My head is going to explode if I hear retard one more time

[snowbunnies300]

I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THE WORD RETARD!!!!!!!!!!!!! Enough people, really enough.
Last weekend while in KMart:
Cashier: Do all of your kids have an iPad (very snotty voice)
Me: Yes, they are all three autistic and two of them do not talk at all so they need them to communicate as well as use apps that help with learning and gross motor.
Cashier: All three? Why is that?
Me: I don't know (thinking here we go again, please don't ask any more questions I just want to check out and get out of here)
Cashier: Are they all yours?
Me: Yes all biological (wanted to say "nope saw them sitting on the side of the road and decided to picked them up one day for no reason whatsoever)

Second KMart (had 50% off clerance toys) Walking into store telling boys to hurry up.
Idiot customer: Looks like someone is spoiled.
Me: Nope it's called autism. They are all three autistic and two of them do not talk at all so they need them to communicate as well as use apps that help with learning and gross motor.
Idiot customer: Oh I didn't see
Me: Come on boys lets go to the bathroom right here (wanted to SCREAM at her of course you can't SEE AUTISM what should I have them get a tatoo on their forheads that says autistic so people like you don't make an a$$ out of yourself ~ didn't as my kids were right there and I need to model acceptible behavior but I sure was cusing her out in my mind)

Yesterday got into a FB fight with someone I don't know on a family member's page for calling something retarded.

Today I find out that Margaret Cho was on Bravo Watch What Happens Live and said "I don’t necessarily want to have a retard,”. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!

What is the matter with people? Shut the F up if you don't have anything nice to say. Every time, every single F'ing time I take all three boys out in public shopping I get the question are they yours?" why do you think they're autistic?" did you vaccinate? where they exposed to mold because I heard that causes autism (or insert anyother stupid idiotic left field question about causes of autism). I want to shop without being questioned. I want my shop without my kids feeling like they are in a fish bowl because people have to stop and stare. I am tired of living in a world where people feel the need to use the word retarded. Try living your life knowing that you won't be picking a college for your child but a group home. Try living your life worried about who will take care of your child when you no longer can. Try knowing you will be leaving behind a child who can't talk and will be at the mercy of others to make certain their basic needs are being met. This is my life. Its hard enough without others making it worse. I'm tired of being strong 24/7. I'm tired of looking like I've got it all under control. I am tired of hearing people complain about their kids, their normal kids doing normal things. I'll switch with you for a week. I'll sit in the rain and cold watching a baseball game. I've never done it and never will as my kid can't play sports. They can't even ride a bike as their gross motor just isn't strong enough.

I feel like I am going to explode after reading Cho's statement. I get that she is a comic. That is not a free pass. She doesn't want a retard because she knows it is hard. She wants it to be easy. Well yeah it is hard. Harder than I ever thought it would be but I have three loving children who I'd give my life for and I feel sorry for her that she feels the way she does. I don't think I could ever watch her again. She is ruined for me.

[crl]

I am sorry people are so ignorant and insensitive. :hug:

Catherine

[wellyes]

I can't believe how awful some people are. I'm sorry.

[sarahsthreads]

I so, so hate that word, and hate it even more on your behalf. :( I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to have to be so strong for your three children, but I am certain you are doing a wonderful job.

And really, who tries to have a conversation about why a child might have autism with a complete stranger? How bizarre and rude!

:hug:

Sarah

[MamaMolly]

Hugs, hugs, hugs, and mojo that some of those stupid, insensitive people learned a thing or two about opening their yappers.

[elliput]

:hug::hug::hug: I'm right there with you.

The past two times I have taken DD to Target, she has had complete meltdowns in the store. Lucky for me they were two different stores, but still. Yeah, she is a very tall 7 yo. Yeah, she's wearing a foam tiara and a super-hero cape with a sparkly heart on the back. Yeah, she's upset that we did not get something she is perseverating over. Yeah, I'm trying my best. Yeah, I'm probably going to have to drag her out of the store while she's screaming at the top of her lungs. Yeah, you can just mind your own f'n business.

[brittone2]

I cannot believe people continue to use that word. Really, I mean, hasn't there been enough out there that people realize it is inappropriate at this point? Get a clue, you know? I know at one time it was more commonly used, but at some point you'd think people would have figured out it is not appropriate and is offensive.

I'm so sorry :hug:

[infocrazy]

:hug:

I have a few ideas for the forehead tatoos the commenters could have...

[Pyrodjm]

:hug: I'm sorry that you've had to deal with such insensitive people.

[lmh2402]

I cannot believe people continue to use that word. :hug:


:yeahthat: I'm so sorry :hug:

[katydid1971]

Hugs to you and your boys. :grouphug:

[arivecchi]

I am sorry people are so damn clueless and rude. I am sure you are doing a wonderful job with your kids. :hug:

[FTMLuc]

I am sorry that you have to deal with this. Hugs.

[lizzywednesday]

:hug:

I have a few ideas for the forehead tatoos the commenters could have...

:yeahthat:

As someone related to someone with a developmental disability, I also bristle at the word "retard"/"retarded" and have made every effort over the past 20 years to excise it from my everyday slang vocabulary.

My grandmother reprimanded me for it once when I was 14 and I've not used it casually since. (I may use it in its actual meaning - "to slow down" - but not to describe someone or something. I hate myself when I do it.)

It makes me wish that people could have that reprimand ringing in their heads every time they go to use a term like "retard"/"retarded" casually.

OP, I can only imagine what goes through your head at times - I've "policed" my relative with developmental disabilities before, but I've never been in full charge like my mom and aunts have. I've gotten the looks and have learned to ignore or educate where appropriate, following my grandmother's lead. I've walked only a few inches in your shoes, so I can't claim to truly know what it's like, but I hear you 100% loud and clear.

[larig]

many many many hugs to you. :grouphug:

[BabyBearsMom]

I'm so sorry people are so awful.

Frankly, if someone referred to my children as spoiled I would probably tell them they were rude, b*tchy, busy bodies and to mind their own business

[elbenn]

I am so sorry that people are so insensitive and rude.

[Sweetum]

:grouphug:
I am so sorry you had to hear those. Lots of hugs and love to you and your boys.

[deborah_r]

I'm sorry people have been so awful. Sounds like you are doing an awesome job with your kids!

[elliput]

For those you want to get involved- R-word-Spread the Word to End the Word (http://www.r-word.org/).

[theriviera]

I am so sorry that you are dealing with such insensitive and rude people. You are a great mama and those low class busy bodies need to mind their own business. :hug:

[♥ms.pacman♥]

wow, i am so sorry you have to deal with this. those Kmart folks..what the F are they thinking..i can't believe they had the gall to comment about the iPads right to your face. And to ask all those questions...what is WRONG with people?? Seriously, even if i want to give each of my kids their own iPads just because i freaking feel like it, whose business is it but anybody elses?? I will never understand some people's desire to comment on this stuff, or to try to make another mom feel bad for her kids being "spoiled" or whatnot.

it sounds like you are doing an awesome job as a mom :hug: Seriously, don't let these people get you down. They likely have nothing in their lives to bring them joy and that is why they try to make you feel bad, so they can feel better about themselves.

oh, and i can't stand the R word either. it seems like whenever a celebrity makes a racist comment they get immediately struck down by the media but then using the R word or something similar, no one seems to notice how offensive it can be. :(

[123LuckyMom]

I am so, so sorry!

[Melbel]

I am so sorry that people are so insensitive, rude and judgmental. The use of the "r" word is tantamount to using a racial slur IMO. With DS' Lyme, he does not "look sick" either. There are times when he is feeling better, which is when we tend to go out in public, thus exacerbating the perception (we stay at home during bad days or he is in the hospital during the worst of times). DS also has an iPad, which was given to him as a reward for finishing out the school year even though his cognitive function was fried. A goal that would have been easy and expected before he was ill became a huge milestone. So there are plenty of people who think that we have "spoiled" DS by giving him an iPad, when they have no idea what hell this poor child has endured over the past year plus.

[snowbunnies300]

Thank you so much for your replies. I was really low this morning. Crying as I was typing the post. I pulled it together to play a bit with DS3 before putting him on the bus for his afternoon school. I went back to bed at 11:30 and slept till 1:30. Then off to pick up boys for therapy.

Some days are just hard. Others seem impossible. Today just pushed me over the edge so thank you all for your kind words and thoughts!

[VClute]

FWIW, I think Margaret Cho has really learned her lesson on this.

http://www.margaretcho.com/2012/06/01/more-apologies/

And perhaps her gaff, and subsequent apology, will serve to enlighten others.

[Puddy73]

:hug: Your post made me cry. Why are people so freakin' mean and ignorant? You are a good mama and to hell with them!

[MontrealMum]

I'm late to this but I just wanted to say I'm so very sorry. :grouphug: You are a great mom and you don't need to explain anything to anyone! I think if I had that many people questioning my kids' ipads I'd either say something very rude or stick my tongue out at them.

[DrSally]

hate, hate the R word. It's awful. I'm so sorry you have to be questioned every time you go out! I would want to slug someone!

[sweetsue98]

:grouphug:

[Indianamom2]

I am so very sorry that people are so insensitive. Someday, at least some of them, will eventually somewhat get it. Someday maybe it will finally click how incredibly rude they have been and they'll understand a little better what it was like to walk in your shoes.

Until then....:grouphug: Disabilities that can't be seen are perhaps the very hardest because people feel like they can say whatever they want since it must not be "that bad".

[Gena]

I am right there with you. I hear these comment too and they infuriate me. I also have been told that DS is spoiled because he has an iPad (it was a generous gift from my brother, who read how iPads are helping kids with autism).


FWIW, I think Margaret Cho has really learned her lesson on this.

http://www.margaretcho.com/2012/06/01/more-apologies/

And perhaps her gaff, and subsequent apology, will serve to enlighten others.

I'm not impressed by her apology. She still doesn't get it. Having a child with a disability is not a punishment for the choices you make in life or the body's revenge for past treatment.

[mommylamb]

I'm late to this post, but wanted to just agree with everyone else. People can be a$$ holes.

[3isEnough]

I'm so sorry and totally understand your frustration. People can say the most dumbass things sometimes. :grouphug:

[JustMe]

That all sounds too frustrating. Ugh!

[Fairy]

I'm so sorry. I'm just so sorry.

:crying:

Your beautiful children are so very lucky to have you for their mom.

-- Fairy :hug:

[Uno-Mom]

I can't even express how much my heart welled up to scream AMEN!!!!!! to your post. I promise you, a lot of us who have "neurotypical" kids understand. We haven't been there but we stand in full support of you, your kids and everything you wrote.

(Amen to the iPad, too. I have seen some amazing things done with that.)

[StantonHyde]

Like one of my favorite t shirts says: I'm autistic. What's your excuse?

Because there isn't one for the kind of behavior aimed at you and your dc.