UPDATE in OP sad, scared, mad.

[lmh2402]

UPDATE: a day or so after my original post, when i was calm enough to speak rationally about things, i simply told DH that he had no say in what i needed to get through the early weeks. since he's never around and basically told me that i have to accept that he's never around...than he also gets no vote on what kind of support i line up.

so we met two women this weekend and hired one of them to come for four weeks - probably weeks 2-5 b/c my mom will be here the first week. she'll come 11 hrs a night - 9:30pm-8:30am - five night a week. we have to decide if we want mon-fri or sun-thurs

she seems awesome and i am feeling better. i have no illusions that this will make everything perfect, but it's going to be a huge help and i'm really glad we did it.

thanks so much for all the support and kind words. it really helped me feel better.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

34 weeks today. starting to get really nervous about baby coming

DH tells me last night that he "think" he gets a week of paternity, but hopes i know that he won't really be able to take more than a day or two

of course

so then i'm just sitting there kind of quiet and he says, "what's wrong?" and i say, "i'm really nervous. i had such a hard time when DS was born."

i had horrible ppd and/but DS was a very challenging baby...maybe this baby won't be...but right now, that's my only point of reference and i'm scared out of my mind.

anyway, i said, "i'm really scared. i don't know how i'm going to do it. at least with DS, your job wasn't as crazy as it is now. yes, you still went back to work while i was in the hospital. but you came home at night by like 6 or 7 at least once or twice a week. we both know that is never going to happen with this baby. you're going to roll in like you always do...11pm on a good night. 1am most nights. and roll out like you always do. and i know it's work and its your job. but you asked and that's the truth. i'm really scared. it's not the day time that makes me nervous. there is just something about when it's dark. and the baby is crying...that the thought of being alone night after night...without another adult...is just terrifying. it was comforting last time to not feel like i'm going crazy by myself."

and he totally flipped out.

told me all i do is complain and whine. that "he got me an au pair so he wouldn't have to hear this crap." never mind that the au pair is limited to 10 hours per day and her primary role is to help us during the day with DS. AND, legally she cannot be with the new baby alone until the baby is 3 months old. anyway, he went on and on.

"nothing is ever enough."

"you can call your mother" - how nice of him to volunteer my mother and her time...he does that constantly. "just call your mother."

"you even have X" - X is our sitter that babysits on Thursdays when i work. she has a full time job with another family every other day of the week. and again, let me reiterate, i was saying that it's the night hours. once it's dark and DS and the au pair are gone to bed...that terrify me.

then he says, "let me remind you - there are many people. most people. who do more with much less. in fact, most people don't have the amount of help you have. so if this is so terrifying, maybe we shouldn't have had a second child."

today i can't even look at him. i literally feel hatred and rage at the sight of him. he's trying to play it off like there is nothing wrong, but i can barely speak two words without wanting to scream.

i know that's awful to say. but it's the truth. i feel so alone.

is it so hard/crazy to understand that there is just something about the night hours that seems/feels so much harder than when it's daytime and there are people around?

[boltfam]

:hug: I'm so sorry that your husband isn't being supportive. I don't know why guys don't get that we are entitled to our feelings.

[hillview]

:grouphug:sending you lots of hugs

[novmber]

tons of hugs. I am sorry he could not validate his scared you're feeling.

Sent from my ADR6350 using Tapatalk 2

[belovedgandp]

So sorry you feel alone. He just doesn't get it.

I hope you have an angel of a newborn. Those first few weeks are terrifying no matter what, but the second time around some of the newness wasn't as bad.

[edurnemk]

:grouphug: I'm sorry he was so mean to you. I totally understand where you are coming from, I'm 35 weeks, DH works crazy hours and travels all the time, it's even possible he won't be in town when I go into labor. DS was a very demanding baby and many times I thought I'd loose my mind, and the thought of going thorugh that again stresses me out, too. So if you need to talk or anything feel free to PM me, I completely understand what you're going through. BTW my mom is also my main support person, and DH kind of takes it for granted, too.

OTOH, I think your DH is feeling guilty / bad about not being there for you, but he's taking his frustration out on you. Anyhow, he was out of line, he should know PG hormones plus the stress make us very sensitive. That's no way to respopnd to someone who is sincerely opening up her heart, you are 100% allowed to be dissapointed that he won't take as much paternity leave as you expected.

[wellyes]

I'm so sorry. That's awful, what he said. I understand how you feel. But I hope you two can move past this, and he pulls through to be the husband you need right now.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

oh no, i am so sorry.

like PP said, the 2nd time around isn't as scary bc you have BTDT with the first and you will have much more confidence..but still, iit's challenging in other ways bc you have a toddler to take care of too, and will have to get used to splitting your time between 2 kids.

am so sorry your DH isn't being more supportive, that's really rotten what he said. :hug:

if it makes you feel anybetter, while my DD (2nd child) was much more challenging than my DS (she cried a ton in the beginning, plus as a preemie had a 1month long nicu stay), once she came home i was able to handle her pretty much all on my own at night without feeling too anxious/scared about it (luckily DS was STTN so i didnt' have to deal iwth him too at night). Dh couldn't take as much time off once she came home, plus he needs a min of 8hrs sleep a night so it was all me. I breastfed, she slept in our room and i learned how to nurse on my side which helped aton. I felt MUCH better, much more capable and MUCH less anxious than i did with DS, despite DS being full term and a much easier baby, and we had way more help with DS. I don't know, i just had way more confidence the 2nd time around (i guess i am generally an anxious person). Not saying it wouldn't be nice to have help, but for me, the 2nd time around was much less scary for me, despite having a baby with some issues (prematurity, major crankiness, etc).

[SkyrMommy]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry that your DH isn't understanding. I hope that he will be more and better help than you are anticipating. Stay strong mama, you will get through this!

[Philly Mom]

You should be mad. I find when men are wrong they like to pretend like it didn't happen. Only you know your DH and whether it is worth expressing your hurt and anger. As for the new baby, think of all the positives of a new baby. How small they are, how they love to curl up on your arms and how they prefer no one more than mommy. Also keep in mind that none of us are perfect and can do perfectly by our DC. If that means, having your new baby sleep in the nursery and have a bit of formula while you are in the hospital so you can have a good night's sleep, you should do it guilt free. If it means you sleep when the baby sleeps and let the au pair worry about DS, do it. Whatever it is that you need to do to get through the beginning, do and feel no guilt. I learned that a happier, less stressed, less guilt ridden momma made for a much happier family. Hugs to you. You will have a newborn to love soon!!

[crl]

I am really sorry he wasn't more supportive.

(Please feel fre to ignore this. I hired a night nurse when dd came home because I knew dh wasn't really going to take any paternity leave. Best money I ever spent. I had her come every other night for the first ten days or so until my parents came to help )

Catherine

[ShayleighCarsensMom]

Hugs and thinking of you.


Valerie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[mmommy]

:grouphug: so sorry you're not feeling the support you need. I hope he at least acknowledges your feelings at some point today.

[MamaMolly]

Aw sweets, that stinks. My DH was also an a$$ while I was expecting Dolly and scared out of my mind I'd go into premature labor with her (while living in the 3rd world, where I did NOT want to have to deliver any baby, much less a preemie). Lula was born at 36 weeks so it wasn't unreasonable fear. Plus the entire pregnancy was so hard on me...well, I get where you are coming from. Let's put it that way.

On the up side, once she was here I found Dolly much easier than Lula. Mostly because I wasn't re-learning all the parenting stuff, I was just learning about HER specifically. I also had the good sense to call in reinforcements as soon as I felt like something was 'off' instead of pigheadedly plowing through.

Since the au pair is working 10 hours, can you adjust her hours so that she's 'on' at night? Or look into a night nurse, just for that post-partnum period where you are getting your feet back under you.

:kisscheek: I hope your DH comes around.

[smiles33]

Hugs. I am so sorry your DH was so cruel. I am sure it's overwhelming, to feel anger, frustration and fear with no one there to comfort you IRL. Glad you can come here to vent. I also hope your DH comes around and is more understanding. I love PP's idea re: hiring a night time nurse. Hope that's an option!

[scrooks]

Hugs. I am so sorry your DH was so cruel. I am sure it's overwhelming, to feel anger, frustration and fear with no one there to comfort you IRL. Glad you can come here to vent. I also hope your DH comes around and is more understanding. I love PP's idea re: hiring a night time nurse. Hope that's an option!

:yeahthat: i also agree with pps... I was a lot more confident as a mom when DS came along. I had been so scared when i brought DD home but i felt a lot more calm with DS. :grouphug:

[citymama]

I am so sorry, sweetie. Try and breathe deeply and let it roll off. Would he try harder to be there for your DS1 or is he typically an absentee dad? You might be surprised that #2 is not quite as scary as #1, so don't get yourself too anxious about the nights. Maybe he would spring for a night nurse for the first few weeks? Of course, it sounds like there are deeper underlying issues and I would counsel you to look out for yourself and kids. Big big hugs.

[lmh2402]

thanks, guys

i feel a little better. though not less angry. i'm just so mad at how mean and insensitive he can be. "he got me an au pair"?! really?! i didn't want an au pair. i just wanted to find and hire a nanny for the first few months to get me through the summer. but he pushed and pushed and i know it's b/c he felt like it would cover off on him not being around much...

i can't really shift her hours - i mean i could, but i really do need her help with DS. he's got three therapy appts every week, plus now we're adding a social skills group meeting. all of these are 30/35 min away and i don't want to deal with schlepping a newborn and panicking to try and make these appts each day on time. and then having to sit in the waiting room with brand new baby.

maybe we will look into a night nurse. i just know that it's SO expensive

two of my girlfriends reco'd two different services they used/are currently using and love(d) - but the cost is insane - between $30/$35 an hour.

(as an aside, i am astounded at how many people around here - our town - use night nurses at this cost for 12 hrs/night/7 days a week for 4, 6 or 8 weeks. that is just absolutely amazing to me that people can afford that.)

[MamaMolly]

(as an aside, i am astounded at how many people around here - our town - use night nurses at this cost for 12 hrs/night/7 days a week for 4, 6 or 8 weeks. that is just absolutely amazing to me that people can afford that.)

I would consider it money well spent if it made life a lot less stressful for you, in those first few weeks. Yes it is expensive, but for a pretty short time frame. It's not like you are paying for it instead of college ;)

[lmh2402]

I would consider it money well spent if it made life a lot less stressful for you, in those first few weeks. Yes it is expensive, but for a pretty short time frame. It's not like you are paying for it instead of college ;)

oh, i'm not judging or questioning the value. just amazed at how many can do it.

so no, certainly not this or college

but we really couldn't do more than a few nights a week for maybe two weeks. it's just not feasible or practical for us.

[vludmilla]

I agree that you should at least consider a night nurse in your circumstances. There is no reason that it has to be for 12 hours a night. You could just hire someone for 8 hours...enough time to ensure you get a reasonable amount of sleep. The cost would be much less that way and maybe just
one month of it. would be enough...
I did not have a night nurse and personally, I found it annoying how some people that I know acted like it was insane that I didn't have a nurse. Sheesh. In your situation, though, I think I would want one.

[Tondi G]

HUGS ... I'm sorry your husband was so dismissive of you sharing your fears. I had PPD/PTSD after DS2 was born because of the kind of baby DS1 was... he was colicky, didn't sleep and basically wanted to be held and nursed around the clock! DS2 was no where near the same kind of baby as DS1. I hope for you that you get an angel baby this time around and that PPD doesn't rear it's ugly head.

Part of the reason my anxiety kicked in so strong was that DS2 started crying and DH was holding him outside talking to our neighbors. He walked in and plunked the screaming newborn in my arms and said "I can't do this again!". Thanks buddy for all your help and support! Maybe your husband has his own fears about having another child and this was his way of trying to avoid admitting it.

Hope you get the support you need and that DH comes around and realizes that his comments and reaction were really not thoughtful or helpful.

Maybe just maybe your Au pair will fall in love the with baby and want to help you out some ... off the clock ... those first few weeks when it's really rough!

I don't understand why if your husband should have at least a week of paternity leave that he can't make it a priority and take that full week so he can be there for you and his new baby?

[Philly Mom]

Not sure if this is an option, but around here, parents of the mom or dad pay for the night nurse. Often is because the parents can't be there to help. I did not have one, but my SIL who had rough deliveries both times had one with each baby and my primary care MD had one, paid for her by her dad, at week 3 because she was losing it. She thought it was invaluable as did my SIL who tried to get me to get one too. My DH and I don't like people staying in our house which is why I knew it would be an added stress for us.

[mctlaw]

I am so sorry your DH is being so insensitive. :hug: Just wanted to throw out another suggestion for you. Postpartum doulas also provide service similar to that of a nighttime nurse, and perhaps the rates are a little lower (I have heard $25/hr around here). Also, if you can find one trying to get certified, her rates would likely be lower. I think just every other night (maybe midnight to 6A) for a couple weeks could probably help your sanity under the circumstances.

[elephantmeg]

aww, hugs. I hope you can find a good solution soon.

[lmh2402]

HUGS ... I'm sorry your husband was so dismissive of you sharing your fears. I had PPD/PTSD after DS2 was born because of the kind of baby DS1 was... he was colicky, didn't sleep and basically wanted to be held and nursed around the clock! DS2 was no where near the same kind of baby as DS1. I hope for you that you get an angel baby this time around and that PPD doesn't rear it's ugly head.

I don't understand why if your husband should have at least a week of paternity leave that he can't make it a priority and take that full week so he can be there for you and his new baby?

yes, this i think is what's happening. i really cannot explain how bad things were for like the first six months of DS' life. seriously. i pretty much don't remember most of it. and those memories i do have...are mostly negative. isn't that an awful thing to say? i most vividly remember standing in the kitchen sobbing and feeling sick, and then throwing a drinking glass down as hard as i could into the sink and the glass shattering up and scattering all over the place. i also remember walking...constantly walking...with DS in a carrier. in the sun. in the rain. in the cold. in the heat. just walking and walking to try and stop him from crying. he cried all the time. cried. and puked. anyway, i digress.

i am seriously scared to live through that again. and scared to feel as helpless, and angry at my baby...b/c i was so angry. and tired.


Not sure if this is an option, but around here, parents of the mom or dad pay for the night nurse.

yes, that's very common here too. and my parents could certainly afford it. but they already do a lot for us. they pay quite a bit toward DS' therapy every month, they give $$ gifts often. but i can't ask them for this. they are not get-help kind of people. they never, ever, EVER in a million years would understand or condone it. they almost had a heart attack when they heard we were hiring an au pair. they are extremely do-it-yourself/make-your-own way kind of folks. i literally couldn't even dream of asking. they would be so flabbergasted that it would make me feel even worse.

reasonable idea though...for those with different kinds of parents.

[eagle]

Maybe your husband has his own fears yes i dont know you or your husband really but his reaction was SO unhelpful and mean i felt exactly what tondi wrote. if you cant make your dh realize he needs to be there too to help rear your children, then you must help yourself. find a way to get some kind of help at night, at least for a little bit.

walking around, throwing glasses in the sink is, i believe, unusually bad and you DO NOT have to just sit there and wait for it to happen again!

:hug:

[123LuckyMom]

I'm so sorry! Your DS knows he's wrong. He lashed out because he's feeling defensive, and he's trying to deflect the blame from himself to you. Shame on him!

My DS was a VERY difficult baby, and I did it alone, really, because DH was working. I was very resentful, and, even though I adore DS, the experience was traumatizing. DD is a dream baby. She's really very easy. You may have a very easy baby, too. I really hope that happens! Just hang in there. You can do it!!!

[AnnieW625]

......
i can't really shift her hours - i mean i could, but i really do need her help with DS. he's got three therapy appts every week, plus now we're adding a social skills group meeting. all of these are 30/35 min away and i don't want to deal with schlepping a newborn and panicking to try and make these appts each day on time. and then having to sit in the waiting room with brand new baby.

I think I might actually try and reschedule her hours once or twice a week because it will get you out of the house more with the new baby. It would also help you if she watched the baby on the nights before DS' appts. so you are rested. When DD1 was born her pediatrician was concerned that I was getting out enough. DD1 was 4 days old and he told me it was okay to leave the house and go for a walk. It was the best remedy. I just got used to being ready to go an hour early. Some days were better than others, but I just had to get that intoy mindset it worked out okay.

Good luck, and if you can a therapy session or two for yourself before the baby comes might help out some too. :hug:

[Tinochka]

I don’t know if you plan to BF, but I found that going to LLL group meetings was very helpful to me (my DH is supportive, but he is out of town for 4-5 days and I don’t have any relatives). My 1st one was attached to me, so I was a mess. 2nd one cried a bit, till we didn’t figure out that it was due to my milk let down (like putting a water hose in baby mouth). Once we figure it out, things went a lot better. What I am trying to say, that your 2nd one might not be as difficult.
2nd time around I stopped listening to “do not lay down with your baby” stuff. I did whatever was helping to go through the night, including using a swing, when nothing else worked. After all, I felt it much more safe for baby to lay with me or be in a swing, than being in my hands, while I am trying to dose off. Try to invest into items, which can help you (a sling, if you are going BF - good bras, if you are going to feed formula - good supply of bottles (better to buy later), good stroller, which you can use for both your kids (I asked Baby Jogger for my birthday;). Stock up your freezer with easy to cook food.
AND I DON’T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS WITH WAKING UP MY DH, when I am feeling that I am at the edge (if he is around). After all, we are a team.
I am not sure what kind of job your DH has, but it doesn’t mean that this is the only thing he ought to do.
I hope that your baby will be an easy one!

[roseyloxs]

OTOH, I think your DH is feeling guilty / bad about not being there for you, but he's taking his frustration out on you. Anyhow, he was out of line, he should know PG hormones plus the stress make us very sensitive. That's no way to respopnd to someone who is sincerely opening up her heart, you are 100% allowed to be dissapointed that he won't take as much paternity leave as you expected.

:yeahthat: This was my first thought too. That he really did hear you and it scares the hell out of him. I just wish he had been more honest instead of getting defensive and turning into a complete jacka$$.

I would interview night nurses but not hire any. I would just like to have a list of my favorites in case nights do become a problem and you'll be prepared to hire someone if needed. P&PT thoughts for you and your baby. I hope he is as precious as mine were at night. Both of my newborns were great at night and even if they woke they were happy and would drift back to sleep pretty easily (which was good since DH deployed when each were only about 1 month old). I am pregnant again and pretty sure I am due to have the not so awesome baby but I digress. :hug: I really hope that all this worrying is for nothing.

[trcy]

:yeahthat: This was my first thought too. That he really did hear you and it scares the hell out of him. I just wish he had been more honest instead of getting defensive and turning into a complete jacka$$. That was my first thought as well. Still, not an excuse. Good luck, hope your DH comes around :grouphug:

[ZeeBaby]

:grouphug:We all know it is so tough to have little ones especially if you had a really difficult time before. Though you probably don't want to ask for help, it seems like you are definitely going to need it. You should develop a plan so that you will have services wrapped around you. Maybe have your mom come for about a month or longer if she is willing, I like the idea of interviewing the nurses or a nighttime sitter if you need the help and changing the au pair's hours. It is hard not to get overwhelmed, but your DH doesn't seem like he will be in a position to help and you have to think of your sanity.

[lmh2402]

thanks, everyone

yes, the glass smashing was a low point

i started going to a PPD support group after that

DH was actually home that night. it was like 11pm and he was sitting in the living room of our apartment lecturing me on how i needed to stop making things harder than they need to be. in the middle of the lecture, he stood up and yelled, "why won't he (DS) stop crying?!!"

and that was when i threw the glass. i had had just been standing with my back to him facing the sink holding onto the counter thinking i might pass out, throw up or maybe just drop to the floor and die. instead i threw a glass.

so yeah... the ppd group helped. but it felt like there were many more resources in our old 'hood. i just have to find my options out here i guess

my mom will come for a week. i know she won't stay more than that.

i found two night nurses that i'm going to meet next weekend. so we'll see.

i hope no one has any doubt how much i adore and live for my son. even when things were bad, i was so in love. it feels really awful to admit how bad things were and how crazy i was and how angry i was. i really was all those things.

hoping this time is better. on a positive note, i am not sure it could be much worse - so maybe i already know the lowest i can go...

thanks again.

[georgiegirl]

I'm so sorry your husband was so insensitive and dismissive of your feelings. There's just no excuse. Id be raging mad as well. My husband can be like that too, and I've found the best way to deal with him is to just ignore him and do whatever is best for me mentally and emotionally. Look into a post partum doula. Ask your au pair if she can help out at night the first week or so. By then you will have a better idea of how things are going and the baby's temperament, so you can look into getting more help if necessary. I also second the idea of LLL meetings (if you will be breastfeeding), since you will get lots of emotional support there. Right now, it sounds like you need an empathetic and compassionate person to talk to. Hugs.

Id also like to share my experience to give You some hope. My first was very colicky and high needs. She screamed all of the time and I've blocked most of her first 6 months out of my memory because it was just so intense and painful. (my husband never helped because he had panic attacks from her screaming.) Sounds like your experience. However, my second was a dream baby. He wasn't the best sleeper, but he was NEVER fussy for no reason. Seriously. The only time he really cried when he was tiny was when he was in the car. It was amazing to have a baby whose needs I could completely meet in a few seconds. I could put him down whenever I wanted and he was always happy. It was so strange compared to my first child (who cried enough for 5 babies.). His newborn months were amazing. Hopefully this will be your situation as well.

[boltfam]

thanks, everyone

yes, the glass smashing was a low point

i started going to a PPD support group after that

DH was actually home that night. it was like 11pm and he was sitting in the living room of our apartment lecturing me on how i needed to stop making things harder than they need to be. in the middle of the lecture, he stood up and yelled, "why won't he (DS) stop crying?!!"

and that was when i threw the glass. i had had just been standing with my back to him facing the sink holding onto the counter thinking i might pass out, throw up or maybe just drop to the floor and die. instead i threw a glass.

so yeah... the ppd group helped. but it felt like there were many more resources in our old 'hood. i just have to find my options out here i guess

my mom will come for a week. i know she won't stay more than that.

i found two night nurses that i'm going to meet next weekend. so we'll see.

i hope no one has any doubt how much i adore and live for my son. even when things were bad, i was so in love. it feels really awful to admit how bad things were and how crazy i was and how angry i was. i really was all those things.

hoping this time is better. on a positive note, i am not sure it could be much worse - so maybe i already know the lowest i can go...

thanks again.

Your DH sounds a lot like mine...the taking out his fears on me and not being able to handle a newborn crying, which is somehow my fault??! He yelled at me like your DH did when DD (baby #2) was born. We later figured out she had a dairy intolerance, which is why she was so crabby, so if baby #2 is similar to your DS (I sure hope not), that might be something to look into.

Anyway, you don't have to feel bad about throwing the glass into the sink, and no one is questioning your love for DS. Sometimes, it's just so overwhelming, and we've all been there.

I'm glad you're looking at the possibility of a night nurse and that your mom will be there to help you for a week, too. I agree with PPs that even thought DD was so crabby, I had a lot more confidence the second time around. I also agree with Annie's advice to make sure you get out of the house with the baby, which I find helps me so much emotionally.

Hopefully, your DH comes around. :hug:

[essnce629]

Instead of a night nurse I'd look into hiring a postpartum doula since she can help you with breastfeeding, infant care, running errands, light cleaning, baby laundry, preparing meals, and care of DS. Postpartum doulas are also trained to keep an eye out for postpartum depression.

If you cannot afford the doula fees in your area, contact a doula trainer in your area by searching the DONA (Doulas of North America) website. The doula trainers have a list of all the new doulas that have recently been trained and are in the process of receiving their certification. These new doulas usually charge a lot less. In San Diego and VA, I charged $25 an hour as a postpartum doula, but when I had first gone through my training I was working for $12-$15 an hour.

Here's the link to find a doula trainer in your area. Select "for Postpartum Doulas" and then enter your state and click "Go." The next page will list the doula trainers and their contact info. Contact the trainers in your area and tell them you would like a list of the newly trained doulas who are willing to work for a lower fee. Hope this help!

http://www.dona.org/develop/find_a_workshop.php

[traciann]

I know you are scared but you will be fine. Great even I am willing to bet. Having a second child wasn't as overwhelming as having your first child. You have done this before so honestly the hard part will be taking care of your older child at first. It is a balance to juggle two kids but I am willing to bet it won't be as challenging as you think. I will say that my dh was supposed to take a week off once dd2 was born. The day we came home from the hospital my mil was sick in the hospital and ended up on life support. It was very unexpected and dh had to fly out within several hours of being home with two kids. I had to juggle things for 5 days...my mom was able to come over for 2 of them but it was mostly on my own. It truly wasn't as bad as I thought and I am glad that I was able to handle things. It gave me the confidence to do things alot sooner than I would have otherwise.

[HannaAddict]

You need to have a frank talk with your OB, relaying the glass story if necessary so they can help you get support if ou need it (group or even meds). The anxiety level in your posts is high and output need support! For the au pair, you set the hours, you can work around appointments and should still get some help at night before your husband gets home. Don't feel bad, they are there for you. So sorry!! Take care.

[wellyes]

I am so sorry, you should not have to deal with someone who treats you with such contempt. Especially someone who is supposed to support you. I would definitely open up to your OB. You need and deserve help. Do it for your kids.

[doberbrat]

just wanted to offer a hug and say talk to your ob now as well.

[Mommy_Mea]

I wanted to offer :grouphug: and a little of my experience.

I have had depression/anxiety issues all my life, so I was very concerned with PPD when pregnant with DS1. I got information on a councilor from my OB, and actually had a preliminary meeting with her while still pregnant. It was a good way to break the ice, make sure I liked her, talk about concerns. I wanted to make sure that if I was struggling after having DS1, that I wouldn't have to go through the headache and stress of finding a councilor, that I already had one, eliminate that hurdle (often a huge barrier for me in the past).

Thank goodness because I had a horrid case of PPD with DS1. I saw her several times a week and mostly just sobbed to her.

So I would recommend getting a name of a councilor, and if possible, meeting with them before having the baby, just in case.

Now DS2 was a different story. I was again all prepared for PPD and it never came. I had all the wonderful good hormones that made me all lovey and giddy. I was still sleep deprived and handing a newborn and toddler, but it was just such a different experience without the PPD!!

[lmh2402]

bump for update in OP

[crl]

I am glad to hear you have arranged some help. I think that's a really great plan.

Catherine

[MamaMolly]

:applause: yay mama!!! I'm so proud of you! Way to take care of your self, and line up support.

[citymama]

That sounds great! Kudos on proactively finding a workable solution. Yay!

[maestramommy]

All right! Way to go for finding someone!:bighand:

[niccig]

I'm glad you're going to get support. I think you're doing the right thing, DH can't be there, so get someone in who can. Your mental and physical health is very important right now. Get the help you need.

I'm sorry your DH reacted that way to you. I will admit that I'm similar in that when I go on the defensive, I blow up at the other person. It's not right at all.

[trentsmom]

I'm so glad you're getting some help at night. The nights were the worst! I remember with DS1, I would hear the door to the bedroom close when DH went to sleep, and I knew that I was on my own until the morning. I came to dread hearing that door close. I thought I would go through the same thing with DS2, but he was a much better sleeper, so I was able to get more sleep. I hope that your DC2 is easier for you, too.

[AnnieW625]

Good for you for hiring help and telling your DH how it needs to be.

[Philly Mom]

Good for you!