2 Birthday Party Questions

[rachelh]

Need some birthday party help...

1) I am planning DD 6th birthday and really want to do "no gifts" but I have never seen it done in my circles and not sure how people will take it. I was thinking of asking people to bring a grab bag gift for under $5 instead. What do you all think of this idea?

2) I am really trying to keep the party "small" and to girls DD's age/from her class. I am pushing the party off until the school year is over because I simply cannot invite all the girls in her class (24!) due to space constraints. So I did not mention this to DH yet and yesterday he mentioned he invited a friend of his kid. Problem is she almost two years younger than DD. Also, I know from experience that if she comes, both parents come and stay and they will also bring their 20 month old. DH did not actually give them an invitation but gave them all the details of the party. Is there any polite way out of this?

TIA!

[infomama]

1) I wouldn't do the grab bag idea. The only gift I would be ok "requesting" would be a book.
2) I think your stuck on that one...he already invited them.

[Melbel]

Our efforts to do a no gift party did not work out well. Some still brought gifts for the birthday girl making others feel bad. By age six, I think it is harder for kids to not receive gifts from friends on their birthday. I totally get your desire to do no gifts, but in the end, it is easier/neater to just stick with the norm.

As for question number 2, there is no tactful way to retract the invitation. With summer birthday parties, there should be more people out of town. Hopefully this will get your headcount in check.

[elbenn]

1) I wouldn't do the grab bag idea. The only gift I would be ok "requesting" would be a book.
2) I think your stuck on that one...he already invited them.

I thought that books might be a better idea, too. I also agree that you shouldn't uninvite the guest your DH invited.

[SnuggleBuggles]

1. No. But, I'm not a fan of no gift parties or specifi requirements. Just leave instructions out of the equation and graciously accept what comes.

2. We often have 2 parties. Classmates and then one with our family and close friends. Is that an option, to bump them to family party status? Otherwise, I'm sure the extra people will be fine.

[crl]

1. I think you have to either do no gifts or let people bring whatever they want to. I see no polite way to specify how much people spend on gifts. In our neighborhood, no gifts is the norm even at older ages and doesn't cause any problems, but I have certainly seen lots of posts here about issues with people ignoring the request.

2. I think you are stuck, unless you want to do two parties and have dh tell them he got the details wrong and invite them to the other party.

Catherine

[rachelh]

I wasn't really going to call them to un-invite them! Can I get away with not actually sending them an invite and see what happens or is that just as rude?

[roseyloxs]

1. I think the grab bag idea sounds really cute but can create a very awkward situation if people forget or ignore it so I would probably skip it. I would either request no gifts or request gifts/toys for a local charity or organization (local hospitals, daycares, toys for tots, etc). This way everyone had prior knowledge that the gifts will not be coming home with you.

2. You're stuck.

[rachelh]

1. I think you have to either do no gifts or let people bring whatever they want to. I see no polite way to specify how much people spend on gifts. In our neighborhood, no gifts is the norm even at older ages and doesn't cause any problems, but I have certainly seen lots of posts here about issues with people ignoring the request.

2. I think you are stuck, unless you want to do two parties and have dh tell them he got the details wrong and invite them to the other party.

Catherine

The only reason I was suggesting the grab bag idea is because I know people like to or feel they need to bring a gift so thought that was a good alternative...but guess not....

[crl]

The only reason I was suggesting the grab bag idea is because I know people like to or feel they need to bring a gift so thought that was a good alternative...but guess not....

I agree it's an interesting idea, I just don't think it will work out. I could be totally wrong though.

I guess you could just not send an invite, but I'd rather know whether they are coming and I think you are a lot less likely to get an RSVP without a formal invitation. And if you don't get an RSVP from them, you may feel awkward about following up to find out if they are planning to come. . . .

Catherine

[KLD313]

I wasn't really going to call them to un-invite them! Can I get away with not actually sending them an invite and see what happens or is that just as rude?

I've actually done that. :bag: my BF invited ppl and I never sent the invite. They didn't show up but they asked about it after the fact and he told them we ended up not having the party. Rude, yeah but I hd reasons for not wanting them there.

[MamaMolly]

The only reason I was suggesting the grab bag idea is because I know people like to or feel they need to bring a gift so thought that was a good alternative...but guess not....

I can see what you are trying to do, and I wish it would work! I think if it were a small group of friends you could talk it over with it might work out, but in the case of a large party it could give off a weird vibe. Kind of like BYOBOC (bring your own bag o' crap) <---- I don't mean to be offensive with that, I'm trying to be light hearted. It's hard to get that across on the internet! :kisscheek:

[rachelh]

I can see what you are trying to do, and I wish it would work! I think if it were a small group of friends you could talk it over with it might work out, but in the case of a large party it could give off a weird vibe. Kind of like BYOBOC (bring your own bag o' crap) <---- I don't mean to be offensive with that, I'm trying to be light hearted. It's hard to get that across on the internet! :kisscheek:

Lol - I hear that...point taken :)

[SnuggleBuggles]

I wasn't really going to call them to un-invite them! Can I get away with not actually sending them an invite and see what happens or is that just as rude?

No, totally rude. Is it really so bad that they come?

I screwed up a few years back and off hand mentioned someone out of town should come visit, maybe for ds1's birthday. I didn't wind up inviting them (I didn't think they would want to travel for it). I was wrong and things still aren't great between us. Not a good feeling.

[MMMommy]

1. I think you have to either do no gifts or let people bring whatever they want to. I see no polite way to specify how much people spend on gifts. Catherine

:yeahthat:

I think you have to send the invite. It would be rude to not send them the invite after DH already verbally invited them. The family would be left wondering what to do, and I think not sending them the invite would be in poor taste.

[TwinFoxes]

I think you have to send the invite. It would be rude to not send them the invite after DH already verbally invited them. The family would be left wondering what to do, and I think not sending them the invite would be in poor taste.

:yeahthat: Your DH would have to see these people at work, wouldn't he feel awkward? What if it became a "thing"?