dear MIL,

[brgnmom]

thank you for having a way to make Dh and me, along with our kids, look like the major outcasts in the family, especially after we did not buy you the luxury car that you wanted for your birthday. From your recent actions, it is quite clear that you were the one who underhandedly asked FIL to speak with Dh and me about buying you the luxury car. And after we shared with you our new address, you emailed us asking us to verify that we have in fact moved, and later on, offered no congratulations for finally moving into our first home (after renting for seven years). I have not known any mother, except you, MIL, who wouldn't want her adult child to make wise financial decisions for himself, and that includes having to put his foot down on not buying you the luxury car you insist on. Actually, Dh and I need to work on buying our own car b/c we technically only own one for ourselves b/c my parents are loaning the other car that my Dh drives.

Thanks for sharing the 170-plus pictures you took of your Mother's day potluck that you held at your home with your sons, DILs and other grandchildren who all live within a fifteen-minute drive from you. Sorry we couldn't make the 3-hour drive to attend your potluck. (I'm sure that I would have gotten an earful about the food being untasteful after a long such drive, lol). Besides, when Dh and I made a much longer drive last year when DD was just 3-months old, your sons/DILs and other grandchildren did not bother to see us anyhow and meet DD for the first time. So it is rather hurtful for you to shower us with all those Mother's day pictures you took for yourselves. To top it off, your DILs and sons did not even respond (and still hasn't responded) to our email requesting for pictures taken at my DD's 1st bday party, several months ago. I had to make the couple hour drive during another busy holiday weekend to pick up *your digital* pictures of my own DD's 1st bday party which we held near you (10 mins from you), just so you didn't have to make the drive to us or stop by a post office.

[Puddy73]

Ugh, I can't stand that kind of passive-aggressive crap. You deserve a break from her. And a big drink with a twisty straw.

[hellokitty]

I'm sorry. I *hate* it when one spouse (usually mil) gets the other spouse to ask for/say something for them. I did not bring it up on your previous thread, b/c I thought my mil was of the few evil ones to do this, sounds like yours is the same way. It makes me want to scream, since I know that it is not something fil would come up with on his own.

I'm also sorry that your DH's family in general is so alienating toward you. What does your DH think? HOWEVER, I will say, after dealing with my fair share of dysfunctional family members, that it's often a nice gift to get the cold shoulder (I am happiest when mil is pissed at us and giving us the silent treatment, it's such a nice vacation from her drama), when they act this way, and you don't feel like you have to keep making an effort when they are the ones being jerks. This gives you an, "out" from the dysfunction by being able to separate yourself and not get pressure from them. :hug: Seriously though, they sound so toxic, do you want to be around these kind of ppl?

[janine]

As someone dealing with massive passive aggressive (PA as I call it) from my IL's, you have my sympathy. In my case it was at its WORST after each baby was born (no visits and uptick in PA twisted behavior) which to me just shows how selfish PA's are - try to send negative message when our guard is most down and would appreciate support.

I should do a DEAR MIL (or SIL/BIL) letter as well!

In my case I'm deciding to pull away - I hope it gets better for you.

[brgnmom]

thank you, ladies, for your support. :love5: I like to think of TwinFoxes' suggestion in my prior thread of sending MIL a matchbox car to bring some lightheartedness into the situation.


I did not bring it up on your previous thread, b/c I thought my mil was of the few evil ones to do this, sounds like yours is the same way. It makes me want to scream, since I know that it is not something fil would come up with on his own.

I'm also sorry that your DH's family in general is so alienating toward you. What does your DH think? HOWEVER, I will say, after dealing with my fair share of dysfunctional family members, that it's often a nice gift to get the cold shoulder (I am happiest when mil is pissed at us and giving us the silent treatment, it's such a nice vacation from her drama), when they act this way, and you don't feel like you have to keep making an effort when they are the ones being jerks. This gives you an, "out" from the dysfunction by being able to separate yourself and not get pressure from them. :hug: Seriously though, they sound so toxic, do you want to be around these kind of ppl?

yes, our MILs sound similar. Dh characterizes his parents as "selfish" because of their recent requests, and as a result, he prefers us living further away from his side of the family and the drama that his mom creates. I'm thankful that we don't see them in-person more than a few times per year, and I'm hoping to reduce that. I'll follow my Dh's lead, although I did take a road trip by myself + kids during the Christmas holiday season to drop off gifts for the ILs and my side of the family. Dh doesn't like visiting his side of the family though - I guess the visits sometimes remind him of unpleasant childhood memories.


As someone dealing with massive passive aggressive (PA as I call it) from my IL's, you have my sympathy. In my case it was at its WORST after each baby was born (no visits and uptick in PA twisted behavior) which to me just shows how selfish PA's are - try to send negative message when our guard is most down and would appreciate support.

I should do a DEAR MIL (or SIL/BIL) letter as well!

In my case I'm deciding to pull away - I hope it gets better for you.

thank you - I feel better venting here. I hope that your ILs' PA behavior gets better. That's horrible how it was worse right after each child's birth.

[Toba]

Didn't read all the replies, but I remember your original post about the initial guilt trip about buying a luxury car for your MIL. I have to admit that it actually stuck with me because of the utter boldness of such a demand. I definitely have my own problems with my own MIL but at least she's never tried to guilt us into bankruptcy to get a very unneeded luxury vehicle. If I remember correctly, don't they already have three cars for just the two of them and several unpaid family loans? Ugh, I totally feel for you. Hope you had an awesome Mother's Day anyway!! :)