UPDATED - Feeling sad for my summer birthday kid [Archive]

sarahsthreads

07-11-2012, 08:23 PM

Update in post 38!
_____________

Party's this weekend.

Of 6 friends, 3 RSVP'd yes. 2 RSVP'd no. 1 didn't bother RSVPing at all.

One of the 3 families coming just texted to cancel because something better came up. It would sting a whole lot less if this wasn't the closest of DD2's friends we invited, and pretty much the only one that she cared was there. The date was cleared with this family TWO MONTHS AGO. :mad:

I get that summers are busy for everyone, but hey, at least wait until the day of to text me and lie that your kid is sick or something, OK?

Grr.

Sarah

deborah_r

07-11-2012, 08:27 PM

Green_Tea

07-11-2012, 08:29 PM

That's awful :(. I would text back and lay on the guilt. Let them know that DD is SO DISAPPOINTED, especially since you cleared the date with them and she was SO HAPPY they could come.

happymom

07-11-2012, 08:31 PM

Oh, that's so disappointing! Could you do something extra special since its a small group? Like maybe a big trip (amusement park? Museum?), day at the beach, a sleepover party, or something like that? (I'm blanking on more ideas)

ETA: Just re-read your post and realized its this weekend so I'm sure you have all the details worked out. Maybe for next year? You could put a positive spin on having a small party by doing something you couldn't do with a lot of kids.

SummerBaby

07-11-2012, 08:37 PM

sarahsthreads

07-11-2012, 09:26 PM

That's awful :(. I would text back and lay on the guilt. Let them know that DD is SO DISAPPOINTED, especially since you cleared the date with them and she was SO HAPPY they could come.

I so badly want to do this, but DH is adamant that I wait until I cool off. I'll probably mention that they can stop by sometime and pick up the kid's goody bag since they're all made up anyway. (Is that passive aggressive...enough?)

KrisM

07-11-2012, 09:29 PM

I'm so sorry :(.

It's my big fear. DD's birthday is in early June and we did her party the Saturday after her birthday, which was the Saturday after school got out. I was worried people would have left town already, but it was okay.

DS2's party is Saturday. I cleared the date with everyone and I think they're all coming. He's turning 4 too and is so very excited that he's having his first party. He's been through DS1's and DD's this year and it's his turn! I am sure your DD must be doing the same! I hope she has a great party with the kids that are there!

sarahsthreads

07-11-2012, 09:30 PM

I'm so sorry! That is awful for them to commit and then change their minds because something better came up. Related to this, I dislike the "Maybe" option on evite; sure sometimes there is a legitimate reason for maybe, but isn't it usually "waiting to see if anything better comes up". I had DS2's party on June 24 and even though it was early in the summer, there were still so many people on vacation and stuff. Hard time to have a b-day party, for sure.

I sent paper invites! No "maybe" option allowed. :)

Although for me "maybe" on evite usually means "we have tentative plans for something else, but if we can rearrange that we will" and then I change it to "no" or "yes" as soon as I can. If I would rather see if something better comes up I just RSVP "no"!

Sarah

sarahsthreads

07-11-2012, 09:34 PM

I feel your pain. Both of my girls have July birthdays. I had to reschedule DD2's Build a Bear party twice to get the minimum 6 kids! People are so rude about RSVP too. I had two people respond they were coming to the party (which was Sunday) and just not show up- no call, no email- nothing. Last year I had the party before school let out in June and that seemed to work better.

Val

Ugh, that sucks. We had a no-show at DD1's party (and they had called to confirm time and location the night before) and I spent the whole party feeling a little worried that something had happened.

I toyed with rescheduling, but I fear that it would just happen again. So we'll just go with the tiny party and hope for the best. Bonus: I only really need to make one batch of cupcakes!

Sarah :)

hellokitty

07-11-2012, 09:44 PM

Summer bdays are hard. Last yr, only 3 families showed up for DS2's bday party. The yr before that we did cedar point as a family and just today, DS2 (who was given the choice of a family day out or a party) changed his mind about a party and said he'd like to do cedar point again. I have to admit that I am really relieved. My kids don't get bday parties every yr anyway. However, I totally get how hard it can be to have a kid with a summer bday. DS3's bday is also in the summer, BUT it is one day off from his cousins, so we try to do a combo family bday party for them and keep it small. I'm sure he'll want a big one maybe next yr or the yr after at some fun place, but I'm also hoping that he will be ok with a family fun day of his choice in lieu of a party, since I think that the attendance to summer bday parties usually kind of sucks.

SnuggleBuggles

07-11-2012, 09:57 PM

kristenk

07-11-2012, 10:00 PM

That's horrible. How rude to cancel b/c something else came along.

I would totally tell them to come by for the goody bag. I get a bit passive aggressive when it comes to things like that, though.

scrooks

07-11-2012, 10:02 PM

elektra

07-11-2012, 10:06 PM

Aww. :(
I have a summer birthday too. I never had parties as a kid actually. I don't feel scarred. I never knew any differently actually.

sarahsthreads

07-11-2012, 10:08 PM

One year we had an amazing turn out for ds1's summer birthday party and the next year we barely made the minimum required and I felt so sad for him. It's hard to parent when your heart is breaking for your kiddo. (I bet we take it worse than they do though, right?)

Probably, although I don't know...are two kids coming to a birthday party too pathetic for words?

Thankfully, I have a couple of close friends with older kids who are going to try to make it so she at least has more people singing "happy birthday" to her. :heartbeat: They knew we were having a "preschool friend" party and we had planned to do something with them outside of the party, but they're willing to go with the flow and come to the party instead. It won't be quite the party we envisioned (and I'm pretty sure the 10 year olds are not going to be thrilled with the rainbow fairy wand favors - I may have to find something different last-minute) but at least she'll have cupcakes and singing and rainbows.

I'm just going to ignore the one friend until I've cooled off, because I'm really, really hurt both for DD2 and for myself. In the grand scheme of things, though, it's totally not worth losing a friendship over...

Sarah

sarahsthreads

07-11-2012, 10:12 PM

We are going through the exact same thing here. I am debating moving the party. We invited 4 families ... 2 have said no and 1 yes... If the forth is no I really want to move the party. Dd wants her friends to come so badly. I don't want her to be disappointed! I know part of this is my fault too... I'm very late in planning...

I don't know - I sent the invites out three weeks ago, and like I said, made sure I cleared the date with the "most important" invitee beforehand. So clearly planning early is not the way to go either. :irked:

I hope the fourth says yes, at least, or maybe you can find something fun to do with just the one family that's more involved than you were originally planning? A movie or mini golf or something that would be hard with a larger group?

Next year I'm inviting the whole preschool class so maybe we'll get 3 or 4 people coming! Forget the "one per year of the child's age" guideline.

Sarah :)

MamaMolly

07-11-2012, 11:10 PM

One of the 3 families coming just texted to cancel because something better came up. It would sting a whole lot less if this wasn't the closest of DD2's friends we invited, and pretty much the only one that she cared was there. The date was cleared with this family TWO MONTHS AGO. :mad:

Grr.

Sarah

That is so freaking tacky! I'm really sorry!

ABO Mama

07-11-2012, 11:11 PM

I have a summer b-day, and as a kid we celebrated my half b-day with friends, and my real b-day with family only.

crl

07-11-2012, 11:52 PM

That is unbelievably rude. I am angry on your dd's behalf. Ds has a summer birthday too so I know it's hard to get decent attendance. :hug:

Catherine

mom3boys

07-11-2012, 11:57 PM

Oh, I'm sorry! And this is making me worried in advance for DS3 (July 14) when he is older, and happy school gets out so late around here that DS2 (early June) is not really affected.

Of course, I've never had a friend birthday for any of my kids so I don't know what I'm talking about. The last couple of birthdays, I've given them the choice of having a party with friends or going to Six Flags. They've always chosen Six Flags.

sophiesmom03

07-12-2012, 12:04 AM

KpbS

07-12-2012, 12:14 AM

I am so sad for your DD but I hope that she has a wonderful party regardless! :hug: I can't believe that someone would un-rsvp for a "better" opportunity. So rude.

sarahsthreads

07-12-2012, 12:16 AM

I am so sorry! Are you sure it's because something better came up? If so I think you have every right to lay on the guilt. Really. That was just rude of them.

And for the party...I say bring out the pony! Do something big and extra special for your DD and the 2 lovely partygoers who WILL show up!

Yep, she texted me with details of what they would be doing instead. *I* don't consider it better, but I know she does.

LOL about the pony! I think DD2 would be happier with a bounce house - but we aren't likely to get either at this late date! I'll settle for small but fabulous. Maybe for once, with so few people there, I'll get to actually live in the moment and take lots of pictures...right?

But you know what? DD2 *really* wanted a piñata, but I am *so* not a fan (I hate the free-for-all and tears that happen once it breaks.) But if there are only going to be three 4-year-olds, a 7-year-old big sister, and a couple of older kids, maybe I'll get her one. I think I can trust the big kids to not be super grabby, especially with a reminder, and there are few enough little kids to not cause too much chaos.

Sarah :)

♥ms.pacman♥

07-12-2012, 12:56 AM

Yep, she texted me with details of what they would be doing instead.

wow, are you serious?? that stinks, I'm sorry. :( I seriously can't imagine telling someone at the last minute "oh sorry, we're not coming to your kid's party bc we decided to do XXXX instead." Especially if I knew they were close friends with my DC! Sheesh!!

sophiesmom03

07-12-2012, 08:39 AM

I dislike pinatas for the same reasons but I think it would be fun with such a small number. I also think you could get a dreaming deal on a bounce house if you all around today - somebody has to have one that's not rented!

Then if you're friends with the rude mama on FB be sure to post lots of happy party photos and gush about the best party ever. :)

liz

07-12-2012, 08:45 AM

Yep, she texted me with details of what they would be doing instead. *I* don't consider it better, but I know she does.

:47: wow, that is so rude. Like really, really rude.

I hope you can forget about your thoughtless friend and have a great time at the party!! :hug:

KrisM

07-12-2012, 09:45 AM

Probably, although I don't know...are two kids coming to a birthday party too pathetic for words?

Definitely not! We never have big parties here and they are just fine. This year, DS1 (8), invited 3 boys. DD had 4 girls, and DS2 is having 3-4 boys come. Small is just fine and I think 2 is just as good as 3 or 4.

Yep, she texted me with details of what they would be doing instead. *I* don't consider it better, but I know she does.

But you know what? DD2 *really* wanted a piñata, but I am *so* not a fan (I hate the free-for-all and tears that happen once it breaks.) But if there are only going to be three 4-year-olds, a 7-year-old big sister, and a couple of older kids, maybe I'll get her one. I think I can trust the big kids to not be super grabby, especially with a reminder, and there are few enough little kids to not cause too much chaos.

Sarah :)

I can't believe people do that - text with the other plans. How do they not know it's rude??

We did a pinata for DD's birthday. She has wanted one forever. It was fine. They were 6, so a bit older. But, I just told them that there was plenty for all. I also picked out everything that went in, so I told them that they each got 1 of the things that were not candy - toy rings, necklace, bouncy ball, etc. It was amazingly fine and not a problem at all. The pinata is really hard to break though! Make sure you have a heavy bat and give them some help.

AngB

07-12-2012, 09:56 AM

I'm sorry. That stinks! I never realized a summer birthday would be a problem but I guess it does make sense. I had the same problem with my birthday (2 days after Christmas), everyone was ALWAYS out of town/etc.

mytwosons

07-12-2012, 10:03 AM

Your friend is incredibly rude. Wow. Just wow. And to potentially hurt a child no less.

I think you should do the pinata and just have a BLAST. I don't think your daughter will mind a small party. They seem to be best enjoyed by the birthday child since the bigger parties can get overwhelming.

zag95

07-12-2012, 12:00 PM

Agree with pp that mother of best friend is totally rude- and to give you a reason why they are blowing you off...... in some ways I'd almost want to do the same thing, when her dd's special day comes around, just so she can see how it feels. I'd also want to be less available for a while with that family, and maybe focus on fostering relationships with those kids/families that are attending.

I'd say make the party special- have the big kids come! Make it special with the pinata! It'd be great fun, esp if your DD wants a pinata! I'd look at the bounce house too- that could be fun, if it's in the budget.

And definitely throw those pics onto FB and gush about how wonderful your DD's special day was!

Hope she has a great day!

ahisma

07-12-2012, 12:44 PM

Unless they unexpectedly won an expense paid 10 day cruise with nannies included - that's totally rude! And, I have to admit that I'm curious what she is doing instead that seemed to justify this to her.

I have a summer birthday kid too. It is hard :(

I'd definitely do the pinata. If you count out the treats (1 skittles per kid, 1 bag of goldfish, 1 playdough, etc.) it usually seems to go well - especially if you have a stash of extras just in case:)

TxCat

07-13-2012, 10:53 AM

Aww. :(
I have a summer birthday too. I never had parties as a kid actually. I don't feel scarred. I never knew any differently actually.

Same here. I think my parents often did the "big present" vs. parties route, and the presents usually won out. I'm not sure that they always gave me a choice, but they usually presented it to me that way after the fact (oh, we didn't do a party because you got a bike/American girl doll/swingset/trip to Disneyland/etc.). I totally don't feel scarred about not having parties. I remember my bike, swingset and trip to Disneyland much better than any birthday parties. Maybe something to keep in mind as DD gets older.

And I agree with everyone else that the friend was totally rude. I'd probably send a text back with something like how disappointed DD is since her best friend can't make it and she had been looking forward to seeing her at the party for weeks. I wouldn't say anything about the goody bag. They won't change their plans, but hopefully there is a small part of her that feels crummy about the cancellation.

SnuggleBuggles

07-13-2012, 10:58 AM

FWIW, except for 2 years, we have always done little parties for ds1. The past 2 years we have done experiences instead. He took his BF to an amusement park last year and 3 of his good friends to a water park this year. The boys came over afterwards for cake. So easy and fun!

infocrazy

07-13-2012, 11:31 AM

Just an idea for the pinata, my friend puts stuff in the pinata, but then has the leftovers ready so she can even it out at the end.

California

07-13-2012, 04:06 PM

She texted you the details? That is incredibly rude (or maybe just incredibly clueless!) Kudos to you for focusing on what you can do to make it special by including the pinata.

My DS has a summer birthday and for the past two years we've held his "friends" party two weeks before school gets out. The only downside to this switch is that all the kids talk about the party in class, so either we invite everyone (just inviting boys wouldn't work for him) or someone is going to feel left out. Makes for big parties.

hillview

07-13-2012, 07:50 PM

That stinks. I've been there. We moved DS1's July bday to a June party. DS2's August b'day will be celebrated in September. It just doesn't work for us otherwise.

sarahsthreads

07-15-2012, 10:10 PM

OK, I just wanted to update that it went really, really well! DD2 was sad that her BFF wasn't there - including some tears at the end of the party - but honestly? *I* found it a heck of a lot less stressful. (Her BFF is a...willful...child. Nothing outside the norm of 4-year-old behavior, but she's a tantrum thrower when things don't quite go her way, which they often don't.)

The piñata was a hit, too. My mom and I ended up picking up LEFTOVERS from the ground after all the kids had gathered what they wanted, which I thought was hilarious considering my previous experiences with them! The three little kids each took a ball, a slinky, and one piece of candy. I added some extras to their goody bags before they left so we wouldn't be stuck with so much candy!

So, small party was perfect in the end, and while I'm still pretty hurt by my friend's thoughtlessness, I'm going to try to let it go and move on.

Thanks for helping me feel better about it all!
Sarah :)

crl

07-15-2012, 10:32 PM

I am so glad the party went so well! :jammin:

Catherine

KpbS

07-15-2012, 10:46 PM

Glad she had a good party and that it was low stress! :hug:

elephantmeg

07-16-2012, 01:48 AM

yeah! glad it was a good party. Pooh on your friend and sorry your DD was sad. Happy birthday to your DD!

scrooks

07-16-2012, 07:55 AM

Glad the party was a sucess!

liz

07-16-2012, 08:43 AM

yay, great update :)

MamaMolly

07-16-2012, 09:09 AM

Yep, she texted me with details of what they would be doing instead. *I* don't consider it better, but I know she does.

(Her BFF is a...willful...child. Nothing outside the norm of 4-year-old behavior, but she's a tantrum thrower when things don't quite go her way, which they often don't.)

Sounds like a little apple didn't fall far from her mama's tree. Generational obnoxiousness should be outlawed.

sophiesmom03

07-16-2012, 11:52 AM

I am so glad it went well! :)

Seitvonzu

07-16-2012, 12:33 PM

yay! i'm glad your party went well :) still can't get over the texting of other plans, and i'm sorry you daughter was disappointed (mine would be devastated about her bestie not coming and would have a hard time getting past it)

sounds like you reallymade the best of things! great job mommy!