Bar/Bat Mitzvah gift in NE?

[Mommy2Abby]

If you and your spouse attend the bar/bat mitzvah of a co worker's child, how much would you give for a gift? Specifically looking for info in the Northeast/Philly area, but any references are helpful. Thanks!

[TwoBees]

How close are you with the coworker? Bar/Bat Mitzvah is Philly are outrageous (really, I should start saving now for DD's :shake:). I would give at least $100, in a multiple of $18. $144 might be appropriate. Again, it depends on how close you are with the coworker.

[almostmom]

I'm headed to a good friend's daughter's bat mitzvah and wondering the same thing. I really can't imagine giving a 13 year old more than $100, and was thinking less - maybe $72 or $90? But I really don't know.

[HIU8]

I would give something in a multiple of $18. However, I would probably go with the $90 choice unless the co-worker is someone very close to you.

[NCGrandma]

For those of us who are clueless ... What's the significance of multiples of 18 ?

[TwoBees]

For those of us who are clueless ... What's the significance of multiples of 18 ?

The number 18 signifies "life" in Hebrew.

Each Hebrew letter corresponds to a number. So aleph, the first letter, is 1, bet, the second letter is 2, and so on. "Chai" is the word for life, and is spelled with a chet and a yud (two letters) and the numerical value of those letters is 18.

[Philly Mom]

The amount may also depend on what area of Philly you live in. If you are in the city, main line or Montco, I agree with the PP who said ~$144, depending on how close you are to the co-worker.

[rachelh]

Wow. $100+ is alot! In my area in NY and where I grew up for the "stadard" bar/bat mitvah, I think generally people give about $54 (tops $72).

[Momit]

We are going to one on Long Island this summer, for DH's good friend/colleague's daughter. Another coworker suggested $500 since he knew we would never expect that most people would give that or more. I almost fell over. Then I saw the invitation. Seriously - it's fancier than many wedding invites I've seen. And I know wedding gifts in the NYC area are big $ too, so I guess $500 it is.

[lmintzer]

OMG, I am in the Philly 'burbs and am shocked at these numbers. Maybe it's because we hang with a pretty down-to-earth crew and go to a very low-key synagogue? My son will have his Bar Mitzvah in 2 years--I can't imagine him
getting gifts of $200! I think you can give less, especially if it is not someone who you are very close to.

[TwoBees]

OMG, I am in the Philly 'burbs and am shocked at these numbers. Maybe it's because we hang with a pretty down-to-earth crew and go to a very low-key synagogue? My son will have his Bar Mitzvah in 2 years--I can't imagine him
getting gifts of $200! I think you can give less, especially if it is not someone who you are very close to.

Yes, definitely. Let me say, we have been to some over-the-top b'nai mitzvot! As in, the entire cocktail hour could have provided a full dinner for twice the amount of guests. But we have also been to some lower-key ones too. OP: can you give a general idea (maybe county or a nearby town) of where the synogoue is and where the reception is being held? Also, is it an afternoon or an evening reception?

[almostmom]

Great - I'm going to go with this. The bat mitzvah I'm going to is in Wellesley, MA, but our friends know we don't make a lot of money. I don't think they will judge us for giving less than $100. Even though they have money, they are aware that not everyone is like them. And really, it's about the rite of passage.

At least I feel good knowing that most kids put this money in an account for later in life, and don't go buy something with it. I know I did, and it allowed me to do an internship a couple years after college. And that internship changed my life, so it was a good thing!

[Mommy2Abby]

Thanks for all of the insight... it is in a synagogue in Philly (not a suburb), and the reception/party is a mid-day event (so lunchtime, not evening).

We are not friends with the co-worker outside of work, but don't want to stand out one way or another... Appreciate all of the insight!!!

[Giantbear]

LI born and bred, $500 is way too much for LI unless you are real close with the family or it is a close relative. I would say $150-$250. Also, it is very usual to give a bond instead of cash or a check