Reassurance - this is just a boy thing, right???

[Minnifer]

A friend commented to me today that DS is young for his age - meaning, developmentally (beeeeeyotch ;)). But, she basically articulated something that has been worrying me of late. He is exactly 11 months and is far behind where DD was at this age verbally and in terms of some types of interaction (I'll explain this). DD had LOTS of words at this point and was full on talking and able to communicate her needs/wants. DS does babble, and will occasionally say "mama" but it's mostly when he's crying and I'm not positive he gets it yet, conceptually. He won't wave hi or bye, although I *think* he may have attempted bye last week, and he will occasionally "high five". He doesn't yet know where his nose, ears, etc are, and doesn't know any animal sounds. Stuff like that. Physically, he seems on track - has been crawling for a while, cruises well, tries to climb things, seems close to walking. Not a rockstar, physically, but on target.

Now, granted, this is a typical 2nd child in that I don't spend nearly as much time teaching him these things and interacting w/him in this way as I did w/DD. Plus DD is a huge attention suck (the flip side of being so verbal - she does.not.shut.up. Ever.), and I have had no help whatsoever with them for the past 5 months and there's always a ton to get done, so too often DS just tools about on his own playing (I often joke it's like he's being raised by wolves :bag). But honestly, when I do try to play with him like this (pattycake, what sound does the cow make, etc) he could not be less interested. Doesn't really respond to these games, basically - could not care less. That's what I meant above about interacting. He absolutely interacts in other ways - he's quite sociable, lots of eye contact, smiles, etc. And he has started to point and babble talk about things, and to make it clear when he wants something by grunting and/or gesturing towards whatever it is. He'll try to roll a ball around with me, likes to be chased, etc., and he also adores his sister and likes to try to "play" with her.

Other (nicer) people/friends have assured me that this is pretty typical boy stuff in terms of the verbal side of things. I'm worried about whether that's really the case, plus I'm also a bit freaked out b/c DS doesn't share my (brilliant, LOL) genetics (he's genetically a half-sib to DD), so overall I'm concerned that maybe there's more to this/more going on. Any words of wisdom from you more experienced mamas???

[megv]

Well, I have 3 boys, so I only know boys. However, I don't necessarily think it is a boy thing as much as it is honestly just a 2nd child thing.

He is only 11months old - I think it is totally normal that he is not talking. My 21month really just became proficient with words, animal sounds etc around 18months. He didnt walk until close to 15months either.

A benefit of having an older sibling is that the younger child does not need 24hour entertainment from you :-) So don't feel guilty - enjoy him for who he is at the moment :-) Soon he wont stop talking either!

[alexsmommy]

Well I wouldn't say it's a boy thing, it's a "every kids is different" thing. All three of my boys started talking at different ages. With DS2 I was just starting to get worried about his slow start and difficult to understand speech at age 3.5 when he suddenly began to clearly articulate full paragraphs. I know girls who did the same thing. DS3 was able to communicate effectively verbally at 1.5.

[hellokitty]

I think that he's fine and it's too early to start freaking out.

[KrisM]

Kids all do things differently. DS1 only had a small handful of words at 11 months. DS2, my 3rd, had sentences by then. My 3rd is by far my most verbal.

[brittone2]

My first born was like that. I think he waved, pointed, said maybe 1-2 words up until about 13 months. He went on to be *super* verbal, so it didn't even really predict how he was later.

He needed to be close to me and wasn't too into doing his own thing, but DD and DS2 have been more into doing their own thing.

[dogmom]

First, yes, it is way to early, but if you do feel you need to talk to someone about it don't feel bad about bringing it up with your pediatrician. I realize this is a vast over generalization, but my DH has a great story from a friend of his.

She had her two DDs first, then a son. When her son was 2 he brought him to the doctor and said, "I think something is wrong with him."
Doctor:"What do you mean."
The woman then proceeds to tell him everything her DDs was doing at this age that he son was not. And the things her son was doing that her DDs were not.
The doctor looked at her and said:
"Ma'am, he's a boy."

Every time my 9 yo DS is doing something my almost 6 yo DD would not do (and he is a quite, well behaved, listen to instructions at school kid, not wild in any way) my DH and I look at each other and go, "Ma'am, he's a boy."

[AnnieW625]

I think that he's fine and it's too early to start freaking out.

:yeahthat: kids do things at different speeds. You might ask his pediatrician if you think something is wrong and get a referral for a hearing test. My DD1 had hearing issues between the time she was about 15 months old and 2 yrs. old and this created a speech delay. She ended up getting tubes at 2 yrs. old, started speech therapy at 2/1/2, and by the time she was 3 you never would have known there was anything wrong with her speech or hearing. I never would have thought at 11 or 12 months old that there was an issue with her only saying mama, dada, bye, and duck at that time. By the time she was 2 and said only those words, plus a few more I knew she had some kind of issue.

My DD2 spoke a bit more than DD1 at 12 months old, but not much, but I still wasn't worried. It is hard esp. when the first kid seems to excel that it sets the standards so high for the next kid.

[niccig]

It's not a boy thing, it's a development is a range thing. First word is around 12 months but range is 9-18 months - huge range. Keep on talking with him and having different interactions with him.

Oh, and I hope you :6: the mother that said he was behind developmentally.

[wellyes]

He is fine. My 2nd (a boy, after a girl) is the exact same.
But I understand how you feel - I was the same.
He's fine.

[candaceb]

My DS was very similar in terms of development. Around his first birthday, I think he was saying mama but only in his crib when he was screaming. At his 15 month well visit, they were looking for him to have 3-6 words and he had just picked up the third that week (mama, dada, uh-oh).

At almost 21 months he has over 100 words and has just started to put together 3 word sentences. He's fine. Your little guy is most likely fine too, but if you are really concerned then ask for an EI evaluation. The worse thing that happens is they tell you he's fine and normal - and if there is a problem, you'll catch it early.

[BDKmom]

I agree that it just sounds like your two DC are developing at different rates, but I don't see anything that sounds out of the range of normal. I also agree that I don't necessarily think it's a boy thing, just two different kids, and possibly a first child vs second child thing.

With my DS, it seemed that every time I started worrying about something developmental around that age, he would start doing it the next week. Just give him some time.

[codex57]

:yeahthat: kids do things at different speeds. You might ask his pediatrician if you think something is wrong and get a referral for a hearing test. My DD1 had hearing issues between the time she was about 15 months old and 2 yrs. old and this created a speech delay.

First of all, I do think he's too young to be freaking out just yet. That doesn't mean to not keep a careful eye out. DS has speech/language delays. He only said about 4 words at age 2. We prolly should have acted sooner, but he got speech therapy. He didn't "qualify" for services after he turned 3 but I'm now in the process of getting an eval for him.

Anyways, I'd wait until 18 months before you need to freak. Cuz he's a boy. However, definitely have him tested before he's 2. I was talking to some doctor that deals with this issue (met her at a baby shower so it wasn't too in depth), but I remember her telling me how it's important to get tested before you're two, because there are some medical procedures that need to be done before they're 2. After 2, it's considered too late. She didn't get into what they were cuz my son's symptoms didn't sound like it related to them, but I do remember storing away the message to "get tested before age 2 if concerned" in case we were worried about DD, our 2nd kid.

[edurnemk]

He sounds totally normal to me (I only have experience with boys, though DS was very verbal for a boy), the range for normal is pretty wide. Also boys like other kinds of games, i.e. instead of patty cake they prefer playing with cars and throwing balls (more physical stuff). So don't freak out. I don't think DS had more than 2-3 "words" in his vocabulary at 11 months, he did a lot of pointing and grunting, too.

And, yeah, your friend is a total beeeeyotch for saying that and worrying you.

[bigsis]

I could have written your post 5 years ago. Yes, it's a boy thing. Don't worry, your DS is just fine :)

[Dr C]

I agree that your son sounds pretty normal. it also sounds to me like your DD was rather precocious! Though boys do talk a little bit later than girls, on average, that difference is not as great as what you're seeing in your kids--I think you're seeing that all kids are different and there is a wide range of normal (regardless of gender).

I'd recommend bringing up your concerns to your ped at the 12 month check so she/he can be sure to carefully assess his development--I suspect that you will be very reassured. Everything you describe sounds normal to me!!

Be reassured that most kids who talk a little later turn out just fine, and that when kids start talking (within the normal range) really isn't a good predictor of future intelligence.

[mackmama]

Sorry about the mommy drive-by. :(

Our DC was very similar to yours at 11mo, and our pedi told us not to worry - that there is a huge range of "normal." I did request a referral for a hearing test just to make sure all was ok (which it was) so that might be something you want to consider for peace of mind.

DC just turned 16mo and says about 9 words, knows eyes/ears/mouth, points, waves, says bye-bye, and clearly understands a lot. I still sometimes wonder if DC should be talking more - but pedi continues to reassure me that all is ok.

I tend to think it's more about a developmental range than gender. I've recently been around a lot of boys and girls who are the same age as DC. Some say more, some say less - and the differences don't seem to correlate to gender.

:hug: I know this stuff is stressful and, as other PPs said, don't hesitate to ask your pedi about any concerns. Call him/her, or ask on your next well-visit.

[acmom]

With my DS, it seemed that every time I started worrying about something developmental around that age, he would start doing it the next week. Just give him some time.

:yeahthat: My DS (my 2nd, after my DD who was really verbal early) was just like this. I taught Early Intervention before he was born and have asked my speech therapy friends about him several times - each time, they said he was still in the normal range and to watch his progress. And each time, he has continued to progress and made big progress right after I was worried and talked to them! Your son sounds like he is still well within the typical range of speech and language development for his age. But I agree with PP, if it is worrying you, it never hurts to talk to his dr. or someone about it, even if just for reassurance.

[llama8]

That sounds perfectly normal for both boys and girls.

My DD1 only said Mama and Dada at 11 months and now she speaks in full conversational sentences that make people think that she is way older than 2. Her school says she is extremely smart (and we were worried about her because of late verbal beginnings).

My DD2 who is 10 months old only says mama, Dada, kitty,and uh-oh. She is ahead of where DD1 was at that age. She doesn't know any body parts or animal sounds and I would not ever expect her to at that age. Maybe at 1.5 years old. If you ask her to clap hands, wave, or blow kiss, she will do it correctly. She does point. We did just get ear tubes 2 weeks ago and it made a difference, but I think most 10-11 month old's are not doing too much verbally.

I think the real time to begin worrying is 1.5 years old. If your son is responsive, somewhat verbal, and engaging at 11 months old, there is nothing out of the ordinary.

[mom3boys]

I don't think any of my boys (well DS3 is not quite 10 months, there's still time) really said a clear word, besides babbling that included mama, dada, etc., before 1 year of age. DS3 does say mama and "da" and I used to think I heard "baba" for bottle but he doesn't say it anymore, maybe once I THOUGHT I heard him attempt DS1's name. and he doesn't always use the words in the right context. Maybe since he's a third kid I have never gone over with him what I cow says so maybe he's behind in that regard!

When I brought DS1 in for his 15 month appt. I was worried that he only knew 2-3 words, the Ped said "Don't compare him to the girls. Don't expect him to say many words before 18 months". Physically though he was my earliest crawler and walker. (And his words came around, although he does have a stammer so might need some speech therapy for that. But his vocabulary is enormous)

DS2 was faster at picking up words but slower physically but he walked by 13.5 months which is well within normal. When I took him for his 2 year physical the nurse asked "Does he know at least 6 words?" I replied "He knows at least 100 words." So he was probably above normal for his age. Interestingly, I thought it was because he was a 2nd child that his vocabulary developed more quickly, but it was probably just how he was developmentally--DS2's cousin is 1 week younger than him and was CLEARLY behind DS2 in words/comprehension etc for probably 2.5-3 years. Now however they are both almost four and seem to be more similar in that regard so the cousin caught up without any intervention.

All this to say it sounds like your DS is completely on track to me.

[Mrs.Skeeter]

I rarely post here but I'm a long time lurker, but I felt like I had to post a response.

First, I'm sorry that someone made that insensitive comment about your son. Second, many things you described about your child were the exact things I was thinking about my son (my only child). However, my son was 20 months old and barely saying any words, didn't know body parts, wouldn't point or follow directions, but he was on track doing physical things.

Now, just over one month later he knows all his body parts, he's trying TONS of new words everyday (today he said bike, plane, and train for the first time), he will play hand games with me, follows directions (like sit down, find your shoes, and wash your hands), and is very good at communicating his needs. He still won't make animal sounds at all, period.

I suppose my point is that you are not alone, and your son is likely perfectly normal and progressing at his own pace. Keep doing the best you can. :love5:

[Minnifer]

Thank you so much, everyone! It's been sooooooo helpful to read everyone's experiences and thoughts, plus I really appreciate you guys not making me feel irrational for worrying about this :D. But I will try to chill about it, at the same time as keeping a (low-key) eye out, and will probably mention it to our ped (who is a new dr for us, so no real history w/her, which is a bit unfortunate). And yes, re the "friend" who said this, I have to remind myself that she's a new acquaintance who, while nice, has struck me in the short time I've known her by how uninformed she is about all things parenting (she's obviously not on BBB!), so I have to take what she says with a grain of salt, LOL.

[american_mama]

He sounds normal for an 11month old, way too soon to worry, especially if you what you see is just "immaturity" (strange word for an 11 month old) rather than emotional withdrawal, regression of skills, etc.

Just wanted to say that my DS just turned 4 and has two older sisters. I have been fretting a fair amount lately about things he doesn't do as well as girls his age (articulation while talking) or as well as his sister at this age (wear underwear at night). Then I worry about him doing girl-things in imitiation of his sisters (fascination with Polly Dolls and Katy Perry songs), or bad coping skills (crying, walking away in a huff including making "huff" noises and crossing his arms) that leave him ill-prepared to socialize with boys. So, yes, I understand noticing developmental differences between daughters and sons, and wondering if this is normal or behind. I think everything is normal with my son and all will work out, but I do fret a bit.

[magnoliaparadise]

or bad coping skills (crying, walking away in a huff including making "huff" noises and crossing his arms)

This made me laugh out loud. Are you SURE you weren't talking about my kid?

[magnoliaparadise]

Sorry, ignore this! Didn't mean to post and can't seem to 'unpost'.
But now that I'm here... you know, Minnifer, about my story about talking, right? I think I mentioned it - that family lore has it that I didn't speak until 3 or 4 and my parents were worried and then one day, I just came to the kitchen table talking in full sentences and that was it... so... I think there is a large range of normal.