Ferber for bedtime but not to sleep through the night?

[Liziz]

This is probably a silly question, but for some reason I get so paranoid about "messing up" with this issue....

For the past two weeks, my just-turned-5 month old's going-to-bed sleep has become a disaster. I've been nursing/rocking to put her to bed. She'd usually finish nursing, then wake up when I unlatched her (b/c I never had the patient to wait for her to do it herself, that child can hang on for ages!). I'd put her in her crib drowsy but awake, and she'd be fine and go to sleep. Well, about two weeks ago instead of being fine and going to sleep, she started to WAIL when placed in her crib. So then, I started to try to make sure she was fully asleep before putting her down...letting her unlatch herself, rocking awhile longer...didn't matter. The second her body touched that mattress, she was wide awake and wailing. It was taking hours of my time or DH's time trying to rock and soothe her to sleep. (We'd keep picking her back up, trying the swing, etc).

I haven't read much about Ferber b/c I never thought I could handle CIO, but tonight when her back touched the crib and her eyes shot open, I was feeling desperate. I think I did a modified version...I soothed her w/o picking her up till she calmed down, then left the room. When she started crying, I waiting 3 minutes before going in, then only stayed for 3 minutes. We did the 3 minute game for 1.5 hours (not continuously...sometimes she'd stay quiet for 5 or 10 minutes before starting to cry again) and I think she's out, now. Overall I felt like it was fairly successful w/o too much undue trauma for either DD or me.

Anyways, here's my question/concern...after getting her down tonight, I did a little more reading on Ferber, and everywhere it says the goal of it is to get your child to sleep through the night. Well, I honestly don't want DD to sleep through the night yet....she only gets up once a night right now, and I WOH and struggle to keep my milk supply up....I feel like that nighttime session is important. So, now I'm worried that by trying to "Ferberize" for bedtime, I'll teach her to STTN and it will mess up my supply! Anyways....is this a valid concern (and if so, any suggestions on what I should do to make bedtime better?), or am I crazy? Thank you!!!

[Minnifer]

So, now I'm worried that by trying to "Ferberize" for bedtime, I'll teach her to STTN I wish, LOL ;). IME, Ferberizing will teach DC to be able to put themselves to sleep on their own, without help, but it doesn't change the fact of night wakings/stirrings, which are normal for babies (and everyone, really). Now, you could also use it to change how you deal with those, but don't have to - I know this is different from what Ferber says to do, but it has worked out for us. I ferberized DS at 6.5 months for going down to sleep for the night and naps, but continue to nurse him at night when he wakes up. The benefit is that overnight I don't have to nurse him back to a solid sleep - I can put him down post-nursing semi-awake, and he'll put himself back to sleep. When I want to stop the all-night-diner (soon!!!) I'll either Ferberize for that, or do Weissbluth's extinction method (which I did for DD at 16 mos for night feedings b/c going in at intervals enraged her!).

[edurnemk]

Ferber proposes many solutions for many issues, what most people call "Ferberizing" only refers to the progresive wait approach which is meant to teach babies to fall asleep or back asleep on their own and eliminating sleep associations. i don't think it will cause her to stop nursing since she'll still be conditioned to feel hunger at that time during the night.

I actually used two of Ferber's solutions with DS, progressive wait for bedtime and gradually reducing the amount of milk he got in his middle of the night feedings (he was 13 months old, didn't realle need to nurse twice during the night it was more out of habit).

I would recommend reading the book, I found it very helpful in understanding sleep cycles, associations, etc.

[Liziz]

Thanks guys...even by this morning I feel silly worrying "oh my gosh, what if I'm teaching her to STTN" ... I'm usually pretty relaxed about most baby things, but for some reason last night I just couldn't stop stressing about it...I'd built it all up in my head to where my milk supply was going to dry up overnight and I'd have ruined DD forever....LOL. Sounds like I need more sleep, right? Anyways, thanks for the support....just a couple responses this morning helped me feel fine again!

[123LuckyMom]

Do read the Ferber book! Five months is a little young for Ferber's method, and three minutes is too long to wait before soothing. Ferberizing won't stop night feedings, so don't worry about that.

[almostmom]

Yes, you should read the book. My child slept through the night at that age, but I had the same trouble putting him down in his crib. At around 6 months, I did Ferber (I found Weisbluth to be surprisingly too harsh for me, but Ferber not at all) and in a few days he was going to sleep on his own.

Good luck!

[mjs64]

Thanks guys...even by this morning I feel silly worrying "oh my gosh, what if I'm teaching her to STTN" ... I'm usually pretty relaxed about most baby things, but for some reason last night I just couldn't stop stressing about it...I'd built it all up in my head to where my milk supply was going to dry up overnight and I'd have ruined DD forever....LOL. Sounds like I need more sleep, right? Anyways, thanks for the support....just a couple responses this morning helped me feel fine again!

STTN in my world is not a bad thing!if you're worried about your supply, you could always set an alarm to pump. And agree with PPs, would read the book when you are interested in STTN. Following it exactly is the only thing that worked, plus reducing the amount of milk DS received at night. But it sounds like you're not ready for that yet, which is fine. We didn't do it until 7 mo old, and that was the right time for us.

Ferber does say that kids 6 mo plus don't need to eat during the night and that doing so interrupts valuable restorative sleep...But boy, I'm getting myself into some controversial territory.

Anyhow, Id consider these as 2 separate issues: 1) supply and 2) sleep. Sounds like you're worried about supply, not sleep, so pump if you need to and nurse if DD wants. Just my 2 cents.

[twowhat?]

Definitely read the book - it's so much more than just letting baby cry and checking in at increasing intervals. He goes into a lot of detail about how sleep cycles work in different ages, and what kinds of sleep problems can occur (and how to recognize them). I wouldn't have survived without this book. I've used it to identify the too-long-in-bed problem, night terrors (confusional arousals and what to do), and limit setting problems in addition to the "classic how to get your kid to fall asleep on her own". 4-5 months is just about when you want to start setting up good sleep habits, and he talks about the importance of that and how to identify and choose a good bedtime routine, etc even before baby is ready to STTN. Fascinating book. I wouldn't worry about going ahead and teaching her to fall asleep on her own at bedtime. When she wakes at night (which she will, between sleep cycles, if she's hungry she will cry and then you can just go in and feed her.

We have not yet been hit with a sleep problem that is not described in this book.