Daycare transition woes

[Mamabear4]

My mama heart is hurting today. Let me preface by saying that i normally like my DS' daycare, but they are notoriously bad at transitions- we have had issues before. Brief background: at parent-teacher conferences, I was told that DS1 is doing great, exhibiting many behaviors on the preschool class checklist already (the one he will be moving up to at the end of the summer). But that due to class sizes, they're moving some of the class early (June) and some later (september). They said they'd move those who were older first,but that it would be a good mixture of who goes & who stays.

I was out of town Last week for work and dropped off today to see that ALL of DS' "crew" had been moved up except for him. He is almost 3.5 and several younger than him were moved. The only ones left from his class are part-time kids and 1 girl who is 4 months younger than him. Then they moved a bunch of new (younger) kids into his room. Ages around 2.5-just under 3.

He told me on the way home that he was sad today, b/c his friends are big kids now, but that he would move soon "in a couple days." :cry:

I know it's just a few months, but it's the fun summer program and he's sad. I also dont want him to regress or start acting out b/c of the younger kids. I know there's probably nothing I can do about it,but my heart breaks for him. I probably should have pushed harder for him to be moved up when they first told me, but I didn't want to be *that* mom and I thought at least he'd have the kids who had winter b-days with him.
I already spoke briefly with the director this am, but didn't have a ton of time. Voiced concerns and posed questions,but didn't make a big deal out of it. I just want to cry, though.

What should I do???

[katall]

I would make a big deal about it. You pay good money for daycare and he is now in an age inappropriate room. I absolutely would make a big stick and I also never do that.

[Philly Mom]

I would make a big deal. I just had a similar but much less serious issue related to daycare rooms as my DD is only 10 months. Essentially we started a new daycare today. When i visited, they told me she would be in one room where she would be the youngest and instead they put her in a room where she is the oldest and it is noticeable. She is directly in the middle of both rooms. In her last daycare she did well with older kids. I complained right away. There was nothing to be done but they know my feelings and I feel better for having said something. I did lose it though, I ended in tears, emotional to be switching schools even though it is the right choice. I wish I could have remained calmer and level headed. Not a great impression to give.

[Mamabear4]

Thanks! I was hoping I wouldn't sound crazy to all of you! :)

ETA: cross-posted with Philly Mom - And, I was holding back tears myself today. Trying to spin the positive for him, though. I'm doing my best not to let DS notice my disappointment.

[acmom]

I would be upset and talk to them further about it. I actually changed which preschool my DD went to bc of this. We were all set to go to one, but then I found out she had been placed in the 2's class (she turned 3 the week before school started). I switched to another preschool where she was in the 3's class, which are all kids that will go to K at the same time as her (vs. the year after her). I know sometimes it is hard for schools bc of #s and ratios, but I don't want my DC's educational/childcare situation to be affected by that.

[Momit]

I would also make a big deal about it.

We had a situation recently at preschool where they made an under-the-radar switch of 2 teachers. Without a formal announcement, they put a teacher in DS's room who many of the parents don't particularly like. Enough of us complained, and the teacher was put back into her previous class.

Hugs to your DS. I hope he'll be back with his friends soon. Mine is the same age so I can imagine how disappointing it is for him.

[Green22]

I was in a very similar situation as you and i didnt make a big deal, and once i did they made a change. But i also felt so upset about it and literally cried myself to sleep about it a couple of nights. My dc is usually great but they always screw dd over at transition and it sucks even worse bc i know the reason why they do it is bc she is good and sweet and doesnt act out badly when bored.

Make a big deal. After asking nicely for a while and getting blown off/avoided, I ended up threatening to pull her until they could put her in an age appropriate room. Which if couse, now she cries in when i drop her off. Awesome.

[GoBlue]

I agree with everyone above....DEFINITELY make a BIG BIG deal about this. This is absolutely ridiculous, and completely inappropriate. Make a big deal every single day until they either move him up OR pull two of his crew back to be with him.

Until I started reading things like this I had no idea how good we actually have it at our daycare. For the most part, everyone switches rooms on July 1. There is little to no "mid-year moving" when kids hit a certain age or milestone. Most movement (and I'm talking one or two kids) is from the "younger infant room" to the "older infant room" as the kids get old enough to change the ratio slightly. AND that is only done with parent input, AND they bring the kiddo over to the new room for 1-2 hours a day with the old teacher present, for at least 2 weeks leading up to the switch. Anyway, I like our system. The kids build a real sense of community and trust. DD1 thinks of these kids like brothers and sisters....she's been with several since she was 4 months old, and most of them since 15 months old.

Don't ever for one minute worry about being "that mom". Your child's only advocate is YOU, so get out there and show them which mama bear is boss.

:11::11::11:

[Snow mom]

I don't know... I think I disagree with others that this is something to make a big stink about. If he truly doesn't have any friends among those that were left maybe it's worth asking about but the age distribution is bound to happen. Someone has to be the oldest. I know every year when they start moving kids I look at all the tiny ones coming in and feel like DD really has them outmatched, but truth be told she moves up a few months later and I'm sure the parents are looking at her as the youngest in that room and thinking "she's so little and not at the same level." Someone also has to be the youngest. I don't understand how this room is suddenly not "age appropriate" if it was last week. Sure they moved a bunch of the older kids and brought in younger kids to replace them but that's just how daycare works. In another 2 months you'll move also. One other thing, at my DDs daycare they don't move purely chronologically--other factors such as gender distribution, friends, development, personality, etc. are considered.

[JustMe]

I would want to know more about why ds was not moved. If they were trying to still keep a good mix of "older" kids in ds' current class that would make sense, but it would be important to consider if your ds has friends among the kids who stayed. Of course, there is always room for him to make new friends, but I would hope they took this into account when they chose to leave him there while moving most (all?, not sure) of his same-age peers.

I would also let them know that ds stated he was sad, referred to those who moved to the other kids as "big kids", etc, and to try to involve them in some problem solving about how to help ds feel happy and positive. If he is to stay in this room for a while, can he do some "helper" jobs that acknoweldge he is a "big kid"and help him to feel special?

I would not make a big stink about this, but I would ask some well-thought out questions, let them know (nicely) how this effects ds, and come up with a plan to help ds feel good about things.

[MontrealMum]

This happened to DS last summer and it was difficult at first, but not insurmountable. DS griped a bit at first, but soon adjusted.

At our daycare/preschool the summer is a period of transition and kids move "up" depending on when older kids leave the facility, as well as vacation time (we have to submit our summer vacation dates early). They move the older kids first. DS is one of the youngest - but not the very youngest - of the kids in his age group. The previous two years it wasn't as marked, but I guess children leaving permanently combined with the months and vacations made it more so last year. DS was one of 3 left in his room, and 6 total in the 3's. Knowing the b-days I knew that all of these kids were not the youngest calender-wise; in fact, one of them is 4 months older than DS who has an Aug. b-day. I asked his teacher and she said that the decision to keep some of the kids upstairs was based not just on birth month, but also on their ability to be gentle with the younger kids. And I have to say, this made me feel much better.

I don't know about daycares/preschools in Ontario but here in Quebec there are government mandated class sizes and student-teacher ratios for facilities that are government certified. Directors don't have a huge amount of wiggle room in terms of how many kids they move, and when. So, I wouldn't feel badly about not making a big stink. If the legal limit is 10 kids per room and there are 10 kids already, well, there's not much anyone can do.

In the end, DS weathered that transition well and was happy to be left with the other kids - both girls and good friends. Since it was summer there was a lot of outdoors and playground time so it's not like he never got to see the other kids that had already been moved.