Where are you REALLY from?

[fedoragirl]

I get asked this about twice a day on average. Granted I don't live in my hometown or even my own country, and sure I stick out like a sore thumb with my American double stroller (only meant for twins here), and my way of dressing, and of course, the language. But I am really, really tired of people always asking me this question. It's not just where I live. I used to teach adults at a community college in the US, and immigrants always asked me this question. This is what a typical conversation goes like:
Stranger: Hi, Where are you from?
Me: U.S.A.
Stranger: Where? (as if they can't believe it)
Me: (playing dumb) U.S.A --name of state, and even city if needed.
Stranger: No, where are you REALLY from?
Me: America
Stranger: No, where is your culture...you skin color from?
Me: dumbfounded and speechless

I get why they ask this. Most people, other than Americans, associate nationality with skin color, hair color and place of birth. I get it. I don't get offended by this anymore. But I really, really don't want to explain my entire family's immigrant history to a complete stranger. Morever, I am American. I consider myself very patriotic. I don't understand why others who are not American cannot accept that.
So, do you get asked such questions by strangers? How do you respond? I need something smart but light and amusing to combat such invasive questions.

[kijip]

A lot of people of color get asked this in the US too. My brother (Black) and his wife (Puerto Rican) get it a bit, less now than before. My SIL says it infuriates some people when all she will say is "Florida." :rotflmao: It would be like someone demanding to know that before me being born in Texas my family members were descendant from a mix of mostly German dirt poor farmers who settled North Carolina and also Colorado miners of Irish descent who came to the East Coast from Cork during the potato famine. It would never happen. People hear born in Texas and that settles the matter because I am white. At very most someone specifically curious about history and migrations might specifically ask a white person "what is your heritage?" Not repeat with growing agitation, no where are you FROM!?

[smiles33]

Yup, but that's because I'm Asian and not white or black. I've also been complimented on my English. Fortunately, this only happened in DC 15 years ago, not where I live. I also hear there are more Asian Americans out there now so it's not a novelty to see an Asian who speaks "perfect" English.

[Cuckoomamma]

I'm white and my girls are one quarter asian. I've always been asked this question and my girls are, as well. Neither of my girls look asian, it's the part of them that looks like me. People have said more than once that my younger doesn't look like she was born in this country. I've never been insulted for me or them. I think we look very ethnic. FWIW, when I lived abroad, there were lots of guesses as to my nationality and it almost never was american.

[swissair81]

Ha! Something like that happened to me at work once. I was taking care of a patient who casually asked me where I'm from. I was kind of startled, but I answered that I'm American and was born in Michigan. He asked me another couple times and then asked me why I'm ashamed of my heritage? I was so confused. He didn't ask me my ethnicity, he asked me my nationality. I'm not Israeli and Jewish is not an appropriate answer to the question he asked. It was so weird.

[123LuckyMom]

My husband is Puerto Rican, and a branch of his family have lived in New York since before the Civil War. He's really from New York! His family has been in this country for generations longer than mine, and I never get asked where I'm from. It's just another "gift" of being a person of color. I don't know that there's anything you can do aside from using those encounters as an opportunity to educate.

[wellyes]

You need a business card with "yoisthisracist.com" written on it - just hand them cheerfully to anyone who doesn't accept your first answer.

[maestramommy]

Oh yes, I get that same line of questioning. Not as often as you, but it still happens. It's very easy to say my parents are from Taiwan. End of story.

[pomegranate]

I've been annoyed by the same in the past. I've only lived in the US, but used to live on the East Coast where I got asked this a lot more. I now live in California, where Asians are everywhere, and I get asked the question less. Usually, this is how it goes for me:

Stranger: Where are you from?
Me: California.
Stranger: No, where are you REALLY from?
Me: Well, I am really from California. My NATIONALITY is American. I was born in California. If you would like to know my ETHNICITY, it's Chinese.
Stranger: Oh, so you're from China?

I try to educate the ignorant without trying to sound too obnoxious by distinguishing nationality from ethnicity.

I like it even better when Stranger just asks "What are you?". This cracks me up, but I know what they mean and usually respond "Chinese American." Stranger then usually replies which part of me is American. I then go on to distinguish nationality from ethnicity, even sometimes teaching that American is the noun and Chinese is the adjective.

[Pepper]

I like it even better when Stranger just asks "What are you?".

You cracked ME up :-) I have a friend who is ethnicaly Indian, but culturally Canadian. She's an unusual-looking Indian and gets a lot of "what are you"'s. She also gets a lot of assumptions that she knwos everything about Indian, when in fact she knows very littel, having grown up in Canada. So she told me, when people ask her something about India, she just makes stuff up :-)

My boys were both born in Korea (I'm white) and I get a lot of, are they REALLY brothers? I just say yes and keep repeating myself. I don't really understand why people are so insistent on knowing these details, either. Except that people have a real need to catagorize others, so I guees they're trying to figure out how we all fit together.

[dcmom2b3]

I like it even better when Stranger just asks "What are you?". This cracks me up, but I know what they mean and usually respond "Chinese American." Stranger then usually replies which part of me is American. I then go on to distinguish nationality from ethnicity, even sometimes teaching that American is the noun and Chinese is the adjective.

I love the "what are you?" questions; "Human?" is my usual response. You're nicer than I am.

Fedoragirl, my standard response to any inappropriate question is "Why do you ask?" with brows slightly furrowed and chin slightly raised, head tilted to the left. Whatever their answer is, in response I always say "well alrighty then." and walk away. This works in the US to cue clueless people without making a huge race/ethnicity/nat'l origin stink. It may not work abroad.

[katydid1971]

A friend of mine who is white and has a Korean husband is often asked where her kids are from. She says "my uterus" that shuts them up pretty quickly.

[crl]

We get all sorts of questions and comments and they don't all come from white people. Ds was adopted from China and we are white. Last year he had a Chinese classmate tell him he wasn't really Chinese because his parents aren't Chinese. I told him the next time someone said that to him he should say, "Where were you born?". (Chinese kids at his school are almost universally second or third or more generation.). Then when the kid says, "San Francisco" I told him to say "I was born in China.". And walk away. Dh saw ds do this and said it worked beautifully.

Catherine

[oneplustwo]

I totally get all this. In my twenties, I lived in Brazil. People over there didn't know what to think of me a lot of the time (they weren't running into a lot of Americans, and my accent when speaking Portuguese threw them). I'm a brunette with blue-green eyes, fair skin. Plain ol' white bread American looking, if you ask me. In Brazil, people would constantly ask if I was from:

1. Germany
2. Scandinavia
3. Europe
4. Argentina

Also, I was considered a blonde in Brazil. :ROTFLMAO:

Then again, one time as a teenager I was taking a train from Long Island to Manhattan with a prep school friend, and someone asked what country I was from. I think that said more about that person from Great Neck than it did about me though.

I get that people are trying to figure out someone else's ethnicity or cultural heritage in the cases that many PPs post, and doing so in a way that is often tiresome or even rude. I'm sure that after a while I'd be losing my patience too. LOVE the "from my uterus" answer!

[sweetsue98]

Oh yes, I get that same line of questioning. Not as often as you, but it still happens. It's very easy to say my parents are from Taiwan. End of story.

:yeahthat:

[theriviera]

i get it a lot. it's irritating. i'm also not white, so i think that is the main reason why. no one ever asks dh where he's from

[MamaInMarch]

I think it would be appropriate to flip them the bird.... :D

[citymama]

OP, where do you live?

[hoodlims]

I got this question all the time when I was living in the Midwest. My answer was always, "California", but then they would ask where my parents were from. Well, my ancestors were here building the railroads, so my answer was always, "California." They seemed confused. I mean, what the heck is wrong with asking, "What is your ethnic background?" I don't find that to be an offensive question and clears up a lot of confusion.

[mom3boys]

Well, I don't know if it will make you feel better, but I had sort of a weird "opposite" experience. I'm white and so is my husband. However we live in Hudson County, New Jersey, which I believe is one of the most diverse counties in the U.S. I also work in NYC. So I see every race and ethnicity and combination and often don't even know the ethnic background (and don't ask).

So, my DS is the only white child in his class of 15 preschoolers. He is REALLY white too, blue-eyed and blond. The school had an "international day" where they had everyone bring in flags from their "native" country, were encouraged to dress in their country's clothing and learned all about each other's countries of origin--so the teacher asks me what country DS will be representing. I was like, "Um, United States?" I didn't want to be all "Rah Rah USA" but with the exception of one great-grandmother everyone in the family has been born in the U.S., what should he be? Also, of course most of the kids in the class were born in the U.S. too, it is their parents (or grandparents) whose nationality was being represented.

I'm sorry you are having to answer questions like that, it does happen here too. Like another PP my friend, white, is married to a Japanese man and has been asked what country her (biological) children are from. I struck up a conversation with a woman at the park recently, I noticed the baby she was holding was much fairer complected than she but didn't question that he was her son, eventually she happened to mention that she is Filipino and her husband Norwegian. She said she has sometimes been mistaken for the nanny. :shake:

[twowhat?]

Oh yes, I get that same line of questioning. Not as often as you, but it still happens. It's very easy to say my parents are from Taiwan. End of story.

LOL. :yeahthat: exactly. It took me while to figure out that they want to know WHERE from Asia you ORIGINATED. Answers that don't cut it:

I'm American. (where were you born?)
I was born in Texas. (but where are your parents from?)

It doesn't offend me, though depending on my mood it can be annoying. And more than once I've wanted to say "Jamaica."

[kali]

When I was younger and snarkier and I got the "Where are you REALLY from" interrogation, I would say that I'm ethnically Indian and then ask "Where are you from?" Smarter people got my point immediately, but the slower ones usually went a couple of rounds of "But where are you REALLY from?" before I would say something like, "Well you don't look Native American. Didn't your family ALSO immigrate here from somewhere?"

Now I usually just say I'm ethnically Indian, and go straight to "but aren't most of us from somewhere else originally?"

[citymama]

I don't mind that question so much as: "you speak English so well!" or "how long did it take you to learn English?"

:banghead:

[brgnmom]

I am American, born in California, and my dad served in the U.S. military although he would be considered a minority in terms of ethnicity in the country.

I get the question sometimes, and it is annoying - primarily b/c it seems nosy of the person asking the question. I've had some people, including my DC1's kindergarten teacher, ask me whether my kids were adopted and I clarified that I gave birth to them and they are biologically related to my Dh and me. Oh, on a bit of a tangent, I've also gotten the question whether my kids are actually siblings (some people think that my kids don't look alike, although as their mother, I think they have similar features and they look a lot like their dad).

[fedoragirl]

OP, where do you live?

rural area in Germany.

[georgiegirl]

By best friend is white and her husband is African American, and their DD (when she was little) looked like she could be from South America. She had one lady ask her, "so did you go down and get your daughter?". I will have to tell her the uterus comment. That is awesome!!!

[luckytwenty]

I got that a lot (I look "vaguely ethnic"--dark hair and eyes, olive skin). Then I moved to Florida. Now people just assume I'm Latina (I'm not) and some even speak to me in Spanish. It's been a long time since I got that question, but I remember feeling no matter what I answered, it wasn't satisfactory. They wanted a family tree. The fact is, I'm Jewish, and I don't really know where all my relatives originated from. Pogroms, the Holocaust, etc. caused people to scatter--it's not like we have a family crest! Last name is Anglified. Who knows? I don't really like to get into this, because talking about mass genocide just doesn't seem like idle small talk!

[truly scrumptious]

By best friend is white and her husband is African American, and their DD (when she was little) looked like she could be from South America. She had one lady ask her, "so did you go down and get your daughter?". I will have to tell her the uterus comment. That is awesome!!!

Oooh! Have her say - yeah, all the way down to my uterus. Or better still - all the way down to my vagina!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

ah, i get this all the time. i hate when people ask "What's your NATIONALITY?" I want to say um, "American??" but i KNOW they mean ethnicity. i was actually born in South America though. growing up in 1980s Ohio i got teased, questioned ALL.THE.TIME and i hated it with a passion. The questions of "What are you??" as if I was some sort of alien...hated it!!

[nupe]

Okay I'm of color. The question used to offend me too maybe 20 years ago, but not so much now. I'm often asked the question in a respectful way and I feel comfortable answering like this. Not everyone can guess my ethnicity. Even DH although similar ethnicity, people often guess completely different background!!

I'm from [us state].
Puzzled look.
My parents are from [country].is that what you meant?

This is often followed by a convo about this person's travel to country, or their friend/neighbor/coworker from the same country, or their love of a particular food item. In other words, I'm usually pleasantly surprised that this person has his/her own positive knowledge base about country.

As for the English, your English is so good.
I learned from Sesame Street and public school. Although I was born in the us my patents did not speak with me in English as a baby/toddler.

My children have a much much lighter skin tone than I do, but we live in such a white area I think they "pass" for mine!!

[gatorsmom]

I'm blond with green eyes and never get questioned about my heritage or ethnicity here in the U.S. But in my twenties I lived in a rural area of France and as soon as I spoke, people would hear my accent and ask where I was from. They always assumed British or Australian. No one ever guessed American. And when I did tell them America, 3/4 of the time the next phrase they would say was, "Well, YOU aren't fat!". Everyone who responded that way said they thought all Americans are fat and seemed incensed to see that I wasn't. :)

Like a pp, I think people just have a need to catagorize others and get upset when someone doesn't fit into their preconceived notion of the world.

[daisymommy]

Oh trust me, Americans do it all the time too!
I'm biracial and my brother and I have always been asked this question. No one believes us when we say we're American, born in California. Drives us ( and them) bonkers.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[EllasMum]

I understand the concept of the confusion between ethnicity and nationality, and agree that that is likely what is triggering the question. People who are asking this question invariably are curious about ethnicity. Good ol' human curiosity. :)

I will say, that in Canada, there is more of a tendency for immigrants to maintain the culture of their homelands. My high school social studies teacher used to say that while America is a 'melting pot', Canada is more like a fruitcake. LOL In other words, rather than assimilating to the culture, immigrants to Canada often maintain their culture and live in communities with other members of their culture, etc. So, in Canada, it is considered a thing of pride to be able to tell a stranger that you are from (insert country of origin here) and that you have been in Canada X years. A question like 'where are you from?' would be normal and not even blinked at. I think it is just more a way for a 'stranger' to acknowledge the person's homeland and show a healthy curiosity. :)

[Globetrotter]

I heard this a lot growing up on the east coast in a predominantly white area.

Where are you from? (my town in US)
No, I mean where are you from? (You mean where was i born? I'm of Indian origin.)
What tribe?

Your English is so good!

(thinking to myself.. Yes, a lot better than yours!)

I think people didn't mean harm, but if you don't grow up in a diverse area, this is bound to happen. In CA, Depending on who is asking, where are you from generally refers to my home state or specific region within India!

[janine]

Oh trust me, Americans do it all the time too!
I'm biracial and my brother and I have always been asked this question. No one believes us when we say we're American, born in California. Drives us ( and them) bonkers.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Same here...I ONLY get asked this in the US. Outside the US (I've lived in many different countries over the years), I say I'm American and that suffices. In the US, they say.."well where do you ORIGINATE from, what is your HERITAGE." Annoys me. I assume that means if you do not look Italian/English/Irish/German then there is more probing.

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

You need a business card with "yoisthisracist.com" written on it - just hand them cheerfully to anyone who doesn't accept your first answer.

:ROTFLMAO:

I would say Venus or Saturn, maybe Neptune!

[niccig]

I get asked it because they think I'm from Boston as my Australian accent has flattened and that's the closest American English dialect to how I now sound. Then a very Australian word slips in and people look all surprised - a friend said I have a stealth accent. You think you know where I'm from but then you get all confused.

Most people then tell me I don't sound Australian as they think all Australians sound like the Crocodile Hunter did. They don't believe me when I tell them I never said "by crikey" or "gdday" in my life. There are 3 Australian dialects and I don't speak the dialect that's stereotypical Australian to most Americans, plus now my dialect is becoming Americanized.

I agree with others that people have a need to categorize you and get all confused when you don't fit the box they think you should fit in. There's also this concept of what is a foreigner. Apparently I'm not foreign as ethnic background is European despite being a naturalized American, but my Armenian neighbours who were born here are foreign - I actually asked my elderly neighbour why I wasn't foreign when she told me too many foreigners now live here. She didn't get it at all.

[MontrealMum]

I understand the concept of the confusion between ethnicity and nationality, and agree that that is likely what is triggering the question. People who are asking this question invariably are curious about ethnicity. Good ol' human curiosity. :)

I will say, that in Canada, there is more of a tendency for immigrants to maintain the culture of their homelands. My high school social studies teacher used to say that while America is a 'melting pot', Canada is more like a fruitcake. LOL In other words, rather than assimilating to the culture, immigrants to Canada often maintain their culture and live in communities with other members of their culture, etc. So, in Canada, it is considered a thing of pride to be able to tell a stranger that you are from (insert country of origin here) and that you have been in Canada X years. A question like 'where are you from?' would be normal and not even blinked at. I think it is just more a way for a 'stranger' to acknowledge the person's homeland and show a healthy curiosity. :)

Trust me, I'm well aware of this now :)

I'm American by birth and look very white, though of nondescript origin (brown hair and eyes, medium build and height). My European ancestors all arrived in the mid-1800's and my Native ones, well, they came across the landbridge :p Growing up my heritage was never something I thought about as I was basically part of the dominant group...people of northern European origin with largely unpronounceable names in the Midwest.

Then I moved to Quebec. If you're not of French or British/Irish origin here, you must be a recent immigrant. I have no idea how they account for the numerous Jewish population that is multiple generations old, but I'm guessing that they just ignore them. That's a whole other troubling issue, the willful ignorance of Quebeckers who are not, in general, a sensitive lot. I won't even go into the treatment of more recent immigrants.

In my case my surname is German. I am not Jewish, though parts of my extended family are. I cannot tell you how many times people have complimented me on my English, asked which language was spoken in my home, and are incredibly curious about my religion. And they often don't believe my answers. It's annoying as heck but at the same time I look at it as a learning experience in being sensitive to other cultures. And I spend a lot of time laughing at ignorant people ;)

I could go on and on as I've been dealing with this for nearly 18 years now, but I've just chosen to accept it and live with it. It's one of the main reasons that I insist on using my maiden name though :D

[swissair81]

It's funny, because for me, answering my country of origin wouldn't help either. Admittedly, I'm only a 2nd and 3rd generation American, but my grandparents are from Hungary, Russia, Czechoslovakia, and Poland. I'm pretty sure that's not what the guy was getting at.

[Jai]

I have been asked "what are you?" by different people and when I am out of the country, no one ever thinks that I am American. I am black, but I am on the lighter end of the spectrum. It really just depends how I wear my hair.

I have been asked by an Asian (not sure specifically which ethnicity) lady if one of my parents was Asian. My sister is darker skinned but she is asked this much more often than I am. She has also been asked if she is Native American.

The worse...It was cold and I was bundled in a coat with a hood. All you could see was my face. I was running to catch the elevator where I used to work. The (black) woman on the elevator didn't hold it, but I caught it anyway. On the elevator, I took off my hood. She said, "Oh, you're black. I thought you were white. I would have held the elevator for you.". I just stared at her. I still wish I had come up with a rude and snappy comeback.

In Mexico and in the US, I have had people come up to me speaking Spanish. I can understand a little, but I am in no way fluent and usually the shock of someone speaking Spanish to me out of the blue stuns me. I have also overheard a couple speaking about me in Spanish and asking each other what I am. :-)

When I was in Israel, someone asked me if I was from the Netherlands. That really confused me until I visited the Netherlands and realized that there are people there who look like me.

Somethings that really irritate me are the comments/questions my husband (who is darker skinned) encounters when out alone with DS (who is lighter than both of us). His coworker actually asked him if DS's mother was white. My husband told her that I am black. Sh actually said to him, "Are you sure?". WTH?!?

[ged]

OP, I totally hear ya! I am in Munich and I get it constantly as well. Eventually, they insist on know what my mutter sprache is and will not accept that I am American.