What is the most important criteria when choosing a guardian?

[Binkandabee]

DH and I are in the midst of doing our estate planning documents and have a very difficult decision to make as far as who the guardian of our children will be. It's going to be either my mom or his mom...siblings on both sides are out for now. The problem is both are good choices and obviously they both can't do it. What criteria can we use to make a decision between the two of them? Just looking for some suggestions on how to make this decision...what does it ultimately come down to for you?

[BabyBearsMom]

I think the most important criteria is who would raise your kids how you would want them raised.

[Binkandabee]

I guess I'm looking for something apart from that because both my Mom and MIL would do a fine job raising our girls. Exactly how we would do it, no, but I have no doubt that our girls would turn out just fine if raised by my Mom or my MIL. They're both wonderful people. I need something that will tip the scales in either direction, just not sure what criteria to use to make that decision....because big picture both are good choices.

[Simon]

Beyond making sure they would raise the boys with love in a manner similar to our own and not having any kids that would create artificial twins and the obvious willingness.

In choosing guardians:
Age, Health, Location (our town or different) and/or willingness to move, School District, Ability to support the kids financially in case something happens to our estate, and how well the kids know that person right now. Another major consideration is the support network that person has available. Raising grandkids is a major undertaking and I'd want to look closely at that person's wider circle and be okay with the people they would be leaning on (likely your sibs).

We actually can't use any family. Parents are all totally out, sibs are out too for now and maybe one cousin's family could work, maybe. So, our guardians are close friends' of Dh.

[mackmama]

It was important for us to have these qualities in our guardian:
-will raise DC how we want
-financially responsible
-values education
-someone who is healthy (emotionally and physically)
-someone whose family/marriage is stable and happy
-young enough (in body and spirit) to raise a toddler

Those were our main criteria off the top of my head.

[gatorsmom]

Well, does religion play a role? What are some other criteria that are important to you? And what about the health of your mom and MIL? Are they both likely to live long enough to raise your children to adulthood? Are they both financially responsible and could manage the money left to your children? What do they value most? Is it similar to what you value most? Those are some of the questions we asked ourselves when we were considering guardians.

It was still a very tough decision. I hated making it and pray to God it never becomes necessary.

[rin]

We sort of "split the balance" between our two top choices, and wrote up our wills to have couple A listed as the first pick for guardian, couple B as the second, and then couple B listed as the first pick for trustee and couple A as the second, with the stipulation that the same couple couldn't be both guardian and trustee. We figured that way both couples would ultimately end up being officially involved in our children's lives.

For us, the deciding factor came down to age; couple A (my BIL & his wife) are much older than couple B (my parents), so we felt that even though my parents live two blocks away and are much more involved in our daily lives, we'd rather have BIL & his wife be listed, since they're much younger.

I suspect that things might change as the kids get older; right now DD1 is 2 and DD2 will be born in June, so moving cross-country wouldn't be as difficult for them as if they were school-age. We'll probably reassess as we go.

[hellokitty]

Qualities important to us:

-Mentally stable, good decision maker
-Healthy
-Kind
-Secure career
-Financially stable
-Has strong values
-Values education
-Ability to raise my children as their own.
-Not elderly (ie: this automatically ruled out both sets of grandparents)
-Has a spouse who we also trust.

[maestramommy]

The biggest considerations for us are 1) whether we think they have the resources (non-financial, since our kids would be provided for) to take on 3 more kids, and 2) whether we would be okay with them raising our kids with their parenting style.

[zag95]

We just met with an atty last night to begin our estate planning.

We put my parents as primary and DD's godparents as secondary.

Criteria:
Parenting style
financial means
involvement with our children (we are having another Dd in the summer)
awareness of children's medical needs ( DD was born with a cleft lip and palate and my mom has attended all appts to date)

Even though my parents are older (in their 60s) both of them are in good health, and if they needed help, they could hire a nanny or extra help if needed because they have the means to do so.