Is this normal 7.5 year old behavior?

[sarahsthreads]

Lately, DD1, my compulsive rule follower, has been...destructive? That's not really the right word for all these cases, but I'm starting to feel like I can't leave her unsupervised.

What she's done just this week:
- flooded the bathroom to "clean" her nail tools.
- flooded the bathroom to "wash" the step stool.
- put soap all over her sister's door knob to "clean" it.
- used a spray bottle (of water) to coat her sister's door in water.
- used her nail file (metal with a pointy end) to DIG grout out of the bathroom floor. (This is going to need to be repaired. DH is not yet aware of it because I just found it this morning, and all I've said to her is that there will some serious consequences after her daddy and I discuss it.)

There's more, but those are the "worst" offenses. All of these things have been done when she's "using" the bathroom, upstairs "reading" in her room, or (supposedly) "sleeping" - things that should be perfectly fine for her to do on her own. And honestly, the floor is really the only bad one, the rest were easily fixed - and I did make her clean up her messes. BUT.

She's been lying about them. Completely denying that she did them, even when confronted with evidence.

I've told her over and over that I will ALWAYS be angrier if she lies about something than if she does something wrong and tells me the truth, but it's not sinking in. When she does tell me the truth about something I thank her for her honesty and make sure I don't overreact to the original thing she did wrong, but man, lying? Lying makes me see red.

There's a curtain rod half pulled out of the wall in the living room. Both children deny having anything to do with that. But I believe DD2 because she does not have this recent history of lying. I don't trust a single word DD1 says, which is very upsetting. :(

Is lying a typical 7.5 year old behavior? What can I do to stop it?

(Also, why is my 7.5 year old suddenly needing to be supervised like a 2 year old?!?)

Sarah

[newnana]

The lying thing would be my bigger issue.

This will be rambly-

is it me or is there a cleaning theme here? DD gets: distracted, obsessed, sidetracked? with everything related to the bathroom, especially water. And her concept of time is perfectly awful. So we tell her to get ready (same 5 things since forever) and she gets stuck on #2- washing her hands. I sometimes go up 10 minutes later and she's still on step #2- wash hands. If I ask her what she's been doing, she tells me she's been getting ready. CLEARLY she has not. But wait. to her she has. 10 seconds or ten minutes are very much the same to her. AND she decided to help mom out by also "cleaning" her sink. and cabinets. and doll's hair. and mirror. If I ask her what she was doing, she says she was getting ready. If I ask her if she was helping out by cleaning up, she sparkles and glows and is sooo proud of herself. But she wouldn't think to say it because in her head it's not what she was doing.

The difference here seems to be the reaction to the question. It doesn't sound like she's trying to be destructive. It sounds like she is cleaning. At our house there's a major difference between how DD cleans when I'm involved and when it's something she's come up with herself. One results in clean, the other is a big ol mess. DD LOVES to clean. To make things sparkle and glisten. And water does that.

We talk about appropriate times for doing these things: it's great that you want to help out, but you know we need to leave. or, I apprecate your help, next time please tell me and I'll give you the right tools to do it, at the right time. All depends on what the message is.

Either way, DH and I are talking about changing the expectations when we need her to do something. Either us go back to supervising more to actually have progress or have her check in after each step or implement the timer or something. but our issue is progress, not damage or lies.

DD has never (yet!)denied doing anything, so I don't know how to deal with that aspect of it, sounds like your reaction is right- no matter what you did I'll always be more mad about a lie. Hopefully other folks will have perspective on that part. But I think she's not trying to be destructive, as frustrating as the results are.

[sarahsthreads]

The lying thing would be my bigger issue.
It totally is.


is it me or is there a cleaning theme here? DD gets: distracted, obsessed, sidetracked? with everything related to the bathroom, especially water. And her concept of time is perfectly awful. So we tell her to get ready (same 5 things since forever) and she gets stuck on #2- washing her hands. I sometimes go up 10 minutes later and she's still on step #2- wash hands. If I ask her what she's been doing, she tells me she's been getting ready. CLEARLY she has not. But wait. to her she has. 10 seconds or ten minutes are very much the same to her. AND she decided to help mom out by also "cleaning" her sink. and cabinets. and doll's hair. and mirror. If I ask her what she was doing, she says she was getting ready. If I ask her if she was helping out by cleaning up, she sparkles and glows and is sooo proud of herself. But she wouldn't think to say it because in her head it's not what she was doing.

The difference here seems to be the reaction to the question. It doesn't sound like she's trying to be destructive. It sounds like she is cleaning. At our house there's a major difference between how DD cleans when I'm involved and when it's something she's come up with herself. One results in clean, the other is a big ol mess. DD LOVES to clean. To make things sparkle and glisten. And water does that.
This really makes a lot of sense. DD1 is absolutely giddy with joy when I give her a cleaning task to do, but to be honest I am not the most eager housecleaner, and I don't clean every day, so I don't give her tasks every day. If I try to add something to a chore chart, she's no longer interested in doing it, it has to be "I need your help with this while I go clean that, here are the tools."


Either way, DH and I are talking about changing the expectations when we need her to do something. Either us go back to supervising more to actually have progress or have her check in after each step or implement the timer or something. but our issue is progress, not damage or lies.
We do have a little bit of an issue with progress, but since it's summer we've been letting that slide. And most of this doesn't happen during getting ready for bed times. Honestly, I'm pretty sure much of it happens on the nights I'm working and DH is "supervising" so I think I need to get him to be a lot more aware of what she's doing during that time. (When I'm home, DD1 has to get ready for bed at the same time as I'm getting DD2 ready, and then I let her sit with DD2 and me while we read stories, then I tuck DD1 in. She still stays up and reads, but DH basically puts DD2 to bed and then tells DD1 to get ready and go to bed on her own. Clearly she's not mature enough for that!)

Definite food for thought. I don't know how I can incorporate "constructive cleaning" into her life since chore charts kill any desire she has to help, but I obviously need to find a way to do this!

And if anyone has any ideas about the lying, I am *all* ears!

Thanks!
Sarah :)

[sophiesmom03]

My DD1 started lying, denying and hiding things around this age. When caught she'd try everything to deny. Very frustrating. But it did seem to be a phase.

I too am a reluctant housekeeper and DD can get a bit...judgemental...at times. Like she's got a very high standard of cleanliness but won't actually do chores on a chart. She will, however, happily dust a room if I set her off with a swiffer cloth, or wash down woodwork with a spray bottle of vinegar + water and a microfiber cloth.

Maybe you could get DD to wipe the bathroom counters and mirrors every day? Since the bath seems to be a focal place for her?

(Oh and the grout - my first floor bath was painted by the PO's in Real Milk Paint. DD decided that a small chip next to the toilet was "dirty" and proceeded to pick off a section about 6 inches wide, all while I thought she was "using" the bathroom. Ugh. Now I have to repaint, as I can't match the color/texture they used.)