How to help my mom?

[pinkmomagain]

My mom is having a rough time with my dad. He is 10 years older than her. He is in his early 80s. He is lucky to be in pretty fine health but there are a couple of outstanding issues: mobility & difficult personality.

He is having a hard time getting around. He complains about his knees and dizziness. They've been to lots of drs and he basically refuses to do PT (which did help, but now he denies it) and refuses knee surgery. He can very slowly get around with a walker and will only agree to sit in a wheelchair to go to drs appts. He always has had what appears to be some OCD/anxiety & depression...although he denies both and was never formally dx'd with either. Of course, these have gotten more pronounced with age....and makes my mom crazy.

My poor mom is stuck in the house caring for him and their elderly dog. She does get out to the stores sometimes but she is clearly frustrated/burning out. I've offered to stay with dad if she wants to get and feels bad leaving him, but so far she hasn't taken me up on it. And she's not exactly a social butterfly but her world just keeps getting smaller and smaller.

I was thinking that maybe some type of mental health professional (social worker?) or support group might be helpful for her. But I don't know exactly how to find those resources. Any suggestions of where/how to look for this?

[pinkmomagain]

Well I am coming on to answer my own question...in case it helps someone else. I did find some local support groups...although I'm a bit skeptical that she will actually go. But I also found a great forum http://eldercare.infopop.cc/6/ubb.x so she can lurk a bit and maybe get some info.

I also realized, that since she is such a voracious reader, maybe a book or two on the subject might be helpful. If anyone has suggestions, feel free!

[karstmama]

does he still have guy friends in the area? my thought would be to see if you can get up a poker/bridge/canasta foursome at their house, so that at least once a week your mama gets some 'her' time and your daddy gets to entertain a bit.

[pinkmomagain]

Good thoughts but my parents have never been very social. They are homebodies to begin with and very involved with me & my sister's families. But they used to go out for lunch, go shopping together, sometimes the movies, visit with me and my sis. That's not happening any more. My dad is sitting on the front porch and chatting with neighbors as they walk their dogs though so that is good for his mental health. However it doesn't really get my mom her freedom...

[123LuckyMom]

Most communities have an Elder Services or the equivalent. Most communities also have a community mental health center. Both would be excellent resources for finding caregiver support groups. Elder services may also have options/services for your dad that he might be willing to try. Local churches and synagogues are also good places to call. I hope the group you've found is a good fit. If not, try calling around to find other options.