to tell you how terrible this is that he agreed to this and is so quickly backing out. Because of the smell? I know he's never had a dog, but has he also never been around dogs?

BTW, when we first got Shep it was during the rainy season. Yeah, our house smelled. Now I either don't notice it much, and when I do it's actually comforting. But that's just me. I notice smells, but they don't affect me much. Do you think your Dh might come around to that point?

You've got a great breed of dog. I'd hate to see you lose it on account of your Dh's flakiness.

[California]

Is any part of it possibly because the dog bonded with you right away and didn't with your DH? Is your DH possibly also jealous, and mentioning all the other stuff as an excuse? Some dogs just seem to know who to depend on and adore that person from the start.

Why would you walk on eggshells? He wanted to get the dog. He got it and your kids bonded with it and now you are picking up the slack as he backs out on the deal. He should be the one feeling crummy about his lack of commitment/follow through here. Hopefully you two can get past the tug of war and figure out what's best for both the dog and your family. No matter what though you shouldn't feel guilty about loving the dog you both agreed to bring home! That's pretty expected and normal!

[KLD313]

You also might want to point out to DH what a terrible example he's setting for your children. Take on a responsibility, and at the first sign it's not easy or fun, sulk and walk away. Is that what he wants them to learn?

Are there dog training classes you can all go to? Might help everyone. Good luck, I can't even imagine.

:yeahthat: I hate that people think pets are disposable. I have three dogs and my BF hates one of them. He's constantly asking me to get rid of him and I always say he was here first he'll be here last if that's the way you want it. I guess re-homing your husband isn't a possibility. Lol

[mom2binsd]

I can't imagine how you must be feeling, and having had a goldren retriever puppy, they are notorious for chewing on things, make sure none of your DH's things (shoes/headphones/etc). Walking around on eggshells is no way to live.

I guess I'd see how he does in the next week or so, does he really expect you to give the puppy back to the breeder? It's a big committment and you really need both of you on board for this.

So sorry he's ruining this fun, cute puppy stage, golden puppies are my fav!

[doberbrat]

Sigh, what a sucky situation! I once had to warn dh that I could get rid of my dog if I had to but he would have to go as well.

I dont realy understand what the problem is- if the dog hasnt had accidents recently, then it shouldnt smell. If its the dog itself that smells, maybe a bath is in order - but I agree with others that there are rougher times to come. Goldens can be very mouthy - chewing on things until they're 2. And they can need a fair amount of exercise and training as they can be quite rambunctious. And they shed - quite a bit. I'm assuming you guys did research as to what breed would be best for you - so perhaps remind him of those descussions?


I think you have to think about long range issues and make a decision. Its much easier to rehome a puppy than an adolescent/adult dog. Try to do whats best for the dog. And make sure your dh thinks through what HE is going to tell the kids.

[twowhat?]

Ugh:( I guess I'd remind DH the values he is demonstrating to his children by his cruel change of heart and tell him that if he wants to get rid of the dog, HE will be the one to have to do it and break the news to the kids.

I'm angry for you!

[R2sweetboys]

You also might want to point out to DH what a terrible example he's setting for your children. Take on a responsibility, and at the first sign it's not easy or fun, sulk and walk away. Is that what he wants them to learn?

Are there dog training classes you can all go to? Might help everyone. Good luck, I can't even imagine.
:yeahthat::yeahthat::yeahthat: I would point this out to him in no uncertain terms. He committed to this along with you. Dogs are not a piece of furniture that you just return because you don't want it. This is why there are SO MANY great dogs in shelters and rescues. They are not disposable.

I'm sorry that your DH is doing this to you. Please do not give your puppy away. Obviously, if you think your DH would be mean to him than you should.(if that was the the case though,there are much bigger issues to be dealt with) Your DH needs to put on his big-boy pants and accept the responsibility he willingly took on. You don't give up on something after five days because it's hard. It's not fair to you, your kids, or the puppy. Good luck to you. :hug:

[swissair81]

I feel like the people posting here are possibly jumping to conclusions. Yes, her DH might have said he wanted a dog, but I'd he never had one then he could hardly have known what that meant. Yes, he doesn't need to be mean about it, but that could just be panic at a situation he doesn't know how to fix. My DH brought home a kitten 2 years ago and I was SO upset. I had so much to take care of and there was this animal jumping all over my house. He finally got rid of it and then he got a parrot- also he assumed he asked, but really he told me. It is so messy and loud and of course the kids love it, but it gets food everywhere and we have a young toddler. He takes care of it himself, but really, if you can change bird poop, why the heck don't you change your kids' diapers ever???

OP, it sounds like you need to sit down with your DH and find out what's wrong. My DH knows I hate our bird, but it wont go anywhere unless I really make a fuss about it, and that makes me mad. Some people are better with dealing with feelings than others. Do yourself a favor and confront him. You may find out something that surprises you.

[pinkmomagain]

OP, is it possible that your DH stressed out about other things right now (work, parents, finances, health) and is focusing/disguising it as issues with the dog?

Is he typically a neat freak/orderly type guy who doesn't do well with the chaos a pet can sometimes bring?

If he is really upset about other things, then I think by getting to the bottom of it, the dog stuff might be overcome. If he tends to be OCD about things, then I think you have a tough decision to make.

If its none of the above, then I don't know...but these two questions have been swimming around in my head since reading your post.

[daisysmom]

I feel like the people posting here are possibly jumping to conclusions. ... My DH knows I hate our bird....

I was thinking along this line a bit this morning on reflection. There is something cute and cuddly about a golden yellow puppy and I personally do not have the same adoration of a loud parrot. I wouldn't really "agree" to that if my DH brought one home... but if somehow he prevailed, I think (notwithstanding how much I enjoy animals generally), I might be someone who complains to my girlfriends (hopefully discreetly) that I don't like the bird. So yea, I kinda agree that we might need to understand a bit more actually how the OP's husband really "agreed" to get the dog.

So I have a double standard... because I really don't think anyone in their right mind can't fall in love with a most any puppy?

This thread did help my marriage a bit on a tangent last night though -- my husband and his siblings are dividing their parents house worth of furniture in a fast move to get their father into full time nursing care. I said to my husband that I was fine with him bringing in some things of his parents that are symbolic to him, that DD would someday like to have. After all, when this happens to my parents, there are a lot of paintings that will be divided amongst me and my siblings, and I want to hang them. DH picked a few rugs that are valuable orientals, but which I hate. I am not an oriental rug person anymore-- I am a West Elm kind of rug person. So there I am going back on my word, in front of our daughter, saying that I don't want this or that oriental or heavy Victorian era antique. So this can happen even when no puppy is involved.

[swissair81]

So I have a double standard... because I really don't think anyone in their right mind can't fall in love with a most any puppy?

Me! No puppies. If my DH gets a puppy, I am gone. This would be besides the fact that I am allergic to dogs (and cats and every other furry animal). I just have too many actual children to take care of to add an animal to the mix. Plus, at least babies have diapers. Just saying.

[Jo..]

I suggest crate training and I'll leave it up to you whether that's for the puppy or your husband.

Catherine

:bighand:

Who can HATE a puppy? Does he also mug the elderly and deface churches? :ROTFLMAO:

I mean, they are so cute and snuggly and sweet!

I understand being overwhelmed by them...they are a lot of work (but it sounds like you have that handled). But HATING a puppy? Uh-uh, no way.

Can you encourage playtime as a family with your DH? Family walks? Etc? There is NO WAY he won't fall in love if he gives it a real chance.

[Simon]

Me! No puppies. If my DH gets a puppy, I am gone. This would be besides the fact that I am allergic to dogs (and cats and every other furry animal). I just have too many actual children to take care of to add an animal to the mix. Plus, at least babies have diapers. Just saying.

:yeahthat: Me too! I don't know that I would leave Dh over it but I am not attracted to puppies or kittens at all. At the very least it would be a cause of strain until the dog died. I also never had pets growing up and only recently, as an adult, have I started to get a real clue about all the work a dog takes. Luckily, Dh and I are in agreement that we aren't pet people.

I think its better for the puppy to move on to a new home now than in another 2 years. Is it ideal? No, but neither is it a positive situation for the dog. Heck, I know plenty of people whose dog is getting pretty shabby treatment now that kids are in the picture. They don't want to get rid of their first "furbaby" but the dog isn't really getting all its needs met (exercise, discipline, etc).