Thoughts/advice on moving your elderly parent into your home

[Cam&Clay]

My brother and I have recently realized that my father needs to not be living alone any longer. He has the beginning signs of Alzheimers. He is terrible about keeping his diabetes in check, and he has fallen a few times. He doesn't move around well at all. He still drives and probably shouldn't. My brother and his fiancee live in a small condo near my father. My family is about 3 hours away. We have a fairly large single family home with 5 bedrooms.

Daddy is 73 years old and has lived in the same city since birth, blocks away from his childhood home. He has the house, which will need to be sold, and a huge amount of debt. My mind is just swimming with all of the things that will need to be taken care of on my end and on his. I am even having trouble sleeping because I cannot stop thinking of all we have to do and that, in the end, he will be so unhappy. He loves his grandsons, but he knows no one up here and will be very isolated.

So, I'm turning to all of you. Have any of you done this? Any advice? Anything I haven't thought of?

[StantonHyde]

unless you can put him in assisted living in his town or hire someone to help manage him, how is he going to live on his own? My grandmother lived by herself in the middle of nowhere till she was 96 but she was mostly all there mentally and in good health and my aunt would deliver groceries and take her to doctor appointments when she had them.

Your dad needs more care now. As for taking care of the debt piece, etc I would contact his local agency for the elderly to ask for resources in your area. If he is starting to show signs of dementia he won't know he's not in his home town.

i obviously have not BTDT so others should have better ideas for all the details involved. Just wanted to say there is nothing wrong with putting parents in a care setting. People with Alzheimers tend to wander and often have to be watched round the clock. My MIL cared for FIL at home and it took a HUGE toll on her. Contact the aging agency to find out what resources are available to your dad through medicare. Good luck!

[echoesofspring]

I have not BTDT, but I watched my Grandmother take care of my GP who had Alz., and it was really a full time job for her - if you move him to your place, will someone be at home during the day to take care of him, or will you have to hire help?

[echoesofspring]

And I'm so sorry, :hug:

[Still-in-Shock]

Have you considered a home health care service that can visit for a few hours each day? My parents are at the point where they won't leave their house, but it would be better if they did. My mom still works to keep her mind active, but my stepfather has trouble moving around. She is petrified that if he falls, she won't be able to help him up, and he won't be able to on his own. Among other problems. There are some local services in the area that the county would provide, but I will have to push to make them take advantage of that.

I am telling you all this, to prepare you in case your father refuses to move. There are no great solutions, so don't worry if you can't do exactly what he wants.

[niccig]

My grandmother needed to be in a nursing home with 24 hour care and security lock down as she would wander. She was moved into this facility as she put the oatmeal in the microwave for hours and nearly burnt down the kitchen in her retirement condo. Even if you do move your Dad in now, he may need more care than you can provide at some point. It would be worth talking to someone to work out how you would go about doing that. It is a lot to deal with, but just take it step by step - have you spoken to his Dr, do you have power of attorney etc. My mother couldn't do anything until the oatmeal incident and a fire report, then she got my grandmother to a Dr. that diagnosed her. Prior to that, my grandmother was lucid enough when she saw her Dr. that he dismissed family concerns. :hug5: it's difficult.

[kellij]

This is so tough. My parents moved back to their home town when my grandmother got Alzheimer's. They bought the house next to hers. She was so disoriented in their house and was driving my mom crazy because she just followed her around all the time, so they decided to move there. She had a stroke, or something, and become considerably worse within months of them moving back and she had to move in with them anyway. Then they all moved back into her house. My dad ended up being her primary caregiver for 7 years until she died. My mom went back to teach. (This was my mom's mom, but my parents have been together since they were 16). As a result of all of this, I have convinced my parents to have long-term health care insurance, or whatever it is called so they can have around the clock care if needed. Odds are good you either need to get your dad in a facility or move him in your house. He could be dangerous for himself if he's forgetting things, like he could get lost, leave the stove on, etc. He will be very disoriented in your house, but his safety is likely more important. There are local programs that will help. Usually places that have hospice care will come to your house for free a few hours a week to help you bathe your father, etc. You might want to check into getting a book on this topic to walk you through all of the issues that you need to deal with.