Children who brag

[ha98ed14]

Today was DD's dress rehearsal her her dance recital this weekend. Forget that I am the mom who can't get the makeup right and forgot to do the correct hairstyle because when I hear rehersal, I think "practice. No, this was the full dress rehearsal.

It's after their "number," and I go in the dressing room to help DD take off her costume and in walks a classmate. I know the mom because she is a ped in the same practice as mine. Nicest, sweetest, most humble and unassuming woman ever. She's Argentinian, beautiful with this awesome accent. Her daughters though? OMG. I have no idea where these girls' attitudes come from.

So they walk in and the younger one, DD's classmate, just starts talking to DD about how she's now going to her gymnastics class and then they are going to Chuck-E-Cheese, and blah blah blah... Neither DD not I had even said hi before this little girl starts in. DD is asking me, "Can we go to Chuck-E -Cheese?" "Can I go to gymnastics?" Her mom says to her in a kind voice, "Name, could you please stop talking." because she knows is sounds braggy. Then the older girl starts with the bragging. I seriously do not know where it comes from, but the youngest has been in DD's class all year and every.time.she sees me or DD, she starts talking about her XYZ wonderful thing that DD doesn't have. The dad is a cardiologist. No kidding they are going to have more than we do, BUT DD was perfectly satisfied before she heard about what's she's missing from LoudMouth.

I know this is a wonderful opportunity to explain to DD that in life, there will always be people with more and less than you. You need to learn to be satisfied with what you have before you can be happy. All that is true and I did tell DD and will continue to repeat it when the issue arises again in life. BUT, it would have been wonderful if these girls were as kind and sweet as their mom. Really, I don't know where it comes from.

[gatorsmom]

That sucks. I'm sorry you and your daughter went through that. Something to that effect happened to me today. We had Gator's classmate over for a playdate. It was going great until he said he had a great playdate yesterday with another classmate who has never invited Gator over. And then he proceded to say that on Sunday he went to another classmate's birthday party. Gator wasn't invited. Gator's face immediately fell. This friend didn't realize what he had done, clearly. So, I just reminded Gator that he couldn't have gone anyway because we were in WDW on Sunday.

I really dont' think kids realize what is coming out of their mouths. But that doesn't make it hurt less. :cry:

[TwinFoxes]

If she's younger than your DD she's what, 4? If it makes you feel better, she's probably just talking, not intentionally trying to one up anyone.

[HIU8]

Honestly, I feel like this is normal behavior for 4-6 yr olds. They are excited about something and are negotiation their world. They are not attempting to one up anyone or brag at that age. They have no idea about $$ and that they may have more of it than others (not until they are a bit older). They may simply not know any better either (no matter how many times their parents speak to them about offering up information without being asked).

For most of the girls in my DD's pre-k class (and a number of the boys) this behavior was very typical. At DD's party one little girl asked why we had a party at a store (a craft store). She is a pistol, this kid, but she didn't ask maliciously. She was honestly curious.

[wellyes]

I honestly do not think many 5 year olds have any concept that classes cost money, or that other kids cannot go due to money, or which kids could or could not afford to go. I am working on it with DD now (she's 4), and it's amazing me how long it takes to sink in.

But I am sorry it's upsetting your daughter. It sucks to have to have those conversations.

[stefani]

Yeah, it is hard, but I don't think of that as "bragging". I guess with DS's friends (8 and 9 year olds) I still get to hear about where they are going, etc.

DS is even telling me about how much allowance his friends are getting, and that is hard when it is many times more than what he is getting :-)

Those children might just be talkative. It is still hard to hear about what other people does / can do though.

Good luck in handling it with your DD.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

If she's younger than your DD she's what, 4? If it makes you feel better, she's probably just talking, not intentionally trying to one up anyone.

:yeahthat:

I agree this sounds like totally normal behavior for that age. What comes off as bragging to adults is just their way of expressing ideas, thinking out loud and getting excited about things. A 4 year old telling other people that she is going to CEC would not even register in my book. In my moms group there a number of 4 year olds who are very talkative and go around telling people they went to the zoo, my mommy bought me such-and-such, I'm getting X for my birthday, etc. It never occurred to me to think of it as trying to snub someone, given the age (it would be a different story if it was, say, a 9 year old).

[Green_Tea]

:yeahthat:

I agree this sounds like totally normal behavior for that age. What comes off as bragging to adults is just their way of expressing ideas, thinking out loud and getting excited about things. A 4 year old telling other people that she is going to CEC would not even register in my book. In my moms group there a number of 4 year olds who are very talkative and go around telling people they went to the zoo, my mommy bought me such-and-such, I'm getting X for my birthday, etc. It never occurred to me to think of it as trying to snub someone, given the age (it would be a different story if it was, say, a 9 year old).

:yeahthat: to this and all of the other responses. Honestly, even my almost 8 and 9.5 year olds are just chatty and share a lot. It would never occur to them that telling a friend that they were off to gymnastics or Chuck E Cheese would in some way upset them or make them feel bad. I think those are pretty normal things for kids to talk about. They're excited, not malicious or show-offy. Unless I have explicitly told them not to mention something, they likely will.

[twowhat?]

:yeahthat:

I agree this sounds like totally normal behavior for that age. What comes off as bragging to adults is just their way of expressing ideas, thinking out loud and getting excited about things. A 4 year old telling other people that she is going to CEC would not even register in my book. In my moms group there a number of 4 year olds who are very talkative and go around telling people they went to the zoo, my mommy bought me such-and-such, I'm getting X for my birthday, etc. It never occurred to me to think of it as trying to snub someone, given the age (it would be a different story if it was, say, a 9 year old).

:yeahthat: but it doesn't diminish the fact that it's something we parents get to deal with, esp when it's your child that realizes "Hey! I don't get to do gymnastics. I don't have that toy!". That's life, but it's hard. Many of the kids in our girls' class have gone on beach vacations, etc. Ours ask to go to the beach. We're just not ready to manage such a big family vacation yet so we just tell them simply: "Yes, we will go on vacation to the beach when you're a little older. Are you thinking of building sand castles?" or "Yes, they went to CEC but we went to the zoo". Also, at this age I don't think kids are necessarily truly upset about lacking those experiences - they just know that someone else did it or has it and are making a statement of fact when they say "I don't have Barbies".

Now, when they're 15/16...I am not looking forward to that. All the teenagers here drive their parent's Infinitis, BMWs, and Mercedes. Our girls will be lucky to get an old Subaru Forester to share and that's just how it will be. We are totally not as well off as many of our neighbors and that's just how it is.

[citymama]

If she's younger than your DD she's what, 4? If it makes you feel better, she's probably just talking, not intentionally trying to one up anyone.

:yeahthat:Another person who thinks it's normal behavior for that age. Hah, I sometimes volunteer in DD1s kindergartner class (kids between 5-6) and it cracks me up the things they announce to the class. So much of it sounds boastful if you aren't aware of the fact that this age group is figuring this stuff out. "my grandma is coming to visit and she's getting me a groovy girl." "my grandma got me a puppy!" and so on. Not much of it is even true. It's partly a form of wish fulfillment, partly feeling their way around conversation, and a whole lot of missing filters.

[JBaxter]

:yeahthat:

I agree this sounds like totally normal behavior for that age. What comes off as bragging to adults is just their way of expressing ideas, thinking out loud and getting excited about things. A 4 year old telling other people that she is going to CEC would not even register in my book. In my moms group there a number of 4 year olds who are very talkative and go around telling people they went to the zoo, my mommy bought me such-and-such, I'm getting X for my birthday, etc. It never occurred to me to think of it as trying to snub someone, given the age (it would be a different story if it was, say, a 9 year old).

I'm going to agree with the others here. I've had 3 go through that phase and I never considered it bragging its more like what do I have on my mind and its coming out my mouth.

[hellokitty]

I get why you are annoyed, and maybe you are more sensitive to it, b/c you feel that you can't afford as many material things for your child than some of the other ppl in your area (you live in a HCOL are, right?). HOWEVER, I find that this is pretty typical for kids. I don't think that they realize that they are bragging, they just like to tell other ppl what they are doing. My kids are a lot like this and I don't see it as bragging, they will tell ppl that they went to WDW or that they got to go to cub scout camp. They aren't doing it to make the other kid feel bad, they are just talking about it. I think that it takes kids a while to understand bragging. Quite honestly, I think that up until kids are high school aged and up (depending on their maturity), do they realize that it's socially unacceptable to brag.

[sarahsthreads]

I get why you are annoyed, and maybe you are more sensitive to it, b/c you feel that you can't afford as many material things for your child than some of the other ppl in your area (you live in a HCOL are, right?). HOWEVER, I find that this is pretty typical for kids. I don't think that they realize that they are bragging, they just like to tell other ppl what they are doing. My kids are a lot like this and I don't see it as bragging, they will tell ppl that they went to WDW or that they got to go to cub scout camp. They aren't doing it to make the other kid feel bad, they are just talking about it. I think that it takes kids a while to understand bragging. Quite honestly, I think that up until kids are high school aged and up (depending on their maturity), do they realize that it's socially unacceptable to brag.

:yeahthat:

My girls share every thought that passes through their heads. They never stop talking, from the minute they get up until the minute they go to bed...and even after! I know for my girls they never, ever intend to hurt anyone's feelings, though. If they overshare it's simply because they're excited about something.

DD1 is only finally starting to notice when a friend looks sad after she's shared something exciting and she feels really bad that she made someone else sad. Still at age 7 (haven't we outgrown this yet?!?) I had to explicitly tell her NOT TO TELL people about her birthday party since we only invited 4 friends from her 40-kid class and STILL she mentioned it in front of someone who wasn't invited. She came home and told me she made a mistake and felt really bad, and maybe we could invite this other friend to make it right? But the party was two days later so that was really not an option. At least she's starting to realize when she's made a mistake telling someone something, but I imagine it will be a while before she learns to filter these things out BEFORE she says something.

I also think your DD will take note of how you perceive and react to what another kid is saying. If you act excited for the kid ("wow, that sounds like fun to go to gymnastics and then CEC!") then your DD will learn to be excited for them, and maybe not jealous for herself. My kids don't have or get to do many, many of the things their peers do, but we try to model being happy for another person instead of wishing we had what they do.

Sarah

[liamsmom]

Sorry that happened, though I think everyone is probably right. When I was a kid, I had a "rich" friend. And she was an only child while I was the oldest of three--and counting. I think it had to be really hard on my mom the time my friend mentioned she was going to WDW and I lamented that I hadn't ever been. And then my friend said, "Really? We go every year!"

[HannaAddict]

I wouldn't consider that bragging and think it is totally normal. They are just little kids and excited. Not their fault your situation is different and they shouldn't have to not be excited or share with friends what they are doing. I think you've mentioned having a thin skin/being sensitive to perceived slights etc. before so try and let it go. It is hard to not do everything you want to do for your kids and okay to wish you could but don't be upset in this case.