Are cloth training pants the answer?

[Kestrel]

Please help, Moms and Dads!

We are very frustrated with our 3.5 year-old. He really liked learning to use the potty about three months ago.

He knows how to use the potty, but doesn't "want to", and often throws a fit when I tell him it's time to go try to go potty. Then, by the time we're done dealing with the fit, it's too late and we have wet clothes to deal with as well. Often several times a day. I think he doesn't want to stop what he's doing to go, and he doesn't seem to care that his pull-up is wet, until it is wet to the point that it's soaked his clothes. { He goes to daycare part-time, where they just change his wet pull-up and then go potty on a schedule, and don't take him potty other times unless he asks.}

I'm wondering: would cloth training pants help this? Since he doesn't like wet clothes, but the wet disposable pull-ups don't seem to bother him? Can someone educate me on training pants?

Is it odd that he hardly ever seems to know that he has to go?

[Jai]

My son is a couple of months younger than your son, but our situations sound similar. After a particularly frustrating day last week, I threw in the towel. Once we had both calmed down, I told him that from now on, he was responsible for when he went potty. He would have to clean up any messes (with my help, of course) He would only have pull-ups to sleep in at night.

I thought it would be a disaster, but it has been MUCH better. It is still hard for me to not remind/try to get him to go constantly, and he averages maybe one urine accident a day. He takes his wet underwear and puts it in the dirty hamper, and I give him a towel to wipe up, and then I disinfect the area. But he does go on his own.

Trying to get him to go "#2" was/is more of a challenge but I picked an incentive I knew he would like--an orange rubber ducky (he loves duckies and has a collection). I put it on the top of his shelf and told him what he had to do to get it. For two mornings in a row, he talked about it and was upset I wouldnt give it to him immediately. Day 2, in the evening, he went in the bathroom by himself--and goal accomplished! The next day, he earned a stick of bubble gum as the reward. Yesterday, was day 3, and he had an accident, so I am not sure how today will go, but I think he grasps the concept.

Also, we stayed in a couple of days, but we both get cabin fever. I was nervous to venture out, but I made sure I went to the bathroom whenever we arrived (and left) somewhere. Sometimes, he woud want to "take a turn" and sometimes he didnt. We havent had an accident out yet, and the longest we've been out is six hours.

Good luck! I think the cloth underwear/training pants do help because DS doesnt like to be wet. When he is in the pull-up, he doesnt care so I take it off him first thing in the morning. Sometimes he is reluctant to go in the morning, but I tell him that I went so he usually goes within five minutes.

We use regular underwear at home, and the HA trainers when we are out.

[roseyloxs]

My dd is turning 3 and has been wearing cloth training pants for about a year. She couldn't care less if she is wet so they haven't done a darn thing for her but I can give you a couple of recs if you want to try some out.

I like...
Antsy pants (http://getantsy.com/) with the bamboo lining.
Ladder Hill Design (http://hyenacart.com/stores/ladderhilldesign/) (her storefront says she is on vacation until July 1st)

The antsy pants are easier to pull up and down. The ladder hill ones look more like underwear though. I really like both and recommend either. For the antsy pants you want to request the bamboo lining because the standard lining is synthetic and has a more stay dry feel.

I have also tried the bumgenius ones, some etsy ones, and another seattle brand. The two above though are easier to user, trimmer, and work better overall.

[edurnemk]

We never used pull ups, went straight to cloth training pants and I do think they make things easier (with pull ups they there's no cause-effect for them since they don't feel wet). We also made DS clean up and change his clothes himself of he had an accident.

Also when DS says, even now, that he doesn't need to go potty I just announce that I do and he immediately wants to go, too. That or I say "let's he who can get to the potty first!" He's extremely competitive. Just don't let it turn into a power struggle.

For full disclosure I'll admit we used rewards (m&m's) the first weeks of PTing. And DS was younger, I do think 3.5 yo is that age when they question everything and want to have control themselves, and everything turns into a fight/argument (a.k.a. threenagers)

[123LuckyMom]

My DS is FINALLY potty trained at 3.5. His situation was similar to yours, so I'm going to give you my whole story of what we did. This is long, but I tell you DS is totally potty trained now-- no accidents even at night!

First of all, I must admit that I outsourced potty training to my cousin. She's an expert both as a mom to twin boys and as a professional therapist. She told me DS's resistance would be lessened if I wasn't the one trying to get him to go, and she was right. My cousin started with a little positive peer pressure. Oliver was going to get to be like his cousins. This re-peaked his interest. We took him to the store to choose his undies (he already had plenty at home, but my cousin said this choosing new undies was important), and then we put him in them. No more diapers or pull-ups! We didn't ask him anymore whether he wanted to go to the potty; we just said, "Okay, time to go to the potty. All the big boys have to go to the potty before we leave." When there was resistance, which there was, we just stated that he had to go to the potty before we could go do the fun thing we were about to go do. We planned several outings to have fun activities to use as incentives but nothing that we had to get to by a certain time. We kept saying, "If you don't go to the potty, you'll get your undies wet."

On the first day, DS had an accident, and he acted pretty nonchalant about it, but he clearly didn't like it, because later, he had to poop, and he was afraid it would hurt (he was having some very painful poops at that time, but I'll get to that later), and he cried saying he didn't want to poop in his undies 'cause he loved his undies. He didn't have an accident after that very first one for nearly a week. He did have one particularly rigid period of resistance, and we said, "If you don't go to the potty, you'll have to wear a diaper, because otherwise your undies will get wet like they did yesterday." He chose to go to the potty. I don't know what we would have done if he had made a different choice, but we probably would just have kept at it. Throughout, we really played up the big boy aspect, did a lot of singing, dancing, and cheering and telling him how proud of him we were and what a big boy he was. We had a song:

DS has dry pants
DS has dry pants
DS has dry pants, 'cause he's a big boy now

The key was not making it an option. My cousin taught me not to ask him if he wants or needs to use the potty but just to treat it the same way we treat all the other non-optional aspects of life like getting dressed or brushing teeth. The other key was not giving him the option of having a pull-up or a diaper as backup. My cousin was with us for three days. DS gave me a lot more trouble than her, but as he was having more and more success, his resistance lessened.

We did have a series of accidents when he had to poop and was having very painful poops. We had tried dietary changes for a couple of weeks prior to this, but they didn't solve the problem, so we put him on Miralax, and as soon as his poops didn't hurt anymore, he was good to go. He's been totally potty trained, including at night, for two weeks now, and he's really proud of himself!!! We do use a nighttime pull-up just in case, but I showed him the markings that stay if there's no wetness, and we check together in the morning to see if he's still dry and celebrate that he is.

I can say that the worst thing I tried was bribery. He would use the potty for the reward, but it was only for the reward. I really wouldn't go that route for lasting results! You could get him something to celebrate if you want, but not as an incentive. I know incentives have worked for many other parents, but they completely backfired for us. What helped us, too, was pointing out that people DS admires use the potty and wear undies. Also we played up the big kid stuff like having him dress himself, make his bed, put his clothes in the hamper-- things he can do that we could praise him for to keep enforcing that he's such a big kid to be able to do those things.

On my cousin's recommendation, I also got the Once Upon A Potty DVD for boys. My DS rarely watches tv, but my cousin said this really would help, so I bought it. My DS loves this ridiculous video. He asks to watch it all the time! Seeing how successful that was, I also ordered the Elmo potty training video, and DS loves that one, too. It helps him feel proud that he uses the potty.

So here are the steps in a nutshell:
1. Before "beginning" anew, play up the big boy aspect in DS's life. He is a big boy, and you are so proud of him.

2. Big boys use the potty and wear undies. Take DS to the store to buy new undies he picks out himself, and put him in them right away. No more diapers!

3. Plan some fun activities to use as bait. "You have to go to the potty before we leave or your undies will get wet." Take a travel potty with you, and make sure he goes before each transition.

4. Make a BIG DEAL out of every success. Make up songs, do high fives, brag to everyone you know in front of him about how he's using the potty and is such a big boy. Compare him to his idols who also use the potty.

5. Let him watch Once Upon a Potty and the Elmo video or whatever else works for you. The DVDs actually help.

Good luck!!! And thanks for reading this loooong post! :)

[AnnieW625]

I think it depends on the kid. With my DD1 they made no difference what so ever. She peed right through them. We tried pull ups it was like wearing diapers so we kept her in diapers until she was fully trained. I used pull ups at night and during the day when we were out underneath panties if we were on a car trip or out for more than an hour for about a month. They were usually dry and she was good about telling us when she needed to pee. I also had her in a pull up for the first month she was in ballet.

Now with my DD2 I can see these working a bit better, but that is just her, and we are not full on swinging into potty training right now so really have nothing to report if they do work better.

Now if I had a 3.5 yr. old as much as I am not a fan of naked potty training (kind of grosses me out) I think this is the route I would go, esp. if he can spend a lot of time outside.

[american_mama]

the main thing I would do in your situation is keep the schedule approach like they use at day care. I think this will be a familiar routine for him, and it avoids the trap of waiting for him to want to go. He *doesn't* want to go, as in stopping his play (who would?), and he doesn't want to go in the sense of recognizing he needs to. My son was dry for months by me taking him to the potty every 1-2 hours (it lengthened over that period of time). Eventually, he was able to tell me he had to go or go on his own, but that took several months after he was already dry.

In your situation, I don't think cloth pants will help because it's going to the potty/stopping playing that he doesn't want to do. Even wet cloth undies isn't going to make stopping the play more palatable.

I would either do naked time for a week (because he really won't like pee running down his leg) or no undies and something absorbant like sweatpants (he'll still feel the pee, but the sweatpants will help absorb it before hitting the floor). Those options are also cheaper than cloth training pants.

But mostly, I'd recommend the schedule approach and, as another poster said, a non-negotiable attitude. It doesn't have to be a power play, just a matter of fact statement that it's time to use the potty, we use the potty before we leave the house/have a nap/eat lunch/whatever. Just like day care. Or set a timer for the interval you pick, and make the timer the bad guy who says now it's time to use the potty.

[Kestrel]

The Saga continues....

Day Seven. Diaper only at nap/bedtime. Regular cloth undies the rest of the time. Multiple wet clothes every day (no poo accidents, thank goodnes). We are now doing potty timer for every twenty minutes, and fifteen for the first hour after a meal. And still! And nothing else getting done, besides!

_ - I am so frustrated!!! - _


Is this normal? Does my son have the bladder of a mouse? Will it get better?

[123LuckyMom]

When is your DS pooping? I ask because my DS only had accidents when he was afraid of going to the potty because his poops would hurt. We put him on miralax and the accidents completely stopped. Might constipation or something like that be an issue? Have you spoken to your ped? If he's willing to just wet himself, there may be a problem there that your ped could identify.

[Kestrel]

sorry, wasn't clear. No poo accidents. Edited to clarify.

[123LuckyMom]

So is he pooping in the potty at least once a day and just peeing outside the potty? I think that's pretty unusual. I'd talk to the ped.

[american_mama]

That does sound frustrating. I personally would think at this point it's a bit of a power play for your son. He's 3.5 year old, old enough to engage in a power struggle. So keep the faith, keep the schedule, at least for another week, keep changing clothes. Maybe he will resign himself and decide dry is good.

Also, I generally think 30-45 minutes if a better interval and that too much less might increase resistance. Who would want to be interrupted that frequently to use the bathroom? But, if you think it's necessary based on what's been going on, keep the short interval, but lengthen it just a little as soon as you can, just to make the schedule a little less disruptive to his playtime. And then hold it at that slightly longer point until he is having solid success, and then lengthen it a little longer.

At his age, I suspect that once he learns/stops resisting, he will do it quickly. So keep that in mind!