Does your DH/SO comment on what you eat?

[mackmama]

I'm curious to know whether anyone's spouse/partner comments on when or how much they eat in terms of meals, snacks, etc. If they do - how do you feel about it? Poll coming.

[hellokitty]

No, my DH doesn't bug me about it, esp after having been through three pregnancies with hyperemesis. He knows better than to comment about what I eat, when I could barely eat anything during my pregnancies. However, bil is a jerk about making comments every time my sil (his wife) eats something. I feel bad for her. He comments about her weight too, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he makes crappy comments about her eating habits. What's even more annoying is that he's not that much better himself, so I don't get why he thinks it's ok to pick on her like that.

[weech]

Yeah. DH did this last week and it ended up with us getting into a huge fight. I'm an emotional eater and so I eat more when I'm upset/stressed. So if I mention that I want to get back on track and/or lose weight and then eat ice cream for dessert, sometimes DH gets mad because he says I'm not doing what I need to do to take care of myself. This time he pulled the "it affects the whole family" card.

While that's true that I probably should have passed on the ice cream, who does what's right for them every single moment? And how exactly does my bowl of ice cream affect my family? I told him this time if he ever brings it up again that we'll have big problems.

[crl]

He has occasionally said something about how I must have been hungry, but not in a way that makes it sound like I am eating too much.

There was also a period where I lost a ton of weight because ds was running me ragged right after his adoption and I was under doctor's orders to gain some of it back (I went from 125 to 105 in two months and I am 5'7"). He did encourage me to eat some then, although it was more that he tried to make sure I got a chance to eat when he was around, ie, "let me feed ds, you need to eat."

If he acted like he was my watch dog or made rude comments about my weight or eating, I would be really hurt. Thankfully that has never happened.

Catherine

[SnuggleBuggles]

Other because he has never said anything that bothers and we both tease each other when the occasion comes up (like when he gets dinner #2 like an hour after the dinner I prepared...evidently sometimes I don't make enough).

[momm]

I'm the "other"

I think there should be another option - "No, because he's too considerate & kind to do that"

He won't not because he won't dare to

[baymom]

No, DH never makes comments about what I eat and I'd be pretty annoyed if he did. BUT, if I'm particularly cranky or something, he's occasionally commented that I must be hungry and really should eat something. It's true, I DO act cranky when I'm hungry, but even then, I find it annoying that he would comment.:tongue5:

[mackmama]

I'm the "other"

I think there should be another option - "No, because he's too considerate & kind to do that"

He won't not because he won't dare to

Good point. I wish I could edit the poll.

[elektra]

I would be upset if DH said anything to me about what I eat. Weight can be such a personal issue. And I do the same for DH- I do not comment on what he eats, even though I have really wanted to at certain points! It really serves no purpose to mention how unhealthy your spouse's food choice is except to make that person feel like crap.

[scriptkitten]

yes. because he is strict paleo and i'm what he calls 'strict ethiopian' diet.

basically i'm a pescetarian who counts calories and eats a lot of soy and carbs. exact opposite of paleo

[edurnemk]

On some rare occasions he comments on my food choices (but never the amounts), for being overly healthy/green/organic. He thinks the whole green movement is a sham, and thinks I'm paranoid and take it too far (which is not true, I could take it sooo much further). He once said "well as long as you don't go all vegetarian on me..." which is actually where I'm headed (for me, I don't impose my choices on him or DS), but I just don't discuss my diet with him.

A couple of years ago he did comment of how "we" needed to diet and exercise a few times, and once he even pointed out that my tummy was too big (I'm sure I b!tched about it here, heck I'm a size 4, and at that time I was maybe a 6). Let's just say, he'll never dare say anything to that effect again if he values his life.

[infomama]

Never. He has also never negatively commented on my weight. I think its really cruel to judge like that.

[Pyrodjm]

He wouldn't dare....except for once or twice when I was literally eating all.day.long. He just ask jokingly if I was sure I wasn't pregnant, lol. Occasionally he will caution be about eating something I'm allergic to. I have food allergies that cause inflamation. Sometimes I eat the bad stuff anyway though.

I have struggled with my weight my entire life,I'm very sensitive about it and DH knows it. DH does not care what or how I eat. He has promised me and shown me that he is ok with my body, no matter what size pants I fit into. He wants me to be happy. He supports me when I diet and praises my baking skills.

Partners that try to control each others eating habit in an effort to control their weight REALLY bother me. I would always feel like that person either didn't like me the way I was or be afraid that they wouldn't like me if I gained a few pounds.

[sariana]

Yes. He comments about my weight, too. I am 5' 4" and currently weigh 140. I weighed about 120 when we got married, and he mentions it often. He says it is my duty to maintain a certain appearance for him.

Yes, he really says these things.

He also comments that he is fat. He is 6' tall and weighs about 155-160. I think he may have the symptoms of someone with an eating disorder--distorted body image, etc.

[Seitvonzu]

sometimes DH does comment on what i eat...but it's not about weight (though i feel like it could be ;)), but health. i'm what i refer to as a "reluctant diabetic"-- i was diagnosed when pregnant and it just lingered on... (more like juvenile diabetes than adult onset, even though i do produce a very small amount of insulin)

i know how to be "perfect" and was VERY good while pregnant, but i also was depressed when i was told because ... in my words-- "i feel like i just lost 50% of my personality-- you know, the cooking and baking part" i LOVE food. so much so that if dh goes out to eat and i'm not there i'll ask him for a full report :)

so... i'm not perfect. i know it, my dr. knows it and pretty much everyone knows it. my diabetes *IS* in control, but it could be better (i could use less insulin, etc). DH sometimes will say "should you eat that X?" and i get annoyed and depressed. but it's not necessarily with him...it's really just a crappy situation

[DietCokeLover]

I'm the "other"

I think there should be another option - "No, because he's too considerate & kind to do that"

:yeahthat:

[Trigglet]

Recently DH has gone health/fitness crazy - has lost 40lbs and is doing P90X, crazy amounts of swimming and has gone basically paleo. I have a weakness for chocolate, carbs and Skittles. I think you can see where this is heading. We have had a fair few 'tense' conversations about this. I certainly see the value in eating exclusively 'proper', real, whole food, but the prospect of giving up sugar and grains just makes me depressed and cross. Oh, and for context I am a size 4 and still nursing my 25 month old and cook from scratch almost entirely, so I am basically uninterested in undertaking a huge life change at this stage by going completely paleo (or completely anything else for that matter). I feed my DS a modified paleo/weston price diet because of issues to do with caries, but he never gets sugar anyway.

I voted 'yes, sometimes'.

[indigo99]

DH has, and it really upsets me. I am the only one who actually can monitor what I eat. If he tries then I will just avoid eating in front of him, and I will end up eating the bad stuff (mostly sweets) when he isn't around - maybe eating more or more often. I've told him that, but it hasn't sunk in.

[sntm]

SO only does in a non-offensive, teasing way. Often with a touch of pride, because I can put it away. :)

XH used to make occasional comments. He was definitely fat-phobic, though. I remember when he made comments when I started to outweigh him in late pregnancy (which meant 150 lbs - he is super skinny.) Makes me wonder what he said to new wife, whom I'm pretty sure was around 190 when she delivered.

[waitingforgrace]

Only occasionally and it doesn't bother me because there are times I give him a hard time about it. He has lots of tummy troubles but still eats things that are really bad for him and upset his stomached. So yes I have gotten upset with him at times for eating things he knows will make him feel sick for the rest of the day. I bite my tongue most of the time but sometimes it's too frustrating to not say something.

[maestramommy]

No, because I usually eat healthy. He did wonder a bit about the 2 eggs for breakfast when I was on SB diet, stuff like that. But otherwise nothing.

[vludmilla]

Never. DH is pretty sensitive. I can't really imagine him ever commenting in a negative way about my eating. I don't have a weight problem, I am actually quite thin but on occasion I get self-conscious about my eating and say something about it. DH makes encouraging comments at those times in response to my self-conscious comment.

[BillK]

Sometimes - but heck I'm married to an ex-dietitian so it's not like I don't know what is good or bad simply by 18 years of osmosis. But she very good about not hassling me and I "mostly" try to make good choices most of the time...usually. ;)

[fivi2]

I'm the "other"

I think there should be another option - "No, because he's too considerate & kind to do that"

He won't not because he won't dare to

I put no, but agree that it isn't because he wouldn't dare.

[Green_Tea]

I think there should be another option - "No, because he's too considerate & kind to do that"


:yeahthat:

In 16 years (next week!) of being together, my husband has never once said anything about what I weigh or what I eat, other to say that he thinks I'm beautiful and to ask if I'd like seconds.

[kijip]

My husband does not comment about my food (unless he is commenting on my cooking, which is something he compliments me on) or my weight. He is not just keeping it to himself either- he can't conceal his feelings that well with me anyways. He is very kindhearted and not very conventional/appearance concerned. I don't wear makeup, I don't shave my legs, I mostly wear pants and big ugly shoes now that skating has ruined heels for me and he finds all of that fine. It's not like he was not aware of my appearance before we got hitched.

He will comment on my/our health needs (like sleep and exercise, critical to my mental health) but it is not related to my physical appearance. Even when heavy, he has always made it clear he finds me attractive (belly and stretch marks be damned.). He is naturally lean and has a great metabolism so sometimes I tease him that he can eat more and exercise less and still be fitter and leaner than me. I def. have weight to lose, but it is coming off overtime.

We will mutually make comments that we have had a sugar or carb heavy day and plan for something else the next day. Or he will suggest Chinese for takeout and I say I don't want all the carbs and or I suggest pizza and he says he is not interested in cheese because he has had a lot of grease at work or whatever.

[LMPC]

Oh hell no! He would never ever comment on what I ate -- unless I wasn't eating what he cooked :tongue5:

[DrSally]

No, he hasn't really ever commented on what I eat, and only a few comments on weight (but prompted by honest responses to my inquiries). I usually make healthy choices, but sometimes I go on spurts where I don't (usually emotional eating). He is definitely the worse of us 2, so it would be the pot calling the kettle black. But, I do appreciate that this is an area that he doesn't criticize.

[TwinFoxes]

I think there should be another option - "No, because he's too considerate & kind to do that"



:yeahthat:

OP, I'm guessing your DH does. :hug:

[american_mama]

I voted other because I didn't feel the wording of the questions quite fit. DH and I both occasionally comment on what the other eats, because we both see each other's legitimate imperfect choices regarding food, and they tend to be different, so we each feel kind of superior. He slightly mocks my sweet tooth and I try to lecture him why his portion sizes and salt content are too high.

So, yes, there are occasional mild comments about each other's food choices and we both consider it kind of annoying, but that's as far as it goes. I don't think either of us get to the point of anger and certainly not guilt. When there are no comments, it's not because one person is eating healthy or wouldn't dare comment. It's just a recognition that adults make their own choices.

But I do think it's a legitimate question: is there a way for spouses to effectively and positively influence food choices? When DH occasionally points out how many items from the grocery bag have sugar in them, I am mostly irritated but occasionally noticing it too for the first time. Who else is in a better position to see than the person you live and eat with? But I don't know how to make that effective rather than just overbearing.

[lalasmama]

XSO would only comment on what I was eating if he had cooked a new meal, and only "polite" comments ("Oh, it looks like it must be good?")

Now, XH was another story. Oooohhhh man, he thought he was allowed to comment on anything that went into my mouth. If I ate "too much" chocolate, he would tell me. If I didn't eat enough of something, I even heard about it. And "I'm not hungry" wasn't ever an appropriate response. As far as he was concerned, "I'm not hungry" meant one of two things: (1) I'm pi$$ed off at you, or (2) You cooked dinner and I think it's gross. Oh, and no matter how much I weighed, he said I was "pudgy" and/or "chunky". (Any wonder I had disordered eating issues??)

[twowhat?]

Yes, but it is always a comment that is made in awe over the amount of food I can eat and apparently not gain weight.

When I was pregnant, he was CONSTANTLY in awe of the amount of food I was eating. When I was breastfeeding, he was completely blown away.

Unfortunately, the reverse is true here. I'll say things like "shouldn't you get a second helping of veggies instead of meat?" I really ought to stop that, though I say it because he SHOULD think about it (high BP, high cholesterol, low HDL, things like that), and seeing as he's 10 years older, I'd like him to be able to see the girls graduate college;)

[TxCat]

DH has totally bizarre and restrictive eating habits so he doesn't comment on anyone else's diet choices.

[Nooknookmom]

Heck no...even if I did eat poorly, he would not dare say anything to me! We eat pretty darn healthy during the week and then on the weekends we sometimes go for stuff you'd see on Diners, Drive-in's and Dives!

I actually changed DH's eating habits. He grabs yogurt/fruit instead of junk and drinks diet instead of reg. cola, etc.

[lizzywednesday]

DH has referred to me as "fat" once.

ONCE.

I dressed him down for it and he's not done it again. I know I'm heavy and I know I need to lose weight/get into shape/get healthy, mostly because chasing after DD all day wears me out, but I don't need to hear about it every day.

He does comment about me finishing off a box of Girl Scout cookies solo and I admit that's a gross thing - seriously, who needs to eat 14 servings' worth of Tagalongs? - but it's not that it bothers me. I know I did it and it's gross to me.

What actually bugs me is having him tell me it's effectively my "fault" that he's the weight and shape that he is because I'm not motivating him. Sorry, he's an adult and he should be able to internalize his motivation. If I have to stick DD's photo on the exercise bike, I will, but that's as far as I'll go beyond planning healthful meals made at home.

It's difficult because his version of "healthful" is different from mine. His is incredibly restrictive; mine is a lot more liberal. We meet in the middle sometimes, but it's hard with his texture issues and taste preferences.

[boolady]

I'm the "other"

I think there should be another option - "No, because he's too considerate & kind to do that"

He won't not because he won't dare to

:yeahthat: I've gained a lot of weight since we got married, so DH certainly has something he could comment on, but he never would. It's just not in his nature to say something that would be hurtful. I know I've gained weight and need to lose it. My husband tells me I'm beautiful no matter what, and although I don't believe that, I actually think he does.

[dogmom]

I believe we have a mutually pact where he doesn't comment on my bad food habits, and I don't comment on the midnight food raids. We both have our hands full enough trying to manage our children's eating habits.

[karstmama]

he hasn't and wouldn't, partly because he's nice, partly because he strongly prefers chunky women, and partly because if we're being critical he could stand to lose almost as much as i could. but mainly because he's nice. :)

[smilequeen]

No. He isn't that type at all. I have really struggled with baby weight and he doesn't say anything to me about it. Though, honestly, sometimes I wish he'd notice when my hard work is starting to pay off.

And he's not perfect. Sometimes he'll comment on how someone just had a baby and already lost all of their weight and that does hurt my feelings b/c it's just not that simple for me and it makes me feel a little judged that it takes me a good 18 months to lose the weight. I don't even know if he's trying to make a statement or just stating the obvious though...

[Meatball Mommie]

I'm the "other"

I think there should be another option - "No, because he's too considerate & kind to do that"

He won't not because he won't dare to

This is us as well. DH is great when it comes to things like this - he says I'm beautiful and he loves me and my body even when I'm feeling particularly fat/bloated! It's not like I'm super thin either. I can't ever think of a time when he's commented on what I eat - unless he wants some of what I have! lol

[klwa]

DH has decided to go on a "diet". It's in quotes because this means not giving up any of the food he likes, just eating smaller amounts more frequently. So, NO veggies or fruit. Just meat, potatoes, and bread. Oh, and soft drinks whenever he feels like it. And he fricking loses weight doing it.

I on the other hand try to eat a balanced diet, eating smaller meals, and gain. So, therefore, I'm doing everything wrong according to him.

[DrSally]

men just lose so much easier. DH must not understand that.

[smilequeen]

DH has decided to go on a "diet". It's in quotes because this means not giving up any of the food he likes, just eating smaller amounts more frequently. So, NO veggies or fruit. Just meat, potatoes, and bread. Oh, and soft drinks whenever he feels like it. And he fricking loses weight doing it.
.

That is SO my DH too! Drives me nuts. Seriously, switching from 4 servings to 3 of the exact.same.foods did the trick for him.

So.not.fair.

[MoJo]

Only that I need to eat, or need to eat more, not on my actual choices. He's the one who's far more likely to bring snack food into the house or encourage dessert.

[Jo..]

I'm the "other"

I think there should be another option - "No, because he's too considerate & kind to do that"

He won't not because he won't dare to

My answer is both. DH is WAY too nice to say anything, AND I would kill him.

At one point I was VERY heavy, and he never commented, not even once. I honestly think that he barely notices, and thinks I am sexy and beautiful at any weight.

[lizzywednesday]

men just lose so much easier. DH must not understand that.

I disagree. It's easier for SOME men.

My dad has struggled with weight his entire life for a multitude of reasons, including physical limitations due to his surgically repaired clubfoot, emotional eating and a lack of understanding of portion control, and it's very difficult for him to lose weight and keep it off. (He can fix the physical activity, emotional eating & portion control; he can't fix the after-effects of his clubfoot surgeries.)

Maybe he is atypical, but it bugs him when his weight loss is belittled by women he knows with the statement "oh, you're a guy; guys lose weight faster" because he doesn't.

[BabbyO]

Some times he does and sometimes he doesn't. Some times it bugs me, some times I know he's just trying to help me make healthier choices.

To his credit, he was as WW for about 9 mo, lost over 50 lbs has kept at least 40 lbs off for more than 2 yrs, so when he says something now he usually cases it in, we need to get this "whatever bad food" out of the house so that I'm (meaning him) not tempted. I know he also want to get it out of the house so I don't eat it, but he makes it about him and it just happens to benefit me! :)