S/O: Has the number of sexual partners affected your attitude toward sex?

[smiles33]

This is a spin-off of the TMI thread in Healthy You. I placed it here because it's not discussing sexual acts specifically but questions whether a person's number of sexual partners has affected his/her attitude toward sex.

My theory is that those who have had more partners are more adventurous, as you've had the opportunity to try out different things with more than one person. Of course, there are certainly those who have only had 1 partner who may be very adventurous but I'm assuming that new partners (including presumably some with much more experience than you) will have introduced new practices/techniques/positions.

Poll coming so no need to post if you want to remain anonymous.

ETA: Define sexual partner however you wish. I might suggest one definition would include people with whom you have had any sexual contact beyond kissing, so it doesn't have to be intercourse to completion. Also, in terms of adventurous, I'm talking about beyond traditional/mainstream intercourse (e.g., missionary is obvious, but maybe girl on top and doggy style are now mainstream?).

Sorry if TMI. Maybe this should be moved to the Healthy You board now that my poll gets folks to think more specifically....

[egoldber]

Well, I have only had one partner. We have gotten much more adventurous as we have gotten older. We were pretty vanilla for a long time :) and then we had a pretty long patch while TTC, having losses, nursing, etc. where we had sex very infrequently.

Our kids are now a little older, sleeping well, no more pregnancies or nursing and I can honestly say we are having more and better sex then ever. :) I think that is true for a variety of reasons.

[smiles33]

That's awesome, Beth. We're pretty vanilla at my house, but we're also exhausted so maybe in a few years it will get more exciting. ;)

[khalloc]

I guess I am adventurous, but I had no idea doggy-style and girl on top were considered adventurous! I've done way more than that but i thought those were pretty run of the mill and that everyone does those positions a fair amount.

[swissair81]

My lack of adventurousness might have more to do with my last 6 years being entirely consumed by pregnancy/nursing (and of course hormones).

[lizzywednesday]

I may feel stupid discussing some things, but I'd like to think I'd try anything at least once.

And, there are some things, having tried and disliked them immensely, I'm not going to do again. Ever.

One of the best things I ever did for my sexual health and well-being was to read the book The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex by Barbara Keesling (LINK: http://www.amazon.com/Good-Girls-Guide-Girl-Indispensible/dp/1590771281/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1339439620&sr=8-1) because it made me feel more comfortable about my body, sex, and sexual feeling.

I usually recommend it to good friends if they're in a funk.

[buddyleebaby]

It's a hard question to answer because "adventurous" is subjective.
We do not have sex with others outside our relationship. We do have sex outside. :rotflmao:

I think DH and I have an awesome sex life. Whether someone else would think it was adventurous, I don't know. It works for us.

DH has been my only partner. He had had several by the time we started dating, but we were young, so there was certainly a lot of learning done together.

[BabyMine]

I have only had 1 partner, DH, but we are very, very, adventurous. I think it has to do with trust and trying out fantasies. Or the porn we watched. Or when alcohol was involved.

[kijip]

I would say that my attitude towards sex affected the number of partners.

I would consider myself adventurous with my husband but extremely prudish about sex in general- the idea of having multiple partners, having sex outside of commitment or while very young is unpleasant to me. That said, I don't really care what other people do/have done. These attitudes are primarily driven by my religious background but certainly were impacted by being assaulted as well. J is the first person I could become intimate with and it took more than 2 years.

[kijip]

I guess I am adventurous, but I had no idea doggy-style and girl on top were considered adventurous! I've done way more than that but i thought those were pretty run of the mill and that everyone does those positions a fair amount.

Yeah, that does not seem adventurous to me either. And we have established that I am a prude generally about sex.

[smiles33]

I guess I am adventurous, but I had no idea doggy-style and girl on top were considered adventurous! I've done way more than that but i thought those were pretty run of the mill and that everyone does those positions a fair amount.

I consider those positions mainstream, but I'm trying to be respectful toward those who might not. Adventurous might mean anywhere outside the bedroom to one person, whereas another person might think adventurous is only when it's in a moving car or in a semi-public area somewhere!

[american_mama]

I don't feel I can vote, mostly because I don't particularly think there's a relationship between number of sexual partners and sexual adventurousness. I rarely quibble with polls, but I also really don't know whether I consider myself sexually adventurous. I think I everything I do in that arena is pretty normal, but then again, I think what I eat is normal, how my family functions is normal, what my house looks like is normal. There is such a wide range of behavior on certain topics, and some of it is hidden from public view, that it's hard to put myself on any kind of scale.

[smiles33]

That's a fair point, american_mama. I just was surprised by some of the posts in the original thread re: BJs that imply (at least to me) that those are "not mainstream" and/or are a bit "adventurous" since some BBBers choose not to include that in their sexual repertoire. Adventurous sex in this context is, to me, something more than bare-bones sex.

[khalloc]

Well I dont think this poll is going to tell us much since some people might think adventurous means that they have sex doggy-style and other people might think adventurous means having a 3-some...

[khalloc]

That's a fair point, american_mama. I just was surprised by some of the posts in the original thread re: BJs that imply (at least to me) that those are "not mainstream" and/or are a bit "adventurous" since some BBBers choose not to include that in their sexual repertoire. Adventurous sex in this context is, to me, something more than bare-bones sex.

And to me doggy style and woman on top are bare-bones sex. I consider those to be pretty vanilla.

[kep]

Is there some kind of list we can refer to or something? Lol. You know, like I'm a 46 on the adventure scale... ;)

[ourbabygirl]

I had a few partners before DH, but I'm definitely in the soggy oatmeal/ Jell-o category (a.k.a. vanilla). :)

Uh, yeah... I scored a 22.

[crl]

Is there some kind of list we can refer to or something? Lol. You know, like I'm a 46 on the adventure scale... ;)

:ROTFLMAO: I am really not sure how to answer. My only partner for more than petting has been dh. I don't think I am a prude, but I also don't think I am adventurous. If forced to guess, I'd say I am more or less typical of a forty something married woman. Oral sex is fine, any position is fair game, extra people are not okay, outside is okay but not if there is any real chance of being caught/seen, etc, etc. I guess I need a definition of adventurous.

Catherine

[kijip]

Is there some kind of list we can refer to or something? Lol. You know, like I'm a 46 on the adventure scale... ;)

On the internet, there is a quiz for everything. :ROTFLMAO:

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/must-do-sex#axzz1leBapmIf?cm_mmc=Twitter-_-womenshealth-_-content-sex-_-haveyouever

[crl]

On the internet, there is a quiz for everything. :ROTFLMAO:

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/must-do-sex#axzz1leBapmIf?cm_mmc=Twitter-_-womenshealth-_-content-sex-_-haveyouever

Well, there you go. I scored a 25. Whatever that means.

Catherine

[american_mama]

That's a fair point, american_mama. I just was surprised by some of the posts in the original thread re: BJs that imply (at least to me) that those are "not mainstream" and/or are a bit "adventurous" since some BBBers choose not to include that in their sexual repertoire. Adventurous sex in this context is, to me, something more than bare-bones sex.


I read your poll first and then the other two oral sex threads. Some of the comments surprised me, as did the number of people who think of oral sex as only being to completion and/or coming in the mouth. Maybe that increased the number of never answers? Anyway, I probably wouldn't have written my post here if I'd read those oral sex threads first.

I scored a 37 on the quiz. eta: That is for my entire sexual history, not just with DH.

eta: I don;t think you can use the backwards arrow, it makes your score additive or something. I re-took the quiz from a new link three more times and scored a 24, 31 and 47, so there's some data about reliability. I was not counting things that were a long time ago/barely remember to get the 24 and counting everything that got close to get the 47.

[essnce629]

On the internet, there is a quiz for everything. :ROTFLMAO:

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/must-do-sex#axzz1leBapmIf?cm_mmc=Twitter-_-womenshealth-_-content-sex-_-haveyouever

I scored a 57-- Stoke the Fire

I don't know what the highest score is though. I think I was a little more adventurous pre-kids, with my ex, (having sex outdoors, in cars, etc). I got pregnant after dating DBF for just 2 weeks (oops!) so there wasn't much pre-kids time with the two of us!!!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Only the main event with dh but other stuff before. We're stoking the fire per the quiz.

[american_mama]

I don't know what the highest score is though.

I am really spending time on this quiz! I checked every box to see what would happen. The top score is 100 and the category is "Keep Things Sizzlin'."

[KLD313]

I got a 62 on the quiz but my ex-h and I used to work together and a lot of those work place questions were with him. Also, after my divorce I kinda went a little crazy. Currently i'm pregnant and have no desire at all. So while I was adventurous now I'm just inventing ways to get out of it.

[egoldber]

LOL! Well, according to that quiz, our heat is pretty low at 35. But I've never done anything in the work place or with a stranger, and that seemed to eliminate a lot of choices.

[sariana]

I voted 1 partner and adventurous, but that is a VERY recent development. We have been married for 17 years, and for the first 15 or so I was very UNadventurous.

And in case you're wondering, my reading preferences have impacted my interests in--ahem--other areas. I don't know if it would have happened anyway with age or if I would have been more adventurous when younger if I had read more. But I suspect the former.

[jgenie]

And in case you're wondering, my reading preferences have impacted my interests in--ahem--other areas. I don't know if it would have happened anyway with age or if I would have been more adventurous when younger if I had read more. But I suspect the former.

Care to share your reading list? We've put sex on the back burner and I need help moving it back into our lives.

[sariana]

Care to share your reading list? We've put sex on the back burner and I need help moving it back into our lives.

Oh, Internet fanfiction. (I favor Harry Potter, SS/HG specifically.) I have not read any of the works by the author of 50 Shades of Grey, including that book, but from what I've read ABOUT it, it sounds like pretty formulaic fanfiction stuff.

FTR, I don't read that kind of fanfiction much, and I originally happened upon it by accident. But I do have certain stories bookmarked for when I need some stimulation.

I am Sariana everywhere on the Internet, so if you really want to know what I read, you can find me. (I write a bit, too, but it's all clean.)

[lalasmama]

:bag 77 on that quiz. Oh my!

I'm in the low double digits for partners; I had a time in my life where I didn't really care who, and was using the sex to get the affection I was missing. Now, I know that, but then, it didn't really cross my mind. What's done is done.

Has that affected my adventurous spirit? I don't think so, mainly because XH was #4, and most of the things on that list, which I think most people would say could be more "adventurous," were done with him. When we were young, we went for it anytime we could manage, anywhere we could manage. Honestly, with XH, things like outdoor sex (in full potential view of the neighbors) was really quite common (the stairs on our front porch made a REALLY good angle!, and the hot tub is outside too). I'll admit to a few new things with the XSO (who I dated for 2 years), but they were pretty "minor" on the adventure chart--dressing up, role playing, racy pictures.

[MamaSnoo]

I had a low number of partners before DH, but was probably more adventurous then. And DH and I were more adventurous back when we met. I think the kids and prenancies have worn us out some.

Got a 54 on the quiz, but would have gotten much less if I had taken it reflecting only the last year.

[JBaxter]

Adventure is my middle name. If it feels good we do it. I've been married twice and was faithful in my marriages. When I wasn't married I had several partners and enjoyed my life.

[liamsmom]

Adventure is my middle name. If it feels good we do it. I've been married twice and was faithful in my marriages. When I wasn't married I had several partners and enjoyed my life.

:jammin: You go girl!

I scored pretty high, stoking the fire and whatnot, but I noticed that most of the items on the list happened with DH as well as with past partners. (Not to mention things I've only done with DH.) I gave the list a second glance and realized that if DH were my one and only, I still would have scored less than 10 points below what I originally did.

So, I don't think the number of partners is necessarily that big of an influence on an "adventure-full" lifestyle. Maybe sexual compatibility is a bigger influence?

[fortato]

And I got an 81 on that test...
Sounds about right. And I do think the number of partners can have something to do with how adventurous you are... If I didn't date the paramedic, I would never have learned how to have sex in a moving car, and how to hop off before you get to the toll booth.
Or the Altoid trick that did nothing but sting number 12's whang during a blow job.
If DH had been my only partner, I would probably still lie and say that I don't masturbate...so...yeah, I think the guys I was with helped me be more open.

[dogmom]

I think the level of adventure in sex has a lot more to do with my age, amount of spare time, ability to get a good night sleep and general flexibility. My DH and I have both reached the age where, "Well all that was nice when we were younger, but right now I'd rather have sex in a bed, preferably our bed." Well enough all the other stuff. I got an 87 on the silly quiz, although I think after a certain age we should be able to opt out of the video/sexting stuff. I'm sure if it had been around when I was single....

[fortato]

I think the level of adventure in sex has a lot more to do with my age, amount of spare time, ability to get a good night sleep and general flexibility. My DH and I have both reached the age where, "Well all that was nice when we were younger, but right now I'd rather have sex in a bed, preferably our bed." Well enough all the other stuff. I got an 87 on the silly quiz, although I think after a certain age we should be able to opt out of the video/sexting stuff. I'm sure if it had been around when I was single....

87! You FLOOZY!!!!

[AnnieW625]

Adventure is my middle name.......

me too. I have always been faithful to DH since we got married, although when I was still in college I messed around with another guy while DH and I were dating, but we never went further than heavy making out. I will admit it was fun, but both of us knew it was probably never going to go anywhere (he still had 2 yrs. of college left, yes I messed around with a younger guy;)). Having that experience and technically getting away with it I believe has made me more adventurous in the long run I like to think. Haven't strayed since.

[dogmom]

87! You FLOOZY!!!!

Yes. It's called getting divorce, turning 30 and deciding men are really good for one thing. I got a dog for the emotional support part. hehe

THEN I met my DH. Who recognized the way to my heart wasn't though the bedroom, but by bringing treats for my dog. Let's just say neither one of us feel we got left out of anything in our youth.

[Carrots]

Hmm. I got a 42. I was more "adventurous" when I was younger and had more energy - there was no such thing as "sexting" back then. DH and I are vanilla.