Donating your eggs

[katerinasmom]

Has anyone donated their eggs to a family member?
My sister has terrible endometriosis. She was able to conceive a child after 4 rounds of IVF. She now wants a second child but has been told that her ovaries are no longer functioning and harvesting an egg is virtually impossible at this point. Trying to make her feel better, I was running through alternative options and without thinking spit out that she could have my eggs. She called me today to ask me if I was serious and asked if I would give it some real serious thought.

I'm almost 38. I have two kids already and don't plan to have anymore. Both my kids are healthy. I'm single but in a serious relationship and I know that I'd want to talk to my SO about this first but my guess is he will tell me that it is my body and my sister and ultimately I should do what I want. (Although i don't really know since he doesn't have kids of his own.)

I am not concerned about anything physically difficult or uncomfortable or even risky to me. I would do anything for my sister. I guess I'm more concerned that if it worked and she got pregnant but something was wrong with the baby her husband would blame me. He can be an ass.

[pharmjenn]

I have not donated, but my sister was going to donate to me. The process of harvesting eggs is not that difficult or painful, but at 38yo you are unlikely to be a candidate. It is very easy to test, they give you a drug to stimulate egg production (very low dose) then a couple days into your cycle you get a blood test. The FSH level gives the docs an idea of whether you will stimulate well. My sister at age 37 had elevated FSH (and I did as well, at 34) so they told us we could try but would not likely get many/any eggs.

If you do decide to do this, there will be counselling sessions that most centers make mandatory. Will you tell the child, how will it be handled etc

[katerinasmom]

Thanks for responding. I figured I might not even be able to give her my eggs but I want to make my decision first and then leave it up to a higher power.

[rin]

I have no personal experience with donated eggs, but here are some issues I gather are worth thinking about:

*What will the child (if there is one) know about his/her conception? Would this change your willingness to go through with it?
*What will your own children know about their biological half sibling? How will you tell them, if at all?
*How will you feel about being auntie to your biological child? Do you think you would have trouble respecting your sister's parenting decisions if they differed from your own?
*Would you have ethical concerns if your eggs resulted in one or more embryos that were ultimately selectively reduced/destroyed/donated to someone else after your sister had all the children she wanted to have/etc?
*Are you comfortable with the potential medical effects (all the hormone treatments, etc)?
*Are you comfortable with the time commitment for all the medical appointments?
*Are you comfortable with the possibility that genetic testing (which I believe tends to be run on most if not all egg donors/donor eggs/etc) could turn up something that might raise your insurance rates?

[MamaMolly]

Rin has answered even better than I ever could!

FWIW I did IVF for both my girls. My sister went the adoption route for religious reasons.

I think the hardest part for me would be the feeling of it being 'my' child, and reconciling myself to accepting my sister's parenting choices. As it stands now, my sister and BIL are not my children's guardian in our wills. This is mostly due to pretty deep philosophical differences in life and also in how we are raising our kids.

I don't know what to tell you other than I'd donate a kidney to my sister, but I don't think I would donate a kid. That seems so harsh but I'm talking about the difference between HER life and a child's life IYKWIM.

[Minnifer]

You should go on the PVED site/boards (parents via egg donation http://www.pved.org/) and look for info from/about those who have done this there. Even if you don't join (which you may have to do to view the boards), the founder Marna is easy to get in touch with and is a wealth of information, and I bet she would be able to put you in touch with donors and recipients in this kind of scenario (which is not all that unusual in the donor egg world).

One thing to keep in mind in approaching this is that the latest research on children conceived via donor eggs/sperm has shown that full disclosure of the child's origins from the beginning is best for the child (although for some reason this continues to be hotly debated by parents), and that the more information available to the child about the donor, the better - this is why folks are trending away from using anonymous donors and are using donors with various levels of information disclosure (similar to the trend towards open adoption v. closed). (I have not donated myself, but have been a recipient of both donor egg and sperm from donors who are willing to have their identities released (and other information known) when the child is 18).

[georgiegirl]

We have friends who did this. They tried unsuccessfully with her own eggs for a while, then they used her sisters eggs and got pregnant on the first try. Their boy-girl twins turn 1 at the end of the month.

[katerinasmom]

Thank you everyone. I have a lot to think about and talk over with my sister.

[longtallsally05]

I don't know what to tell you other than I'd donate a kidney to my sister, but I don't think I would donate a kid. That seems so harsh but I'm talking about the difference between HER life and a child's life IYKWIM.

:yeahthat:

[Jacksmommy2b]

We also have friends in a similar situation.

The husband was sterile and after much debate and soul searching they used his brother's sperm. They have a happy, healthy two year old and AFAIK everything went really smoothly.

I *think* I would do it for my sister. We are really close and I do think I could handle it. I don't think I would be willing for my SILs. Good luck in whatever you decide.

[nfowife]

In my case, I am not super close to my sister or SIL. But, I would still gladly do it for them. I think a big part of that is that I am at peace with my own family's size. We are DONE and DONE and have no desire for another child. So I don't think I'd have that attachment that I might have if I wanted to have a baby myself, kwim?
Even though we are not super close both Sis and SIL are wonderful people who deserve every chance to be a mom.

Good luck with your decision.