Did you ever go from being done with kids to wanting more years later?

[ourbabygirl]

And did you act on it and have more DC? Also, did you sell/ give away your baby & toddler gear in the meantime and need to buy it all back later?

DH and I think we're done with 2 kids (originally wanted 4), but aren't doing any permanent birth control, just in case... my ob-gyn said I need to be 100% sure before doing anything permanent, and since we're 33, I figure we *could* maybe have one or two in a couple years if we change our minds.
Most of me is happy to be 'done,' and I've even sold a ton of our baby stuff & was glad to get it out of the house... but I'm not sure if we'll change our minds later and want to add to our family. I've heard that spacing the kids out more helps, and that's about the only way I could see it working in our family since our kids are 1.5 & 3.5 and I'm not nostalgic at all for being pregnant or having a baby in the house again. :)

Anyhow, did this happen to you where you thought you were done, and then years later changed your mind(s) and decided to have another child/ more children? How much later was it? And did you get rid of the baby gear in the meantime?

[SnuggleBuggles]

That's why I have a 5.5 year gap! Dh could have gone either way on a 2nd but gave in bc I wanted another. The baby bug hit me out of the blue. I was firmly one and done but one day I got bit by the bug. I think, in hindsight, it was pregnancy envy not baby envy. I never had pangs holding my friends' babies but I wanted to be pg. :). I told myself to wait at least 6m before TTC to make sure I really wanted to do it. I waited 8m and got pg on our 2nd try. I had saved everything.

[brittone2]

We have 3 and are 99% sure we are done. However, I'm in my early 30s and I am not 100 percent sure we want to go through with something permanent. At this point, I'm ready for the next phase of life. But I do wonder if I'll get a baby itch as I approach 40, for example.

We keep mulling over a v for DH-he's open to it, and we are pretty darn sure our family is complete. But there's that nagging question of permanency.

I would give away the baby gear. I know I got rid of a good bit of it before ds2 was born. I bought a new swing because my original one was an old graco open top 6 speed-what was out before the cradle swings. I bought a swing on CL for 50, sold it for 50 when we were done. With the availability of items like that and the improvements they make over the years, there aren't too many things I'd keep if I was leaning toward being "done." I kept clothes and a few things, but we were still tossing around a #3 at that time. At this point I have donated or given most of my things to friends. I probably wouldn't keep anything "just in case" if I was quite sure I was done.

My kids are 2y10m and 3y3m apart. The spacing was good-I couldn't do any closer I don't think. But, it did feel a little like "starting over" each time we had a newborn. One would be sleeping better, potty trained, etc. and life would be easier, and t hen we'd start over again. It was helpful for sure! After going through it 2 more times after the first, I'm feeling ready for the next phase of life though.

[Simon]

After Ds1 we weren't certain if or when we might have more children. We went back and forth for quite a while and the decided to have a second child. After Ds2 was born I had crazy strong baby fever for a 3rd. I am now 96% sure we're done but never say never. Like a Pp, I don't rule out the possibility of having the itch again as I near 40.

I gave away everything but clothes after Ds1 outgrew it:swing, bouncy seat, crib, car seat, exersaucer. I didn't and don't regret that one bit. In fact, I gave away a lot after Ds2 also (thought we were done then). So many things changed (for the better!) that I was glad to have the chance to upgrade and not feel like I *had* to use what we already owned. I also buy a lot second hand so it wasn't too expensive the second time around and what we did get was really improved. Also, Ds1 and Ds2 were complete opposites as babies, in terms of what they liked/hated so I ended up needing different things for each.

[Tondi G]

Our boys are just shy of 4 yrs apart. My DS1 turns 11 tomorrow! and DS2 just turned 7. We initially wanted 4 kids, then bumped it to 3. Then after several MC's and finally getting DS2 and then having a major bout of anxiety PPD/PSDS after his birth my DH was DONE! At that time I was very done myself but knew better than to allow him to do anything permanent. My DH has been asking for my blessing to go and have a Vasectomy for years. I have always said we are young (I am 35) and I am not ready for something so final.... not interested in trying to get a reversal if we changed our minds. Well with one going off to middle school and the other going into 2nd grade we were feeling very sad about the fact that our kids were getting so big and missing having a little one in our family. We have re-opened the lines of discussion for possibly adding to our family. If I got pregnant tomorrow I would have a newborn, an 8 year old and an almost 12 year old.... so a big span between #2 and #3. I had a lot of our baby gear out in a shed that got a hole in the roof this past winter so the elements got to the backpack, high chair etc. We disposed of a lot of it. Some stuff was able to be cleaned up but we decided to go ahead and yard sale it. Better that someone makes use of it now before it really is too old. If we do have another, baby gear has changed SO MUCH in the last 11 years .... we would want new stuff anyways.

[queenmama]

We weren't "done" by choice (I wanted 5) but the prospect of having another baby seemed to grow dim with each year that passed. So yeah, we gave away all of our baby paraphernalia. Then we were handed the greatest shock of our lives with a BFP. And now we have two kids twelve years apart. And a whooooole bunch of borrowed baby paraphernalia. :D

Sent from the HTC Vivid 4G LTE via Tapatalk 2

[SnuggleBuggles]

Our boys are just shy of 4 yrs apart. My DS1 turns 11 tomorrow! and DS2 just turned 7. We initially wanted 4 kids, then bumped it to 3. Then after several MC's and finally getting DS2 and then having a major bout of anxiety PPD/PSDS after his birth my DH was DONE! At that time I was very done myself but knew better than to allow him to do anything permanent. My DH has been asking for my blessing to go and have a Vasectomy for years. I have always said we are young (I am 35) and I am not ready for something so final.... not interested in trying to get a reversal if we changed our minds. Well with one going off to middle school and the other going into 2nd grade we were feeling very sad about the fact that our kids were getting so big and missing having a little one in our family. We have re-opened the lines of discussion for possibly adding to our family. If I got pregnant tomorrow I would have a newborn, an 8 year old and an almost 12 year old.... so a big span between #2 and #3. I had a lot of our baby gear out in a shed that got a hole in the roof this past winter so the elements got to the backpack, high chair etc. We disposed of a lot of it. Some stuff was able to be cleaned up but we decided to go ahead and yard sale it. Better that someone makes use of it now before it really is too old. If we do have another, baby gear has changed SO MUCH in the last 11 years .... we would want new stuff anyways.

That's the age gap between me and my siblings (I'm the youngest). Now I wonder if I was planned or an oops; I always assumed I was an oops. :) FWIW, I loved being the youngest by that month. My big brother was about the coolest person in the whole wide world. The best part though? They were gone when I was a teen and I had the house, car and my parents to myself. I always say it is like being an only with the bonus of siblings. Finally, my parents were older and more mellow with me. Good luck with your decisions!!

[Roleysmom]

Yes! That's why I have a 10.5 year old and a 2.75 year old now. We hemmed and hawed for years about having number 2. When I really wanted another, DH was reluctant and visa versa. I don't know exactly what flipped the switch but in 2009 we decided to try. I like the age gap and I really like having a young child in my 40s. I know that's not for everyone, but it's good for me.

Over the years I gave ninety percent of our baby stuff away - although I didn't have that much to begin with. I did keep a couple of things that I was really glad I did - pouches/slings and my pump and some toys I really liked. But we still bought hardly anything for the second one. In my experience, once you have a kid, you are in the parents network in a way you aren't when you have your first. So we had nearly everything given to us by neighbors, friends, acquaintances. Everything from big stuff - bassinet, swing, Amby hammock, exersaucer - to tons of clothes, swaddling wraps, toys, etc. So I would say don't keep things just because some day you might have another. Keep only what means something to you and the rest you'll figure out if you need to.

[Melbel]

We were pretty certain we were done after having DS and DD1, who are 20 months apart. My back problems were much worse after DD1 and she was quite a pistol. We had a surprise pregnancy when the big kids were about 7 and 5 that miscarried. The miscarriage showed us how much we wanted a 3rd after all and fortunately, we were blessed with DD2, who is about 8.5 years younger than DS and almost 7 years younger than DD1. While the gap presents some challenges, it has worked out well in many ways too. We now feel absolutely certain that our family is complete.

ETA: We had donated, sold or given away all of the baby gear other than the crib. It was fun to buy new and improved stuff for DD2. DD1's clothes that we had handed down to a friend made it back to us, along with her daughter's beautiful hand me downs. For the new gear for DD2, I was able to recoup a large percentage of the cost by re-selling on Craigslist (it helps that I buy highly rated items at great prices).

[Mommy_Again]

I'm almost in the same position as you, except that I also have an 8 year old from my first marriage. When my 1.5 yr old was born, I told everyone who would listen that we'd definitely have one more baby (I think it was the hormones talking). As time has gone on, there is nothing I want LESS than another baby any time in the foreseeable future. Unfortunately, DH really wants another. I told him that we could put it on the table in 3-4 years (I'm 36, so really couldn't wait much longer than that). I'm not saying I'd be up for it, but I'd give it honest consideration.

Having said that, I don't plan on keeping any baby gear except the cribs which will be used as toddler beds anyways. I do have younger siblings who are having babies, so I'm passing my things to them - so I could conceivably get it all back one day. But I figure 4-5 years from now if we do have another, everything on the baby market will be different/better.

I do really like the age gap between my oldest and the two little ones. DS is a huge help and the girls have fun with him.

[StantonHyde]

I know one family where they had 3 or 4 in their 20s. Then it was getting time for those kids to leave the nest, so the mom had 3 more in quick succession!!! It makes for some interesting family dynamics.

I am done, done, and diner--donest!!! There is no way I would go back to infants. I know people do it. But no way!!!!

[AnnieW625]

I had this feeling about 8 months ago. There were two moms at DD1's school (she goes to Catholic school and there are a few active Catholic families with 3 kids under 7, or 4 or 5 kids all 2 yrs. apart so I think part of this was Catholic guilt) last fall who were pregnant at the beginning of the year do that was part of the reason I think I wanted more. An airline trip to NorCal in February really confirmed that we were done. Traveling with two kids was hard enough (and I can do that trip sleep walking), and the realization that if we had two kids under the age of 5 I would probably have to quit work until the youngest went to kindergarten kind of sealed that deal for me. No more kids. It was bitter sweet, and the thought of either adopting or DH going through a reverse vasectomy was not something we wanted to do, and DH is very happy being done.

DH had a vasectomy when DD2 was 3 months old. We had made the decision while I was pregnant with DD2. I simply did not want to be pregnant a 4th time and honestly the first trimester with DD2 was really hard because of the loss we had less than 6 months earlier. I didn't want to have to go through that again.

I am the eldest of 3 kids, I am 3 yrs. older than my brother, and 10 yrs. older than my sister. I thought it was strange my parents (we have the same parents) waited so long to have another kid, but it works for them. They were 35, and almost 37 when my sister was born. I remember when my dad was trying to convince my mom to have another baby when I was 12 and I said NO WAY! Thankfully they respected my wishes;). My brother and sister though being 7 yrs. apart are really close.

[rlmomto5]

Yes! This happened to me. I had my third child when I was 28. We were certain that was it. My doctor really didn't want to do a tubal, because I was so young...but, I insisted. I had all c-sections so it was easy to go ahead and get a tubal.

When my youngest turned 7, we really wanted another child. I had a tubal reversal, but I never got pregnant. That's when we decided to adopt from Guatemala. We adopted our son when he was 7 mos. old, and about a year later adopted our daughter when she was 18 mos. old.

Now I have a 22 yr. old, 20 yr. old, 19 yr. old, 9.5 yr. old, and a 9 yr. old.
We couldn't be happier! :)

We now also have a 3 yr. old grandson, 1 yr. old granddaughter, and 8 mo. old granddaughter. We're very blessed!

[Tondi G]

That's the age gap between me and my siblings (I'm the youngest). Now I wonder if I was planned or an oops; I always assumed I was an oops. :) FWIW, I loved being the youngest by that month. My big brother was about the coolest person in the whole wide world. The best part though? They were gone when I was a teen and I had the house, car and my parents to myself. I always say it is like being an only with the bonus of siblings. Finally, my parents were older and more mellow with me. Good luck with your decisions!!

Thanks for sharing .... it's great to hear from people who have either experienced similar spacing as a child or have kids with similar spacing to know that we aren't completely insane for considering a 3rd at this point. I can only imagine what it would be like if we have a little girl.... she would have DH wrapped around her little finger ... and we'd be older and she'd have the house and car borrowing all to herself and all of the focus and attention of Mom and Dad. Either way (boy or girl) it would be one lucky kid. :)

[AnnieW625]

Thanks for sharing .... it's great to hear from people who have either experienced similar spacing as a child or have kids with similar spacing to know that we aren't completely insane for considering a 3rd at this point. I can only imagine what it would be like if we have a little girl.... she would have DH wrapped around her little finger ... and we'd be older and she'd have the house and car borrowing all to herself and all of the focus and attention of Mom and Dad. Either way (boy or girl) it would be one lucky kid. :)

My sister had a very similar experience to what Snuggle Buggles said. I went away to college when she was 10, then moved back in for a year when she was 12/13, and then both my brother and I moved out when she was 13. She was essentially an only child from that point on, and really the relationship she and my parents have is pretty dependent on one another (they talk multiple times a day; I love my parents, but only talk to them maybe twice a week, it was that way even when I lived 10 miles away, although I did see them about once a week) and characteristic of the ones that my only children friends have with their parents.

Like Snuggle Buggles I only wanted one child for a long time, like 2/1/2 yrs., but then I decided that the best age gap would be 3 to 3/1/2 yrs. apart, which is what our first two would have been gap wise. As soon as DD1 hit that bratty stage at about 2/1/2 I decided that maybe we should try for another child as I was afraid DD1 would be a tad spoiled if she were an only child. and while that one didn't make it in the end I was very happy with the 4 yr. gap in ages of my kids.

[KpbS]

After having DS1 who had a very difficult infancy, DH and I were pretty sure we would only have 1. However over time we changed our minds and hoped for a different newborn experience with DS2. DH felt very complete with our two DSs but I am one of three and I did not feel totally done. He eventually came around and we were shocked that DD was a DD and not a DS. :) Now we both are very done but the milestones are extra sweet when you know they are the last first tooth, first steps, etc. :hug:

[sntm]

I'm on the fence too. 9 years between the DSs (due to divorce) and I'm almost 37 and would want minimum 2-3 years between. I'd gotten used to the freedom of an older child and it's hard to downshift back, but I'm not sure I'm done yet. DSO is quite sure though!

[PearlsMom]

I'm 14 years older than my youngest brother (same parents, 3 other sibs in between); my mom had the last when she was 42. She is honestly the youngest and most vibrant 60 year old I know now, and I think that in part having young kids and being around younger parents is a part of that. I really loved being that much older than my youngest brother, sort of like being the cool aunt, getting to drive him to preschool and off on our own little 1:1 playdates. As a parent myself now, I am so grateful that I got to watch and help my parents raise a little one while I was a tween/teen -- I feel so much less intimidated than many of my mommy friends from smaller families.

As far as keeping stuff, I agree that once you're hooked into the parent network, offers of free things will be overwhelming, especially if you decide to have another around the time that others are deciding they are "done." And with the advances in safety and features in baby gear year-by-year, I wouldn't want to keep stuff around too long. I mean, my first baby just turned 2 and already there have been updates to crib requirements and an explosion of stroller innovation since I was shopping for him.

[ezcc]

Yes. I had ds1 when i was 30 and dd when I was 33. We were fairly sure we were done (dh is 8 years older than I am). We were happy with one of each, we love to travel and eat out etc. But then... we decided to have another! Ds1 is now 9 and dd is 6, ds2 was born in Jan. We had gotten rid of every last thing, but i have found most of what I need used or bought new upgraded stuff- there isn't really anything I regret getting rid of.

[mom3boys]

Well, it wasn't many "years" later, but we were sure we were done at 2, and then we had DS3 3 years after DS2. He was unplanned, but we weren't being very careful so I suppose if we really wanted to be done we would have done something more permanent to prevent pregnancy--I was having pangs for another, but DH and I had decided against it. I guess my subconscious (and a lot of wine) intervened!

We did give away nearly all the stuff from DS1 and 2. In a weird way I was kind of glad we gave it away because I liked shopping for new baby gear, a lot of new stuff had come out since DS1 was a newborn, and it was fun to go shopping for new baby stuff--I got a lot from friends and bought a lot of used items, I did splurge on a new stroller when I got it for a great price. (That's actually when I joined the BBB looking for stroller advice).

The only thing I regretted giving away, esp since we had another boy, was DS1 and DS2's baby clothes. I had some fond memories of some cute outfits I had for them when they were babies that I would have loved to use for DS3. I don't think it is a big deal to give stuff away if you want--it was really easy and not that $$ for me to reacquire it, but you may want to keep your clothes especially your favorite items.