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View Full Version : Advice on handling a potentially "messy" situation at school



plusbellelavie
05-08-2012, 03:10 PM
We recently gave our DD big news that she would be going back to her old school for a week and spending the time with her BFF. Here is the thread on that if anyone interested. DD is so happy and excited about it and has literally been on cloud 9!

http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=431717&highlight=france


We knew she would be missing the "last" full week of school here in the States but thought she would be back for her "Moving On" Ceremony with her current class.

Yesterday we emailed her teacher and let her know about DD's trip. She sent us back a very nice email telling us what a wonderful opportunity this would be for DD and how excited she was for DD but that DD would be in fact missing the "Moving On" Ceremony because it was being held the prior week not on the last day of school. I immediately sent her an email apologing for DD not being there and that it was not our intention when we had made the plans for DD to miss such an important event with her current class and teacher. She responded this morning again very positively telling me she understood and that it was a fabulous opportunity for DD and "no worries" etc. I know that she is very aware about how much DD misses France and her friends there through DD's essay and poems and mentioned it to DH during the last parent/teacher conference. Basically one of DD's poem about France and her BFF was so sad that DD's teacher told him that she asked DD to add another line or two and to make it more positive. When DH read the poem he realized that our decision to send DD to France to be with her "old" class was a good and even perhaps necessary for DD.

So here is where the "messy situation" starts. I happen to run into two other Moms today while running errands. One who has a DD currently in the same class (Mom A) and the other who son was in the class last year (Mom B). We got to talking about "graduation" and summer plans and I mentioned that DD was going to be returning to France to spend a week with her "old" class the last week of school but that we found out after tell the teacher that she would be missing graduation here. Mom B asked me how the teacher had reacted. And, I said very positively. Mom B then went on a rant!!! about how last year her son had missed "graduation" and that the same teacher had made her feel so guilty and wasn't very nice about it etc. I asked if she knew why...and she said something about the teacher not liking that her child would miss such an important event with his friends and teacher and how he was letting them down etc. I must say I was surprised because this was not the reaction that I had gotten. Then Mom A says to me "Well your DD is one of HER favorites!" all I could think to reply was "Oh really I didn't know that at all. I didn't think teachers had favorites."....Needless to say I left shortly after that feeling like I just open a Pandora's box neither Mom looked ready to let it go!! And, I can feel the gossip mill already turning!!

I have been thinking about this all afternoon. I don't understand why the teacher had a different reaction from last year to this year but I think that because DD is leaving for a wonderful opportunity and yes missing the ceremony but is going to attend the last day of school BUT that the boy last year just left school early to go on summer vacation. Would that make sense on why two different reactions?

I obviously plan to keep my mouth shut about this from now on and just share my excitment for DD privately but any advice on how to possibly calm things down before it gets too out of hand...this is a decision that DH and I made for DD just like Mom B made for her family last year I cannot explain the different reaction from the teacher but I certainly don't wish to have her put in a bad light about this either! KWIM??

Should I let the teacher know what happen today so if someone approaches her she can be prepared? Or should I just let it go?

Thanks for reading! sorry it so long!

infomama
05-08-2012, 03:17 PM
Maybe her reaction is a reflection of lessons learned with that mom or more simply, "that will be the last time I tell anyone I'm disappointed they will be missing graduation..sheesh!" I wouldn't say anything to the teacher unless you were fairly close.
That being said that mom sounds incredibly immature.

wendmatt
05-08-2012, 03:31 PM
Sorry a load of drama has taken a bit of joy out of the trip. I would try not to let it worry you, there is always some kind of drama. Maybe she is OK with DD missing school because DD is a great student, maybe the other kid in her class was a pita. Who knows, but try not to dwell too much on it. She (teacher) has been supportive to you and that's what counts. And who cares about graduation at this age......it's FRANCE!!!!!

vonfirmath
05-08-2012, 03:32 PM
I would not say anything to the teacher.

If the parent confronts her, its the bad behavior of the parent, nothing of yours.

I wouldn't worry about my kid missing "graduation" at this age.

chlobo
05-08-2012, 03:32 PM
I was going to say those mom sounded like Jr. High. I would just carry on as if you know nothing. I can understand why you are uncomfortable but as you said, you made your decision in the best interest for your DD so I would just leave it at that.

pinkmomagain
05-08-2012, 03:38 PM
Should I let the teacher know what happen today so if someone approaches her she can be prepared? Or should I just let it go?


I would just let it go.

crl
05-08-2012, 03:39 PM
I wouldn't say anything to anyone about it. Who knows why the teacher's reaction was different? And maybe the other mom over-reacted to whatever the reaction was in the first place. No way to know.

Catherine

HannaAddict
05-08-2012, 03:43 PM
Let it go, don't say anything and it will die on its own. More talk just feeds the beast! Don't worry either, France is a bug difference than just a regular vacation.

gatorsmom
05-08-2012, 03:44 PM
I would just let it go.

:yeahthat: I wouldn't say anything more about it to anyone. Who even knows if those moms were exagerating? Or maybe the teacher last year had reasons for getting upset pertaining completely to THAT family that we dont' know about. Hard to say. But the gossip will die down this summer and be a distant memory next year.

plusbellelavie
05-08-2012, 04:13 PM
Thanks everyone for PP....I will just drop it then! I am not close to the teacher at all...my contact with her has been by emails only.

I just finished talking to DD about what happen today. I also talked to her about why others may not share our excitment about her trip and that perhaps it would be best to keep it low key...not that she should not be happy and excited but that she may just want to share the news with her good friends.

She agreed!

And, I am just going to focus on her joy and not the pettiness of others!

maestramommy
05-08-2012, 05:13 PM
Just seeing this now, I think you're wise to let it go. I think in the future another lesson learned is that I wouldn't talk about these things with other moms. Missing a full week of school can be seen as a big deal by some, or you never know maybe the other mom took her kid on a family vacation for no particular reason, but he ended up missing school. I'm sure the teacher would say something about that. Who knows? It's not your problem, and I hope your DD has a blast!

dogmom
05-08-2012, 05:15 PM
I think if the mother cannot figure the difference between what you are doing for your DD and leaving early for summer vacation and why the teacher would react differently she is not worth any more thought.

AngB
05-08-2012, 05:40 PM
I would not say anything to the teacher.

If the parent confronts her, its the bad behavior of the parent, nothing of yours.

I wouldn't worry about my kid missing "graduation" at this age.

:yeahthat:

Especially about the graduation part. I think it's kinda silly that they even have a graduation-like ceremony. Graduating high school is special. Graduating college is special. "Graduating" elementary school or junior high? Eh, not so much...Maybe I'm just bitter because my schools didn't do graduation for elementary and middle school..:)

ellies mom
05-08-2012, 08:35 PM
I think if your daughter's teacher found it necessary to ask your daughter to "cheer up" one of her France poems and has seen the pain so to speak throughout her written work, then I'm thinking she sees that this trip is necessary and good for your daughter and that very well could influence the different response. Pulling a child out of the last week of school to get a bit of a discount at Disneyland is different than pulling out an obviously homesick child for a trip to Europe to see her very missed friends.

dcmom2b3
05-08-2012, 08:54 PM
In potentially messy situations that don't arise from my own lapses, I am happy to smile, look vague and talk about nonsense if confronted.

I might give the teacher a very, very modulated, off the record, and low-key heads-up about the other parent's reaction, if I had a close relationship with her, and could trust her to (i) accurately read the tea leaves that I was showing her and (ii) not resort to saying "Well , Plusbellelavie told me that . . .[X]" if and when the matter escalates.

Green_Tea
05-08-2012, 09:30 PM
I wouldn't say anything to anyone about it. Who knows why the teacher's reaction was different? And maybe the other mom over-reacted to whatever the reaction was in the first place. No way to know.


I can't tell you how frequently I have seen parents walk away from an interaction with a teacher with completely different takes on what went down. I have been to open house nights where I have been part of a big group listening to a teacher talk, and I will think that what's she's saying is completely reasonable but will later overhear parents talk about how b1tchy and awful she was. :dizzy:


I think if the mother cannot figure the difference between what you are doing for your DD and leaving early for summer vacation and why the teacher would react differently she is not worth any more thought.

This, exactly.

hillview
05-09-2012, 08:51 AM
I wouldn't say anything to anyone about it. Who knows why the teacher's reaction was different? And maybe the other mom over-reacted to whatever the reaction was in the first place. No way to know.

Catherine

I agree and also you don't know what else was going on with the other parent. Perhaps their child missed a lot of school? Perhaps it was for a reason the teacher was less ok with who knows?