My mother's day was OK, but everything else, yeesh!

[mom3boys]

So my mother's day was fine, but the days before and after, I don't even know where to start.

Saturday night during my "mother's day present" (dinner without the kids) DH revealed to me that he might have a (biological) daughter. Who is 17. He started to suspect a year ago when the girl contacted him. But he isn't sure (the girl's mom told him the father was another man, this is like 6 years before I even met DH-but now DH has seen a picture of the girl and thinks she looks like him). I don't even really know how to deal with that right now because it is so surreal so I put it out of my head for mother's day.

Today I had to retract an abstract from a scientific conference I was supposed to present at. One of the collaborators says she didn't see the abstract before it was submitted and she didn't agree to it and I need to retract it. I was not only forced to retract, but I had won a monetary award to attend the meeting that I then had to decline. And I no longer have a reason to attend the meeting. And it reflects poorly on me and my mentor even though I did send the thing to this collaborator she just never responded. She is a witch and is taking things out on my mentor who is not at fault. This is a big deal and I feel completely humiliated.

Also, I have about $60 dollars in my account and at the end of the week I will owe my nanny $600. I think DH can cover it but not sure. At this point I'm worried I'll have to pull money out of my old 401K and going forward we will have to suspend putting into the kids' college accounts for a little while. I feel like going to get my PhD was the worst decision of my life. I've put our family through financial hardship to do it and given up time with my kids. We would have been in better shape financially if I was a SAHM.

Oh and I applied for a job, went through 3 phone interviews, and now it's been a week and I've heard nothing. And I e-mailed the HR person today and she didn't e-mail me back. Not a good sign.

I am at my wit's end. DH let me stay late tonight at school so I can work on my thesis but I've completely wasted the time because I'm so frazzled and upset I can't concentrate. So now I feel guilty about that, too.

Ugh, please tell me something will get better. Sorry just had to unload, I can't keep it in my head anymore.

[hellokitty]

:hug: Wow, this is a lot of heavy stuff. I feel badly for you and hope that things turn around quickly.

[lmh2402]

:hug: Wow, this is a lot of heavy stuff.

:yeahthat: i'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this. :hug: :hug:

[kozachka]

:yeahthat: i'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this. :hug: :hug:


More :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:.

[edurnemk]

I'm sorry, that's a lot to deal with. :grouphug:

[WatchingThemGrow]

oh, honey, that's a lot to deal with. When I got down to the end, I looked and thought, "Oh no, and her boys are beating the cr*p out of one another with light sabers!" Keep us posted.

[ahisma]

That's a bunch of really hard issues all at once. I'm sorry.

I feel your pain re: the PhD. I'm sitting here with a JD getting ready for bar prep, knowing that the career outlook is grim. It's hard. What seemed like a good idea turns south quickly when the economy collapses while you're in school.

I hope that you get some good news as the week moves on, you deserve it.

[elbenn]

That's a lot on your plate. Hopefully someday you will be glad that you got your PhD. That's a huge accomplishment!

[Seitvonzu]

i really commend you for sticking things out with your PhD... that's a great accomplishment and eventually i think you'll realize that it was worth it! (says the person that went all the way through comps and decided i just could do the dissertation thing (even though after my masters one of my committee members said "congrats on your 1st phd!" *eyeroll*) i'm always doubly impressed with people who finish their education with kids-- that's crazy tough. good on you mama!

as for the rest of your week-- geezypetey! i hope you get a happy news influx and what we in my family call "a popular day" (you know where every one is nice to you, tells you your pretty, birds sing in your path and the grocery store is chockful of free samples?) veryvery soon. you deserve it!

[mom3boys]

oh, honey, that's a lot to deal with. When I got down to the end, I looked and thought, "Oh no, and her boys are beating the cr*p out of one another with light sabers!" Keep us posted.

Strangely the kids are the least of my worries!

Sometimes on here it's like writing in a diary that actually responds to you. I'll keep you all posted on the baby-daddy drama. The rest of the stuff, well, the school stuff will blow over, and I'll get a job soon and we'll be in better financial shape soon too, I know it will happen I am just running out of patience (and $$).

[crl]

Oh, that's a lot. :hug:

Catherine

[vejemom]

I don't want to add to your worry, but you might want to consult with a family law attorney if it turns out this child does belong to your DH. I've done a lot of reading on father's rights websites researching divorce/child support law because of the hot mess that is my husband's ex wife. From what I've read (probably varies by state) your DH could be on the hook for child support, and possibly even retroactive child support. Depending on what the mother decides to do with that information.


I'm so sorry!! Any one of those things would be a lot. Put together,well, that's just not fair to one person!

[janine]

The other pieces are challenging but stay tough on the PHD front because it will be worth it and are sacrificing now for a greater good for you and your family. Stop the 401K payments until things stabilize - good for you for following your dreams.

The baby daddy thing is an issue - I'm sorry that that has come up and especially for the bad timing. I hope it's just a scare but wait and see on that.

On a + note, glad you had a good mother's day, that's awesome and means you are appreciated!!

[HonoluluMom]

That's a lot to deal with, and I hope things only get better. :grouphug:

[misshollygolightly]

Sending you lots and lots of hugs. That's waaaay too much to have to deal with...ever! The baby-daddy thing is just NUTS...I wouldn't even know how to respond. And the PhD thing and interminable job market game, well, I can relate to both. Sitting here trying to finish my dissertation and trying to be thankful for the postdoc I have for this next year without worrying too much about the fact that I may not fare any better on the job market this year than last. But the main thing, as others have said, is not to lose sight of the *huge* accomplishment that finishing your PhD actually is. Regardless of whether it leads directly to a lucrative job, it's a tremendous statement about the quality of your work (far more important than a retracted abstract) and once you have it no one can take it away from you.

Is there any way to get the witch to sign off on the abstract? Can she suggest some alterations that would make it acceptable to her? Can your adviser smooth things over with her, by any chance? If not, well, that does suck mightily but it isn't the end of the world. There will be other conferences, and you'll have other opportunities to let your work stand on its own (without this obnoxious person getting in the way). Sending you lots of hugs and dissertating vibes!

[mom3boys]

And the PhD thing and interminable job market game, well, I can relate to both. Sitting here trying to finish my dissertation and trying to be thankful for the postdoc I have for this next year without worrying too much about the fact that I may not fare any better on the job market this year than last. But the main thing, as others have said, is not to lose sight of the *huge* accomplishment that finishing your PhD actually is. Regardless of whether it leads directly to a lucrative job, it's a tremendous statement about the quality of your work (far more important than a retracted abstract) and once you have it no one can take it away from you.

Is there any way to get the witch to sign off on the abstract? Can she suggest some alterations that would make it acceptable to her? Can your adviser smooth things over with her, by any chance? If not, well, that does suck mightily but it isn't the end of the world. There will be other conferences, and you'll have other opportunities to let your work stand on its own (without this obnoxious person getting in the way). Sending you lots of hugs and dissertating vibes!

Hollygolightly, thanks for your kind words. We did alter the abstract thinking that might improve things but she was so incensed we just decided to retract it (she basically seemed to want to retract it to be punitive to me, which I don't even understand, my own mentor would never act that way, and I wouldn't either). In fact, I wish we had just retracted it without mentioning anything to her as now she is just going crazy saying I didn't have permission to analyze the data in the study (which I did) and being pretty awful to my mentor, who is her old graduate student. What I figured out but never knew before (the witch is now at a different institution) is that my mentor is completely terrified of this woman. If I had known that I would have been extra careful to get sign-off before submitting. Anyway it is what it is, I almost feel sorry for this woman if this is all her life is, trying to make other people miserable for her own self-satisfaction.

Good luck on your PhD too! Your kids are almost the same age as my DS2 and DS3. I know how tough it can be and it is a real accomplishment. I hope the job prospects improve too. I have (almost) 3 degrees from top universities and 10 years of work experience and I have never had this much trouble finding a job.

[MamaMolly]

Have mercy. I think you need a glass of wine. :54: