3 yo DD will not be potty trained!

[choopi]

I am losing my mind here. We have been trying to potty train DD since October. She is a little over three now and has anywhere from 1-3 accidents a day. Really nothing has changed much over the last 8 months. She very, very rarely tells us if she needs to go to the bathroom. She very rarely tells us if she's had an accident. When she does it seems like she might even think it's funny. Everything I've ready just says to change them and not even really comment on what's happened. I've tried to not get emotional, so it doesn't turn into a battle of wills.

We had started with HA trainers, switched to Pull-Ups, and now have been back to the HA trainers for the last month. I'm going crazy and just want to scream. I know it's terrible, but I'm starting to feel resentful and I'm so sick of cleaning out dirty underwear.

We've tried marshmallows every time she goes, a sticker chart, and I don't even remember what else. The doctor told us she might be constipated and cut out dairy. We did that and no change.

I admit that we have had a lot of stress in our lives since we started training. I know stress and PT aren't good together, but there's not much we can do about some of the stress.

She knows how to use the toilet. When we put her on there at regular times (before naps, bed, leaving the house, etc...), she uses it fine and can make #1 and #2. She will be going to preschool next week. They don't mind that she still has accidents. Will the peer pressure help her? She doesn't have any siblings as role models, but has tons of friends.

HELP ME! What do I do now?

[LMPC]

If I were in your shoes, I would wait to see what happens at preschool -- it's only a week, right? My guess is that with all those kids going the bathroom, she's going to get it. And I think preschool teachers are pretty much pros at this...they can help take some of the pressure off you in terms of helping her stay dry/clean. And finally, I would ditch the pull ups and just do trainers....pull ups are made too much like diapers IMO.

Hugs! PTing is so very hard!

[Cam&Clay]

It sounds like she is not ready. I found with DS1 that once I backed off, he came around on his own a few months later. I stopped fighting because he was winning the battle and I was losing my mind over something that I certainly could not control.

[Green_Tea]

It sounds like she is not ready. I found with DS1 that once I backed off, he came around on his own a few months later. I stopped fighting because he was winning the battle and I was losing my mind over something that I certainly could not control.

I agree. It sounds like she wasn't ready when you started, and having accidents regularly has become her new "normal." I'd put her in undies for school (if they require them) and Pull Ups/dipes the rest of the time, and try another full court press in a few months time.

[MommyAllison]

I agree. It sounds like she wasn't ready when you started, and having accidents regularly has become her new "normal." I'd put her in undies for school (if they require them) and Pull Ups/dipes the rest of the time, and try another full court press in a few months time.

:yeahthat: DD1 was the same way, and in retrospect, I sooooooooo wish that I had put her back in diapers. She got used to her undies being wet and didn't care, and it took years to resolve. So not worth it!

[ckso]

It sounds like she is not ready. I found with DS1 that once I backed off, he came around on his own a few months later. I stopped fighting because he was winning the battle and I was losing my mind over something that I certainly could not control.

I agree. It's not good to force pt and can develop other issues if you're constantly fighting her (ie. No longer caring about wet or dirty undies, holding pee or poop which leads to other issues, etc. 3 is really a borderline age.

I would step back and see what the preschool does. With my dd, I actually waited for the teacher tell me she showed interest going to the potty. And when she saw other kids wearing undies she wanted to too. So she was 3 and 3 mo when we started, had a couple of accidents.but now is 3-9 mo and is potty trained including sleeping. She still have the occasional accidents but rare.

[ExcitedMamma]

Does she have any interest in underwear? DS really wanted to pick out his own underwear after I bought him some when we started PT which became a motivator for him. We also read a lot of the PT books. We started similarly with DS just taking him potty a few times a day at set times and when that was successful talked to him about staying dry and using the potty and started going every twenty minute or so. I head read a lot of anti-pull up posts and pro-underwear posts but DS didn't seem to care if he went in his underwear at first. I decided to back off and was not happy about changing poopy underwear so I went with pull ups for ease of up and down for PT. I know this doesn't seem to work for other kids but with DS the cool alert pull ups really helped him to learn not to pee in them. From there he really loved his PT rewards, stickers and stamps. You can see my current post about poop training which is great that he's trained but I need to phase out his cartoon reward! He's now pretty much trained and can hold it for 1-2 hrs now. We have the little travel potty in the car which he uses great and he's starting to be better about using the big public restrooms.

I would vote for trying low key but find some rewards that appeal to her like favorite character/theme sticker to motivate her without pressure. And again maybe show her some underwear that would appeal to her and talk about staying dry to use them. Again I vote for the pull up cool alert and maybe she'll like the characters on them? We talked to DS in the beginning about keeping lightning and mater dry in his. Good luck!

[trcy]

No personal BTDT as DD is too young to even think of PT, but I do think she is not ready. Not stressing about PT is a promise I made to myself before DD was born (we will see what happens when we get there). I would say to let it go for now and readdress later.

[Dream]

I'm in the same boat with DD1. She's 3 1/2 now and know how to use the toilet and tells us when she's want to do #2. And she use the toilet for #1 when she feels like it but most of the time she just wets her and stays like that for hours if we don't change her.

I registered her for the summer program at the pre-school she'll be attending in Fall hoping that once she see other kids using the toilet will make her want to as well. I'm planning on sending lots of extra clothes for to change to as well. Pre-schools around here aren't accepting kids who are not fully PT. And I'm so scared and worried she's going to be held back from starting preschool because of this issue. I talker to her pediatrician as well, he said there's nothing we could do, they're only going to PT when they want to and we can't control them. I just don't know what to do.

[swissair81]

I never train until 3.5. I wait until they're good and ready and we take care of it in a week or two.

[Jai]

Pre-schools around here aren't accepting kids who are not fully PT. And I'm so scared and worried she's going to be held back from starting preschool because of this issue. I just don't know what to do.

:yeahthat: this is my situation with DS who is now 3 years and a week shy of four months. I hate to lose my deposit at the preschool, and I was really looking forward to a break a few hours each week.:(

He will urinate in the potty sometimes--usually with constant reminding. He has never pooped in the potty. He doesnt care if he goes in pull ups or underwear. I went back to pull ups after cleaning poop out of underwear and the carpet several times. It just made me increasingly frustrated and very sad.