DS's party spoiled his big day

[Gena]

DS made his First Communion yesterday. He worked so very hard to be ready for this event and I am incredibly proud of him! The Mass was beautiful and he did great.

However, his party afterwards, was a complete disaster. I could not believe some of my ILs.

Some didn't show up, because they don't think the event is really that big a deal.

Some came (not to the Mass, just to the party), but allowed their children to violate our house rules, torment DS, and trigger a total meltdown. They then proceeded to insult my DS and our parenting skills before helping themselves to heaping plates of leftovers to take home.

I can't believe that 5 years after his diagnosis of autism, they still don't get it.

I don't think we will be hosting or attending another family event for quite some time.

[citymama]

That's appalling behavior, I am so sorry to hear it. I would not invite them again. Period.

Congrats to your DS on making his first Communion - that is a huge deal!

[larig]

How horrible and insensitive. Well, and just plain rude. Poor, DS. I'm so sorry.

[AnnieW625]

I am soo sorry. I remember my First Communion and it was almost 30 yrs. ago and I have fond memories. I hope your DS is able to have some fond memories of his. I am soo sorry your family members and or friends ruined it for him. :grouphug:

[carolinamama]

I am so sorry to hear that. Not nice at all.

[TwinFoxes]

That is so heartbreaking. I'm very sorry. Hopefully he'll only remember the good part, and not the bad. :hug:

[elephantmeg]

I'm so sorry for all of you. Shame on them!

[elizabethkott]

Horrible. Just horrible.
I don't blame you at all for not wanting to attend family events for a very long time.
Congrats to your DS on his First Communion! I hope the good of the ceremony can outweigh the bad of the reception for him. :(

[crl]

Oh I am so sorry. :hug: Congratulations to your ds.

Catherine

[Giantbear]

that is the problem with family, you don't get to choose them, you just get stuck with them. Sorry your son's happy day was spoiled by your IL

[scrooks]

That is horrible! I am so sorry you had such a rough time on a special day!

[elliput]

I'm so sorry for you and your DS. I hope what he remembers of the day is how special his first communion was. :hug:

[sidmand]

:(

So sorry the adults in your DS's life can't behave more like adults. I hope he can remember some of the happy times of the day.

[mariza]

Wow, that is so appalling and sad at the same time! Congrats to your DS I hope he remembers how special the first part of his day was and forgets the awed inlaws! Hugs!!!

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Would so like to smack your relatives for you! hugs

[missym]

I'm sorry that happened to your DS. It had to be heartbreaking for you to see his big day end that way, when it started so well. Congratulations to him for doing such a great job on his First Communion! :grouphug:

[StantonHyde]

What a bunch of jerks!!!!!!!! No walt would I want me or my children around them--yuck!

[niccig]

Would so like to smack your relatives for you! hugs

Yeah that. :6:

I think you're perfectly justified to only invite people that get it to any other event you host. I don't care if they're family, doesn't mean you have to invited them if they're going to ruin the event for your family.

[MamaMolly]

ITA with the other posters that just because they are family means that they get to treat you like that. As hard as it is to come to terms with, I think you will be much happier in the long run surrounding yourself with 'family' of your choosing. Blood relation or not.

Congrats to your DS on his big day. That is a huge big deal, you must be terribly proud of him!

[DrSally]

I'm so sorry, that's awful!

[Puddy73]

I'm so sorry that they ruined his special day! Perhaps you could make a point of showing pictures and talking about the Mass for the next few days to really cement his good memories of the day.

[buddyleebaby]

I would have knocked the food out of their hands and told them to get the **** out of my house.

I am sure you handled it much better. I'm sorry they were so horrible.

[lmh2402]

i'm so sorry, gena. that sounds absolutely horrid.

your poor DS!! i would for sure stay clear for a good long while. :hug:

[OKKiddo]

DS made his First Communion yesterday. He worked so very hard to be ready for this event and I am incredibly proud of him! The Mass was beautiful and he did great.

Some didn't show up, because they don't think the event is really that big a deal.

Some came (not to the Mass, just to the party), but allowed their children to violate our house rules, torment DS, and trigger a total meltdown. They then proceeded to insult my DS and our parenting skills before helping themselves to heaping plates of leftovers to take home.

I can't believe that 5 years after his diagnosis of autism, they still don't get it.


I know when our first son was diagnosed with autism it was hard because we were terrified that we might not get to those milestones, or that when we did it would be well behind the "norm". Many people just don't get it and I've had to insulate myself against them by putting some distance in there. Sad, but it's even with my IL's who just don't get it. As far as how they treated your house and rules, I may have given quiet reminders but by the time they hit the tormenting of your child they would have heard the "thank you for coming I hope you have a nice drive home."

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this, I'm sure you have it all under control now so just give him hugs and know that we're all proud of you and him!

[Ceepa]

First Communion is huge. Your relatives are dolts.

I hope your DS can hold on to some joyful memories of the day.

[TwoBees]

I'm so sorry Gena. Hugs to you and your DS. :hug:

[dogmom]

You deserve an apology from them. Honestly, I am not usually a proponent of dealing with people who won't learn, but I would make an exception for this. I think they all deserve a letter from you and your husband talking about how hard your DS worked for this day and what a challenge it was for him given his dx. I would then tell them how sad and disappointed you are that they would not understand this and let other children torment him. I would compare it to bring sick children around your son receiving chemotherapy for cancer. I would again emphasize how disappointed you are and then explain you will not be able to invite them for family gatherings due to their behavior and non support for your son and his condition.

[gatorsmom]

Oh, Gena, I am so sorry. How awful for you. Gator's First Communion was the weekend before yours and it was difficult and disappointing for me mainly. I think I glossed over it all for Gator enough so that it was still special for him. Greenbean ruined MUCH of the day for us. He just couldn't handle so many people and so much noise and excitement. And, like you, I had relatives who just didn't think it was an important event so couldn't bother to even send a cheap card of congrats.

I was talking to another Catholic mom about this and she told me something that really comforted me. Maybe it will help you too. She said that Satan knows it's an important event for us and will use whatever means he can to ruin it. He will influence those among us that are the most susceptible and use them to cause problems or distractions. He is most active around those who are closest to Jesus. So, in a way, you could see that as an affirmation that you have made straight your path and are close to Our Lord.

Our day was completely ruined for me except for the moment when we were receiving communion as a family. I could feel at that moment, an overwhelming joy and pride. I remember standing there and feeling like I wanted to giggle out of excitement and happiness. I haven't felt that way since the day I stepped off the bus in Medjugorje. Satan couldn't take that away from me.

I am saying prayers of peace for you and your family. Congratulations to your sweet boy!!!!!! :cheerleader1:

[lizzywednesday]

Oh Gena, I feel terrible for your DS and angry at your relatives. I'd have gotten myself in VERY hot water if I found myself in your place. And those heaping plates of leftovers would never have made it out my door.

He's been through enough and a First Holy Communion is a big. flaming. deal.

It's a meaningful milestone in his life and he should have been able to enjoy the celebration.

Congratulations to him and hugs to you.

[Gena]

Thank you, everyone, for your support and encouraging words. It's amazing how strangers on the internet can be more understanding than family members. I truly appreciate the kindness of the community here.

There are two family events with the ILs scheduled for this weekend and I don't plan to attend either. DH can go if he wants, but DS and I are staying home.


Oh, Gena, I am so sorry. How awful for you. Gator's First Communion was the weekend before yours and it was difficult and disappointing for me mainly. I think I glossed over it all for Gator enough so that it was still special for him. Greenbean ruined MUCH of the day for us.

Lisa, I'm sorry that Gator's First Communion day didn't go well either. I feel for you and for Gator and for Greenbean. Congratulations to Gator! I hope both our boys can cling to just the good memories of their special days.

One of the good parts of our day was that after the my ILs left, I took DS to my parents' hotel to spend extra time with them. He had a blast and they took us out for a special dinner. Hopefully he will remember that as his celebration.

[JTsMom]

Wow, that was worse than I had imagined. I'm so sorry. :grouphug: I wish there could have been a group of us there who could have thrown them out on their ears.

[snowbunnies300]

Good for your DS! I'd like to ring the necks of the family members who were not supportive!! I think you are a wonderful mother who is very informed of what her child needs so I am certain that he will continue to make milestones.