Very sensitive kids...techniques for dealing?

[twowhat?]

My kids are overly sensitive in some ways. For example, today at a restaurant DD1 saw a fly and flipped out. She wouldn't stop crying and we had to take her out of the restaurant. This is typical for her whenever she sees ANY bug...total and complete panicked crying. Also today, grandma's phone rang. It's a little loud but it's a phone ringing for crying out loud! Both DDs flipped out and started crying. They also flip out when the doorbell rings...not because of the sound ( our doorbell is really quiet) but because of the *gasp* stranger that might be lurking on the other side of the door!

Any good techniques for desensitizing them? I am a horrible mom and find these things AWFULLY irritating to the point where I often find myself saying "DD2, it's just a bug for goodness sake! Stop crying!" in a really annoyed voice...because I AM annoyed!! It creates more work for me and is just so darned annoying to have to calm a hysterical child over an ant!! Not to mention it's just another reason that they cry, which they seem to do a LOT of with tantrums, etc and I guess I am just sick.of.the.crying.

But I do hate that they probably really are scared and I am doing the totally wrong thing by not acknowledging it. So what should I be doing/saying instead? And does anyone else have a sensitive child where you get annoyed at things like this? Please say yes because I really do feel awful about feeling so annoyed and wishing my girls would just buck the heck up.

[Tinochka]

When a child has a small scratch (from our point of view) and cries, like something horrible happened, it’s very typical to say “Don’t cry, it JUST A SMALL scratch”... We are repeating what out parents told us when we were kids.
I read somewhere and heard from child development classes that it’s important to talk about feelings (pics with facial expressions, reading books), recognize, except them, describe then, so next time a child can use that tools and solve a problem on his own.
I am not perfect at all by all that means, but I noticed when I say: “Oh, that can really hearts, isn’t it?” My kids will calm down much more quicker and say even themselves “Oh, it doesn’t heart anymore”... This is when I am at right stage of my mind;). There are times when the “old” phrase will come first “Why are you crying about nothing? Is it such a big deal”....

[mikala]

Yikes, that sounds exhausting. I occasionally deal with the sensitive moments to a lesser extent and exaggerated humor seems to help a lot.

How do they react to humor? Is it ever possible to head off or diffuse the situation by being silly or are they too far gone by that point? In the case of the bug you could joke about why the bug is there, suggest asking the bug his name, etc. Since it's an ongoing thing maybe go on a bug hunt with a neighbor kid that actually likes bugs, do a silly bug dance to a song about bugs, go to a nature center, check out books at the library on them, etc.

http://www.amazon.com/I-Love-Bugs-Philemon-Sturges/dp/0060561688/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1336274326&sr=1-1

http://www.amazon.com/Bugs-Bob-Barner/dp/0811822389/ref=pd_sim_b_1

For the phone call you could wonder out loud who might be calling. For example: Who do you think is calling grandma? Could it be a....*whisper with wide eyes* rooster? No, that's silly! Roosters don't call people on the phone. But if it could...what sound would a rooster make if it called you on the phone?

The playful reaction gets harder to do once they really are scared. Once we get to that point we often talk about why the situation seemed scary, things we can do instead of crying when we get scared, etc.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Yikes, that sounds exhausting. I occasionally deal with the sensitive moments to a lesser extent and exaggerated humor seems to help a lot.

How do they react to humor? Is it ever possible to head off or diffuse the situation by being silly or are they too far gone by that point? In the case of the bug you could joke about why the bug is there, suggest asking the bug his name, etc. Since it's an ongoing thing maybe go on a bug hunt with a neighbor kid that actually likes bugs, do a silly bug dance to a song about bugs, go to a nature center, check out books at the library on them, etc.

http://www.amazon.com/I-Love-Bugs-Philemon-Sturges/dp/0060561688/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1336274326&sr=1-1

http://www.amazon.com/Bugs-Bob-Barner/dp/0811822389/ref=pd_sim_b_1

For the phone call you could wonder out loud who might be calling. For example: Who do you think is calling grandma? Could it be a....*whisper with wide eyes* rooster? No, that's silly! Roosters don't call people on the phone. But if it could...what sound would a rooster make if it called you on the phone?

The playful reaction gets harder to do once they really are scared. Once we get to that point we often talk about why the situation seemed scary, things we can do instead of crying when we get scared, etc.
:yeahthat:

these sort of thigns (especially the humor) totally work on my DS who is TERRIFIED of vacuum cleaners, lawn mowers, blenders...anything that makes loud sounds..he runs to us crying whenever he hears them. even when we're ina restaurant and someone at the counter runs a smoothie machine he freaks and goes "what's that! what's that???!". humor helps a ton, and just holding him and reassuring for a while helps. also talking about it helps a lot. sometimes he hears a loud noise that scares him and he asks to see it which i think helps him process what it is and makes him less scared of it.

my ds is somewhat scared of bugs too. so far i've just been telling him that the bug won't hurt him (but i guess that's a lie when it's a bee or something). other day he kept pointing to a fly in the house and he said in a scared voice "it's a bug! it's a big bug!!!" and then tried to calm himself down by grabbing his lovey and repeating " it's not going to hurt you! it's not going to hurt you!" LOL. i think i'm going to try the tip on checking out books on bugs from the library. what makes it hard for me though, is that i DETEST bugs with a passion (i won't touch one) and i fear DS picks up on that.

[hoodlims]

My DD is like that too. Someone could look at her the wrong way and she flips. She is overdramatic. I react the same way as you. i am hoping that means she will just get over it. I don't know how much of it is being scared, or upset, or frustrated, or just her not being able to deal with anything out of place. Or maybe she just likes attention.

So if you do find anything that works, please share!

[fedoragirl]

No, you're not a horrible mom for feeling the way you do. I can totally relate. However, my own mother used to respond to my fears like that...well into my teens so I try not to do the same with DD. After all, she is not mini me so I have no clue what really bothers her. I have noticed that she has phases of being afraid of something. Right now, it's bugs like ms.pacman's DS. She will see every fly, bee, wasp, ladybug, and run. She doesn't cry but she wants me to kill them instantly. I am not scared of bugs at all so I'd rather not annihilate them but flies in my kitchen have to go at times. I just ignore her running around or join in and chant, "Yes, let's get them out of here." She has also seen me rescue some bees that accidentally flew into our house. Yes, we leave our windows open a lot. So, I am hoping things get better.
Also, I really recommend the playful parenting techniques shared above. DD was scared of doorbells for a couple of weeks, so I just scooped her up and took her to the door to see who it was. That helped a lot.