Please help me make a decision - Daycare

[BabbyO]

First...thank you to all the parents who've responded to my plethora of ??'s lately. I feel like every aspect of our lives is in transistion or just not normal right now and I've had a million questions...so thank you many times over. I value the advice I get here...which is why I keep coming back.

Anyway, today's ? is about daycare...this is long, so I apologize in advance.

DS1 started going to a private sitter when he was 3 mo old. For the first 18 - 21 mo things were great and she only called us 2 times to cancel for last minute illness. Just before DS turned 2 the sitter sprained her ankle very badly. To make a long story short, complications from the sprain led to back problems, migrains, etc. In Nov, while I was on maternity leave with #2 she ended up having surgery to fix her ankle.

After her surgery we decided she could not take care of the kids full time, even with the help she gets from her older kids (17 & 14 and homeschooled). It wasn't fair to her family so we put the kids in daycare at a local center 3x/wk. She/her family still watch them 2x/wk on Monday & Friday. This set up has been in place since January.

DH and I have talked about what will happen when we transistion back to the sitter because the intention from the beginning was that the center was tempory. We expected to go to 2x/wk at the center and 3x/wk with the sitter for a while, then go back to full time with the sitter.

Yesterday the sitter emailed us and let us know that she is ready to take the kids full time (with help from her family). She is feeling like she's on the upswing, though not totally recovered. But part of her motivation is a) she misses our kids terribly and b) she's hoping to break the germ fest that has been occuring in both our family and her's since the kids started at the center.

DH and I have written a Pro/con list for both the sitter and the center. Given the background and our Pro/Con list, WWYD?

Thanks if you made it this far.

Sitter - Pros
-Kids sick less
-she can be more flexible if we need to be early or late for drop off & pick up
-She occassionally drops off/picks up the kids for us if she is in the area
-Food coordination (DS' have allergies)
-Family environment
-less separation anxiety from DS1 (2.75 yo)
-$$
-sitter homeschools and has a "every moment is a teachable moment" philosophy
-we always know what is going on with our kids developmentally, behaviorally, physically because we get to talk to her daily.

Sitter - Con
-kids are in the car alot because of errands & appts
-Less learning structure
-less time outside
-scheduling can get a little hectic
-if she/family is sick we have to scramble last minute
-there is extra drop off/pick up time because they are further from our house and we chat

Center - Pros
-closer to home, less time with drop off/pick up
-structured learning
-outside every day
-exposure/socialization with other kids their age
-classroom setting
-won't cancel last minute
-Potential backup for when sitter is sick

Center - Cons
-bringing illness into our homes (how long does this last - we've been sick since we started in Jan)
-potential exposure to bad habits from other kids (DS1 may be starting to exhibits signs of this)
-We aren't as in touch with the kids development because we can't talk to teachers daily, esp for DS1 (we get general daily reports for DS2)
-$$
-DS1 is experiencing separation anxiety and tells us he wants to go to sitters/doesn't like school (although it is clear upon picking him up that he does have fun at the center)

[new_mom_mry]

Is it possible for you to find a nanny who will come to your home? We tried daycare for a few months (started DS in January) and it was just awful. He was sick all.the.time We took him out in late March and had to scramble to find a nanny really fast and got lucky with a recommendation from a friend. Actually, we now have a few nannies who split the week and watch DS. The biggest advantages for us are that there is no commute time for pick ups and drop offs and no illnesses. It sounds like your sitter is awesome but the pickup/dropoff commute time is an issue. Not to be biased or anything, but I have found that women without kids (especially recent college grads in transition, etc.) make the best nannies! Super high energy, they come to your home so you get to set the schedule and the rules, etc. When we tried having a woman with another child watch DS at her house, I found it sort of disappointing. She tried taking him around to run her errands and she determined all aspects of their day. The TV was frequently on...etc. Anyway, I hope you guys find a good solution!

[wendibird22]

We did a home daycare for DD1 until she was 2.5yo and then transitioned both she and DD2 when she was born to a center. We've never looked back and never regretted it. It was a bit more money and we had loved the sitter, but for us the pros of a center outweighed the pros of staying with her. The center is 100% consistent...a teacher will always be there, we know the routine, no changes for errands or doc appointments, etc. Our girls love their teachers at the center and are happy there.This is just my personal opinion but I wouldn't want to pay a home sitter and know that she has her teenage kids assisting with the childcare or know that she was taking my kids along on personal errands. But that's just outside my own comfort level.

[twowhat?]

I think this is a highly personal decision. For me it would frustrate me to no end to have the sitter have to cancel last minute due to illness, etc. I need the accountability of a center, where I never have to worry about childcare unless my kids are sick or there is inclement weather interfering with people's abilities to drive to work.

Speaking of illness - this is also pretty variable depending on the child but the first full year in a center was rough on all of us with back-to-back illnesses. Once you make it through an entire year (including the winter!) then things seem to get so much better (provided you spent the entire year in the same community and plan on staying! Anytime you move you get exposed to a whole new set of illnesses). Also keep in mind that your kids will get sick initially in a group setting no matter which setting it is (be it daycare, or when they start public school).

I do have friends with kids at an in-home center who wouldn't change it for the world, but when they have to juggle kids and work when the DCP gets sick or closes early (in order to be able to attend her own kids' functions) or takes vacation, I just couldn't handle that because I'd have to eat into my own PTO and vacation days (either that or try to care for kids AND do work at the same time which we all know is virtually impossible at least when they're young).

[Giantbear]

We went the daycare rout with dd when my wife went back to work at 15 months. we endured 4 months of constant illness which included high fevers, but that has calmed down tremendously. While it is $$$, i feel we went the right way. Our center has great meals, summaries home each day, with pictures, of the days activities, outdoor play and she gets the socialization with other kids that she doesn't at home being an only child. While it would be nice to have greater flexability, the pros far outweigh the cons for us.

[BabbyO]

Is it possible for you to find a nanny who will come to your home? We tried daycare for a few months (started DS in January) and it was just awful. He was sick all.the.time We took him out in late March and had to scramble to find a nanny really fast and got lucky with a recommendation from a friend. Actually, we now have a few nannies who split the week and watch DS. The biggest advantages for us are that there is no commute time for pick ups and drop offs and no illnesses. It sounds like your sitter is awesome but the pickup/dropoff commute time is an issue. Not to be biased or anything, but I have found that women without kids (especially recent college grads in transition, etc.) make the best nannies! Super high energy, they come to your home so you get to set the schedule and the rules, etc. When we tried having a woman with another child watch DS at her house, I found it sort of disappointing. She tried taking him around to run her errands and she determined all aspects of their day. The TV was frequently on...etc. Anyway, I hope you guys find a good solution!

An in-home nanny is not an option for us. DH works from home and the interruption to his day would be unacceptable.

I appreciate the feed back, everyone. Please continue to weigh in. I know the decision is very personal...but sometimes an outsider sees things differently and can point out things that you may be missing because you're too close to the situation.

[khalloc]

We also use a center. Its a small one. My DS was sick for the first year he was there. He had cold-induced asthma though. but after a year - 18 months he is not sick nearly as much. I cant imagine ever wanting to use a home daycare full-time. Mostly because of the issues with paying for vacation weeks where you cant send your kid but still have to pay, sick days for the caregiver, etc...

I do use a home daycare for my DD for after-school care and summer care. I do have to pay for 2 weeks of vacation over the summer, which kind of irks me!

Also, your kid(s) are going to get sick no matter what. If you put them in the home daycare now, they might be less sick because they are exposed to less germs, but once they start school (unless you homeschool?) they will just start getting sick then instead.