Staying Home Alone and Other Shows of Independence

[lalasmama]

I know it's been discussed before, but I'm not finding much when I search...

What are your family's rules for when kids stay home alone? What age? How long at each general age (ie, different for a younger pre-teen vs teen)? Skills/qualifications/characteristics you expect them to have before they are allowed to be home alone? How about for walking to/from school?

I think the time is coming for DD. She's a rule-following, self-entertaining 8.5yo, and frequently asking, "Do I have to go?" We live in a really small town, with family friends on the other side of our duplex. We have a house phone in case of emergencies. She's been asking to have more independence, and I know we will have to cross this bridge at some point, so....

[SnuggleBuggles]

What's the law where you are?

Just today I let ds1, 10yo, stay home for the 1st time, for 10 minutes. He hasn't wanted to stay home alone.

His school offers a class on how to be home alone safely for kids 10 and up. I wonder if the Red Cross or someone else offers it as well? Worth looking in to.

No friends over, don't answer the door for anyone- that's all I have so far.

[ellies mom]

This is one of those things where it really just depends. It depends on the child. It depends on the neighborhood. It depends on the situation. It depends on your comfort level. What works for my child and my family might not work for yours.

My oldest is 8.5 years old, I could see running down to the grocery store that is just outside of our neighborhood for a few minutes. So maybe 20-30 minutes. If we were in an area where she could walk to school, I would probably be OK with it. She does walk home from the bus stop. I already let her play at the park in our neighborhood by herself.

[94bruin]

I've left my just-turned 7-yo at home for about 10-20 minutes at a time. I've only done this maybe 3 or 4 times though up to this point to run to the library or grocery store. It's not something I really am allowing on a regular basis, but on a case-by-case basis. She sometimes just wants to stay at home.

As an aside, my mom was walking DD2 to preschool sometime last year. DD1 didn't have school, so she went along. She ran ahead to check if a shortcut was open. When she ran back to my mom & DD2, they were nowhere to be found (they went the long way apparently.) What did DD1 do? Not go to the schoo, but she decided to walk home!?! It is about a 5 minute walk on a protected sidewalk. However, she did cross a major intersection all by herself! (4 lanes, 35mph limit - though cars usually go faster.) She was probably only just turned 6 at the time.

It's not an episode I want repeated anytime soon, but it gave me a small bit of reassurance that DD1 isn't completely clueless when it comes to walking the streets.

(I am that mom who is always shouting to DD1 as we bike to watch for cars backing out of driveways.)

The schools here say that 3rd graders should be capable of biking to school by themselves. Not sure how I'll feel about that in a year when DD1 enters the first grade.

[kijip]

We have left T home alone a few times. Never for more than 25 minutes. He is 9. I think it has been good for him but we don't do it a lot.

New a month ago, he is allowed to ride his bike all around our little area - we have a busy street 1 block east and 3 blocks west as well as one 2 blocks north. that is his boundary an he mainly stays right on our block. There is a little park on our block and he is allowed to go there by himself for up to 30 minutes but he has to wear a watch and check in or be back by the time we stated. He does this basically everyday.

It's done wonders for his sense of confidence and safety. He is less anxious for sure than ever before.

For staying home the circumstances are thus:

- we are walking to a store about 4 blocks away for 1 thing.

- I am driving his dad to work 10 minutes away and he is in bed a prefers to stay home than come with me and F. I go straight there and straight back and I toss the cordless phone into his bed in case he wants to call me.

He knows not to answer the door. No one ever calls our home phone (unlisted and I can count the number of people who we have handed the number out to on my fingers) but we call, let it ring once and then call back. He knows not to answer it if it just rings and rings- we will do one ring and then call. That is what my parents did when I was 8-12ish.

[erosenst]

DD is a relatively independent 8.5 year old. We've been comfortable with the concept of running to the store (20 min round trip) for a year or so; however, she hasn't wanted to do it. She did it once last month when I was out of town. Situation hasn't come up since, but I'm hoping to do it again in next couple of weeks to continue.

She clearly knows our phone numbers; she knows how to call 911. I can trust her to not leave the house. She can get a snack (although obviously shouldn't be needed for 20 minutes).

She was also thinking ahead when DH left her - she asked that he text her iTouch before he opened the garage door so she wouldn't be startled/scared. That kind of logical thinking also tells me she's ready.

Like so many things, there are a LOT of 'it depends'. I can, however, see us escalating pretty quickly from 20 minutes to 30-60 if she's ok with it. For some reason, not comfortable yet with the concept of much longer. No real reason other than 'it sounds too long'. Having said that, I was babysitting for others, including infants (pretty sure only when my paretns were home) at 12 - that's only 4 years from now.

[hillview]

I think 8 is a reasonable age to be left alone for a short while depending on the child, area, situation. DS1 is 6 (almost 7) and while I might be ok with it, he'd be WAY too scared to do it.

[belovedgandp]

I have a pretty responsible almost 8 1/2 YO but I can't imagine leaving him home right now or in the near future. Just too many what-ifs for me. I'm normally one that falls on other side of these things. I have to drive everywhere and can just see some accident happening and not being able to get home.

I do see it in a year or so; basically 10. And then more likely by himself than with his siblings there too.

Now I leave him, but only on foot within the cul-de-sac. Visiting neighbors, getting mail, working in the yard.

[sntm]

I've left ds1 up to 80-90 minutes, starting when he was near 9. We routinely go for walks in the neighborhood with crankypants baby with him home. He walks to and from school (5 blocks away). He is super responsible (the rule enforcer) and we live in a safe neighborhood. Have a home phone, he knows our cell numbers, I lock the front door, no cooking allowed. He usually happily watches tv.

[Green_Tea]

I'll leave my 9.5 year old for short periods of time (20 min), to drop off DD2 at a friend's house or grab a gallon of milk. Occasionally I'll leave my almost 8 year old with her. I think my comfort level has to do with her - she's smart and responsible, and she's eager to be a little more independent. I probably won't feel as comfortable when DS is her age, because he has a much more impulsive personality and doesn't follow directions well.

[crl]

I leave my 9 year old in the house alone when I am on our street. He could easily find me within five minutes. I do not leave him unattended when I leave the street. But, he's an anxious kid and I don't really trust his decision making skills when he gets nervous about something.

Catherine

[StantonHyde]

My kids are now 9.5 and 7. I can leave them for an hour to go for a run and they won't kill each other or light the house on fire. They know not to answer the door or phone. We live in a very quiet neighborhood.

Although with fire season so severe this year, I am not leaving them alone for more than 20 mins--the possibility of a fire coming over the hill is just too much at this point!!

Last year, I would let DS stay by himself for an hour--he just watches TV.

The big issue is what would they do if something went wrong--house caught on fire. Normally that isn't an issue, its just that this year is a bad wild fire year. An earthquake could hit but let's talk risk calculation here....

My criteria is that they wouldn't try something stupid, won't kill each other, aren't likely to choke, don't have a medical condition that necessitates adult supervision. It really depends on the kid--I was a mother's helper at 9, babysitting at night by 12, and was a weekly sitter at the age of 13 for a 4 yo, 3yo, newborn, and a dog!! (and that was from 9-4 every Wednesday) But I could handle it.

[Tondi G]

DS1 is going to be 11 in a few days ... he has stayed home alone a handful of times. Usually if I am running quickly to do something and will be back in no more than 20 minutes. He knows not to answer the door to anyone except our next door neighbors. He doesn't pick up the phone unless he sees my cell number, DH's cell or grandmas number on the caller ID. We know which neighbors are home and he knows to go straight there if there is an emergency.

Just in the last month we have started allowing him to go a block away from our house to the bakery to buy bread (when I needed to make garlic bread) and he went to Trader Joe's 4 blocks away with our neighbors son, who is a year older. They took their bikes last week and rode about 6 blocks away to get a hamburger together. It's is still taking some getting used to by me, but I feel it is a good time to give him a little independence and the boys are doing it together .. and both boys are pretty smart and responsible.