S/O--Real Estate Etiquette/Protocol

[strollerqueen]

Some of these threads here about the services good realtors provide are blowing my mind. It's like a dream. My realtors are terrible, but they are too close to get rid of.

The first one is a dear friend, who has fallen on hard times. She is a brand new RE agent, and has never sold anything. I have so far lined up everything, and begged her to get appointments, show them to us, etc. We are out of town, so when we come in, we don't have much time. Sometimes she has been able to make the calls, sometimes she hasn't. Sometimes she has a key to let us in, sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes she knows the location, sometimes she gets lost, and we can't find the location. Therefore there are a lot of houses I have never been able to see, some of which are now gone.

I made the mistake of complaining about it to a relative, and she in turn referred me to her friend. She assured me that this woman was in top of things, would send me listings before they hit the market, scope out the neighborhoods in the school district I want, etc. We used her twice. One day when we came into town my friend was sick, and the other time she was at a baby shower.

So realtor #2 turned out to be "110 years old, who can't use email or an iPhone" (according to another friend.) She never sent me any listings, mixed up appointments, brought us to places with dogs in the yard, couldn't find lock boxes, went the wrong way down the freeway, then made a u-Turn in the middle, said she had to take a break to go home and put in eye drops, had to take another break because her A/C went out in her car. The second time she could only show my DH one house, because "her new teeth hurt" and her family was in town.

I really thought at this point I was going to kill her if I ever had her drive around in the heat again all day. So last week I had my friend, the first realtor, show us some more houses (again, all of which I've found.) My relative found out, and ripped me a new one. I was shocked. She called me a bunch of names, told me how much work the old lady had done, how hard it is to show houses with three kids, that I had stabbed her in the back, that I better give her the commission, etc.

What the heck??? What do I owe her? Money for gas and her time? Is there a way to split the commission with her and my friend, that is, if I can ever find something. (Right now I have been begging her, all week, to go look at a new listing that sounds good. She has made a lot of excuses as to why she hasn't been able to.) I am so locked in with both of them that I can't even look for another realtor.

Just hoping that someone else has been though this, and can share a little wisdom. I hate hurting people's feelings, and I do want to help out these dear ladies. But I want to find the right house, too! Thanks!

[ChristinaLucia]

Unless you signed something with her you don't owe her anything. Those are the breaks in real estate. It was completely uncalled for of your relative to call you names. Sorry that happened to you.

[brgnmom]

hugs, strollerqueen, :hug: those experiences sound trying in and of themselves and househunting itself is challenging. A real estate agent should ideally make that experience less burdensome rather than more so.

Please feel free to PM me about my househunting experience and home purchase.

[strollerqueen]

hugs, strollerqueen, :hug: those experiences sound trying in and of themselves and househunting itself is challenging. A real estate agent should ideally make that experience less burdensome rather than more so.

Please feel free to PM me about my househunting experience and home purchase.
Thank you, I will! Any and all advice is appreciated. RE is such a cutthroat world, it seems.

[strollerqueen]

Unless you signed something with her you don't owe her anything. Those are the breaks in real estate. It was completely uncalled for of your relative to call you names. Sorry that happened to you.
Thanks. I smarted about it for a few days. I never signed anything with anyone. Is that the norm?

[nfowife]

In your situation I'd tell them both, sorry to take your time but I don't think it's a good fit for us and we will be working with another realtor. This is why I HATE working with friends/relatives. Too much obligation and it's hard to be honest and impartial. Bottom line is they are working for the commission. If they aren't earning it they shouldn't get it for free!

[ShayleighCarsensMom]

Yikes! Honestly, unless you signed something you owe her nothing.
You could be nice and give her a 25% referral fee when you buy a house (basically, she gets 25% of your agents commission).
The first thing you have to know is that you need an experienced agent who has a good reputation with others and can communicate via email (as well as sending you documents to sign electronically!!!)
I'm not sure where you're moving to but I'm happy to give you a few names of agents in our network that are experienced and good if you want to check them out.
Pm me, I'd love to know how you're doing!!! :-)


Valerie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[brgnmom]

Thank you, I will! Any and all advice is appreciated. RE is such a cutthroat world, it seems.

just PM'd you! ;)

[brgnmom]

I agree w/ prior posters who mentioned that you don't owe the real estate agent anything unless you signed something which specified those terms.

[Jacksmommy2b]

Bottom line is they are working for the commission. If they aren't earning it they shouldn't get it for free!


:yeahthat:

Commission is payment for a job. If the realtor did not find you a house, they didn't do the job and don't get paid. It isn't charity to someone who wants to do a good job but doesn't quite get there. Don't for a single second feel bad or get guilted in to feeling bad for a lousy real estate agent who didn't do their job.

[strollerqueen]

:yeahthat:

Commission is payment for a job. If the realtor did not find you a house, they didn't do the job and don't get paid. It isn't charity to someone who wants to do a good job but doesn't quite get there. Don't for a single second feel bad or get guilted in to feeling bad for a lousy real estate agent who didn't do their job.
Yeah, my relative finally admitted that basically all the older woman did was show up to a few places and let us in. Um, three I think. Because the rest she couldn't find, mixed up the appointments, had to take breaks, etc. What a wasted day. But that, she felt, entitled her to full commission.

[strollerqueen]

hugs, strollerqueen, :hug: those experiences sound trying in and of themselves and househunting itself is challenging. A real estate agent should ideally make that experience less burdensome rather than more so.

Please feel free to PM me about my househunting experience and home purchase.
Btw, your PM is full!

[ChristinaLucia]

Most buyer's agents won't ask you to sign anything. If they do I would always limit it to houses that they actually show you (write in a property address).

If it were me I would not offer a commission to the realtor your relative set you up with. I just wouldn't contact her again.

[strollerqueen]

Most buyer's agents won't ask you to sign anything. If they do I would always limit it to houses that they actually show you (write in a property address).

If it were me I would not offer a commission to the realtor your relative set you up with. I just wouldn't contact her again.
Thanks. She keeps calling me, the guilt is killing me! My relative said she is living on SS, and really needs the money. While not truly 110, she is 80. And a very old 80.

[ChristinaLucia]

Sorry. I totally know about the guilt. You shouldn't feel guilty though. And showing the house is just the FIRST step in what an agent does for you. They negotiate, and then keep track of a million things for you until you close. It's key to have a good one, they make it so much easier. I'm sorry you haven't had any make it easy for you yet.

[brgnmom]

Btw, your PM is full!

thank you! ;) just PM'd you.

[strollerqueen]

thank you! ;) just PM'd you.
TY! PM'd you back! :wavey:

[wildfire]

Thanks. She keeps calling me, the guilt is killing me! My relative said she is living on SS, and really needs the money. While not truly 110, she is 80. And a very old 80.

It is not your fault she is living on social security. It is not your fault she is 80 and needs to do this. It is not your fault that she was only able to show you 3 houses because she had to go home to put eye drops in (why didn't she bring them with her??). It is HER fault if she can't do what needs to be done, maybe she needs to have a partner or someone who can help her. If she can't do the job, why should she be paid for it? And out of your pocket? If you find an amazing, awesome RE who gives you listings, shows you 40 houses, negotiates a great deal, and basically earns every penny, why should she have to give up 25% of her commision to someone who did....nothing?

Ultimately you are paying for a service. And she did not provide you with that service. Her sob story circumstances are beyond your control. Your relative needs to get a clue and stop harassing you.

[hwin708]

Thanks. She keeps calling me, the guilt is killing me! My relative said she is living on SS, and really needs the money. While not truly 110, she is 80. And a very old 80.
I would just tell the relative "I understand she needs the money. But I need a good real estate agent. Which is what you told me you were recommending." It sounds like she has promised her friend the business/money, and she is trying to transfer HER guilt onto you. It's not on you. Just remind her that she's the one who made the gaffe here, not you.

Your friend is trickier, since you don't want to lose a friend over business. This is one of those things that really comes down to the dynamics of your friendship. In your position, with the nature of my friendships, I would start easing into it with some joking "Dude, I don't think this real estate business is for you, Lizzy. Too many voicemails for someone who only likes to text." All in a joking/teasing tone. Which gradually turns from teasing to "Dude, what the heck. For real now. I need to see that house." With my friends, that would typically work at politely lighting the fire, so to speak, to get your feelings out there without ever having a frank discussion of "I love you, but you suck at your job. Kisses." Which could be a real friendship blow. If my friend still didn't pick up the slack, by that point, I would feel justified in saying "Sorry, Lizzy, but DH wants to get another real estate agent. You gotta know that this isn't working. I told you I needed to see this house etc etc." Because by that point you should have verbalized enough complaints, even in a lighthearted manner, that your friend can't act like she's done nothing wrong.

But again, that's the dynamic of my friendships. If you think yours is better suited for a heart to heart, then by all means, do that. But you should definitely do something. Because let's be real - if you end up in a house you don't love, you're forever going to remember all those houses that might have been "the one" had your friend not dropped the ball, and really start to resent her. Nip this problem in the bud.

[strollerqueen]

Thanks, guys. I think she is in denial about how old and feeble her friend really is. I certainly didn't know. As for my friend, this was our last exchange. Me, in a message... "Please, I REALLY need you to go look at that house, because I'm not there. It just hit the market, and it looks great. If you are too busy, let me know so I can find someone else to do it." Her message back: "I DID look at that house online. I didn't know you wanted me to actually GO THERE and see it. The yard looks sucky anyway". :banghead:

[TwinFoxes]

Let's say you're spending $500,000 (which is low in Strollerland ;) ) You are basically letting your friend control your $500,000 investment that will be with you for years and years to come, it will effect you and your kids, and possibly their kids. So, do you want to give her a chance just cause? We gave a fairly new agent a chance, and he totally missed something in the contract that was a basic thing. Luckily he compensated us out of his own pocket, but it resulted in us not having a place to live for a couple of weeks. Your friend hasn't sold ANY houses. Have you seen a California home buying contract lately? Was it Codex in the other thread who said the agent doesn't sound hungry? Your friend sounds like she's doing this as a hobby. Maybe just tell her you feel uncomfortable getting into a business deal with a friend that her "friendship means too much to you to jeopardize over a business deal". Or something.

Your relative was COMPLETELY out of line. You owe her friend $0.

There has to be a good agent out there someplace. I don't think Redfin works in your situation, so it seems like you'll have to go the traditional route. I'm so sorry this is so hard.

[MamaMolly]

Thanks, guys. I think she is in denial about how old and feeble her friend really is. I certainly didn't know. As for my friend, this was our last exchange. Me, in a message... "Please, I REALLY need you to go look at that house, because I'm not there. It just hit the market, and it looks great. If you are too busy, let me know so I can find someone else to do it." Her message back: "I DID look at that house online. I didn't know you wanted me to actually GO THERE and see it. The yard looks sucky anyway". :banghead:

Send her a message back telling her that you are interested in the HOUSE. Yards can be dealt with. Remind her that YOU need to be the one to decide if the yard is too sucky, not her. She's not going to be living there!

I've BTDT with a church friend. It is a rotten situation but you are going to have to fire her. Business is business and friendship is friendship. Call her and tell her you value her friendship and that you made a mistake bringing a business arrangement into the situation.

As for the older lady, you gave her every opportunity you could. If you ultimately buy a house that she showed you then I think you ought to pay her. Otherwise, again, it is a business arrangement. She gets paid a commission, not a salary.

[AngB]

Absolutely, you need to dump both agents.

[AnnieW625]

Thanks. I smarted about it for a few days. I never signed anything with anyone. Is that the norm?

In California buyers do not sign contracts with realtors. All commission fees are paid by the seller.

[DualvansMommy]

BTDT in our two years of house-hunting. We did our cousin's wife a favor by letting her friend who was a brand new RE show us homes. A disaster! She kept trying to show us homes that were consistently out of our budget, despite us telling her we only want to see X amount range. We knew we had to let her go after telling us we could buy that house priced at 900K and still had nerve to tell us we could knock down walls to make kitchen bigger after I indicated kitchen was small. The RE reasoning is that she saw our bank approval letter to buy a mortgage up to 800K, and kept telling us that we CAN afford those homes. Omg! She doesn't have a clue of our day to day budget and the first basic rule of RE, just because you were approved for such amount, it doesn't mean you can afford it. Such a rookie!

[strollerqueen]

BTDT in our two years of house-hunting. We did our cousin's wife a favor by letting her friend who was a brand new RE show us homes. A disaster! She kept trying to show us homes that were consistently out of our budget, despite us telling her we only want to see X amount range. We knew we had to let her go after telling us we could buy that house priced at 900K and still had nerve to tell us we could knock down walls to make kitchen bigger after I indicated kitchen was small. The RE reasoning is that she saw our bank approval letter to buy a mortgage up to 800K, and kept telling us that we CAN afford those homes. Omg! She doesn't have a clue of our day to day budget and the first basic rule of RE, just because you were approved for such amount, it doesn't mean you can afford it. Such a rookie!
What was the fall-out from letting her go? At least she found you some houses, haha.

[niccig]

Send her a message back telling her that you are interested in the HOUSE. Yards can be dealt with. Remind her that YOU need to be the one to decide if the yard is too sucky, not her. She's not going to be living there!

I've BTDT with a church friend. It is a rotten situation but you are going to have to fire her. Business is business and friendship is friendship. Call her and tell her you value her friendship and that you made a mistake bringing a business arrangement into the situation.

As for the older lady, you gave her every opportunity you could. If you ultimately buy a house that she showed you then I think you ought to pay her. Otherwise, again, it is a business arrangement. She gets paid a commission, not a salary.

:yeahthat: tell you friend what MamaMolly said and give her this last chance to figure out that she has to show you houses you want to see and not what she thinks you should see. If she can't do it in a timely fashion, tell her you need to find someone else who can respond as you need as this is time specific work. I like the don't mix business with friends line.

Tell your relative that went off at you that her friend is not doing her job. You understand she needs the money, but you need someone who knows what they're doing so you don't lose thousands and thousands of dollars. Her friend isn't cutting it.

You have not signed with anyone, you can do whatever you want. This is too big a purchase and a move (assuming it's the move to lower COL you mentioned before) to be screwed up by some RE's ineptitude. You do not have time or money to waste.

[strollerqueen]

As for the older lady, you gave her every opportunity you could. If you ultimately buy a house that she showed you then I think you ought to pay her. Otherwise, again, it is a business arrangement. She gets paid a commission, not a salary.
Really? That's what my relative said, too. Because one of the three she showed us (found by me) is a top contender. I would feel differently if she had found it. But my friend showed it to us, also. If that's the one we go with, can I split their commission in some way? Part of me wants to just get it to be over and done with all this torture. It is over our budget, but maybe they will accept a lower offer. And I don't know how that process works, because neither of those agents were willing to suggest a price.

[strollerqueen]

In California buyers do not sign contracts with realtors. All commission fees are paid by the seller.
TY! Our prior scumbag landlord/realtor did charge us a fee for buying our current house. Maybe that's because it was in probate. I remember he didn't even want to show up to sign the final papers "because it was Christmas Eve". I told him "All you've done so far is open a door to a house. You need to do SOMETHING to earn your 20-grand!!

[strollerqueen]

Let's say you're spending $500,000 (which is low in Strollerland ;) ) You are basically letting your friend control your $500,000 investment that will be with you for years and years to come, it will effect you and your kids, and possibly their kids. So, do you want to give her a chance just cause? We gave a fairly new agent a chance, and he totally missed something in the contract that was a basic thing. Luckily he compensated us out of his own pocket, but it resulted in us not having a place to live for a couple of weeks. Your friend hasn't sold ANY houses. Have you seen a California home buying contract lately? Was it Codex in the other thread who said the agent doesn't sound hungry? Your friend sounds like she's doing this as a hobby. Maybe just tell her you feel uncomfortable getting into a business deal with a friend that her "friendship means too much to you to jeopardize over a business deal". Or something.

Your relative was COMPLETELY out of line. You owe her friend $0.

There has to be a good agent out there someplace. I don't think Redfin works in your situation, so it seems like you'll have to go the traditional route. I'm so sorry this is so hard.
Wow, a sobering way to put it. Do you mind telling me the type of thing he missed, so I can know what to watch out for? TY!

[brgnmom]

In California buyers do not sign contracts with realtors. All commission fees are paid by the seller.

I had to recently sign a contract with a CA realtor, but perhaps my situation was not part of the standard practice because it was for a new construction.

[strollerqueen]

Send her a message back telling her that you are interested in the HOUSE. Yards can be dealt with. Remind her that YOU need to be the one to decide if the yard is too sucky, not her. She's not going to be living there!

Btw, I don't think the yard was sucky. It looked really nice to me. It was on a corner lot, with a pool and tall trees. I think she looked at the wrong house!

[niccig]

Part of me wants to just get it to be over and done with all this torture. It is over our budget, but maybe they will accept a lower offer. And I don't know how that process works, because neither of those agents were willing to suggest a price.

Don't rush this process. You love your current location and to be happy in a new location, it has to be the right house. Don't settle just to get rid of the Realtors. If they're not working out, have a frank conversation with them, which I know will be really difficult, and find someone else who can do the job the way you want it done.

If they can't even find the right house, just imagine how they could screw up the contracts, which could cost you thousands of dollars and just mess up the entire process. I would cut them loose before doing anything else.

[MamaMolly]

Btw, I don't think the yard was sucky. It looked really nice to me. It was on a corner lot, with a pool and tall trees. I think she looked at the wrong house!

:eek: Heck, that is even worse! I'm sorry. What a rotten situation. Maybe send her a message back that says something like: Really? The one with the pool and mature trees? Yard looks good to me, let's set up a time to see the house ASAP. Thanks!'


Really? That's what my relative said, too. Because one of the three she showed us (found by me) is a top contender. I would feel differently if she had found it. But my friend showed it to us, also. If that's the one we go with, can I split their commission in some way? Part of me wants to just get it to be over and done with all this torture. It is over our budget, but maybe they will accept a lower offer. And I don't know how that process works, because neither of those agents were willing to suggest a price.

Now I don't know. When we bought a home in Georgia several years ago I think that was the rule. Who ever showed it to you got the commission. So a buyer could call the listing agent to see the house, and if you bought it then the listing agent got the $$. If the buyer had a buyer's agent with them when they saw the house, then they split it with the selling agent. I think that is the way it was.

All said and done, I'm sure it is done differently in each state. Do you, as a buyer, pay the commission in your state? If so, then you can split it between the two agents who showed the house to you. I think that is fair. Of course, if you don't buy a house they showed you, then they don't get anything. X% of nothing is nothing.

[AnnieW625]

I had to recently sign a contract with a CA realtor, but perhaps my situation was not part of the standard practice because it was for a new construction.

I don't know about new construction but I would think that if you are buying a new house through a builder and there is contract involved and since most new home builders have a selling agent as well then it makes sense. We have never bought a new home, so I don't know how they are paid. However for regular resales I still believe that you do not need to sign a contract with a realtor.

[AnnieW625]

Btw, I don't think the yard was sucky. It looked really nice to me. It was on a corner lot, with a pool and tall trees. I think she looked at the wrong house!

I know most people don't really recommend this, but I would call the listing agent of the property and let them know you are interested. We found our agent at an open house she was helping out another agent with. It was great because she was completely independent (granted we knew no one in our area) and I didn't feel under pressure to look elsewhere if it didn't work out.

[ShayleighCarsensMom]

In California buyers do not sign contracts with realtors. All commission fees are paid by the seller.

Buyer do sign, it's called an agency relationship agreement. But, most agents don't have the buyers sign this until a contract on a house is written up.


Valerie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Green22]

Didn't read all the threads but wanted to say to OP that I have had nothing but terrible - REALLY TERRIBLE - experiences. Lazy, lying (not disclosing that she was the agent for the buyer and the seller when asked about the buyer's agent), unprofessional (screaming at my DH on the phone, actually screaming) . . . .just total crap. I have had experiences with three realtors. When I tried to do it on my own by calling the listing agent to see the houses I would be asked if I was represented, and if not, I would get a total run around. Can't show until 2 weeks from now . . . or was told they would only show if I had a pre-qualification letter. Ridic.

That being said, my mom had a wonderful agent and she was worth her weight in gold. But this lady was a realtor b/c she loved real estate and homes, and she didn't need the money (was independently wealthy) so she kind of only showed certain types and prices of homes to a small number of people. But she was fantastic.

[AnnieW625]

Buyer do sign, it's called an agency relationship agreement. But, most agents don't have the buyers sign this until a contract on a house written.

That makes sense then. I was thinking about how you hire a seller's agent (from what I understand) vs. not having to sign something (at least we didn't) to actually see a house first.