budding card shark / letting kids win / teaching rules

[lmh2402]

DS has a deck of 24 cards

one side slides together like a puzzle (but not interlocking) to make a picture of an octopus with a few other animals

the other side can be used like a "memory" game to make matches - there are two sets of numbers 1-12

up until recently - basically as of yesterday afternoon - we've really only bothered doing the octopus puzzle b/c he did not seem overly interested in the memory game

but yesterday afternoon, DH started showing him about making matches and playing the game of "memory."

for whatever reason, DS took an instant liking yesterday and they played for about 30 minutes. toward the last 10 minutes of that period of time, DH was talking out loud over and over about how he was "amazed" at DS' "luck" because he was getting "an uncanny" number of matches right off the bat

fast forward to this afternoon - they played again. And almost immediately, DS was again on his lucky streak

until it was figured out that in fact, he was cheating.

he had memorized the backs of the cards, so he now knows which puzzle piece corresponds with each of the numbers.

LOL!

this is obviously why the real memory game has a blank/consistent back to each card.

wondering what thoughts are on teaching kids rules - we really couldn't find a way to explain to DS why what he was doing was wrong.

and what do you think - in general - about letting kids win games all the time? we've really just started playing games with him. he likes go fish, and hi ho the cherry-o, but so far we've always let him win. not sure we should be doing this?

thanks

[maestramommy]

Well first of all, I'm AMAZED at your DS's ability to memorize like that. Seriously, that is really impressive.

Second, I don't think he will understand why this is cheating. I don't think my almost 7yo would understand why it's cheating, though she *might* understand why it was unfair to keep playing with these cards. I'm not sure your DS deliberately memorized with the intention of always winning, yknow?

But maybe it's time to get another memory card game. :tongue5:

ETA: We don't change rules to let the kids win. But we do keep playing beyond a single win, just so the game is a little longer. So we may end up with multiple wins.

[inmypjs]

I play a lot of board and card games with my 5 yo and I don't let her win. I think it's important for her to be comfortable winning and losing. We've discussed how some games are based on luck/chance, and others on skill. I've taught her some phrases to use when she loses, such as "Good game" and "Congratulations." I look at it as an extension of manners. She does still pout sometimes when she loses though.

Regarding the memory game, I wouldn't make a big of a deal of it. I wouldn't frame it as cheating if he didn't really know it was wrong to make matches that way. It sounds like he has a great visual memory so I would compliment him on that! Next time you can just get different cards and explain the rules to him ahead of time.

[TwinFoxes]

I am not a believer in letting kids win. I don't go all out, and I might make the rules favor them, but losing is part of life. Plus, with twins I can't let them both win!

[Jacksmommy2b]

:)

I wouldn't say he's cheating. The point is to make a match and he figured out a way to do it. Good for him! I'm on tap a talk so I can't see your siggy to see how old your son is, but my youngest is 2.5 and we're already taking turns winning. We do let him win enough to keep him interested, but still try to stress winning and losing well.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk 2

[KrisM]

What a memory!

We don't let the kids win. That meant DS1 went about a year without playing many games because he'd throw a fit if he lost and we didn't play with him :). Now, pretty much they take it well if they win or loss.

I did struggle with games like Chess. We do start with No Stress Chess, but for a long while DS would not have been able to win and we wanted him to want to play. So, at times, we did point out why his move wasn't as good as it could be and show him another move to do instead. That seems to have worked and now he can beat me.

There are other games that we change the rules for. Spot It, for example. DS1 and DD are just much faster than DS2. So, they close their eyes and DS2 gets a 3 second head start. It works for us for now.

[hillview]

I don't let the kids win (DH does). I wouldn't call what your 3 year old is doing cheating. Great memory skills!

[Sweetum]

I actually don't think it's cheating. He is just not playing the game right. I agree that it's time to get a new set of hemory cards!
DA has only recently started to play games. For him, it's important to learn the back and forth play, so if I have to rig the game s bit, I do it. I need him to stay engaged (he has Autism). In fact I rewarded him for every turn initially (like ABA) and once he understood that the game can be fun, I withdrew the reward to the end of the game. Anyways, at their age I think it's important to know that these can be fun. Setting up too many rules at the outset will not keep their interest. HTH!

ETA: he does not really understand winning yet, sp that I think makes a diff.

[egoldber]

I also don't think he was really cheating.

I definitely don't think it's good for kids to win all the time. But OTOH it's also really no fun to play a game where you lose every.single.time you play. Which is why games like Candyland, Hi Ho Cherry-o and Trouble are good beginner games because they are purely luck. Games like Sorry and Uno are good for the older age where there is an element of skill and also luck.

But there are MANY games that I have played with my kids where I have "held back" while they are learning because otherwise I would beat them soundly every time and that would be no fun for them or me. Games like Blink, checkers, mancala, Boggle, memory, etc. are very easy for an adult to win soundly with the kid not even having a chance.

So I guess I am saying I think there is a balance between "letting them" win every time and going for blood every time too. ;) I am very competitive though and it can be very hard for me to hold back. :o

[AngelaS]

I don't let kids win.

Winner cleans up the game. Helps prevent gloating and losers are allowed to move on to something else. :)

[maestramommy]

I don't let kids win.

Winner cleans up the game. Helps prevent gloating and losers are allowed to move on to something else. :)


Oooh, nice! Will have to remember this one!